TITLE: To
Believe Again
AUTHOR: Zo
EMAIL: zoso37ba@gmail.com
URL: htttp://warriorsandlovers.com
RATING: NC-17
SUMMARY: Two people meet in a night of passion,
will
they succumb to love?
TIMELINE: 2005 –
AUTHOR’S
NOTES: Buffy and Angel have a
conversation about cars.
For
those of you who don’t know, a Mopar is a
Chrysler,
of
engine and a pistol grip is a manual transmission.
*******************************************************************
Never
again, isn't that what you said?
You've
been through this before
An'
you swore this time you'd think with your head
No
one, would ever have you again
And
if takin' was gonna get done
You'd
decide where and when
Just
when you think you got it down
Your
heart securely tied and bound
They
whisper, Promises In The Dark
Armed
and ready, you fought love battles in the night
But
too many opponents made you weary of the fight
Blinded
by passion, you foolishly let someone in
All
the warnings went off in your head
Still
you had to give in
Just
when you think you got it down
Resistance
nowhere to be found
They
whisper, Promises In The Dark
But
promises, you know what they're for
It
sounds so convincing, but you heard it before
Cause
talk is cheap and you gotta be sure
And
so you put up your guard
And
you try to be hard
But
your heart says try again
You
desperately search for a way to conquer the fear
No
line of attack has been planned to fight back the tears
Where
brave and restless dreams are both won and lost
On
the edge is where it seems it's well worth the cost
Just
when you think you got it down
Your
heart in pieces on the ground
They
whisper, Promises In The – Dark
Promises
In The Dark, Pat Benatar
Chapter One
One Door Closes…
LA 2005
Buffy Summers
stood on the observation deck of the Griffith Observatory looking out over her
adopted city, her black leather duster flapping in the breeze behind her as she
stared out into the night. There were
no stars lighting the sky, except for the lights of the city that twinkled
below, it was pitch black out. From
where she stood it seemed that the city slept peacefully but she knew that was
not true it was 8:30PM on a Friday night and the city below was bustling with
activity.
She titled her
head back, closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and the smell of sage and
honeysuckle filled her nostrils. She came
here often when she was feeling melancholy and tonight was one of those nights.
She had come
home late in the afternoon from her photo shoot and went right to sleep. When she woke up for some reason she was
filled with thoughts of her past. She
had quickly showered and dressed. She had to be at the Whiskey by 9PM to work
her shift, but she came here first to stare at the city and collect her
thoughts.
She tried not
to think too much on the past and she usually rarely did. But when she looked at the calendar she
realized why. It was exactly two years
today that she first came to LA.
She shook her
head she couldn’t believe it. Two
years! Everything had changed so
quickly for her since then. She was
happy now she had a life, something that she hadn’t had in seven years and she
would not give it up for anything.
Taking another
deep breath she let her mind wander back to nine years ago and the beginning of
her seven-year captivity. She had been
so young then only twelve years old and so anxious to see the world and be a
grown up.
At the time
her parents had split up and her mom, Joyce had started seeing the local
librarian Rupert Giles. Buffy was heartbroken when her father left. She was so
sure that it was something that she had done but could never figure out what it
was. He just split and she never heard
from him again. Then Giles joined the
picture and it was hard for her to accept him as part of the family and so she
acted out.
She started
hanging out with an older crowd, or a bad crowd, which is what her mother
called them. Buffy didn’t think they
were bad just misinterpreted. Yes they
were bikers and motor-heads, yes they did a lot of drugs and drank a lot, and
yes they hung out at bars all night and started fights with other clubs. But
underneath those ruff exteriors were decent people with big hearts. People who held charity events for sick kids
and watched over each other like family, for Buffy they quickly became her
family and it was a family that she felt she belonged too.
She had a mom,
she had a dad (that she never saw), she had an older brother and sister, but
they never seemed to understand her.
