Chapter Twenty-Two

Unglued Again

“I don’t understand.” Buffy said as she rapidly paced the hospital hallway.

“Ms. Summers if you would stop and listen to me for a second I think I can explain it.” The doctor annoyingly said. This young woman was driving him crazy with her pacing.

“Explain! How can you explain this? My mother is perfectly healthy there has to be another explanation!”

She had been here all day and the stupid doctors hadn’t been able to tell her anything. When Spike told her that Joyce was in the hospital she automatically assumed it was Glory’s doing and she was ready to go out and find the hell bitch and kill her once and for all.

But Angel had stopped her, he had calmly told her that she needed to go to the hospital and be with her mom and Dawn. She had argued with him until she was blue in the face but he wouldn’t budge. They must have argued for a full fifteen minutes before he finally just grabbed her and kissed her hard, immediately silencing her words and calming her down.

She wished that he were here now. After spending the last day safely encased in the loving arms of her Angel, she had begun to feel loved and supported, she felt like she wasn’t so alone anymore.

But the rising sun had stopped him from coming with her. So here she was alone again and close to losing it, again, and she needed something to hold on to. She had no idea how to handle this new situation and that frightened her more then any stupid hell goddess ever could. Demons and world apocalypses she could handle, but her mom being sick was an entirely different story.

She couldn’t to this on her own. She was a fucking mess how could she be expected to deal with something as monumental as this by herself? Inside she was sobbing she felt so alone and she didn’t want to be alone anymore. She desperately wanted and needed Angel by her side, to give her the support that she craved, to be that strong shoulder to lean on. She needed that and she could admit that now, at least to herself.

It never once occurred to her to lean on the people that surrounded her, people that loved and cared for her and her family.

“Buffy, perhaps you should sit down and listen to what the doctor is saying.” Giles was trying to calm her down but it just wasn’t working, she was as coiled as a rattler waiting to strike, and he prayed for the twentieth time for darkness to fall.

“Sit down…Giles I can’t sit down, did you hear what this horrible man said! A tumor! No…it can’t be I don’t believe it.”

Dawn sat in the chair watching her sister pace back and forth, she hadn’t said a word and it was making Tara a little uneasy. She walked up to her; squatting down in front of her she took her shaking hands in her own, lightly rubbing them. “Are you okay sweetie?”

Dawn continued to stare emptily into space. “It’s my fault.”

Tara’s eyes went wide. After hearing the argument between mother and daughter she guessed it was only natural for Dawn to assume that it was her fault, especially with all this key business going on.

She smiled at her reassuringly and squeezed her hands. “No Dawn it’s not your fault.”

Hearing her sister’s confession Buffy spun around and lashed out at her in her confusion and fear. “What do you mean it’s your fault?”

“Buffy calm down.” Willow said.

Dawn’s pale face lifted and her watery eyes looked at her sister’s cold features. “We were arguing, I yelled and she…feel…to the floor…and she didn’t move.” The look on Dawn’s face was heartbreaking for everyone in the room except Buffy who looked at her like she was a stranger.

“Ms. Summers please if you let me explain the procedure I’m sure it will all become clear to you.” The doctor tried once again to talk to her.

Buffy spun back around quickly and grabbed the doctor by the throat.

“BUFFY!” Everyone yelled at the same time but no one made a move to stop her, they were still too wary of her aggressive nature. But Giles took the plunge and walked up to her, speaking calmly and softly.

“Buffy…stop this at once, calm down…let go of the doctor.” He stared at her with his ‘I’m the older person here you listen to me’ look.

At first he didn’t think she heard him, it was like that afternoon at his apartment and the argument she had with Willow, she was in her own world, her own world of frustration and anger and he had to get past that. He just prayed to God that he could.

“Excuse maybe I can help.”

Giles turned around and looked into the kind eyes of a young man wearing hospital gear. “Are you a doctor sir?”

The man smiled kindly at Giles as his eyes wandered over to the beautiful blond strangling his boss. “Well sort of, I’m an intern, my name’s Ben. Maybe I can help explain what’s going on with Mrs. Summer’s so you can understand a little better.”

There was something in the tone of his voice that broke through Buffy’s cloud of rage. Her eyes suddenly blinked and she looked at the doctor she was holding on to. She suddenly released him and stepped back. There was a look of shock on her face like she had no idea what she had been doing, then it disappeared and her cheeks reddened with embarrassment. “I’m…sorry, I…don’t know what…I’m sorry.” She took a step back and faced Giles and Ben.

Giles was looking at her with relief and a tiny bit of surprise. She had apologized, something that she hadn’t done in a long time. The fear that had been growing in his heart lessened a little. A small smile appeared on his face it seemed that Angel was able to get through to her after all. Thank God, maybe the future wasn’t looking so bleak.

