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Book One Destiny
Part One ~ Part Two ~
Part Three |
Posted February 2006 Completed 3 Parts – 142 pages
Rating R
Disclaimer Buffy, Angel and Connor are the property of Joss Whedon, not me!
Distribution If you already archive my stories then feel free, otherwise please ask
Timeline ATS – Post Not Fade Away
Pairing Connor POV, Buffy & Angel
Summary Connor has been having dreams of a beautiful young woman. Haunted by her images, he sets out to discover who she is and what she means to him. Only to find that his destiny may not be what he thought it was.
Author’s Note If
you’re thinking, “oh no not another Connor is Buffy’s child story!” then
don’t because that is not what this story is about.
EBOOK It’s free! (837 kb)
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Normal. What was normal?
It was one of my biggest questions in life.
For most people, the question was, ‘what was the meaning of life?’ but not for me. Oddly enough I never pondered that question at all. Maybe it was because life meant something different to me than other people. Normal people didn’t know what was really going on with the world. They were blind to the evils that surrounded them.
But not me.
I knew from firsthand experience what lurked in the night. I’m one of them or was one of them…or…actually I’m not quite sure what I really am. I know that I am someone who had been given another chance at life. A chance to be something that I wasn’t initially meant to be.
Normal.
My origins are well, definitely not normal to say the least. The product of two vampires created out of desperation and lust. Not really something you want to see yourself as, but it is what it is. And I thought I had a grip on what and who I was. And I was feeling pretty good about the whole thing. Going to school, dating, making friends I was just enjoying being a kid.
Until about six months ago.
Six months ago it all started…the dreams.
Now I was not unaccustomed to strange dreams. Believe me I’ve had many. But usually they consisted of demons and death. They were cold and dismal. Most of the time they scared the shit out of me. Of course I would never admit it to anyone, but there were some pretty freaky dreams that probably would have scared the crap out of even Him.
Him. I wondered how he was? I wondered if he was still alive. I hoped that he was. We had come to an understanding with each other the last time we’d seen each other. There was resentment on my part toward him, but I also admired and respected him. He did what he thought was best for me; he gave me a second chance at life, even though it cost him greatly.
Anyway, these dreams were different. These dreams filled me with warmth and belonging, a sense of completion. They made me feel something that I hadn’t, until that moment, realized I’d been missing. Wholeness.
I almost didn’t recognize it for what it was because the feeling was so foreign to me. I mean, yea I have a normal family now that loves and takes care of me, and treats me with respect. But the fact is that there is still a part of me that never actually feels as if I belong there. It’s like I fit but I don’t.
I always knew that and I always just assumed it was because of what I really was, and that being that, I could never really fit in to a normal world. But I ignored the self-doubt and questions, and I tried to be happy and just enjoy it.
And I did for a while, until the dreams came and showed me what I was missing. Of course, they changed too. I guess everything does eventually.
Anyway, it started with the beautiful face of a young woman. She had short blonde hair and brilliant green eyes. She was small. Petite. But I could sense her strength, her power. It called to me. She seemed like a person who lived for the now. Someone who was free in a sense but still trapped by something I couldn’t see. Something that had control over her. Something that she went along with yet struggled against at every turn.
Destiny.
A destiny that you knew to be yours yet you weren’t quite sure if you wanted the weight of responsibility that came with that destiny. Sometimes just saying that word made me shudder. It was so…heavy. It was a word that for some people meant absolutely nothing yet for others, like the beautiful girl in my dreams and myself, it meant everything. It was a blessing and a curse. At least, that’s what I’ve heard; I haven’t actually experienced the blessing part yet. But I figure all things in good time.
In any case, my heart opened to her and what she was feeling. I could easily relate to it and I was drawn to learn more about who she was.
Now the dreams themselves weren’t 3D or anything like that; it wasn’t like I was actually there participating in the events that unfolded. Those dreams I’ve had and they are definitely freaky. No these dreams played out like a movie. It was like I was sitting on a couch watching a video of someone’s past through a lens that never let you see the whole picture. You know like it was foggy or someone had their thumb across the lens, it just wasn’t clear.
But it didn’t matter how much of the picture I saw, the emotions that came with it were strong and clear, crystal clear, and the dreams soon became my obsession. She soon became my obsession. The funny thing was that I got the feeling that I wasn’t the only person obsessed with her. There was a distinct feeling that she was someone special. Someone who had loved and lost much. Someone who was still striving to get it right.
I didn’t know how I knew that, but I did. I knew that she was still out there somewhere, struggling with whatever life continued to throw at her. And I also got the sense that she wasn’t doing that good of a job. She needed help. She needed someone.
There was resurgence in me to know more. There was also the uncanny feeling that someone wanted me to see this woman. There was definitely a higher being playing this movie just for me. And I found that I couldn’t look away.
The morning after the first dream I went on with my day like a normal guy, except my mind was always on the mysterious woman and hoping that she would come to me again.
And she did.
She was still smiling, but her eyes held a note of sadness to them as well. I could feel an inner turmoil inside of her. I could feel an incredible sense of love and passion quickly followed by guilt, sadness and confusion.
I sat on my dreamscape couch, my eyes riveted to hers. She was beautiful. Her face was a glow with a sparkling veneer of white. Love surrounded her. Love was in her soul and heart.
Yet there was darkness around her as well. A violent darkness that pushed at the boundaries of love. Attacking it violently. Trying to break the bond. This was what she fought. This was the sadness that was in her eyes, the sadness that I wanted to stop.
