Chapter
Twenty-Nine
Cause
and Effect
Angel and Spike were making
their way back to the mansion through the tunnels. They hadn’t been able to
find out anything. Willy knew nothing and all the places that they could go
without being afflicted by the sun, Dawn wasn’t there. They were frustrated
with the fact that they were basically helpless until the sun set. So they made
their way back to the mansion with the hope that maybe Dawn would show up.
Nearing the ladder to the
basement of the mansion Angel suddenly stopped, causing Spike to bump into him.
“Hey, Angelus watch where you’re going.”
Angel’s eyes closed as his
stomach cramped. Sadness, deep loss and
emptiness suddenly filled him. He felt
so much pain, like his heart was breaking, and it was getting worse…almost unbearable.
Spike walked around to stand
in front of him. His face showing his concern when he saw the tension in
Angel’s body and face. “What’s wrong?”
His eyes squeezed shut, as
the cramps got worst. “I don’t know, its Buffy…something’s wrong.”
Spike’s eyes darkened as he
put his arm around Angel moving him toward the ladder. “Come on. Let’s get upstairs and we’ll try to call her.”
He knew this new connection
was going to be a problem. It required
training and practice, and since Buffy wasn’t a vampire it would take her
longer to learn how to control her own emotions so it didn’t affect her mate,
and they didn’t have time for that now.
Walking inside Spike led
Angel to the study where he sat him down on the couch.
“You should have waited
Angelus. Bloody hell I thought you had more common sense than that,” he
chastised him as he poured him a glass of whiskey.
Angel grabbed it from him,
drinking it down quickly a dark scowl on his face. “It wasn’t up to me. She did
it on her own.”
Spike’s brow rose at that
bit of interesting news, well there was no accounting for taste. He pulled a
chair up and sat down facing Angel. “Can you get anything at all?”
He studied the older demon
as he closed eyes and took deep breaths. He was enthralled with the entire
thing actually. Being a romantic at heart, he had always loved the tales the
older vamps would spin. He just hated
the endless ribbing that he got from Angelus for it.
The older demon thought the
tales were nothing but a fallacy. He had scoffed at it and found the idea of
two beings being that intimate with each other absurd. So for Spike to see Angel struggle with it
now felt like he was getting some long over-due compensation. He would have
enjoyed it more though if it weren’t for his own growing internal agitation.
Angel shook his head,
“no…just sadness…heartbreaking sadness. She’s upset, she’s crying, throwing
up.” his body heaved and he took a gulping breath.
“Listen mate, you’ve got to
a grip on this and now. She’s too unstable
to be running around like that. You have to calm her down.”
“I know damn it.” Angel
grumbled. “Just leave me alone.”
Spike scowled at him. He
knew the poof was pig-headed and it wasn’t like he really wanted to help him
but he felt duty-bound to do just that. Plus there was the fact that he knew
exactly what he was experiencing.
In the beginning, his
connection with Dru was extremely hard to get a grip on. Naturally it didn’t
help that his mate had a few loose screws which made it a little more difficult
than usual, but eventually they had it under control. But putting lunacy aside
Dru was still a vampire. She understood what was happening to her and she
understood her role in it. But Buffy
wasn’t and the fact that she was a vampire slayer would make her adaptation to
the bond that much more difficult.
He had always believed that
Slayers were not necessarily human. How could they be when they had to battle
demons? They had to be something else, something that no one completely
understood even the Watchers Council.
She was born a slayer which meant that it was a part of her every
being…it was just who she was. So
naturally he assumed that the slayer in her would object to this bonding with
its natural enemy, and that objection would make her adjustment harder.
He wondered how they ever
connected to begin with but he didn’t ponder it long. Instead he figured that their previous
connection was what made bonding completely now a little easier for her. Her immediate reaction to Angelus’ commands
earlier in the living room proved that. She was accustomed to it already in a
small sense she just needed some training on how to control it.
Knowing that he was the only
one in a position to help them, he swallowed his pride and addressed the
stubborn demon.
“Angelus, for once in your
life will you just shut up and listen to me. I know what you’re going through
and I can help.”
