Chapter Three

Three hours later Buffy was back at the loft, standing on the roof with her arms crossed over her chest, gazing out over the relatively quiet Sunset Strip, and pondering the long and emotional conversation she had shared with her mom.

The unbridled sadness she saw in her mother’s eyes when she told her everything that had happened and everything that was going to happen had been hard for Buffy to see, but there had been something else beyond the sadness that made it even worse. She’d swear she saw guilt in her mom’s eyes. Guilt and a deep sorrow that went beyond the story that Buffy was telling her. There had been something else too which to Buffy’s suspicious mind looked a lot like self abhorrence. She was probably just being dramatic, again. She seemed to do that a lot these days. Her mom said it was raging hormones, that and the stress of keep things from Angel.

“You have to tell him Buffy. Not only does he have a right to know but the guilt is going to tear you apart sweetie until you do.”

She made it sound like she was talking from experience, and once again Buffy was left wondering what exactly her mom had been referring to.

“Mom, what happened with Dad?” she quietly asked, turning the conversation around.

Joyce sat up straight in her chair and she seemed rattled. “What do you mean dear?”

Buffy shrugged, “I don’t know. It’s just I don’t remember him much. I mean what I do remember aren’t good things and I’m curious.”

“Why are you thinking of your father Buffy. Clearly there are more important things that you should be thinking about.” Joyce answered sharply.

“I don’t know. I haven’t thought about him in years. I guess the whole thing with Parker just made me think of him. I mean they were kind of a like weren’t they?”

Joyce shrugged and turned away, not saying anything.

“What happened between you two mom?”

Buffy detected the slight tremble of her mother’s hands as she put her tea cup on the table. She stood up and turned away from Buffy, picking up the watering can she started to water the plants on the patio. Buffy thought she was going to ignore her, instead she answered with a voice that was as happy go lucky as Buffy felt.

“Sweetie, there’s no mystery to it. Your father and I were not meant to be together. He was a hard man and me, well I wasn’t. We just decided that we were all better off if he left.”

Replaying the conversation in her mind now Buffy thought it was a rather strange talk. It wasn’t so much the conversation itself but rather it was Joyce’s reactions and answers, the way her hands shook and the rigidity in her body. That was strange. Her mother was an easy going woman and always had been. In fact Buffy couldn’t ever remember a time when her soft spoken mother yelled or seemed flustered, except today.

Well regardless, it was most likely her hormones that were making her think all these weird things. Mom had been right about one thing, thinking of anything else but the situation at hand was pointless. With the decision made now all she had to was find the right time and the right place to tell him. Both were crucial and could perhaps make a huge difference in how Angel took the news.

She felt his heat long before he wrapped his arms around her waist and drew her back against his chest. A warm wet mouth nuzzled the crook of her neck as talented fingers drew slow lazy circles over her blouse and under her breasts. She touched his forearms, laying her hands lovingly on those strong arms – slowly stroking him as he did her. She leaned back further snuggling into his hardness and heat, wanting nothing else but to have him hold her like this forever.

“Hey baby.”

He whispered in her ear and her body’s response was one scintillating shiver. Angel smiled against her, his hands becoming bolder as they slid down her blouse, over her belly and then slipping underneath, finding what they really wanted, bare naked skin.

“Hey, you.” She whispered back to him as his hands stroked her belly, all the while trying to keep the timber of her voice from shaking. “You’re home early. How did it go at the studio?”

Angel sighed, laying his chin on the top of her head he looked out across the sky. “The stupid director doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not indestructible. I swear I think the man’s trying to kill me.”

She chuckled, “what did he do this time?”

“The idiot wants me to take four blanks in the chest, jump off a twenty story building that just exploded, land safely, jump inside a Camaro which just so happens to have a leaking gas tank, which of course caught fire from the exploding building igniting the gas and chasing me down the road as I drive as fast as I can in an attempt to beat it. Then hit a ramp, jump over three cars and land in the lake just as the Camaro explodes.”

Buffy grinned, “Didn’t we do that just last week?” She playfully teased and Angel nipped the lobe of her sensitive ear, Buffy giggled. “Sounds like fun, what’s the problem?”

Angel grinned mischievously over her head, “it does, doesn’t it?” then growled at her sassiness. “The problem my blonde bombshell is that he’s not willing to buck up the cash for me to do.”

“How much?”

“I told him it would cost him an extra 25K.”

Buffy snorted, “Sweetie that’s peanuts. Besides, it’s not like you need the money.”

He sounded appalled with her answer as his legendary hauteur just rolled off his tongue with every syllable he spoke. “Baby, it’s the point. If I’m going to try and outrun fire, which by the way is nearly impossible, then I should get what I deserve.”

Buffy chuckled warmly as she snuggled back further against him. A small grown of pleasure escaped her lips without thought, a natural response from being in his arms. She felt so safe and protected when he held her, nothing existed but them, everything else just faded away and there wasn’t anything that could hurt her.

