Chapter Twenty-Five

Conviction

Back at the hospital Spike was sitting quietly with Dawn and keeping an eye on everyone else. She had cried on his shoulder telling him everything that happened and how bad she felt, she believed that she was responsible for everything, her mom, Glory…everything. He tried to console her by telling her that it wasn’t her fault but she wouldn’t believe it. She said everything was her fault because she shouldn’t even be here, and if she wasn’t then Buffy wouldn’t be mad at her and the world would not be in danger. He told her that it didn’t make a difference that the world was filled with evil people, some real demons and some were humans with demon hearts, and that Buffy would always have to fight the evil because that was what she did.

Cordy had been sitting with them the whole time and listening to Spike’s soothing voice and she found herself wondering about him. He was a demon yet it was obvious that he truly cared for Dawn, Buffy and Joyce, and that she found to be very interesting. She knew that it was only some chip in his head that kept him from killing them all. But what if there was more to it than that, what if being a demon didn’t necessarily mean that you had to be evil.

Of course she had known Spike for as long as anyone here had, she knew that he had always been troublesome and evil. But for the past year and half he had done nothing but hangout with the slayer and the Scoobies helping them fight the same evil that he was supposed to be.

What if their human nature to care and love rubbed off on him? It was possible; she was witnessing it right now wasn’t she? For some reason she believed in her heart that even if he didn’t have that chip he would still be doing the same thing he was doing now.

Her eyes roamed down his frame and she couldn’t help but feel somewhat attracted to him. He was good-looking with those startling blue eyes and chiseled cheeks. He did have a tight lean physique and honestly she found him very funny. She always enjoyed a man with a sardonic sense of humor and Spike was filled with an endless pit of that.

She started to wonder what he would be like in bed. He was a vampire after all and she had read plenty of books on the sexual appetites of vampires. She would never admit it to anyone but she often wondered what it would be like to have a lover with a voracious sexual appetite, someone that would totally consume you. It was a heady thought and she couldn’t control the slight shiver of lust that ran through her.

Spike felt her probing brown orbs on him and he looked over at questioningly. “What?”

She shook her head, “What?”

“Why are you staring at me?” he asked with narrow eyes.

She settled back in her chair, “I wasn’t staring.”

“Yes you were.”

She looked down the hall, avoiding his gaze. Spike already had a big ego there was no reason to feed it. “Please, get over yourself.”

Spike smirked at her. He smelt her heightened change in body temperature and he sensed her unease with it. While she continued to avoid his gaze he took the opportunity to perusal her as she had him.

There was no doubt that she was a very beautiful and voluptuous woman, she had a body on her that would tempt any man. The problem for him though was always her bitchy attitude, like she owned the world and everyone was beneath her.

But since she had returned to Sunnydale he sensed the changes in her. She was more mature, more understanding, and less of a bitch. Oh he knew she could be as bitchy as she wanted to be, but she didn’t she held it back, which meant that she thought of other people and not just herself. Something, that ever since he got this damn chip in his head, he found to be a very attractive trait in people. He supposed that was what attracted him to Buffy in the first place, her kindness even to him a demon that had no soul. Yeah she could be a bitch too but hey weren’t all women?

Nevertheless he definitely was attracted to her now. He always had a weakness for dark beauties and it seemed, as he adjusted his pants, that he was not immune to her charms.

“You’re staring at me.” She said finally turning to look at him.

“Yes I am.” He said winking at her.

She chuckled softly, “Well stop.”

“What if I don’t want to?” he asked playfully, moving a little bit closer to her.

She smiled he really was cute.

“Joyce is out of surgery.” Giles said walking up to them. “She’s in ICU at the moment, when she awakens they will move her back to her room. Perhaps someone should go find Buffy and Angel and tell them what’s happened.”

Spike stood up and handed a sleeping Dawn to Cordy. “I’ll go.”

“Good…ah, thank you Spike.” Giles walked backed over to Willow, Xander and Tara, and they talked quietly amongst themselves.

Spike looked at Cordy and grabbed his jacket putting it on. “Don’t let anything happen to her. Stay here and I’ll be back to take you both back to the mansion.”

She shook her head and as he turned to leave she stopped him, “Spike, be careful.”

He smiled at her, “I always am luv.”

***

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I know I promised no more secrets and I mean it, it’s just I…I honestly forgot about it because it had nothing to do with my leaving.” Angel said quickly. They sat under the same tree that they just made love against. Angel sat with his back leaning against it with Buffy firmly in his lap. His arms were tightly wound around her keeping her close incase she tried to run away.

“It’s okay Angel. I know.” Buffy said quietly her eyes on their entwined hands. “I mean it still hurt to hear about it but I understand why she did it.”

