TITLE:

TITLE: Saving Me, Saving You

AUTHOR: Zo

PAIRING: B/A

RATING: R now eventually NC-17

DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Joss & Company, not me.

TIMELINE: Basically a Season Five and on re-write. Everything up to the last act of Sanctuary S4 happened after that it’s my own twisted little world. This story is not cannon!

SUMMARY: What if after leaving the police station, Buffy went back to Angel to apologize and plead with him to take her back? What if he rejected her? What would the ramifications of that rejection be to both of our heroes? Buffy will go down many dark paths until Angel comes back to help her and the Scoobies with a Hell Goddess bent on destroying the world.

A/N: Again, I just wanted to stress that this fiction is not cannon and will not be true to the BuffyVerse with regard to storyline and/or characterization. They are not that far off but they do tend to act or say things the characters in Verse would not and I just wanted to stress that point before you begin your journey. With that said, I hope you decide to read it and should you do, I hope that you enjoy it *hugs*.

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Prologue….

Walking down the stairs and out of the police station she held her tears at bay, she didn’t want him to see her cry. She had too much pride for that.

Her rational mind told her that she was being a bitch and that she shouldn’t have lied to him. But seeing him with Faith had completely devastated her. She was hurt that he was happily living a life without her and she reacted by lashing out with her pain and anger.

It didn’t seem fair to her. For Buffy ever since he left Sunnydale she had been miserable and the irony of that was almost unreal. He left her so that she could have a happy normal life and it seemed to her, like he was the one doing that. He was achieving what he wanted for her.

Meanwhile, Buffy felt like she wasn’t achieving shit. School sucked, half the time she didn’t even know what she was doing there. Who was she kidding? She was the Slayer not a scholar. It’s not like she was going to go out and get a job as a shrink. Though I could probably use one, she thought.

Then there was her nice normal boyfriend, Riley. She knew that she wasn’t going to marry him and have the 2.5 kids that Angel wanted for her. She was just Buffy Summers, Vampire Slayer. Why couldn’t he see that? Why was he being so stubborn? She knew that he still loved her; she could see it in his eyes. She could feel the tension that seeps into his body when she’s near him. She could feel how he restrains himself from touching her. She even felt it in the slap of his hand on her face.

She still can’t believe he did that. At the time she was a little shocked, to say the least, and pissed off that he hit her over Faith. But now she was thinking more clearly and she knew that she deserved it. It wasn’t her place to come into his town and try to run things. She knew that she wouldn’t have liked it if he’d done that to her.

She sighed deeply at her stupidity; once again she was a selfish bitch. But she couldn’t help it. When it came to Angel she was extremely selfish, but only because for her, he was hers. Whether he wanted to agree with that or not, she didn’t care.

That was when it hit her. She stopped walking and stomped her foot. She wasn’t going to take this laying down anymore. She was through with letting him tell her what was best for her. She wasn’t going to stand here and let him trample over her heart again while he’s living his happy little life and I rot away in Sunnydale with a goof ball that likes to play solider boy with demons!

No I won’t accept that, she thought, I love him only him. I have to tell him I’m sorry. I have to get him back into my life. I still want my life to be with him. I don’t care what anyone says. I don’t care what he says. I’ll get down on my hands and knees and beg him if that’s what I have to do. Because when it comes to Angel I have no shame.

He opened the door and stepped into his darkened apartment. He could finally let my shoulders slouch and the sadness show in his eyes.

He threw his jacket on the couch and walked over to the kitchen. He took a pint of blood out of the fridge and raised it to his lips, when he felt her.

He looked around the dark room, finally spotting her sitting in a chair in the corner. “Buffy?”

She didn’t answer at first; she just sat there staring at him like he held all the answers.

“Buffy?” he asked again.

“Do you love me?” She asked. Her tone was soft but firm.

He sputtered his answer because he didn’t really want to go there, “Bu…Buffy…”

“I love you. With all of my dying heart that is slowly withering away from being without you, I love you.” She stood up, “I don’t love Riley...” she started to slowly walk toward him, “…I don’t even trust him. I’m sorry for lying. I’m sorry if my stupid words hurt you. I’m sorry for hitting you. I’m sorry for anything I ever did to make you leave me.”