I called to her. I tried to talk to her. But she disappeared again.
The next night, the dream was, well, I am a teenager so the only way I could describe it was a wet dream. But don’t get me wrong it wasn’t a raunchy sex dream, and it wasn’t a wet dream on my part. For some reason, even though the girl was undoubtedly beautiful, I felt no stirrings of desire for her.
No…the dream was of her. It was as if I felt everything that she felt. Longing, fear, passion. Passion actually doesn’t even describe what I felt. I have never felt anything like it before. It was strong and it was honest. There were no lies attached to it. It was pure. The purest I had ever felt in my miserable existence.
I’d thought that I had experienced passion with Cordelia. But that was nothing compared to this. This was blinding in its intensity. Overwhelming. I felt like an intruder. I was embarrassed to watch. And I don’t get embarrassed easily at all.
The funny thing was that I couldn’t see anything or rather anyone but her. I sensed another presence, but he always remained in the shadows. Never showing his face never speaking. He was just there, loving her back. Giving her everything that she needed and desired. Worshipping her even though I sensed an inner turmoil in him. Like he was more afraid of what was happening than she was.
The following night, she came to me again, tears streaming down her face, her eyes bloodshot red with sadness and loss. I cried out for her needing to help her, to comfort her. But she couldn’t hear me.
Her pain ripped through my soul, and my heart clenched with grief. I felt like I had lost someone. Someone important to me. Someone important to her. She didn’t stay long that night. She left on wail of misery, a wail of pain and sorrow that stayed with me.
When I woke up I was miserable all day. I felt so alone. Like there was a part of me missing. I walked through the rest of the day like a zombie. In fact, I was so detached that I went home and took a nap. Praying that she would come to me again. Come to me and explain our grief.
She did. But there were no explanations. It was as if time slipped by. She was smiling again, but it didn’t reach her eyes. The people around her were blind to her pain and her misery, the grief that filled her every being. I couldn’t understand how they didn’t see it. I mean it was plain as day to me. I saw it; I felt it, and I wasn’t even there. My heart ached for her and my anger rose at the blindness of the people around her.
The nights went by and the dreams continued. They were mixed up emotions of surprise, happiness, guilt, happiness, love, guilt. She would be smiling one night, her eyes full of love and hope, and then the next night, she was morose, uncertain, sad.
One night she didn’t even come to me at all. It was the faceless man who came instead. I still couldn’t see his face or hear his voice, but his pain was clear enough. He was conflicted. He was being haunted by what he wanted and what he knew he had to do.
I felt for him. His desperation. His guilt. His pain. I understood that he was doing something, though I didn’t know what it was, that he knew he had to do but didn’t want to do. Hurt her.
After that night, she didn’t come as frequently as she used to. But come she still did.
She was different. She was hollow inside yet her face wore a smile. She was lonely yet people constantly surrounded her. She was a farce. And no one saw it.
Then one night he reappeared and they were together again. It was like the first…wet dream…only different. There was no pain or fear in this dream, there was only love and passion. There was a deep connection between them like they were finally getting what they always wanted. Each other.
It lasted for hours that dream. As I slept late into the day, the dream changed from warm kisses and laughter to arguing and crying. Misery once more strapped itself to their hearts, my heart. I could hear her deep gut wrenching sorrows and I could feel his world slipping away. Once more giving up that which he wanted most.
The dream ended oddly, though, even for me.
Normally when either one of them left me there was just blackness. An empty void of space. But at the end of this dream, there wasn’t any of that. Instead there was a bright light shining around them as they clutched each other. Two figures appeared from the sky hovering over them with sadness in their eyes and smiles on their mouths.
They didn’t speak; the one just waved her hand toward them.
There was a smoky fog that swirled around Her then lifted up and to the man that stood next to the woman. He cradled his arms and the smoky fog settled calmly in his arms.
As I watched that smoky fog, feeling very…close to it, the woman’s eyes looked right at me, smiling she said. “Not yet child.”
They disappeared and I haven’t seen them since.
I began to wonder if maybe everything had been some sick delusion on my part. Maybe it was my own issues with what and who I was that was manifesting into my dreams. Causing these strange apparitions. I mean after all this time there was never any actual connection to the players in my dreams, they never spoke directly to me, never actually looked me in the eyes. Yet these two people that looked more like Greek gods than anything else, did.
I had no answer for the way the dreams suddenly changed, like I said earlier, everything changes so it wasn’t a surprise to me. It was like the second part of the movie was about to start and I was being told to sit back and watch.
The dreams continued to torture me with their elusiveness. She would appear then reappear always the same expression on her face. Like she was just doing her job. Like she had already given up so much that nothing else mattered to her. She wasn’t able to sacrifice anything else. She was resolved with the fact that something was going to happen and she was just waiting for it.
I waited as well with baited breath through the long hours of the day. She had touched me so much that she was now a part of my life. I knew these dreams were bits and pieces of her life and they wrapped around me like a comforting blanket, like I was meant to know.
The days and months went by and one night I was sleeping soundly. I hadn’t seen her in a few days when she was suddenly there. She stood atop something, not a mountain, not a building, but some kind of structure. I sensed something in her that I never had before…peace. It was as if everything that she had been living for met at this point. She was ready, to do what I had no idea, until she jumped.
I screamed, my arms reaching out to catch her as I woke up sweat covering my body. My ears rang with the soulful cry of the stranger from a distance as if he had watched it to. I cried the rest of the night for the loss of someone that I knew meant something to me but I didn’t know what.