He lifted her chin so she would look at him, “She had nothing to do with me leaving Buffy don’t be mad at her.”

“I know. How can I be mad at her? Angel, what if something happens to her? What if she dies? What am I going to do? I can’t look after Dawn, go to school and slay!”

She was panicking and he quickly silenced her with a gentle kiss to the lips. “Shhh, baby it’s okay. Joyce will be fine. And no matter what happens we’ll get through it together. “

His dark eyes stared deeply into hers as he spoke vehemently. “I know that it’s hard for you to believe in me but I need for you to trust in me. I need for you to believe that I won’t let anything happen to you or our family.”

His eyes were so intense and vibrant, telling her that he meant what he said. They had been through so much together and she knew that deep down inside she would always trust him, no matter what he did or didn’t do. No matter what cruel and heartless words came out of her mouth or his, she would always love him. “I do Angel. I’m not afraid anymore, I love you so much and I know that you love me. I don’t want to be alone anymore and I have faith in you and us.”

She was such an extraordinary person his slayer, after everything that he had done to her she still had the heart and soul of pure sunshine. No matter how much of the darkness had taken over inside of her, it didn’t matter, Wesley was wrong, the prophecy was wrong…it had to be. “I love you so much Buffy.” He leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips his hands softly caressing her arms.

They pulled apart Angel’s tongue licking her bottom lip one last time. They both sighed deeply and relaxed, sitting back quietly just being with each other and taking comfort in their close contact.

Buffy was thinking about her conversation Whistler she wanted to share it with Angel but she was afraid that he wouldn’t like what he was going to hear and go behind her back and do something idiotic. But she didn’t want to keep secrets from him she wanted to tell him everything. Besides she thought, this would be a test of sorts for him, to see if he would keep his promise.

“I saw Whistler.” She said and immediately felt Angel’s body tense.

“What did he want?”

She leaned back against him looking up at the stars as they twinkled with life in the sky. “He said that we were two peas in a pod.”

Angel smiled over her head.

“He also said that I was way quicker than you.” She smiled, teasing him.

“No arguments there, you are the better half.” He squeezed her and kissed her head. “What else did he say?”

“He said that it’s always about the blood and that Glory needs Dawn’s blood to open the portal. That’s how she plans on getting home.”

Angel swore softly, “That makes sense, I should’ve known.”

She patted his hand, “That’s okay dear you are getting old you know, you’re not as quick as you used to be.”

Angel growled softly and nipped her neck making her giggle. “Wise ass, what else did he say?”

She turned and sat astride him, she wanted to be able to look him straight in the eye when she said what she had to say, because she knew that things were about to get very interesting. “He said that it wasn’t so much the quantity of the blood but rather the quality.”

“So she doesn’t necessarily have to kill her she just needs some of her blood.”

She shook her head, gave him a few seconds to ponder that, and then continued, “It doesn’t have to be Dawn Angel.” She waited for him to understand what she wasn’t saying; she waited for the explosion that she knew was about to erupt.

Understanding crossed his features, his face hardened, his arms automatically tightened around her, “you.”

She shook her head, “Dawn was made out of me and my blood there’s no reason why Glory can’t use me instead of Dawn.”

He was shaking his head, his heart filled with fear and the demon screaming his own denial. “No!”

“Angel it’s the only solution. Dawn’s so young she doesn’t understand any of this and she can’t protect herself. If I gave myself to Glory instead then Dawn would be safe.”

He was getting angry now, he didn’t come back here and fight for her just so she could sacrifice herself and leave him. “NO absolutely not! I won’t let you!”

She grabbed his head and spoke softly to him, “Angel don’t be stubborn this is the only way.”

“No there’s another way we’ll find it.” He adamantly said. There was no way he was letting her put her self in danger. Fear raced through his entire body; fear that the prophecy would come true and that he would lose her.

“What if there isn’t Angel? What then?”

“We’ll find a way Buffy, sacrificing yourself to that hell bitch is not it.”

“Angel please just listen to me!” she implored him.

He grabbed her by the shoulders and stood them up; rage was coursing through him that she would even suggest such a thing and the demon came to the forefront as his face shifted. He started to pace his thoughts racing with everything that could go wrong. “No I’m not going to stand here and listen to this. Forget it Buffy it’s not happening!” He turned around and faced her. “I forbid it! “

Her eyes bulged ‘No, he did not just say what I think he said!’ Her temper ran hot at his once again ‘I’m in charge’ attitude. “You forbid it! God Angel you can’t forbid me to do anything! I’m not your property!”

“Yes you are!” he shouted back at her.

“NO I’M NOT! God do we have to have this conversation all over again! You can’t make my decisions for me Angel! It’s the only way to keep Dawn safe you are just too blind to see it!”