“I don’t need your…help.”
Angel obstinately answered. But then his eyes clenched as his stomach turned
restlessly. “God it feels like there’s a knife in my gut.”
“That’s the connection
mate. You’re feeling everything she’s
feeling.”
Angel grunted his annoyance.
He knew that. But he couldn’t voice his anger. The pain was too sharp, too
debilitating.
“Angelus you have to concentrate.
Take your own advice and take deep breaths and just concentrate on her. “
Angel knew he was right. He
had to help her. She was mentally slipping away and he had to reach out through
their connection to calm her down and bring her back to reality. He didn’t know
what happened he only knew that it wasn’t good.
Taking deep breaths he
focused on the hum. Seeing it grow in ferocity and brightness, he focused
harder on it, reaching out to her, and that’s when he saw her.
**************
Buffy was huddled on the
floor in the bathroom stall of the hospital. She couldn’t stop crying. She
couldn’t stop the cold that entered her soul. Bleakness surrounded her and she
was slowly succumbing to it.
She had failed everyone.
Dawn was missing and her mother was dead, she was alone.
A deep dark rage took
control of her soul the moment she heard the news. She was powerless against the hungry emotion
that just wanted to be let loose and she kicked out with her foot.
It slammed into the stall
wall. The wall rattled, the bolts snapped then fell to the floor. With nothing
there to hold it up it fell backwards and crashed into the other stall causing
a domino effect. As each wall fell and
hit the other, the loud crashing noise bounced off the tiled walls of the large
bathroom reverberating endlessly in the still of the room.
She was oblivious to the
destruction she created she saw only the contemptuous faces of her mother and
Dawn who tortured her with their accusations. Voices scathing with
condemnation, screamed at her that she failed, that she let them both down and
she couldn’t shut them out.
“Please stop! It’s not my
fault!”
She screamed. She couldn’t
take it, she was going mad. Her hands dug into her hair, violently tugging on
it in an effort to get a grip on something, anything other than this blinding
desolation that was consuming her.
Then out of nowhere, she
felt him. She felt love, she felt warmth,
and it started to slowly seep inside of her cold body.
The heaves stopped as she
leaned her head back and closed her eyes, Angel’s words repeating in her head,
she took deep breaths and looked deep inside of herself searching for him.
When she found him, it was
like a burst of love lit her soul, and she exulted as tears of relief streamed
down her face.
She focused on everything
that she felt from him: Love, calmness, security. It felt as if his strong arms were wrapped
around her body. She could feel his deep comforting whispers in her ear and she
held on to that, clung to it with every fiber of her being. And the more she
did, the better she felt. The sadness
was still there but she felt more in control. She felt like she could go on.
BANG, BANG, BANG
“Buffy? Buffy are you in
there?”
Her eyes snapped opened, her
connection with Angel now a very low hum instead of a roaring flame. She stood
up and walked over to the mirror.
Her hair was a tangled mess,
her eyes bloodshot and red, and her face was pale and wet. She was a mess. But surprisingly, she felt much better than she
looked. Her eyes closed once more as she focused on the hum. A fleeting smile of gratitude played across
her lips and when she opened her eyes again she was composed and grounded.
“Buffy?”
Giles concerned voice was
heard again as the doorknob rattled in his attempt to open it. She took a deep breath and walked over to
it. She had to keep it together. On the
other side of the door was someone who would be just as upset about Joyce’s
death as she was. She knew what she would see in his eyes…sadness, sympathy and
pity, things that she didn’t want to see.
One hand grabbed the doorknob as the other unlocked the door. She had to harden her heart to what she would
find outside. She had a job to do, she
might have failed her mother but she wasn’t about to fail Dawn.
Opening the door it was just
as she suspected. Giles was standing
there his eyes were moist with unshed tears, and his gaze pretty much said
everything that she knew he was feeling. What she wasn’t expecting was to see
“They were waiting at my
apartment.”
She nodded then looked back
at her…friends.
They were both silently
crying as they hugged each other, comforting one another from their grief. For some reason it seemed almost like a dream
to her. Of course they would be upset she knew they loved Joyce as much as she
and Dawn, but it still seemed like a daydream.
