Chapter Five

Fate Be Damned

Giles sat at his desk reading over the prophecy that Wesley had faxed him.  He took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose.  This couldn’t be.  It just couldn’t!  It was inconceivable and totally implausible, and yet he believed every word that was written on the page.

He got up and walked over to pour himself a drink.  Gulping down the amber liquid he couldn’t believe their luck.  What incredibly bad timing to have something like this to face when he wasn’t too sure about the sanity of his Slayer.

After the incident with Dawn he had called Wesley to see how things were going there.  It was funny he thought, when he had first met Wesley they did not get along which was only normal considering that they each had their own views and ideas on how to train the Slayers.  Not to mention the fact that Wesley took his job and that he and the Slayers did not respect him.  But how could they when he obviously didn’t have a clue as to what he was doing. 

But since Wesley had been in LA working with Angel he had changed and Giles was pleased with the changes.  They had talked often over the past year and Giles found that he actually enjoyed their conversations.  They had a lot in common and each one felt responsible for their champions.

So when he called Wesley to discuss what happened with Dawn, he was informed of the goings on in LA. and he was not pleased to say the least.  According to Wesley things weren’t looking any better in the city of lights either.  Angel has also become a shell of his former self.  Wesley confided in him that he often found himself questioning the vampire’s agendas and goals.

The two former watchers had talked about their champions; each had expressed their concerns, their worries, and their guilt in the situation.  Perhaps if they had done something at the beginning of this mess, things wouldn’t have progressed so far. But at the time they had both thought that what happened was for the best.  But now they both saw the error in that judgment as they found themselves questioning their champion’s priorities, a feeling that both Wesley and himself were extremely unfamiliar with.

And now this!  He slammed down his glass breaking it and spilling the liquid on to the rug but he didn’t notice.  His mind was completely besieged by images of opening hell portals and a young girl, dead in a pool of her own blood.

**

After the morning episode with Dawn Buffy had lain down and slept the rest of the day. When she woke at seven she was still pissed off so she slipped out her window and went hunting.  She found a nest in an abandoned building broke in and killed them all before they even had to time to wake.  It didn’t help calm the raging storm that was building inside of her but it cleared her mind a little.

Now as she made her way to the Bronze she thought about what happened at home. She didn’t know what possessed her to react that way. But when she walked into her room and saw Dawn nosing around her stuff she just saw red.  It seemed that in every aspect of her life someone was trying to take the control away from her.

Why?  Wasn’t she capable of handling her own life situations? Hadn’t she proven over and over again that she could handle things both logically and responsibly?  Okay there might have been a slip up here and there but come on!  She was just a girl, a girl with more responsibilities than any of them, so why couldn’t they just leave her alone?

She wished she had someone to talk to.  Someone who would understand what she was thinking and feeling.  She couldn’t talk to Willow; she was so happy with Tara that she wouldn’t understand.  Xander was a goof who had his own hands full with Anya. Her mother wouldn’t understand and Giles, Giles was too concerned with world peril problems to listen to her. 

She used to be able to talk to them, all of them. But since he left, they never seemed to understand the pain that she went through.  How hard it was to go on without him.  Her so-called friends were only too happy to see him leave. 

Now here she was more than a year later and after everything he said and did to hurt her, she still missed him. She still felt like she couldn’t breathe and it was only getting worse. The dream and her reaction to it just proved that. 

She fell to the ground on her knees; she held her head in her hands as she silently cried.  She felt so alone and she cried at the emptiness inside of her.  She cried for that part of her soul that she felt slipping away.  She didn’t want to be this way; she didn’t want to feel nothing but rage and violence.  But that was all that was left inside of her and she cried for that.

She lifted her head and screamed into the pitch-blackness of the night, screamed at him for denying her his love.  She screamed at him for breaking her heart and not taking care of it and protecting it with his own like he said he would.

She was feeling a multitude of emotions, the continuous blend of rage and pain, feeling vulnerable and unstable, weak and strong, she felt the calling of the light and wanted to walk towards it, but the pull of the dark was too strong and she couldn’t resist.  She felt like she was losing her mind, becoming unhinged and she was scared.  She had already lost so much; would she lose her self now too?

She looked at the blinking stars that shone in the sky and her tears slowly receded.  Why was fate so cruel? Why was she never allowed to have the peace that she so desperately wanted? 

She sat there quietly contemplating her own question but she knew the answer even before she asked it, she was the Slayer.  Her eyes hardened and she got up. Brushing the wet grass off her knees, she started to walk.

“I am the Slayer!”  She told herself out loud not even realizing that she did.  “I am the Slayer!  I have to be hard and unyielding that’s my job.  I can’t give in to pleasures and desires.  The fate of the world rests on my shoulders and I just have to suck it up and do my job. “

“And if doing my job hardens me to everything else then so be it.” Shrugging her shoulders at her own words she decided that it didn’t matter anyway, she’ll probably be dead before her 25^th birthday, either from a demon or from her dead heart.