Three months went by and neither one of them returned to me. I was left with just an empty void of nothingness.
Until one stormy night in October.
The wind howled loudly, the tree limbs smacked against the windowpane and I thrashed in my bed as the dreams returned. She returned.
But these were not happy dreams of a lover’s reunion; these were dreams of awakening death.
I saw her…her hair matted and lackluster, fear and confusion in her eyes that once radiated confidence and power. She was lost. She was alone once more in a room filled with people. And no one understood.
But I did.
I understood her sense of not belonging. Like she was not normal. Different.
As time went by and the dreams continued they got worse. Each one more desperate and more painful than the last.
It went on like that for a while. I was beginning to think I was going crazy. The people around me thought I was losing it. I was so in step with the mysterious woman in my dreams that I could think of nothing else. I slept every chance I got, trying to reach out for her. Trying to help her. I stopped going to school. I stopped dating. I even stopped talking to my parents.
My only thought was to help her.
Then one night, another showed up. This one was not like the other. His face was hidden but his black being was not. He fed on her open wounds. He existed only to haunt and torment her. To draw her further into the darkness that she had become.
And she followed.
I screamed at her not to. But his pull was too much and she succumbed to his power and fell into his web of darkness.
Those nights were not dreams at all but nightmares. I was forced to watch as she let herself be abused, let herself be taken violently. My heart cried for the willingness that I felt in her soul. The fact that she felt she deserved what she was getting ripped me to shreds. But she didn’t stop. It was like she was addicted to a drug. The drug of pain.
After months of those nightmares, my entire family stopped talking to me. They even seemed a little scared of me. And I can’t say I blame them. I became like her, empty, unemotional, uncaring. Nothing mattered to me anymore. I was, like her, just going through the motions and doing what was expected of me. I didn’t think there was any light at the end of the tunnel. It felt like this was it. It felt like she had given up and so did I.
Then one night as I braced myself for the onslaught of pain and misery, she floated above me. She seemed at peace. Like she had come to some sort of understanding of what she had been doing, or rather, what she had been letting happen to her. There was a new sense of awakening inside of her. Like she once more had hope and it filled me.
Time went by and every night she would visit and her sense of self got stronger. The pain disappeared. And she even smiled.
There was one night that I felt hope and longing. Like the way she felt when the dreams first started. And I sensed him…the stranger, the one that had sacrificed so much for her so selflessly.
That night as I watched, the fog cleared. They kissed passionately holding on to each other like neither one ever wanted to let go. Then she pulled away and the stranger’s face appeared before me and her voice spoke, the name she spoke echoing off the walls of the barren crypt.
“Angel.”
I woke up shaking my head from the dream.
I started to chuckle feeling really stupid and blind. Why had I not realized it before? The almost uncanny feeling that I knew the faceless stranger from somewhere was always in the back of my mind, but I never thought about it for long.
But it all made sense now, the guilt that I had always felt from him. The disdain that he felt for himself. That was Angel. My father. My real father.
I settled back against the pillows my mind wandering into the past and the recollection that I had heard hushed whispers in the hotel about someone that they didn’t like to talk about. Someone who had meant more to my father then anything in this world. Someone that Cordelia had been jealous of.
It had to be her.
But who was she?
Why did I feel a connection to her?
Why did I feel as if I owed her something?
I knew in my gut what I had to do. What I was supposed to do. The reason why someone, and there definitely was a someone, was sending me these dreams. Why else would she come to me every night? There was a reason for everything. So I knew there was a reason for this.
I jumped out of bed that night and dressed quickly. I packed a bag not caring what I packed and left a note for my parents. I was off to LA. To see the man who was my true father.
I had no idea where he was but I’d find him or someone that could give me answers. I had to. Because the dreams would not stop I knew that in my heart. She needed me. And I would do everything in my power to help her.
********
Two hours later I found myself sitting on a plane going to Rome.
I know I said I was going to LA and I was. It’s just that when I got to the airport and I stood in front of the board reading the arrivals and departures my eyes were drawn to Flight #202 to Rome.
It was really weird and I shook my head a couple of times to try and clear my vision, because like the dreams, it was foggy. I could read nothing on that board but that flight.
I took it as a sign and I found my feet carrying me over to the ticket counter.
“One ticket to Rome please.” I handed the ticket agent my new passport and my father’s credit card, I’d pay him back later, never once questioning why I was suddenly getting on a plane to Rome and not LA.
Settling back into my seat my eyes closed and I found myself drifting off to sleep.
She was there. She looked different, older. She was still beautiful but her face showed the maturity of a beautiful woman who had lived long and hard. And not the face of a young woman filled with hope.
She was with someone. Someone who was using her. Tricking her.
My hands gripped the armrests as I watched him approach her. He smiled at her as he pulled out a long deadly looking knife. He waved it in front of her face and then trailed it down her chest and to her stomach.
He laughed at her heartlessly as she tried to grip his wrists, tried to hold him off. But she couldn’t stop him, she wasn’t strong enough and he plunged the knife into her gut. My eyes widened with fear as I realized that her belly was swollen with child. The gleaming silver knife was embedded inside of her belly and blood oozed out of the wound.
She screamed her face turned white and pale and she fell to the floor, grasping her round belly, tears falling from her eyes as the demon laughed at her.
“NOOOOO!” We screamed together.
I woke up violently, my pulse racing as my eyes scanned the plane. Everyone was looking at me strangely. Like I was some stupid kid annoying them with their pleasant flight.