Giles moved forward and she
unconsciously took a step back. His
heart lurched at the despondent look on her face. It was like she had no idea
what was going on. He could see the driving light behind her eyes; it was
resolution and determination to find her sister. They were not filled with
sadness and loss.
It took him back for a moment
until he realized that it must be the bond with Angel that was keeping her
glued together. He had a moment to read a little in the car on the way to the
hospital. He was lucky he had found the book as fast as did or he wouldn’t even
be here now. But he had and in the car
he flipped through the old book that had been given to him from his mentor. A
book that he had completely forgotten about until Spike told him what must have
happened.
He did not agree with what
was happening and he questioned if Buffy was even aware of it or if perhaps
Angel/Angelus took advantage of the situation.
But that wasn’t an issue for here or now. The blood curdling lecture he was going to
give Angel would come later, as would his questions for Buffy. Now he could barely think of anything besides
the death of the woman that had stolen his heart.
Seeing the coldness in her
eyes, he didn’t know if she would take comfort from him but he needed it. So he
reached out and tenderly touched her arm, trying not to spook her.
“Buffy, the doctor told us
what happened. Are you, are you alright?”
He looked like he couldn’t
believe he asked that question as his face reddened. “I’m sorry, that was thoughtless of me. Of
course you’re not alright. How can you be?”
Buffy watched as he reached
up and removed his glasses. She caught a glimpse of a tear as it rolled down
his cheek, his eyes closed, and he pinched the bridge of his nose. She knew she should be showing some sort of
emotion, crying hysterically at the injustice of it all but she couldn’t seem
to muster anything other than what she was feeling, which was…nothing.
Giles didn’t know what else
to say. His own emotions closed his throat and he couldn’t speak, all he wanted
was to lie down and cry. But Buffy saved him from having to say anything. In a clear crisp voice she spoke.
“No, it’s okay Giles. Look I
can’t stay here. I have to find Dawn.”
Giles looked at her
questioningly, “Are you sure that’s a good idea Buffy? Perhaps you should speak
with Angel and see what he thinks.”
For
some reason that suggestion angered her. She wasn’t an invalid. She could think for
herself. “I’m not a child Giles. Dawn needs to be found and I have to look for
her. Mom’s dead. I can’t do anything
about that. But I can save Dawn. I have to save Dawn.”
Her indifferent words took
Giles,
“Yes, yes of course. I’ll
take care of everything here. Go find Dawn. I’ll meet you back at the mansion.”
She nodded curtly at him and
then went to leave.
“Buffy?”
“Giles told us what was
going on. If it’s alright with you, we’d
like to help you look for Dawn.”
Her first reaction was to
tell the red head to piss off. But she took a deep breath and remembered her
conversation with Cordelia.
She nodded, “Sure, I’d like
that. Thank you.”
She walked out of the
hospital with
“Buff, don’t worry we’ll
find Dawnie.” Xander said, his hand hovering over her arm, wanting to reassure
her and offer some comfort.
But she didn’t need his
comfort. She had all the comfort she needed heating up inside of her, buzzing
low in her belly and filling her with love.
She stepped away from him,
“I know.”
She absently nodded at him
and took off, running down the street and heading toward the graveyard where
Spike’s crypt was. She figured that was the best place to start looking.
**************
Angel opened his eyes and
looked at Spike. His face was relaxed and the tension that had been so evident
before was gone. “She’s…better now.”
Spike nodded, “Good. What do you think happened?”
“I don’t know. I think she
was at the hospital but I can’t be sure. It’s all so new.”
“Well you need to practice,
you both do. But for now it’s up to you.
You at least know what’s going on.
She doesn’t.”
Angel stood up, “Do I? I
don’t know anything Spike I’m only going on intuition.”
“Yeah, the sixth sense of a
master vampire that, I might add, you haven’t relied on in a very long time.
It’s going to take time to control it. But right now you are all she has to
fall back on and until you can sit her down and explain it to her, you got to
remain calm or she’s going to be running around like a bleeding lunatic.”