They only thought that she was going downhill, hanging out with ruffians
and doing no good.
Her mom
totally freaked when she had come home with her first tattoo when she was
thirteen. It was just a small dagger on
her ankle but her mom saw it as proof of her falling off the ‘right’ path. Then the shit really hit the fan when she
found out that Buffy was doing drugs.
Thinking back
on it now makes her giggle, it was actually pretty funny. She was at a friend’s house tripping out on
acid and she called home to tell her mom that she was sleeping over her
friends. Out of nowhere Joyce asked if
she did drugs and Buffy tripping her face off answered yes!
Then the
conversation got very philosophical and her mom got very righteous and Buffy
couldn’t remember a damn thing, it was good acid! She was grounded for a week and Joyce hardly talked to her in
that time. After the week was up, time
passed and eventually Joyce didn’t mention the incident at all.
Then Joyce
dropped the bombshell. She was going to
marry Giles and they were moving out to LA.
Her sister Kendra who was in her sophomore year at college was staying
in New York and her brother Xander was already out there attending UCLA.
Joyce left it
up to Buffy as to what she wanted to do.
And Buffy who couldn’t see anything beyond her friends decided to stay.
So there she
was a sixteen year old living basically alone in New York with no supervision
and she had the time of her life! She
dropped out of school and started hanging out more and longer then she used
it. She became a permanent fixture at
the bars and everyone treated her like a little sister.
Then one night
while she was hanging out at Shotz, a local watering hole, she met Parker
Abrams. Parker was a member in the club
that Buffy often hung out with, The Brotherhood, and he was a mechanic at the
local Harley shop. She thought he was cute and he seemed to be a nice guy. So they started dating and before Buffy knew
it she was initiated into The Brotherhood and they were living together.
Everything was
great for about a year then things changed.
Parker changed. He became very
controlling, jealous and insecure about their relationship. He would often tell her that she was fucking
someone else behind his back when that was far from the truth. She had only ever been with Parker he was
her first. She would try to convince
him that she wasn’t cheating on him that she was faithful, but he was so
insecure about himself that he never believed her.
He controlled
every aspect of her life; she couldn’t go out without him, she couldn’t wear
what she wanted to, she couldn’t even hang out with her sister without him
badgering her about where they went and what they did.
Still during
all of this, he was showering her with words of love and how he was always
sorry for acting the way he was. That
it wasn’t her it was him and his insecurities, and that he would try to change
and start trusting her.
But it never
happened and slowly but surely somewhere along the line Buffy lost herself and
her whole world evolved around him. She
rarely saw her friends anymore and with the exception of Kendra she hardly ever
spoke with her family.
She was cut
off from the world living in her own little life of unhappiness and she did
nothing about it. Not that she could
have done anything anyways, so she just went with the flow hoping and praying
to God that things would change.
Thinking on it
now that was the worst part, that she had lost her own self-respect. She was ashamed that even though she didn’t
love him she still slept with him. Like a whore with a John she fucked him then
tried to please him by saying she loved him.
She knew that
she was a fucking idiot to stay with a man for seven years that she didn’t
love. But she had no choice and for
some twisted reason she felt a sense of obligation to him that she had to stick
by his side regardless of how shitty her life had become.
She had hoped
that his obsession with controlling her would pass. She thought he would change
and the lust she felt for him would have a chance to grow into love.
But that never
happened.
It was just
her luck that one-day things did change.
Parker was on his way home from work on his Harley when a truck hit him;
he died instantly. She was filled with
guilt that she felt no sorrow for his passing, only a great sense of relieve
and happiness. She was finally
free! Free to live her own life and
damn it she was going to do it!
Within two weeks of Parkers death Buffy was already half way to
LA. She had sold pretty much everything
that they had accumulated over the years:
cars, bikes, and furniture. She
kept only the things she loved the most, her black 1970 Plymouth Cuda, her CDs,
DVDs, her stereo system, and her computer.
