Chapter Eleven

Kindred Souls

The tension was thick in the air as they stood there drinking in the sight of each other. Angel just wanted to reach out and hold her. He couldn’t believe the things that Giles had told him, but staring into her empty eyes he saw the truth. There used to be hope and love in those eyes now there wasn’t anything except pain, anger and confusion. He saw the darkness, the darkness he’d caused, and it sent a shiver down in his spine.

Before he had a chance to say anything she spun away from him and said, “I’m leaving.”

He took a step forward and grabbed her by the arm spinning her around and pulling her flush against him. Their bodies touched in all the right places as he leaned down so they were eye to eye. “I’m not done talking to you.”

“Well I’m done talking to you.” She flung off his hand and tried to leave again. He grabbed her and she spun around and punched him in the face. “Leave me alone!”

He stepped back from the force of her punch. Okay so she was angry with him, he understood that. Well he had to get past that anger before they could go any further. So he smirked at her “What’s a matter Buff got a little pent up rage?”

Her eyes hardened even more. “You think?”

He took off his leather coat flung it on the chair and started to roll up his sleeves. “You want to hit me? Go ahead hit me. Beat the living daylights out of me. Oh wait there is none of that in here is there? I’m just a cold-hearted bastard with no feelings about anything or anyone, right?”

“YOU’RE GOD DAMN RIGHT YOU ARE!” She was trembling with rage and pain, longing and lust. She didn’t know what to do; she didn’t want to talk to him and yet it took all her will power not to rush into his arms. She had to get out of there. She turned to leave but was stopped again this time by the kick that he gave her in the back.

She stumbled to the floor did he just kick me? She got up and stretched her back. It didn’t really hurt it wasn’t a hard kick, but it pissed her off even more. She violently spun around and drop kicked him in the stomach. He flew back hitting the wall hard and more dust flew up in the air.

He laughed evilly at her and rose. “Is that all you got baby? I thought you hated me.”

“I do hate you!” she spat out angrily.

He rubbed his belly. “Well you know frankly, you kick like a girl.” He knew that insult wouldn’t go unpunished.

She spun around and drop kicked him again. This time the force was so strong that he was thrown backwards through the wall where he landed in the next room with a hard thud.

He had to shake his head after that kick. Damn my girl can kick! But he didn’t want her to know that. He wanted her mad. He wanted her to get all the anger and rage out, so he could then talk to her calmly and try to explain everything. If that meant an ass kicking by his mate, then so be it; he deserved nothing less.

He got up again and faced her. “You know, if I didn’t know any better I would say that you really didn’t want to hurt me, because that last kick?” he shook his head at her, “C’mon even Cordy could do better then that.”

That did it, it reminded her of his current status and that he was happy with someone else. She screamed at the top of her lungs and ran full speed at him. She threw a left; she threw a right all landing with deadly accuracy on his handsome face. And he just stood there and let her rain punch after punch on him, never once trying to defend himself.

“YOU BASTARD!” She punched him in the stomach and he bent over grabbing his belly.

She grabbed him by the hair and pulled his bloody face up to hers she was going on pure rage now and was totally oblivious to what she was saying. “I LOVE YOU AND YOU TORE MY HEART TOO PIECES!” She banged his head into her knee and threw him across the room.

Kicking over a chair, she broke off the leg and stormed over to him. He rolled over onto his back coughing up blood. She straddled him and raised her arm ready to give him what he deserved, ready to put that cold wooden stake through his cold dead heart.

She lowered her stake to his heart and pressed it to his chest. A small trickle of blood rolled out from the point of her stake and when she saw it her heart stopped.

Her eyes filled with tears and she raised them to his. They gazed at each other and her stake pressed further into his chest. He looked at her with his now human face, looked at her with love and understanding, and spoke softly to her. “You’re right, I am a bastard, I did do all those things and I’m sorry.”

He lifted his hand and wrapped it around her trembling hand that was holding the stake. Urging her to press further he raised his voice. “Do it. It’s what I deserve. Kill me! DO IT!” he screamed at her.

She stayed perched on his waist her legs unconsciously squeezing his sides, tears rolling down her face her mind a muddled mess of emotions consuming her. She couldn’t kill him. She couldn’t. Because even after everything that he did she still loved him she would always love him. And to kill him would be the final nail in her coffin too. She shook her head at him and tried to pull away. But he was strong and he held her hand and the stake close to his chest.

“Do it Buffy. You hate me remember? Kill me and you’ll finally be free.”

She shook her head and when she spoke her voice was hitched. “I…I can’t…I can’t kill you.”

The sad lost look in her eyes made him feel as if the stake had already turned him to dust. “Why?”

She looked deeper into his eyes and saw his pain and guilt. She saw the tears that reflected back the misery that she felt. But she couldn’t bring herself to say what she felt in her heart and what she knew he waited to hear. Those three little words that she had spoken so reverently not so long ago but yet had robbed her of so much. She couldn’t, no she wouldn’t allow herself to be put back into that position.

She punched him wildly and it was just enough to get him to relax his hold on her hand. She jumped off of him, dropped the stake and sprinted from the room, her sobs echoing off the barren walls.

He didn’t stop her, he let her leave she needed to be alone he understood that. He took a deep breath and sat up touching his face tenderly. He flinched; his face felt like it was on fire. But he welcomed the pain. He staggered to his feet and grabbed his jacket.

Walking out of the building he thought that wasn’t so bad. Now all he had to do was give her some time to come to terms with everything then he would move in for the kill.

He smiled as the demon gave him lots of ideas on how he could make it all up to her.

**

She ran from the building away from him. Her feet pounded on the ground as her body shook with pain and confusion. She didn’t know where she was running too she just ran. How could he do this too her? How could he make her feel so many emotions at once? She hated him she wanted to kill him for all the hurtful things that he had said. But when it came down to it she couldn’t.

When she looked into his eyes she saw the same things that were haunting her. She saw darkness, she saw emptiness, and she saw pain and confusion. When she felt his body pressed against hers and smelt his scent her soul cried out for him and she realized in that moment that she would always love him. She had stared at that stake, her head yelling at her to do it but she couldn’t. Killing him would kill her. He was her curse like she was his.

She stopped running and fell to the ground crying her heart out to the injustice of it all. She lifted her head and took in her, she couldn’t believe where her feet had unconsciously taken her. He had come back to Sunnydale to save her and she was sitting at the same exact spot where she once saved him that snowy Christmas morning, she laughed at the irony of it all.

Everything seemed so simple back then. Back then she didn’t question his feelings; she knew that he loved her. She knew that she would have done anything for him…to save him, to keep him by her side. But now nothing was simple. She didn’t know what to believe. She knew that there was much more to the story but she couldn’t hear it right now. Just seeing him and touching him again was too much of a sensory overload.

Her body cried out for his gentle thrusts and loving kisses and her heart sang for his love and devotion. But her mind was lost on the fact that he seemed to be both Demon and Soul. How could that be? And her battered soul couldn’t get past the fact that someone else had made him happy. She earnestly wanted to be able to love him again; she was tired of the cold person she had become. But she didn’t know if she could open her heart to him again. She didn’t know if she could trust him again.

She lay down on the damp grass on her side and grabbed her knees; she cried silently and prayed to the Powers to give her some kind of sign as to what she should do.

Chapter Twelve