The flight attendant quickly came over to me.
“Are you alright sir?”
Am I alright? No I’m not alright you fucking idiot!
“What?”
“I said are you alright sir? Perhaps you’d like a drink of water?”
“Water?”
She was looking at me like I was going to be trouble. I could read it in her eyes. She was wondering if she would have to go and tell the pilot about the whacko in the back of the plane.
I shook my head at her settling back in my seat trying to calm my racing heart. “No thank you, I’m…okay. Sorry. It was just a nightmare.”
She smiled at me kindly and reaching above me pulled a blanket and pillow out from the overhead compartment. “That’s okay sir. Just relax it’s a long flight.”
God she wasn’t kidding. That ten-hour flight to Rome felt more like twenty hours to me. Because every time I closed my eyes I saw it again. I rubbed my hands on my jeans countless times trying to erase the blood that my mind saw on them.
Her screams echoed in my head, I couldn’t stop it. I knew these events either happened already, which meant I was too late, or they were going to happen, which meant I still had time. Still had time to find the mysterious woman and save her and her baby.
A baby.
I turned my head looking out at the soft clouds that floated in the sky and I was reminded of the Greek Gods from my dream, and the fog that the man had lovingly encased in the safety of his arms.
A baby.
The woman’s words echoed in my head. “Not yet child.”
What did it all mean? A whimsical man would think that they were related. Now I’m not actually a whimsical person at all, but I’ve seen things that I never would have believed to be true, so what made this any different? They were tied together somehow I just hadn’t figured out how yet, but I would.
I didn’t sleep anymore, I couldn’t. I willed myself to stay awake not wanting to relive the images again and again, which is what I knew would happen if I closed my eyes.
I felt confident, for some reason that this event had not happened yet, which left me relieved. It was just a vision of what was to come. They were showing me that I had to move quickly. That I couldn’t let anything stand in my way of finding her.
There was something special about this baby, something about this baby that the darkest evilest of evil wanted dead. And I couldn’t let that happen. I felt like the baby’s protector. I felt suddenly like this was what I was meant for, what I had been created for from the beginning, to protect the one who truly was The Destroyer. Someone whose destiny was way bigger than mine.
I motioned for the flight attendant, I think she told me her name was Jayne. She smiled as she made her way down the aisle.
“Can I get you something sweetie?”
“Coffee. And lots of it please.”
She looked at me oddly, like what was a kid like me doing asking for coffee. But she didn’t comment she just shook her head and headed back up the aisle.
I started to wonder about my line of thinking. Could it be that I wasn’t really The Destroyer after all? I always knew I was different, always knew that my calling was one that differed from others, but even after being told that I was The Destroyer I never really felt like that. I mean, I did, but now I wonder if that was only because that was what everyone was telling me. So I believed it.
What if the Powers above actually had something else in store for me? A fate and destiny that no one knew about. I knew about prophecies and stuff like that, The Destroyer was a prophecy and when I was born, everyone just assumed that it was me.
But what if I’m not?
What if Wesley had been wrong?
What if The Destroyer hadn’t been born yet and I was…something else?
What if that fog that had been so lovingly taken from the beautiful woman was actually The Destroyer?
What if those Greek Gods knew of the woman’s fate, knew of the trials and tribulations that she would have to go through and took her baby away from her before she even knew it existed. Only to return the baby to her when the time was right.
I softly laughed shaking my head, whimsical indeed. How farfetched was that?
“Here you go sweetie.” Jayne, the flight attendant, placed the steaming hot cup of coffee on my tray.
“Thanks.”
“You just let me know if there’s anything else you need.” She patted me on the shoulder, winked then walked back to the kitchen area.
I watched her walk away, my eyes automatically following the sway of her hips. I couldn’t help it I was a teenager and she had a nice figure. Feeling eyes of disapproval on me, I turned to see an elderly woman sitting across from me. Her eyes were crossed and her mouth was stern and tight as she shook her head at me like I was being a naughty boy.
I smiled at her and turned away looking back out the window, my hands wrapping around the warm cup and bringing it to my lips.
God that tasted good. Warm, comforting.
I took pleasure as the warm brew coated my throat. It felt like this little cup of happiness was going to be the last warmth and comfort that I would feel for a long time.
********
After my plane arrived I stood outside the airport having absolutely no clue where I was going. I didn’t even speak Italian! Something that didn’t even occur to me when I got on the plane. But I stood there looking around hoping that there would be some kind of sign or something that would tell me where to go.
I waited and waited but nothing happened and I started to feel a little foolish. But then as I looked to my left things got foggy. I shook my head then looked to the right. It was like tunnel vision. Everything around the sidewalk was blurred but the sidewalk itself was clear and shimmering with light. The light ended like a spotlight on a pristine white cab that sat idle at the curb. The bright light pulsed brilliantly around the car pulsing like it was alive.
I chuckled. I was getting used to this now.
I walked over to the cab and leaned down to speak with the driver.
I took a step back at what I saw sitting behind the wheel.
It was an apparition of blinding beauty and kindness. A woman all in white with long following white hair that encased her entire shadowy being, her hair flew all around her like she was in a middle of a whirlwind. She was ethereal. She was goodness. She was a goddess.
She didn’t speak she only smiled at me, waving her hand. Her movements were otherworldly, like it was in slow motion, waving me to get into the car.
Now anyone of those ‘normal’ people that I spoke of earlier would have high tailed it and ran as quickly as they could. But not me. I understood and as stared into her eyes I saw a glimpse of heaven. That’s the only word I could think of to describe it. It was just heaven.