She stood in front of him tears glistening on her cheek and when she spoke her voice was filled with shame and sorrow. “I’m sorry you lost your soul.” Her green eyes usually so full of love and laughter, now reflected her heartache, pain and guilt. To know that he was the cause of that sorry cut him to the core and he mentally shouted at her, ‘Why are you making this so hard for me?’ He tried to turn away from those eyes that ripped through his battered soul but she wouldn’t let him. She grasped his arms tightly and forced him to look at her.

“Don’t turn away from me!” she pleaded. “Don’t turn away from us! Please.” She dropped to her knees her tears were flowing freely down her face and neck, rolling down into the valley between her breasts. He watched them shimmer on her golden skin and he wanted nothing more than to taste those tears. But he couldn’t.

He tried once again to step away but she held tightly, gripping his legs pressing her check against his thigh. “Please Angel, I beg you! I need you so much. I’ll do anything you want if you just take me back. PLEASE…PLEASE!”

He had never heard her sound so desperate and lost, and he held back his own tears and closed his eyes to her pleas. If he could he would give her the world. If he could he would take her in his arms and hold her forever. If he could he would tell her everything would be all right as long as they were together…but he couldn’t. It wasn’t their time.

He opened his eyes and stared down at her golden head, he closed his heart to her and did the hardest thing he ever had to do in his undead life.

“I don’t love you.” His voice sounded cold and hard and she looked up at him her breath hitched while she tried to comprehend what he just said. “Wh…what? No, that’s not true I feel it!” her head shook violently with her denial.

He coldly grabbed her by the arms and hauled her up to eye level. She looked into his eyes and stopped breathing. Was she looking into the eyes of the demon? His beautiful chocolate eyes that once shone with love and devotion for her, now stared back at her with cold indifference.

She shook her head, she couldn’t be wrong, she felt it, she knew he still loved her!

“I don’t love you Buffy! Go home! Go back to Riley and your life in Sunnydale. What we had was nice but it’s over. It’s been over! I suggest you get over it and move on!” He threw her aside and turned away unable to look into her eyes and lie anymore.

She fell to the floor not expecting him to just cruelly reject her pleas “Angel please, you don’t mean that! I feel what’s in your heart!”

“My heart?” He coldly laughed “my dead un-beating heart?” He threw her words back at her. He steeled himself and held firm to his resolve to send her away. He turned around “Buffy go home, we’re over. I don’t need you in my life. I have a real life now, with people that actually like me. I have a purpose here. And I’ve met someone, someone mature enough to understand my needs and me. Someone who isn’t a selfish little school girl with fairytales of white knights and forever love in her head”

She stared at him in shock and disbelief. She couldn’t understand why he was saying these hurtful things. What did she possibly do wrong to make him hate her so much? “No you don’t mean that. You’re just trying to hurt me for saying those things about Riley! I’m sorry…please…please you have to believe me, I didn’t mean it, any of it…I LOVE YOU…ONLY YOU!” She shouted.

He grabbed the jacket that she had thrown over the chair. He walked up to her shaken form and took her by the arm. He led her to the elevator and put her inside. When he spoke his voice was empty and despondent. “It doesn’t matter anymore Buffy. We were never meant to be. Go home forget about me, forget about us.”

With those last heartless words he closed the elevator on her speechless face and walked away. Hating himself and hating her for making him do what he knew he had to do.

She crumpled to the floor stunned and shaken by his words. Her heart exploded into a thousand tiny pieces with the realization that maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe they were never meant to be. Maybe he never loved her the way she loved him. She held her face in her hands as the dam broke and a torrent of tears was let loose.

Inside her soul screamed with denial and pain as it slowly closed itself off to the raging emotions inside her. She was filled with nothing but emptiness and darkness, a darkness that would settle and stay until the dam broke once again.

Chapter One