She was reminded of the night after Parker raped her and how being held by Angel and feeling his love and devotion had eased away all the self loathing and dirtiness she had felt. Standing there in the stillness of the night, with his love wrapped around her like a shield of armor, she knew that the decision to tell him was the right one. There was no one she trusted more than Angel. No one she loved more. And though she knew he was going to be hurt and angry, she also knew that he loved her. Her biggest fear was that he would walk away from her and leave her void of everything good he gifted her with, but that was her fear and pain talking. She trusted Angel’s love and she trusted that she would not lose it.

It occurred to her then that there was a very real chance that after hearing the news Angel would run away hurt and angry, and Buffy didn't want that. She wanted his anger and his pain to be let out freely and - because she fully deserved it - in her face directly. She wanted openness and his honest reactions were a part of that. There was only one place where she could accomplish that. Someplace that was very private and secluded enough that he couldn't run.

“Angel?”

“Mm?”

“Let’s go away, just you and me.” She softly said.

Angel smiled against her neck, lavishing it at the same day with hot open mouthed kiss. “Where do you want to go baby?”

“I don’t care anywhere. I just want to be alone with you somewhere quiet and private.”

“Mmm, I like the sound of that, having you all too myself so I can ravish you to my heart’s content. “ Buffy chuckled. “Where do you want to go, Italy? Paris? Tahiti?”

Buffy shook her head. “No, I was thinking maybe we could go to the cabin this weekend.”

The cabin was a two hour ride north up in the mountains of Big Sur. It was a small cabin nestled in the woods and surrounded by two hundred acres of privately owned land that Angel only recently found out was his. A week after The Order was restored, Giles handed Angel the key and the deed. He told him that it had been Liam’s and that it was Liam’s wish that Angel have it. When Angel asked Giles why Liam didn’t leave it in the will, Giles explained that a long time ago Liam gave the keeping of the cabin over to Giles. He would not go any further in his explanation but Angel knew that whatever the reason was had something to do with the same thing Giles would not tell him or Buffy now.

When Angel went to investigate the cabin and its surroundings he found it to be the perfect hiding spot. Private and quiet, the front of the home was a log cabin, flawlessly camouflaged against the woods. The rest of the cabin couldn’t quite be called a cabin it was more along the lines of a stone fortress since it was built into the side of a mountain. Seeing it, exploring the many escape routes and tunnels in the mountain and the surrounding woods told Angel one thing, it was a hideout. And according to some of the papers he discovered in one of the rooms, it was clear that Giles had been in hiding. From what and from whom Angel could only guess…Uncle, the why of it was another story that had yet to be regaled to him, the story that Angel was certain was the big secret that Giles was keeping from them now.

Of course, since Giles had not spoken to Buffy and told her who he really was and had insisted that Angel not spill the beans either, Angel had to lie about how he acquired the cabin to Buffy, and instead he told her he bought it as a mountain retreat for them and the gang. God, he hated lying to her and it really pissed him off that this lie was because of someone else’s refusal to do the right thing.

A smile graced his lips as his heart beat a millisecond faster. The cabin. He could propose to her there and he could also alleviate his guilt and tell her. Why wait until after they were married? Wasn't it better to start their marriage by being open and honest with her? His heart and soul told him it was and there was no better place for that than the cabin. Knowing his baby, the second he did tell her she would run right over to her mom's and confront them no matter where they were, which Angel knew first hand would get them nowhere. The cabin was the perfect place to keep someone right where you wanted them, compliments of the cells that he'd found hidden in one of the passageways and the hundreds of miles in between them and LA. It was so simple, all he had to do was hide the car keys and reinforce the locks on the cells, because Buffy would have no problem picking them the way they were now.

While it was not what he had originally envisioned for his proposal he could still make it work, and all things considering, it was the most logical place. The cabin was comfortable and could be construed as a romantic setting, but it was not the grand blow-her-mind-away setting that he wanted to give her. She deserved so much and he wanted so badly to give her the proper proposal and beautiful lavish wedding that she should have. But now that didn’t seem so important anymore. Standing there in the quiet of the night, just the two of them, the way it would be for the rest of their lives - at least if he had anything to say about it- he realized that it didn’t matter where he asked her to marry him. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to the top of her head and breathed in her fresh clean scent. Her instant reaction, her hands tightening on his forearms, the blissful sigh that left her lips, reminded him that Buffy would be the first one to agree with him.

Yes he would make this work – in his favor. Instead of blowing her mind away by where and how he proposed, he would astound her by showing her just how much she meant to him by completely beguiling her with his love and his passion.

He smirked, actually…she was in serious danger – from him. The cabin was completely isolated. There was no chance of being disturbed by stupid bellboys or other hotels guests. There would be no outside distractions whatsoever. And there would definitely be no cell phones or computers – he would make sure to turn them all off – and the best part yet…no family or friends intruding on their privacy. This was the opportunity he had actually been waiting for. At the cabin he was free to play out every blazingly hot kinky fantasy he had and he wouldn’t have to worry about intruders or his very, very vocal lover waking everyone in the neighbor.