“I know. Was it like this
with Dru?”
Spike shrugged. “I can’t
exactly say what you’re feeling but yeah, you know how Dru was. It was…hard, at
first. But eventually it smoothed out.
It just takes time.”
Angel nodded his
understanding as he started to pace.
“You know, her being a slayer
might make things a little bit more difficult for her. It could be the reason
why she can’t control the growing darkness. The slayer in her is fighting back
and losing. “
He sat back and scoffed, “Honestly
I’m surprised she hasn’t ripped her own head off by now.”
Angel was thinking the same
thing. “She’s strong that’s why. She understands something is happening to her
but she doesn’t know what. She’s afraid.”
Spike nodded. “Well I know
you didn’t plan it to happen this way, but you know and I know that time is
short. She’s going to have to learn how
to control it, you too. We can’t afford to have the both of you out of
commission.”
“You think I don’t know
that!” he snapped, but then he sighed running a hand through his hair. He had
to remain calm and he couldn’t do that with Spike around. He had to lie down
and rest. She needed him and he was going to be there for her and give her all
the calm assertiveness that she needed.
“I’m going to lie down.”
He left without another word
and headed toward the bedroom.
He still couldn’t believe
how powerful their connection was. The
fact that he could feel her every emotion so strongly was so foreign to him
that it was surreal. He wished that he
had paid more attention to the stories that were told to him then he would be
more educated about it. He wasn’t totally obtuse as to what was going on but he
had never experienced it before.
His connection to Darla had
been that of child and sire, not mate to mate.
Even his previous connection with Buffy did not compare to what they
were going through now. There was no
bond stronger, no connection more demanding than that of mate to mate. And
while his dead heart rejoiced that it had finally made that connection with his
soul mate he was concerned as to the effect it was having on Buffy.
It would be a smart move for
him to take advantage of Spike’s offer to help.
He had forgotten that Spike shared the same connection with Dru. It
would be invaluable to learn what he knew but still he just couldn’t stomach
asking the younger demon for it. Asking
for help had never been once of his stronger points.
He guessed he was just
really having a hard time believing this whole thing was happening. Naturally he always wanted this bond with
Buffy he had always subconsciously dreamed about it. But he never in his life
thought it would come to be. He had been happy with the softly spoken
connection that they always shared. Of
course it deepened the more he drank from her, and he and his demon became one,
but he never would have taken it to the next level and if someone would have
told him that it was going to happen, he would have refused. But she had taken that right away from him
and he had wanted it so much that he didn’t have the strength or the will power
to stop her.
God his head was spinning.
Every bit of his strength was required to keep his ravaged emotions to that
little part of himself where Buffy wouldn’t sense it. It was especially hard because he was running
on minimal sleep. Not to mention that
his impending conversation with Giles was ever present in his mind.
He knew Ripper would be back
with his intellectual guns locked and loaded, and aimed right for his head. He
had to be ready for him with clear and concise answers. But what the hell did
he tell him?
How do you tell the
surrogate father/watcher of your human/slayer mate that she was irrevocably
tied to a creature of the dead? Sure
they had mended some of their old wounds and Giles had been open to the renewal
of his and Buffy’s relationship. But this was more than a renewal. It was a catalyst to Buffy’s rebirth, one that
he wasn’t sure he could explain properly. He just hoped to God that Giles would
have enough sense to let it rest until Glory was behind them.
Entering the bedroom he
closed the door and laid down. Clearing his mind of
anything but her, he quickly found her again…until his cell phone rang.
Cursing he grabbed it,
“What?” he barked.
“Angel, I’m at the hospital
with Giles and something horrible has happened. It’s
Joyce…she’s…dead. She died last night. Buffy’s not here.
She left Giles here to take care of
things. I tried to call her but she’s not answering her phone. I’m worried
about her Angel. Giles said she seemed
very disconnected.”
He listened to what she said
with only half an ear. Tears formed in his eyes as the gut wrenching pain that
had torn at soul before now made sense. His heart broke for the loss of a
wonderful woman and the pain that his mate was going through.