I smiled back at her, nodded my head in compliance and opened the back door.
The second I closed it, the car sped down the street. Once again moving in a wraithlike fashion…tunnel vision.
Everything around me moved quickly and fast, like a speeding train. Yet my own movements and that of the goddess were in slow motion. Her hair slowly flew past my face, and I closed my eyes as the sweet smell of lavender filled my nose.
It was so surreal. I felt like I was floating on a cloud. She looked at me through the mirror, smiling the whole time. Her face was honest and pure, kind. I smiled back then looked back out the window at all the sights and sounds of Rome that were quickly passing me by.
I never thought I’d see Rome this way…in a blink of an eye. I hoped when my mission, which is what I was on, was over that I would be able to explore it more.
Suddenly the car stopped.
I looked up into the mirror. The goddess smiled at me, her hand gesturing out the window and to her left.
I turned and looked out.
There was a small church sitting back from the road. A rusty old fence surrounded the church and the overgrown fields that surrounded it.
Fields?
I turned in my seat and looked out the back window and then to my right. Fields were everywhere there was no more Rome, at least not the city part of it.
I looked back at the goddess; she smiled at me nodding her head. My door opened and as I grabbed my bag, I took a deep breath and stepped out, facing the church that looked as if no one had inhabited it in a long, long time.
Turning around once again to say thanks to the mysterious apparition I was surprised to see the car gone. I was alone on road somewhere in Italy in front of a dilapidated church and my only means of transportation disappeared as quickly as it got me here.
“Great.”
Turning back around to the church I started walking. I was here for a reason that much I knew, so I could only go forward.
I opened the gate, the hinges squeaking showing the fences age and lack of use. My feet carried me across the stone path. I took in the unsteady appearance of the stone stairs. I swallowed placing my foot on the first step getting nervous when it crackled and dust fell off of it and to the ground.
I took another step and another, quite surprised when I made it to the door without collapsing to the ground in a heap of old stone.
My hand reached out and touched the doorknob. It felt…warm, inviting, and I turned the knob slowly unafraid of what I would find inside, if anything.
The door creaked as it opened. I was pushed back by the force of the wind that emitted out of the church as the door opened. Dust and particles flew all around me making me sneeze. I stepped inside the musky church as the light from the sun spilled in through the door and lighted the otherwise dark and dismal room.
I stood there, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dimness then I stepped further inside.
It was a small church, the wooden pews, only four rows, sat upon a stone floor and faced an altar of white marble. Well I supposed at one time it was white, but now, it was gray and dirty. There was hay scattered here and there throughout the small room and as I walked further inside my boot heels clicked against the stone, echoing off the barren walls.
What was here that I had to see?
I heard something, something that sounded like a flap of a wing. I looked back then quickly ducked as a white dove flew over my head, just missing me.
Looking back at him crossly, stupid bird almost kamikaze right into me, he landed on a statue looked right at me and began to coo.
Now this was definitely different for me. I don’t think I could ever recall a time when a bird was yelling at me to do something.
When I didn’t make a move, he cawed louder. It rang in my ears painfully, the sound crating down my spine.
“Alright! Stop please!” I shouted at him.
He did and when I looked back up at him I’d swear I saw a shrewd smile on his face.
I walked over until I stood in front of the statue that he was perched atop.
“So…what now oh wise one?”
Yeah I know probably shouldn’t have been so flippant but hey, I did say I’m just a teenager right, and being told what to do by a bird was a little unmanly.
The bird just continued to stare at me like he was waiting for something.
“Well…I’m here, what are we waiting fo…..”
The last syllable never came out of my mouth, as the floor was suddenly gone from beneath my feet.
“HOLY SHITTTTTT!”
I screamed as I fell, surely to my death, god knows how far or for how long. My hands reached out for something to grab on to but I couldn’t reach the vines that were growing out of the stonewalls.
“SOMEONE HELP ME!”
I screamed again, I knew it was futile but hey I had to try. Plus it was a natural response when your heart was practically bursting out of your chest with fear as you plunged down a dark and musky hole, which could only be described as a well of some sort.
After what felt like a lifetime, I landed with a loud thud on mossy covered stones.
“That hurt.” Slowly standing up I looked around; surprised to find that I wasn’t hurt at all there wasn’t even a scratch on me.
“Ah…cool.”
“He looks like his father, do you think he will prove as worthy?”
I spun around to the soft question and the blaring light that came out of the shadows. Out of the light, they walked side by side, all in white, bands of flowers around their heads. Looking as ethereal as the goddess that got me here.
“Who are you?” I asked cautiously taking a step forward.
“We are the Oracles.” The woman answered.
The Oracles why did that sound familiar? I remembered hearing something about Oracles from Wesley and my father, when they talked quietly one night at the hotel. I also remembered hearing that they were dead.
I clutched my bag, my eyes crossing as I took a step back. “What is this some kind of trick? You can’t be the Oracles.”
They looked amused, “Why is that?” the man asked.
“Because the Oracles are dead. You can’t be them. The dead don’t walk”
They turned and chuckled to themselves. “You father is dead, yet he still walks.” The woman said smiling.
“Good point.”
“Relax young Vindex we have not brought you here to harm you. “
“Vindex?”
Now I was in college, I did come from two vampires, I lived with a brilliant scholar for quite awhile, so I was no stranger to Latin. I just didn’t understand why they were calling me that.