Of course the interior of the cabin was rustic but it was still nice and appealing with a warm cozy atmosphere. Buffy herself had commented on that the very first time she stepped inside. Plus they had also begun to re-furnish it by replacing the old 70’s style décor with a mix of traditional and country furnishings. The master bedroom was already complete with its huge four poster mahogany king size bed and the master bathroom with a Jacuzzi and a shower big enough for five people. The gourmet kitchen was also finished and fully stocked with whatever they would need. The wine cellar had been updated with the latest temperature and humidity controlled system, and he’d already moved a small portion of his wine collection there.

It wasn’t Paris nor was it the Hilton, but it was peaceful and isolated, welcoming and pleasant, and in all actuality…all they needed

It was perfect and with his mind finally settled and his heart now racing with anticipation to start making preparations, he quickly calculated how he would go about doing that without inciting her suspicions.

“That sounds like a good plan baby but you know I can’t this weekend. I have to go to London and work out the specs for the Dooley job.” And then a quick trip to the cabin to get everything ready, he craftily thought.

Buffy’s shoulders slumped. She’d forgotten about the job, how the hell could she forget that? Hormones, that’s how.

Feeling her disappointment Angel squeezed her tightly and offered her one last possibility – even though she had no idea – of where her proposal would be, which had actually been his first plan knowing how much she loved Ireland and his manor home.

“You could come with me. We could drive up to Ireland and stay the weekend at the Manor. Just the two of us, I can see it now…you, naked before a hot roaring fire, screaming my name.”

Buffy chuckled with warmth but even that savory image he created in her mind couldn’t calm her stomach which was already spinning around with the idea of flying anywhere. The last time she got on a plane, one week after her first consort with the toilet, had not been pleasant. In fact she had pretty much spent the majority of the flight in the bathroom sharing some quality time with British Airways lovely toilet.

She patted his forearm. “That sounds really nice, but I can’t go anywhere this week. I have the inspector coming sometime to check the club and as usual I don’t know when. The little jerk just pops in whenever he wants. If it wasn’t for Bubba’s sister working for the LA County Health Department I wouldn’t even know that much.”

Angel grinned with delight hearing her answer because the more he thought about it the more he considered the cabin to be the perfect place. The manor home was good too but that house was full of servants that were in all aspects more like extended family then servants and they would be constantly underfoot. He was glad she said no but he kept his pleasure to himself and instead absently nodded his response. “Okay, so we’ll go to the cabin next weekend.”

Now that Buffy made up her mind to tell him the thought of waiting another week was even worse than waiting four. She had the gumption now but a lot could change in a week, including her new found balls rolling away.

“Promise?”

Hearing the soft melancholy tone of her voice brought a frown to Angel’s face. Taking her by the arms he turned her around, lifting her chin up he gazed deeply into her green orbs. His intense scrutiny had Buffy swallowing the sudden lump of nausea that filled her throat.

“Are you okay?”

Buffy took a quiet yet deep breath, forcing the queasiness back and smiling at him tenderly as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Of course I’m alright.”

“Are you sure? I mean lately you just seem a bit…on edge.”

“I’m fine Angel really. I guess I’m just a bit tired, you know, all this flying back and forth from Europe has my body in shock that’s all.”

Angel studied her face; she looked as sweet as she always did. “You sure?”

“Yes baby, please don’t worry about me. I’m just not use to all the time changes from flying.”

Angel sighed, his hand cupped her cheek as Buffy closed her eyes, pressing her hand against his and rubbing her cheek in his palm, a frown of concern settling across his face. He wanted her at the top of her game for the weekend at the cabin because with all the sinfully wicked things he was already planning on doing to her, she was going to need all her strength.

“Maybe you should stay home this time and rest, take a break. You’re working too hard. The Club, the Order…you know, you should give up the modeling it’s not like you need the money, and then you can have more time for yourself, to relax.”

Buffy wrapped her arms around his waist laying her head on his strong chest she squeezed him. “But I like it, it’s like a reprieve from everything else, totally stress-free. And, I think…I think I need that, you know?”

Angel nodded, he completely understood that. That was the reason he still did stunt work, it kept his mind clear and focused on the more important matters. Yeah stunt work was hard on the body but he could do all that shit in his sleep, there was no thinking involved in doing something that was completely planned, safe, and not life threatening – well at least for him.

“I know what you mean. Okay so next weekend we’ll go up to the cabin, you and me. Where we’ll spend the time making love, and making love, and well…making love. We’ll give the rabbits of the forest a run for their money.”

The sexy smirk on his face made Buffy giggle, the uneasiness she had been feeling left her and instead she found herself wondering if perhaps she had been looking at this all wrong.

As Angel suddenly picked her up and hefted her over his shoulder heading toward the door that led to their loft, she thought that maybe she should look at her upcoming confessional as a new beginning. After all, there was a baby on the way and that definitely counted as a new beginning. She knew Angel loved her and she knew that he wouldn’t leave her because of it. She just had to get over the guilt of not telling him - which was really what was causing all of her irrational thoughts anyway -and fully trust in the man she gave her heart too.

Chapter Four