He gave her the warmest smile that he could muster wanting to make sure that she understood that he was on her side. Buffy saw the look and interpreted his meaning. Seeing the kindness and love in his eyes calmed her and comforted her, she wasn’t alone. She smiled back at him, her eyes misty.

The Doctor she had been strangling sputtered and was pointing his finger at her ready to yell at her once he caught his breath. Ben stepped up to him. “It’s okay Doctor I’ll talk to her, she’s just upset about her Mother, she apologized.”

The doctor looked at Buffy like she was a deranged lunatic but thought better about saying anything else. So he just nodded to Ben and left, thinking that that girl was unnaturally strong.

Ben turned toward Buffy. He had to stop and gather his thoughts for a moment because she was stunningly beautiful. Her long golden locks feel gracefully over her shoulders and the tips teased him as they lightly swung back and forth over her breasts. He wondered if she was single.

He smiled at her and stepped closer holding out his hand. “My name is Ben and I’m an intern here. I apologize for Doctor Kriegel he can be a little technical and cold at times. I’ve been assisting him with your Mother’s case maybe I can answer some of your questions?”

Buffy looked at him and then the hand that he offered, she felt a small measure of comfort, he seemed nice and he seemed sincere. She put her hand out and shook his. “I’m Buffy, I’m sorry about what happened I’m a little frustrated and sometimes I let it carry me away.” She smiled at him and Ben felt his heart flutter.

“It’s okay I understand, it’s a difficult situation.”

“You have no idea.” Buffy said.

“So what do you want to know?” Ben asked.

Buffy ran a hand through her hair, “I just don’t understand how any of this happened? I mean she was perfectly healthy!”

“I know it’s hard to accept but usually these things take everyone by surprise. The tumor had probably been there for sometime but it’s kind of hidden, we barely saw it now. If it wasn’t for the repeated headaches your mom had been getting and the fainting spell, we would never have even known.”

Buffy looked surprised. “Repeated headaches? I didn’t know she was having headaches.” She turned to Dawn. “Dawnie did you know mom was having headaches?”

Dawn turned blank eyes to Buffy and shook her head no, as Giles uncomfortable cleared his throat. Buffy turned back to Ben in full slayer mode ready to conquer what ailed her mother. “So what’s the plan? What do you do now?”

“Well we have to remove the tumor and quickly. It’s a simple procedure, she’ll be required to stay in the hospital for a time afterwards, but the doctors are hopeful that they will be able to remove everything with no side effects for your Mom.”

Buffy studied Ben he was cute in a nerdy sort of way. But what she really felt from him was kindness and comfort things that she desperately needed at the moment, and she was extremely appreciative. She smiled at him, “Thank you Ben, you’ve been very kind.” She stepped forward and held out her hand again.

Ben beamed at her as he took her hand and shook it. “My pleasure I’m glad to help, if there’s anything else you need please don’t hesitate to ask me.” Ben continued to hold her hand as he gazed at her beautiful face. He was torn between asking her out and not asking her out, because it really wasn’t a good time to do that, which he knew, but the prospect of seeing her again on better terms appealed to him immensely.

He took a card out of his shirt pocket and handed it to her. “Here this is where you can reach me if you need anything, you know, um talk or whatever, please feel free to call me.” He had to go for it he couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

Buffy grinned; he was flirting with her. She took the card and put it in her pocket. “Thanks Ben I really appreciate it. Can we see her now?”

“Sure but only a few of you at a time.”

“Okay.” Buffy turned toward Dawn and held out her hand. Dawn jumped up and grabbed Buffy’s hand squeezing it hard. Buffy smiled at her and squeezed back.

She looked at Giles and Willow.

“You two go ahead we’ll wait out here.” Giles said and Buffy smiled at him.

They followed Ben to a room at the end of the hallway; he opened the door to reveal Joyce sitting up in bed. When she saw her daughters she smiled warmly at them and held out her arms. Dawn started to cry and ran toward her mumbling how she was sorry and it was her fault.

Buffy closed the door and leaned against it watching the scene undetached once again. She didn’t know how to feel or what to do, she was confused, she was alone and she was scared. But she knew she had to be strong so she zoned in on the darkness that was inside of her and she hardened her heart to the loving scene in front of her, she looked at Joyce with cold hard eyes, as she held Dawn close comforting her.

“Shhh…sweetie it’s not your fault, its okay.” Joyce said rubbing Dawn’s back gently.

“I didn’t mean to yell at you mom, I was just angry about what you did.” Dawn cried into her shoulder.

Buffy’s eyebrow raised a notch, what the hell had they been arguing about? “Is there something that I’m missing here?” She asked.

Joyce turned and looked at her smiling. “No honey nothing important.”