She packed up everything, told Kendra that she loved her and
would miss her, and left. She didn’t
tell any of her friends where she was going or doing, hell she didn’t even say
good-bye. She wanted no ties to that
former life. She wanted to start somewhere fresh where no one knew her or her
history.
When she
finally arrived in LA she went to her mom’s house. Joyce was so happy to see
her that she hugged her for at least an hour until Giles finally pulled her
off. They had sat down and talked about
things and to some extent mended the fences.
They offered
to help her get an apartment in Hollywood but only if she cleaned her act up
which basically meant; stop doing drugs and get a job. Buffy thought no problem that’s what I
wanted to do anyway, so she quit doing drugs and she quit smoking.
Getting a job
wasn’t such a difficult thing either and as it turned out very profitable.
She hadn’t
known it but her brother Xander became a deputy in the sheriff’s
department. That had made her laugh she
couldn’t believe that goofy Xander had become a cop.
He came to her
mom’s house one night and they spent hours catching up with each other. He questioned her about her relationship
with Parker but she didn’t answer him, she just wanted to forget about it. Thankfully he didn’t pressure her on it.
When he asked
her what she was going to do she didn’t have to think for one minute what her
answer was. She had always wanted to
own her own bar. And now that she was free to do what she wanted, she decided
to take the first step toward that dream and go to Bartending School.
It was on her first day at school that she met Faith Culligan. Faith having spotted Buffy’s tattoo on her
lower back, recognized it as a symbol of the Brotherhood and started a
conversation wit her. It turns out that
Faith was a member of the Cleveland chapter and had the identical tattoo.
Once they knew that they instantly considered each other
sisters. They felt comfortable with
each other and talked openly and candidly about their troubled pasts.
Buffy was even able to tell
her about Parker. She knew that Faith would understand because she had been in
a similar relationship back in Cleveland.
They were both young when they joined the club and each had become jaded
in their outlooks on life and love.
They were two hard cynical women and they were only twenty-seven. They
had become so cynical that they questioned if love even existed.
They quickly became friends and did everything together. They even took Samba lessons because Faith
thought it would be a great way to meet guys and Buffy, after seeing a couple
dancing the samba, found it extremely erotic and had agreed immediately.
After they both graduated from school, they got their first
bartending gigs together. Faith’s
sister Cordelia was engaged to Frances O’Doyle, or Doyle to his friends, who
owned the Whiskey-A-Go-Go, a bar on the Strip.
Even though he wasn’t too sure about hiring them, Doyle wanted
nothing more then to please his fiancé so he gave both girls a job tending bar
two nights a week. And he never
regretted it, because the first night that Buffy and Faith were behind the bar,
was the busiest night he had in months.
So he hired them on full time and gave them both raises.
Buffy loved
working at the Whiskey where it was always bustling with activity and she loved
to meet new people. One night she met someone that took her life down another
path. Willow Rosenberg wasn’t hard to
miss because she looked really out of place sitting at a bar and drinking a
Shirley Temple. Not to mention the fact that she was dressed like a Sunday
school teacher. For some reason she
touched Buffy’s heart with her forlorn manner.
So she decided to keep an eye out for her.
And it was a
good thing she did too. Because a guy
who had been trying to pick her up followed her to the bathroom, so Buffy
followed too having a bad feeling.
When she got
to the bathroom the asshole had Willow pinned up against the wall trying to cop
a feel. Willow was trying to get away
but the guy wouldn’t let her go so Buffy stepped in and proceeded to teach the
guy exactly what no meant.
Willow was so
thankful that she explained to Buffy that she worked for a modeling agency and
that her job was to recruit new models for Auto magazines like Hot Rod. She
said Buffy would be perfect for that type of work so she offered her a job.
Buffy didn’t take
long to consider Willow’s offer she figured the more money in her pocket the
closer she was to her dream. So she accepted Willow’s offer and the next day
she was at her first photo shoot.