“No there’s another way. I’LL FIND ANOTHER WAY!” He grabbed her to him, “I’m not losing you Buffy, I can’t, I won’t.” Wes’s words repeated in his head along with the prophecy and he was panicking. Before his eyes she was making a decision that would for all intended purposes fulfill the prophecy about the light being no more and there was no way he was going to let her do it.

Seeing his fear she took his face in her hands and spoke softly and calmly, “Angel you’re not going to lose me, I just got you back too and I’m not going anywhere, but you have to be reasonable about this. We’re running out of time and this is the only logical thing to do. ”

“No this is not logical it’s a death sentence!”

“Angel I am not going to die!”

“Yes, if you do this you will!”

He sounded so sure of that like he knew something that he wasn’t telling her. Her gaze turned dubious her eyes crossed and she asked, “What are you not telling me?”

He turned away from her. “Nothing.” He started to walk away and out of the cemetery.

Buffy quickly followed him; she grabbed his arm and spun him around. “Angel, no more secrets remember? You know something that you’re not telling me.”

He brushed her off and kept walking, “No I don’t it’s just a stupid idea.”

“Stupid! It is not a stupid idea it’s the only way!” she yelled quickly following him. “Angel stop!”

He didn’t he kept walking, his angry strides carrying him away.

“Angel will you stop being pig headed and just listen to me!” When he kept on walking her anger at his stubbornness increased and she was more determined then ever to do what she knew in her heart to be the only way. “I’m going to do it Angel, it’s my job. You can’t stop me from doing my duty!”

He stopped quickly, turned around and was in front of her in a blink of an eye, startling her and making her take a step back. He grabbed her by the shoulders and hauled her up to him; his eyes were hard as steel and his grip painful as he sneered at her. “Don’t push me Buffy. I will not allow you to give yourself up to some fucking delusional hell goddess so she can kill you! If I have to lock you up for the next two days I will!”

“You can’t stop me Angel. I have to do what’s right and this is it!” She pleaded with him to understand but he was too wrapped up in his fear. “It’ll be okay baby. We’ll work up a plan so nothing happens to me.”

Angel was shaking his head vehemently not even hearing her, his mind only on the words of the prophecy. “NO THIS IS NOT RIGHT!”

They stared at each other anger coursing through both of them neither one willing to budge.

There was a noise from behind Angel and he quickly turned around, his fist slamming into the hard head of Spike.

“Oui! What the fuck Angelus!”

Spike looked at his grandsire and the slayer and he almost choked on the tension that was between them. Okay so he came at a bad time just his luck. He ignored Angel, rubbing his chin as he looked at Buffy. “Joyce is out of surgery slayer, she’s okay.”

It took a moment for her brain to register what he said and then she looked at him. “She’s okay?”

“Yeah she was still asleep when I left but they said everything was alright and they’d be moving her into her room soon.”

Buffy quickly walked passed them her thoughts now on her mom.

Angel still growling followed behind her with Spike next to him. “Trouble in Shangri la?”

Angel just continued to growl.

“Okay so you don’t want to talk about it. I can understand that but you know…”

“She wants to give herself to Glory instead of Dawn.” Angel said as his eyes stayed on the furious body of his mate as she continued to walk to the hospital.

“What? Why?”

“Blood…Glory needs Dawn’s blood and Buffy thinks that her blood is just as good.” He snarled.

“Well that makes sense, she’s probably right.” Spike said without thinking and Angel quickly stopped and got right in his face. “No she’s wrong, that won’t solve anything and I’m not going to lose her to some fucking hell goddess!”

Spike looked at him he saw that Angelus was in the fold but he still he had to agree with Buffy it did make sense. “Angelus she’s making sense. Buffy’s trained to do this sort of thing Dawn is not.”

“She’s not trained to die and that’s what will happen if she does this!”

“You don’t know that mate.”

“Yes I do!” he punched him in the face his anger and the deep fear of losing Buffy driving the demon on.

“Oui! Hold up one bloody minute! There’s no reason to hit me I’m only speaking the truth!”

Angel drew back his arm ready to punch him again when he was stopped and he looked into the angry green eyes of his mate. “Angelus, leave him alone! You want to hit someone…hit me! I’m the one your mad at!”

Red angry eyes drilled into hers, “No I don’t want to hit you, I want to lock you up in my basement till this is all over and you can’t do anything stupid!” he yelled at her.

Buffy threw her hands up in the air and started walking again, “God you will never change! You always think that you know what’s best!”

He followed her ignoring Spike, “Because in this case I do!”

She spun around, “Why?”

“Because I just do!”

“Because you know something that you’re not telling me!” she stated waiting for him to deny it.

He shifted on his feet his eyes looking anywhere but at her. “No…I just do and that’s all you need to know!”