“Why are you surprised, you yourself had begun to wonder did you not? About your true existence?”
“Yeah wonder, didn’t really think it was true.”
She chuckled. “You are a strong smart young mortal, you are fit to be called the Vindex.”
“What? I don’t understand. My father, Wesley, the prophecy…”
The woman turned to the male, “Mortals always think they know and see everything.” They smirked at each other. “We only allow you to see what we want child and nothing more. At the time, it suited are needs to have them believe that you were The Destroyer. But now the time has come to fulfill your true destiny.”
Shudder, god I hate that word. I started to get angry. That was the worst period in my life. I was a mess. I thought I was nothing but evil. What else was I supposed to think? The product of two evil creatures could only be evil. It took the pain of my father’s unyielding sacrifice for me to see it any other way. And now they were telling me that it was all for nothing!
“The Destroyer is not evil child. The Destroyer is in fact the complete opposite.”
“Stop reading my mind. I don’t understand.” In the back of mind I knew I must have sounded like a whiney child but damn it there was a tight hum in my head like there was someone in there poking around and it was very uncomfortable, intruding, and it wasn’t making me a very pleasant person to talk to.
I shook my head trying to get rid of it as she stepped closer to me. “The Destroyer is the Vindex a protector. His sole purpose is to be guardian to the Child of the Scintillate and to destroy whatever evil comes for the child.”
“The Child of the Light?”
“Indeed, the child conceived out of the purest love and devotion from two beings that were never meant to be to begin with.”
My father and the mysterious woman. These people were the ones in my dream. “It was you! You took the baby.”
“Yes. We had no choice. There was much for her still to do, much for your father to still do. The time was not yet right for the Child to be born.”
“Do they know?” I couldn’t see my father giving up on a child that he knew existed. Especially if it was with the mysterious woman in my dreams, the love of his life.
“No child they do not. Yet.”
“I don’t understand why bring me here and not them?”
“Because child, your father, has…changed. Since he battled the dragon, his soul has darkened; he has lost hope and has become cold and unfeeling. He is not a suitable protector for the Child of Scintillate. He would falter and give in to the evil that surrounds him. The Child would fall to evil as well and that is not acceptable.”
My eyes crossed, I didn’t like what they were saying and I got angry. “How dare you say those things about my father! After everything that he sacrificed to fight for your side, this is how you repay him! With accusations and distrust! Hasn’t he proven himself to you people time and time again!”
I guess she didn’t appreciate my yelling at her. Because the light that surrounded them turned angry and swirly. She floated right up to me and I took a step back, suddenly a little afraid.
“Young Vindex do you forget just what your father was before he had a soul? Do you so easily forget the thousands of innocent people that he callously murdered and raped for fun!”
“NO but that’s in the past, that wasn’t him! He’s repented for those actions, he’s fought for good!”
I know. I bet you never thought you would hear those words out of my mouth. But it was true and I knew that now and I was man enough to admit that I had been wrong.
The woman floated back her face once more serene and peaceful. I briefly looked over at the male who just stood in the shadows watching quietly. I couldn’t help but smirk at him; it was obvious who wore the pants in this relationship.
“He has, valiantly so but those sacrifices hardly make up for the evil that he has done. The scale is not balanced yet young one. And at the rate he is going, it may never be.”
“What! What does that mean? Just where the hell is my father! I have to find him.” I looked around frantically searching for a way out.
“No!”
My body was slammed back into the wall and the woman was before me once again. ”You’re destiny does not lie with your father boy. You are the Vindex, your time has come to protect that which has not yet breathed life. That which has been conceived and waiting in limbo to spread its wings. That time is now and you are needed. She needs you.”
She stepped away and waved toward a wall of water that appeared out of nowhere.
“It’s her.”
I whispered unable to believe that I was actually seeing her…alive…while I was awake.
I took a step closer my hand reaching out for her. She looked like some kind of superhero. Her lithe graceful body flew through the air her feet landing squarely on the jaw of a vampire that she easily took out with the stake that suddenly appeared in her hand, that he had not even seen.
“Yes. With her lies your destiny.”
I was drawn to her, my eyes riveted on her as she dusted off the vamp dust from her black leather jacket. My breath gasped as I saw five more vamps come out from the shadows, slowly circling her. I watched as a catlike smile appeared on her face, her mouth moved as she spoke to them. I saw the perplexed look on the vamps face and I wondered what it was that she said to them.
Five vamps all of them a lot bigger then she was, fear crept into my heart, fear that I was going to lose her when I’d just found her.
But it appeared that I had nothing to worry about, because I stood there and watched as she systemically took out all five of them in a matter of seconds. I was shocked. I had never seen anyone take out that many demons at once in so little time. Well that wasn’t totally true, I had seen my father take out as many in as little time, it was something to watch, as this was now. My respect for the mysterious woman grew, as I finally understood the cause of her pain and inner conflicts that she had been dealing with her whole life.
This I understood completely.
“Who is she?”
“Her name is Buffy. She is The Chosen One.”
I’d heard that before. “The Chosen One? You mean a Slayer?”
“Yes.”
“No that can’t be. I’ve met the Chosen One and she has dark hair. Her name is Faith.”
Which was true, the one time that I had run into her was about two years ago. It was right after the big battle and I went to see my father, to make sure that he had survived.
I’d walked into his apartment and she was there. They were arguing loudly. I tried to hide in the shadows to hear what they were saying. Unfortunately, the only thing I could make out before my father sensed that I was there was something about slayers and that my father was a pig headed jackass.