Dawn hiccupped and looked at her sister she really wanted to tell her because she felt that she had a right to know but maybe now was not the best time.

Buffy didn’t believe her. “Well it must have been something to upset you and Dawn.” She pushed on because there was something going on and she would bet her life that it had something to do with her.

Joyce looked uncomfortable and wanted to change the subject. She dismissed Buffy and turned to Dawn “Well the doctors said the procedure is common and that there shouldn’t be any difficulties.”

Buffy eyeballed Joyce, she was changing the subject, there was definitely something going on. Well she would play along for now; she’ll get it out of Dawn later. “Yeah that’s what they said.” She answered coldly.

Dawn looked up at Joyce. “You’ll be okay won’t you mom?”

Joyce petted her hair and smiled at her. “Everything will be alright Dawn, you’ll see, in no time at all I’ll be home annoying you about doing your homework.” She tweaked her nose and Dawn giggled.

The door opened and a nurse came in. “I’m sorry but you’ll have to leave we need to prep your mom for surgery.”

“Okay nurse thank you.” Joyce looked back at Dawn. “Sweetie go outside I want to talk to Buffy for a minute.”

“Okay mom, I love you.”

Joyce looked at Dawn and her heart swelled with love. It truly didn’t matter what Dawn previously was she was her daughter and she loved her with all her heart. “I love you too honey.” She kissed her on the forehead and Dawn got up and left the room with the nurse.

Joyce turned to Buffy.

She almost flinched when she saw the hardness in her daughter’s eyes and the stiffness in her shoulders. There was not one smidgen of empathy looking back at her, only distrust.

Joyce stiffened her spine and pushed back the heaviness that entered her heart. They would have time to mend the fences that were currently between them, but now she had to be firm and speak to her the way she knew Buffy would respond too. “You need to look out for her you know. She’s still your sister.”

Buffy huffed and walked over to the window gazing at the setting sun. “I’ll watch her.”

“Buffy…look at me.” Joyce sternly said.

She turned around and looked at Joyce.

“She’s your sister Buffy no matter what she was before and I am your mother. I’m telling you that you are responsible for her. Don’t let anything happen to her.”

Buffy snorted at her. “Yeah I’m responsible for her, I’m responsible for you, and I’m responsible for the whole freaking world, that’s nothing new mom. I’ll take care of it.”

Ignoring the sarcasm in her daughter’s voice, Joyce nodded knowing that she wasn’t going to get anything else out of her. So she tried a different subject. “Have you talked to Angel?” She quietly asked.

“Why, what do you care? You hate Angel.”

Joyce sighed with guilt. “I don’t hate Angel Buffy.”

Buffy walked toward the door, “Whatever Mom.” She opened it and stood with her back to Joyce.

“I’ll…see you later.” She left Joyce staring at her retreating back with tears in her eyes.

Buffy walked out of the room and leaned against the door with her eyes closed. She felt bad for her mom but she couldn’t give in to the sadness she was feeling she had to be strong. Like Joyce so kindly reminded her, she had responsibilities; she was the Slayer she couldn’t afford to feel sympathy, not now.

She opened her eyes determined to find Dawn and see what they had been arguing about. She walked down the hallway to see Giles, Willow, Tara, Xander and now Cordy too. She smirked, Angel sent his daytime ears because he didn’t trust her to tell him what was going on, seemed she wasn’t the only one with trust issues.

She walked up to them as they all sat around a crying Dawn trying to comfort her. Her eyes quickly scanned each and every one of them; they had all been there. Someone knew what had happened and she was going to find out what it was.

She’ll start with the most vulnerable. “Dawn?”

Everyone turned to look at her. “Yeah?” Dawn sniffled.

“I want to know what you and mom were arguing about.” She asked.

Giles suddenly got up and stood in front of Buffy. “Buffy this isn’t really the time is it? Besides what does it matter now?”

“It matters because it has something to do with me, and I want to know what it was.”

“But Buffy I really don’t think…”

“Giles I don’t care what you think.”

She walked around him and faced Dawn. “Tell me now!”

Dawn raised her eyes to Buffy’s stern face. She was afraid to tell her but by the determined look on Buffy’s face she knew she wouldn’t let it go. Dawn opened her mouth to answer her and everyone braced for the explosive reaction.

“I…um overheard her tell Giles that she saw Angel the morning of the prom.”

“What? Why?”

“She said she told him that if he loved you he would leave you so you could have a normal life.”

Buffy was speechless her own mother sabotaged her. She had gone behind her back and stuck her nose into something that wasn’t her business. And what about Angel? This was just something else he’d neglected to tell her. Would the secrets never end?

As Buffy looked at Cordy and their eyes met, Cordy knew what she was thinking and she shook her head no at her. Cordy never knew about what transpired that day, but she could easily understand Buffy’s anger and her sense of betrayal.