And there it was. She couldn’t believe that after all they had said to each other, all the promises of no more secrets and always being honest with each other just disappeared the second that he was afraid. She knew that was his problem, he was afraid for her life, which she could understand but it did not give him the right to negate on his promise. Sadness entered her heart it seemed that he would never be able to keep those promises and although it would kill her more then anything else, she just couldn’t do this with him anymore.

She walked up to him and cupped his cheek. “Angel I love you more than I have ever loved anything else in this world I would do anything to be with you forever, but I can’t do this, this way any more.” She leaned in her lips lightly grazing his own, his anger dissipated slightly at her touch and the resignation he heard in her voice.

She pulled back stroking his cheek, “I’m going to the hospital now and you are welcome to come with me.” She stepped back her face now stern and hard. “But when we get back to the mansion you’re going to tell me what you don’t know, and if you don’t then I want you to leave Sunnydale, leave me and never come back.”

She stood back and their gazes locked. Hers were painful and determined; his was one of shock and anger.

“Buffy…” he held out his hand wanting to draw her back into his arms so they could talk.

She stepped back, “I mean it Angel. I expect you to keep your promise to me, and if you can’t do that, than we can’t be together.”

She turned and walked away from him heading to the hospital. She held back her tears of anger and disappointment and she prayed to god that he did the right thing.

***

The silence as they walked back to the hospital was as thick as pea soup and Spike felt like the uncooked pea in the middle. Thinking about the slayer’s idea made sense to him, it wasn’t like he wanted to see Buffy hurt far from it but it seemed like a solid plan. Buffy at least could protect herself and possibly get away if the chance arose. But Dawn, Dawn wasn’t able to do that, hell the state she was in right now she would probably stand there like a statute as they cut into her.

No it made sense, but Spike knew that Angelus would never go for it. There was no way that he would ever put his mate in a life-threatening situation and that was how he saw it. The question was why? He did know something that he wasn’t saying and Spike, as much as Buffy, wanted to know what it was.

As they entered the hospital corridor everyone got out of their seats to meet them. Dawn was first seeing her sister she ran over to her throwing herself at her mercy. “Buffy I’m so sorry, please don’t be mad at me or mom, please, I didn’t mean anything by it I don’t want her to die please Buffy you have to do something, please!”

Buffy held on to Dawn a million emotions running through her as her eyes meet Angel’s. “Dawnie its okay I’m not mad…at you.” She said her eyes still on Angel and he scowled.

She looked over at Cordy who now stood next to Spike. “How’s my mom?”

“She’s okay; they just moved her to her room.” Cordy said as Giles walked up to them.

Giles approached her apprehensively. “Buffy I would…um like to talk with you, please.”

Looking into his anxious eyes, a sliver of shame entered her heart; she smiled slightly at him and shook her head. “Okay. Dawnie go sit with Angel okay I’ll be right back then we’ll go and see mom.”

“Okay.” She practically ran over to Angel who quickly embraced her.

He kissed her head hugging her tightly, “Everything’s going to be okay Dawn…I promise.” His eyes met Buffy’s over her head and Buffy looked at him her eyes telling him that she hoped with all her heart that he did. She nodded at him then followed Giles to a secluded corner down the hall.

“What’s up Giles?”

“Buffy about earlier.”

“Giles it’s okay. I know I overreacted and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of those things that I said, I was just upset.” She took his hand and smiled at him, “You are like a father to me, better even then my own and I had no right to rant on you like that. Do you forgive me?”

Giles was stunned this was not what he was expecting but it filled him with love and alleviated his guilt, which he wasn’t even aware of having until that scene earlier. He smiled back at her blushing slightly, “yes…yes of course Buffy, I understand and there is nothing to forgive. You are under an immense amount of pressure, it’s understandable that you might…crack every now and then, you are after all only human.” He said smiling.

Buffy chuckled, “Cracked ah? That’s an understatement, Giles I’ve been nothing but a monstrous bitch.” Her eyes automatically looked over at Angel who was leaning against the wall with Dawn wrapped around him. Spike was fervently whispering to him yet his dark chocolate gaze was on her. She couldn’t look away as her pulse quickened with the intensity of that look. It told her that he would never leave her, even if she wanted him to.

“Are things okay with you and Angel?” Giles asked noticing the tension between them.

Buffy looked back at him, “I don’t know. I hope so.” She sadly said and Giles pulled her into his arms, he was amazed when she let him and hugged him back.

“Well why don’t you take Dawn and go see your mom then I think we need to all get back to the mansion we have a lot to discuss.”

She chuckled, “you’re telling me.”

She walked over to Angel, their eyes locked onto each other as she held out her hand. “Come on Dawn let’s go see Mom.”

Chapter Twenty-Six