That actually made me giggle, which was probably what grabbed my father’s attention that I was eavesdropping, because everyone knew that my father was a pig headed stubborn jackass but no one, at ever told him, at least I never heard anyone tell him.
Faith, she said her name was, walked by me her eyes were dark and they drilled into mine, tracing every feature on my face like she was memorizing it. She then shook her head sadly, and said to my father, “She has a right to know Angel.” Then she left.
When I asked my father about her, he was gruff and standoffish, simply saying she was a slayer, a woman from his past and that was it.
“No child, you have met the Other One. She…” she gestured to Buffy, “is the only true Chosen One.”
“I don’t understand why are you showing me this?”
“Because your destiny is twofold.”
Riddles? I hated riddles. Why did all these mystical people have to talk in riddles? It seemed to me that there would be a lot of time and confusion saved if they would just say what they really meant.
“What the hell does that mean? You said my destiny lies with her? What do you mean twofold?”
“You’re destiny does lie with her, her and The Child of Scintillate. And her destiny lies with The Champion.”
And circles, they all liked to talk in circles.
“The Champion? You mean Angel.”
“Yes.”
“But you said that he was not worthy.”
“No I said he was not suitable to guard the child. And he is not. At least not now. He has many demons to overcome, as does she, before they can reach their destiny.”
“And what’s their destiny?”
“That is for them to discover, not you. Your destiny is twofold because you must protect the child and you must bring two lost souls back together as one.”
Did I hear her correctly, she expected me to protect a baby that wasn’t born yet and get my father and Buffy back together?
“Yes.”
“God will you stop that, it’s really annoying.” I yelled as my hands automatically came up to my ears, trying to calm the tight hum.
She only smiled at me knowingly and I looked back at Buffy.
My heart opened for her and all that she had been through, all that she had sacrificed for the side of good. As she walked through the darkened graveyard looking for more evil, I could feel her heart breaking. I could sense that she was as lost now as she ever was.
There was also something else around her, something dark and forbidden. Like there was an evil cloud hovering over, watching her, following her. I was infused with the primal need to protect. My hands clenched at my sides, with the sudden unexplained rage I felt for her.
But she didn’t seem aware of the evil that surrounded her. She was just there. Doing what she had to do, like it was any other day. She was alone. My eyes traveled down her slim fit figure, she was so tiny and so…not pregnant.
“I don’t understand how any of this is supposed to work. She’s not even pregnant!”
“No she is not…yet. On the eve of her twenty-fifth birthday the Child of Scintillate shall be given back to her.”
Watching Buffy stiffly move through the graveyard, I thought that she didn’t seem much like a woman that could take any more…surprises. In fact, she looked like or rather I should say, she felt like, she would crack.
“Oh and how is that supposed to happen, Immaculate Conception? I’m sure that will go over very well.”
The woman’s eyes narrowed at me. “Do not be sarcastic boy. “
Boy? I couldn’t stop my eyes from wandering down my own frame did I look young? I sure as hell didn’t feel like a boy.
“Sorry, I’m just trying to understand all of this.”
“The only way for her to receive the baby back is during conception.”
“What?”
I gulped I had a distinct feeling where they were going with this and it made me a little uncomfortable.
“The baby may only be brought back to her at the time when The Champion and The Chosen One are joined once more, both in spirit and in body. As it was all those years ago.”
I chuckled, I couldn’t help it, I was a pimp! My new esteemed destiny was to pimp for my father and the love of his life. Wasn’t this interesting. The big bad destiny I always thought I had was really nothing more than a sex planner.
“Do not think frivolously of your destiny. It is much more than that. It is bigger than anything you could possibly think of. “
She walked around the water that still glimmered as Buffy made her way to the lighted street. “It is the only way to bring the child back to the living plane. It is your first and most important mission. If you do not succeed in bringing them back together then the baby will die. Its soul will wither away to nothingness and never exist again. You have one week to accomplish this mission, one week before her twenty-fifth birthday.”
“Oh one week! Wow, you guys are gracious with the time aren’t you?”
“It was not supposed to be. You were supposed to have been here a long time ago. But your father changed everything when he turned back time, when he gave you another chance at a life that you were never supposed to have. Time was then needed to show you your destiny.”
“The dreams?”
“It was the only way to show you without making you go insane. That required time.”
My eyes lowered and my gut churned sickly. I knew it. I knew I was never supposed to have a second chance. My father changed destiny, changed everyone’s destiny by doing what he did. Maybe even changed hers. And now he was being punished.
“So this is why you haunt my father, because he changed destiny?”
She softly chuckled, “Destiny, in many ways, is like mortals. It is fickle. It is not something that is written. Destinies change with the choices that are made. Your father made a choice. And so destiny changed to coincide with decisions that were made by him. So you see, it is not us that haunt your father. Hell’s demons are doing that.”
With a wave of her arm the image changed. I stepped forward when my father appeared. He was fighting, what looked like ten disfigured dogs. I’d seen pictures of them in one of Wesley’s books years ago; they were legions of the underworld, trackers for hell’s bounty hunters. He was fighting them off two at time, like a man crazed, an animal just like the dogs. He seemed so different. So inhuman.
“After the great battle your father lost many of those that he loved. The soul that he cherished and protected began to darken. His only mission was to kill and destroy Evil. He has forgotten what it means to be touched by love and humanity. He was successful in his plan, perhaps too successful. He did much damage to the underworld and the First Evil. It is that deed that has led The First Evil to put a bounty on his head. They crave revenge. So he runs now. He runs from the hounds that track him and his own inner demons.”