“Angel, are you still
there?”
“Yeah
sorry. Cordy it’s okay. Don’t worry about Buffy, she’s…okay. Just
stay with Giles and help him out. Come right back to the mansion afterwards. Hopefully by then Buffy will be back with
Dawn.”
“Okay. Oh Giles said that
“Cordy, I got it. Do
whatever you have to do.”
“Okay. Angel?”
“Yeah?”
“I know you and Buffy seem
to have this freaky thing going on but are you sure she’s okay? I mean this is her mom we’re talking about.
Shouldn’t someone go after her?”
Yeah me, he thought. He
looked at the window and the sunlight that seemed to be attacking the curtains
trying to get inside the room, there was still a lot of hours of daylight left,
he was trapped until the sunset and he was the only person he trusted to go
after her.
He wasn’t afraid for Buffy,
far from it. He was afraid of someone saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong
thing that would set her off. His eyes
crinkled angrily. He would trust Giles
who somewhat knew what was going on but Giles sent her out alone. He was really going to have a talk with him.
“She’ll be okay. She’s
better off by herself right now. Just do
what needs to be done there and than get back here.”
He hung up the phone and
threw it down next to him on the bed. He had wasted too much time away from her
he could feel her agitation growing.
He closed his eyes and
focused on her.
**************
An hour and half later Buffy
was still looking for Dawn. She ran all over Sunnydale
and gone everywhere she could think of to go and still hadn’t found her.
She was beginning to feel
drained. Hope was slowly leaving her,
and she found herself stopping and focusing on the vibrating hum more often.
“Where the hell are you Dawn?”
She was near the end of town
in a deserted section of empty buildings. It was a breeding zone for anything
that was not of this earth, and was in fact one of her favorite hunting
grounds. There was always something to be found around here that needed
killing.
She slowed her pace down to
a slow walk, and scanned every nook and cranny of the streets.
She didn’t know what drew
her down here. She didn’t really think that Dawn would come here by herself but
their conversation the night before kept replaying in her head.
Dawn had seemed so sad, so
resigned to the fact that she was not real. In hindsight that conversation made
Buffy very uneasy, and she started to wonder if perhaps Dawn was going to do something
stupid like give herself to Glory, which to Buffy sucked because she had no
idea where Glory was.
She could very well be
somewhere around here. Her foot hit a
can and it rattled noisily down the empty block. She looked around at all the ransacked
buildings and the litter that was on the street. There were no shops here, no
people to terrorize. No, Glory would not be here. She was a 5-star hotel kind of Goddess, not a
cheap roadside motel girl.
As she continued down the
street she wished she shared a connection with Dawn like she did with Angel.
Then she could find her easily. As it
was she didn’t have that luxury and instead had nothing to fall back on.
She had no idea where Dawn
hung out when she wasn’t home. She didn’t know who her friends were because she
had never taken the time to learn because she never cared. The only person that she knew Dawn relied on
was Spike. But she had checked his crypt and it had been empty.
Briefly her mind wondered
back to the hospital and the despair she discovered there. But just as quickly she pushed those thoughts
away. She would not think of that now.
Now she had to find Dawn. Now she
had to figure out what her next move should be and why she was even down here
to begin with.
She was starting to get very
frustrated and she just stopped walking.
She closed her eyes and concentrated on the hum, feeding off the peace
that she felt from it. As she did, she
felt her other senses open up and she felt something that she never did
before.
It came to her like a
vision…almost. It wasn’t like she saw anything it was just the distinct feeling
that she was exactly where she needed to be.
She opened her eyes and once
more scanned her surroundings with a more inquisitive eye. Something drew her
down here. She hadn’t been planning on coming here, even though it was the only
place she hadn’t looked yet. It was more
like her feet just walked and carried her on their own accord.
That had to mean something
didn’t it? She knew her powers and senses were growing. Back at the hospital
the smell of sickness had turned her stomach. She had never actually smelled that
before. Well she did a little, but it
never physically assailed her like it did now.
She started to wonder if maybe her connection with Angel was empowering
her normal senses to a higher magnitude.