Buffy shook her head and laughed wildly. “I should have known.”

Willow and Tara exchanged worried glances with Giles, and Willow stepped up to her. “Buffy I’m sure your mom didn’t mean anything by it. She loves you. She was just worried about you. We all were at that time.”

“Worried about me? More like you were all worried about yourselves!”

“Buffy that’s not true!” Willow said.

“Isn’t it? You guys blamed me for what happened and you were afraid that it would happen again!”

It was all becoming clear to her. They had all banded together to rip her life apart and they succeeded.

“Buffy that’s not true!” Willow cried out.

“Buffy…” Giles stepped forward wanting to defend Willow and Joyce but Buffy wouldn’t hear it. She spun around to him. “Shut up Giles, you of all people hated Angel the most. You were the one that didn’t want to see us together any more!”

Giles sputtered he didn’t know how to answer because at that particular time she was absolutely correct. But it wasn’t what he felt now. Now he was perfectly content to let the lovers be, in fact he was pushing for it. “Buffy I don’t feel that way, at least not now.”

She cackled, “Oh sure not now…and why is that Giles?”

“What?”

“Could it be because now there’s an apocalypse coming and you think I’m crazy so you bring Angel here thinking that he’ll make me happy and then I’ll be a good little slayer again?”

Giles was thrown off by what she was saying and damn it he was getting mad. “How can you even think that?” He looked at her incredulously.

She laughed, “How can I not Giles? That’s all I am to you - the means to save the world!”

Giles was hurt and that hurt was reflected on his stunned face. “That’s not true. You’re like a daughter to me! All of you children are!”

“You know I guess you’re right Giles, because when it came down to it and I really needed a father, you were nowhere around. You didn’t give a shit about my pain and what I was going through! Just like my dear ole’ dad!”

Xander stood up and faced her angrily. “That’s enough Buffy! Stop being selfish and bratty. Giles has always been here for you…for all of us!”

She turned to Xander with her fists clenched by her side. “Don’t you even talk to me about being selfish Xander Harris! You are the most selfish person I know!” She sneered at him.

“Me! What the hell did I do?”

“Don’t play innocent with me! You think I don’t know…does ‘Willow says kick his ass’ ring a bell? How fucking selfish is that!”

At first he had no idea what she was talking about, but at Willow’s hitched breath it hit him and he remembered saying those words. He had the grace to blush and look away, shame filling him at what he had done.

“Yeah that’s what I thought.” She sneered at him.

Her eyes looked at all the guilty faces condemning them all. “See all of you at one point or another tried to run my life! I’m the one that’s supposed to be in control…NOT YOU!” she screamed her face red with anger and a deep sense of betrayal.

Cordy stood up and gently touched her arm. “Buffy calm down. Come back to the mansion with me and let Angel explain what happened.”

Buffy looked at her and Cordy’s heart broke for her. She had a lot of respect for Buffy. She was a strong, independent woman that did what she had to do. It bothered her to see Buffy so torn and broken, and she wanted to help.

Tears formed in Buffy eyes at the kindness she saw reflecting back at her, kindness from the last person she ever expected to see it from. For some reason she felt at ease with the brunette and she found herself opening up to her.

“Why, so he can lie to me again?” She softly said. Then her eyes lowered, “Is he always going to lie to me?” she asked her voice so small and full of pain that Cordy took her in her arms hugging her tightly.

“No Buffy, he loves you. I know he can be a stubborn obstinate jerk, but he’s your stubborn obstinate jerk and everything that he does he does because he thinks, in his own twisted, self-absorbed way, that he knows what’s best for you. Even though he hasn’t got the slightest clue. I mean really how old is this man? You’d think that he would know women by now!” Cordy rolled her eyes and Buffy laughed hugging her back. “He’s a pain in the ass,” she said smiling.

Cordy smiled at her, “I couldn’t have put it any better myself.”

They smiled at each other, feeling a new sense of kinship and a mutual understanding of the man they both loved in different ways. And Willow and Xander watched jealously. They watched as someone who had previously bean Buffy’s enemy was able to offer her comfort when they could not.

They both stepped forward wanting to be apart of it, but Buffy saw them move and her eyes hardened as she stepped back from Cordy and fixed the traitors with a hard glare. “Thank you Cordy, it’s nice to know that I have a friend on my side.”

“Buffy!” Willow and Xander whined, ”That’s not true we’re your friends.”

“Yeah, sure.”

She looked back at Cordy, “I’m going out for a walk.” Then she left without another word as the people she thought were her friends watched her leave.

Cordy picked up her purse and looked at their astonished faces. She shrugged and headed out too, not bothering to say anything else. They dug their own graves; let them lie in it.

Chapter Twenty-Three