**

“I’m telling you Xander there is something seriously wrong with her.  She hasn’t been to any of her classes, I haven’t seen her in days and the last time I did see her she barely said hi to me.”

Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya sat at their regular table in the Bronze.  Willow had called the meeting after finally deciding that they needed to do some kind of intervention for Buffy.  Ever since LA Willow had noticed the changes in Buffy, but she thought that she would work them out, she always had before.

She was embarrassed to say that it took her a long time to finally see that wasn’t going to happen.  She was also ashamed to say that she honestly hadn’t even been thinking about her friend.  She had been so rapped up in her newfound relationship with Tara and their exploration into magic that she had been totally oblivious to the pain her friend was in.

“Wills I don’t think there’s anything that we can do.  The Buffster has to get over it on her own.”  Xander said then continued to munch on his muffin.

“I agree with Xander, don’t we have our own problems without having to deal with her love life?”  Anya coldly said.

“Excuse me but if it wasn’t for Buffy we would all be dead a thousand times over so ah yeah I think it is our responsibility to help her.” 

“I think Willows right, she needs our help and she doesn’t seem like the type of person to ask for it.”  Tara softly added her own thoughts.  She liked Buffy and she had sensed a darkness growing in her lover’s friend.  A darkness that would soon eclipse everything else that lived inside of her and Tara didn’t want to see that happen.

Willow smiled at Tara and grabbed her hand squeezing it lightly.  “See I am right. We have to do something.”

Xander wasn’t too sure. He knew what plagued the Slayer and he knew that in time she would get over it.  That part of her life was over and there was no reason to bring things up again.  It was better to just let it rest where it was.  “I don’t know Will; I think we should let dead dogs lie where they are.”

Willow was amazed by Xander’s obtuseness, was he still so blinded by jealousy that he couldn’t see their friend was falling apart.  “No Xander this has gone on too long already.  Don’t you care?  And poor Riley he told me the other day that she practically ignores him. Plus I got the feeling that something else was going on but he wouldn’t say what it was.  Oh and do you know what she did to Dawn?”

Xander wasn’t too impressed so far.  Everything seemed normal to him for a girl that had the weight of the world on her shoulders. “What did she yell at her for borrowing a shirt without asking?  That’s normal stuff between siblings Will.  They’ve been doing that for years.”

Willow rolled her eyes exasperated with his lack of interest “No Xander I’m not talking about borrowing a shirt,” she leaned in whispering softly “I’m talking about Buffy almost killing her!”

Xander dropped his muffin and looked at Willow incredulously. ”What?  You got to be wrong Will.  There’s no way Buffy would do that.”

Willow shook her head. “No it’s true Joyce told me.  She called the dorm wanting to talk to Buffy, but Buffy wasn’t in and then she asked me if I thought Buffy had been acting strange lately.  Then she told me that Buffy came home the other day and was pissed off to find Dawn in her room and she practically strangled her.”

Xander didn’t believe it for one second. “No way you got your information wrong Will. Buffy wouldn’t hurt Dawn.”

Tara interjected. “No it’s true, we called Giles after and he said it was.  Joyce went to his apartment afterward and was very upset.”

Xander looked at them and couldn’t comprehend what would make Buffy do that.  He hadn’t really seen much of her lately and when he had he just assumed that it was pressures of school and slaying that made her seem so distant.  He still found it hard to believe that his friend who was sunshine and goodness would do something so mean but it would seem that she could.

Willow watched Xander’s face “Now do you believe me?”

“What that she’s a psycho crazy bitch?  I could’ve told you that three years ago.” Anya replied

“Anya shut up!”  Willow said, exasperated with the former demon. “Xander we have to do something.”

“Hey what’s going on?”  They all jumped, none of them had seen the Slayer walk in.

“Oh hey…Buffy...ah…nothing, you know just a night out on the town.”  Willow stuttered out.  Buffy looked at all of them she knew they were up to something.  She had overhead a little bit of their conversation and she knew it had something to do with her. 

She grabbed the nearest chair, pulled it up and sat down. “What ya guys talking about?”  She innocently asked.

“Ah oh you know the usual, school…ah…school.”  Willow didn’t know what to say but she was relieved when Buffy’s cell phone rang.

“Yeah?  Okay I’ll be right there. Yeah they’re all here.  Ok.”

“That was Giles he wants everyone over his place like yesterday.”  She got up and without a second word left them there staring at her retreating back.

Xander unconsciously shivered as he watched her leave. “She’s definitely a bit chilly these days.” 

Anya who never much liked the Slayer to begin with said. “And people say I’m rude.” 

“Shut up An, lets go.”  They all collected their stuff and followed the Slayer.

Chapter Six