The executives
liked the picture so much that they put it on the front cover of the next issue
of Hot Rod Magazine, and that was all it took. The modeling took off like
lightening and soon Buffy was the most famous auto/bike model in the states.
Her picture
was everywhere, in magazines, in calendars, on buildings. She would travel to car shows and events
where she would pose with drivers and sign autographs. She was making good
money doing it and she enjoyed the freedom it gave her.
Her biggest
break came two days ago when she was offered to do a lay out for the Sports
Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. She was
real excited about it because hello it was the swimsuit edition! Of’ course the real kicker was the money
that the job would pay. Doing this gig
she would finally have enough money to open her own bar. She would have to go to Hawaii for a few
weeks but hey she could do Hawaii.
The only obstacle was telling
Doyle that she wouldn’t be working for a while. She didn’t think he was going
to take that very well, because since she became semi-famous from modeling
bartending became more profitable for both of them.
Every night the bar was packed with lustful men who came to the
Whiskey to see Buffy. They would give
her big tips trying to lure her to go home with them. Of course most of the time she didn’t but they would stay and get
drunk still trying to persuade her.
Only sometimes did she actually go home with someone. But she always left right away. She never slept over and she rarely ever saw
the same guy twice. She liked her
freedom and she wouldn’t go back to being a bird in a cage.
She knew that
she had become selfish since Parker but she believed that if she didn’t watch
out for herself, no one else would.
Her biggest
confusion though was that she couldn’t for the life of her figure out what was
so great about this thing called ‘Love’.
Buffy snorted
into the night ‘Love’ was a crock a shit, fairy tales told to little children
to put them to sleep at night. It
wasn’t real! Her dad claimed to love
her and he left her. Her mom claimed that
too but she also left. Then there was
Parker who did nothing but claim his undying love to her over and over again,
while ripping her soul to shreds.
No she was
convinced that there was no such thing as love and if there was it wasn’t for
her. She was determined that she would never again lose herself in someone. She
would never again become that attached to someone; she would just love them and
leave them. Besides she felt so cold
inside she didn’t think that she could feel love even if it smacked her in the
face.
She opened her
eyes and looked out at the landscape of the city. The feeling that spread through her when she was here was unlike
any other place she had ever been. It
was peaceful, it was a feeling that screamed freedom and she cherished every
moment of it.
Her cell phone
rang and vibrated in her pocket. She
took it out and looked at the number, Faith.
She sighed, “Oh well reflection time is over.”
She clicked
the phone open “Yeah I’m on my way.”
“Hurry up Doyle’s having a seizure.”
“Alright I’m on it.” She clicked
the phone off took one last look at the skyline and walked back to her car.
**
The throaty
roar of an engine could be heard for miles echoing off the walls of the
buildings on the Sunset Strip. Buffy
turned the radio up and looked at her watch, 9:15PM, she was running late. She stepped into the gas and sped up, the
engine coming to live with every inch she pressed on the pedal.
She pulled
into the back alley of the Whiskey-A-Go-Go and parked. She sat there for a moment just listening to
the sounds that surrounded her. The
music seeped through the walls of the Whiskey and filled her ears. She smiled
The Bloodsuckers were playing tonight she liked them.
She got out of
her car and locked the door and made her way to the back entrance. The second she opened the door she was hit
with the smell of booze, sweat and cigarettes, her favorite smells. She looked up towards the stage and saw the
band jamming out then made her way to the bar.
“Finally made
it eh twinkle toes.” Buffy looked at
Faith and smacked her on the arm “I told you I was on my way.” Faith laughed, “You sure did. Glad to see
you made it cause its like a mob in here tonight!”
Buffy looked
out over the bar and had to agree with Faith it was pretty crowded already for
a Friday night. She assumed that was because the Bloodsuckers were playing
because they always drew a big crowd.
She put her
jacket and bag under the bar and got to work “What can I get ya sweetie?”