It would make sense; she was
connected to him, feeling what he was feeling. She could sense his every
emotion so why not his heightened vampire senses too?
She figured she had nothing
to lose by trying so she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.
“Oh.”
Her surprise was a quiet
breathy sound but her amazement was anything but quiet. Inside she was
screaming with wonderment. She could smell everything. From the raunchy smell
of the sewers to the pizza parlor that just burned the crust on a fresh pie
three blocks away. She could even smell
her own scent. It smelled like a mixture of Vanilla and…Angel, her pulse
quickened as tingles of lust licked her soul. God he smelled good and their
scents mixed together…good lord, how the hell did he control his lust? The aroma was such an aphrodisiac that if he walked
up to her right now she would jump his bones.
Her eyes popped open and a
smile graced her face; if she could smell that then surely she could smell her
sister? But then her smile disappeared, she had no idea what the hell Dawn
smelled like. Cordy, she could say
because she had just seen Cordy. Giles’,
Spike and Angel, hell even Wesley’s,
She sighed; she had no idea
what the hell she was doing. She was just grasping at straws. She was probably
better off going back to the mansion and talking to Angel like Giles said.
Maybe he could help her to hone in on Dawn’s scent. She turned around to head back
to the mansion when her vamp senses suddenly kicked in.
She stopped and looked to
the right, her eyes slits as she looked around at the buildings. There could
very well be vamps around hiding in the darkened buildings away from the sun.
It didn’t necessarily mean anything. But
as she turned to the left and saw the vamp house her brows creased more, and
her feet started walking to it. Every instinct in her body was telling her she
needed to be in there so she let them lead her inside.
The second her feet landed
on the steps she knew any hope of a stealthy entrance was washed away by the
loud creak the old wood made. Well there was nothing that could be done about
that now. Pulling out a stake she
continued up the stairs.
Grabbing the doorknob she turned
it and slowly slinked inside leaving the door wide open. She didn’t want any
hungry vamps sneaking up behind her.
She walked through the
entire first floor but found nothing. She wasn’t that surprised. Most of the windows down here were barely boarded
up. There was an adequate amount of sunlight streaming in to keep any vamps
that were living in the house to the upper levels. She looked up the stairs, it was pitch dark
up there, vamps would definitely be hiding up there.
Testing out her idea again
she closed her eyes and concentrated on the bond. When she opened them again her eyes were
black and she looked up the stairs. She could see everything as clear as a
bell. There was a table at the top of the stairs that had a tattered plaid
cloth draped over it and the walls were bare and dirty. She smiled, she had
night vision.
Turning around to look at
the first floor again with her new eyes she looked right into the sun.
She hissed in pain and her
eyes snapped shut in defense of the bright sunlight. Her heart raced in her chest and after a
minute or so the pain subsided. She shook her head then cautiously opened them
again, they were green once more.
She looked back up the
stairs and saw nothing but darkness.
Feeling safe she slowly turned back around to the front door and looked
right into the sun. It was bright but it
didn’t hurt.
“Wow, now that is cool.”
She couldn’t wait to get
back to the mansion. She was exited
about her new abilities and she wanted to share them with Angel. But as a rat
ran by her feet she remembered why she was here and she thought that maybe if
she used her newfound coolness that it would save her time in searching the
house and the rest of the town…again. It
was worth a short.
Standing at the bottom of
the stairs, she inhaled again.
She stood perfectly still so
she could hone in on everything that entered her nostrils and distinguish each
one as she smelled it. After a few
seconds she mentally tallied off everything she smelled. Musky dampness, blood
both fresh and old, something that smelled like burning flesh, and vampires,
and…she inhaled again her eyes furrowing in concentration…something that was
definitely not a vampire or an animal…human?
Considering this was where
she found Riley playing snack food to vamps, what she smelled could just be
some vamps lunch. But her feet started
walking again, taking her up the stairs and she gripped her stake.
Finding the bond was easy
now and she did quickly, her eyes once more blackening as she climbed the
stairs and readied herself for whatever it was she would find.
Chapter
Thirty