I watched as he killed the last of the dogs, his face that of the demon that he loathed was feral yet satisfied with the kill. He seemed so different so unlike the last time we talked. He shook his jacket out and I could see the smile on face as he started to laugh. He was shouting something to sky. His arms stretched wide to the sky, and I knew without hearing what he was saying, that he was damming evil, egging them on for more. I saw the sky crackle angrily but nothing happened. He shook his head like he knew that would be their response then he turned and walked away into the night.
The water shimmered and he was gone.
I began to feel something that I never had toward my father…guilt. I felt guilty because my father changed his own destiny by doing something that he thought was right for me. It was because of me that he was now where he found himself to be…at the gates of hell.
So it seems that he and Buffy were not the only ones that had inner demons. Trepidation filled me, how was I going to do all of this? I was just a kid, a kid that had been living a lie. I sighed outwardly; this wasn’t going to be easy.
“That is your destiny. You are The Vindex, the protector of The Child of Scintillate. It is your duty.”
Duty, another heavy word that I was starting to really, really hate.
“You must begin your journey. Time is precious.”
“Yeah well wait a minute. Buffy doesn’t even know who the hell I am, and on top of that I don’t even know where my father is! How am I supposed to do all of this!”
Did they think I was superman or something!
She didn’t respond she only smiled that annoying friendly smile that at this point, I just wanted to wipe off of her serene face.
“Your journey begins now.”
The light dimmed and I saw their forms get misty…”Wait!”
But it was too late they were gone.
There was a pulling in my stomach and I fell to my knees clutching my gut. When I opened my eyes I was in a graveyard surrounded by the bloody dead bodies of ten headless dogs.
I stood on my shaky feet and felt the goosebumps rise on my arms. It was cold and damp.
“Okay, definitely not in Kansas anymore.”
I calmed myself and concentrated on my powers, powers that I really hadn’t used in a very, very long time. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to track him but I caught a scent that was familiar so I followed the trail through the graveyard and came out to a road.
I looked up and down the road that seemingly led to nowhere. Breathing deep I got the scent and started walking.
I walked not knowing where I was going, again, not even sure what I was feeling at the moment. I found myself in a situation that I wasn’t sure I would be able to pull off.
I mean first off, my father, who I think I already said was a pig headed stubborn jackass to begin with, was close to losing everything that he had worked for. I wasn’t too sure exactly what frame of mind he was in, but the feeling I got was that he was not completely sane.
Not that I blamed him. I mean I know that if I had lost as much as he had I’d lose my mind too. Honestly, I don’t know how he held on for so long. Any lesser man or demon would have given in a long time ago.
And the fact that it was pretty much my fault made me feel guilty, but also gave me a better understanding of why I was The Vindex. It was my turn to give back something to him and to Buffy. Something that would set their destinies straight.
I was nearing a small village with a new purpose in my stride. I didn’t understand why the Oracles sent me here first. Personally I would have liked to start with Buffy, much less complicated, no history. But I guess that wasn’t my decision to make.
As I walked further into the village, thatched roof cottages lined the road. There was an eeriness to this place, it was like I stepped back into time. There didn’t appear to be anything modern in the village. It was weird. I still had no clue where I was. But I was getting used to the weirdness that my life had suddenly become so I didn’t pay it much thought.
There was an inn up ahead, The Raven’s Claw, it said on the sign that swung eerily in the breeze. I was just nearing the door, my hand going out to open it, when I was violently thrown off the road and into the deep forest next to the inn.
I quickly stumbled to my feet, my eyes searching the darkness for whatever attacked me.
“Connor?”
The figure emerged, all in black. The yellow eyes of the demon staring at me incredulously.
“Connor what the hell are you doing here? How did you find me?” He had a fistful of my shirt in his big grip and I could feel the breath that didn’t fill his lungs as it hit my face with his angry words.
I couldn’t believe the fear that ran through my veins; fear of my father. I have never in my life been afraid of my father. But I was now. I could feel his anger, his hatred, and the control they had over him. He would kill me if he had too, and I didn’t think he would have any regrets about doing it. The darkness was close to him now and that scared me. “I’ve…I’ve come to help you.”
He studied me his eyes full of distrust. “Help me? Help me what get to hell faster?”
“No…the Oracles they sent me.”
He growled and threw me up against a nearby tree, his snarling face leaning down into mine. Okay, I guess I shouldn’t have said that.
“The Oracles…” he spat out like it was a disease. “…are dead. And even if they weren’t why would they send you to help me. Is this a trick?”
“No. They’re not dead I swear it! Dad please you have to listen to me. They sent me here to set things right. Your destiny…you have to fulfill your destiny.”
He released me and my feet touched the ground. I sighed relieved not to be hanging in up in the air anymore.
His lip curled up with disdain as he spoke, “Destiny. I’m through with their ideas of what destiny should be. There is no such thing as destiny. It’s all a lie to get you to do what they want. They are the only ones that gain from this supposed destiny.”
Clearly he was fed up with the whole destiny thing and hey I totally agreed with him, but it still didn’t change the fact that he had one.
“Dad I understand you’re angry, but you’re not thinking clearly, you’re not looking at the big picture here.”
“I don’t see the picture! HA! No I finally see the big picture. All those years, were bullshit! Everything was for nothing! NOTHING! Everyone still died and I still got nothing! No reward, no Shanshu, I wasn’t even given my soul! No the big picture is quite clear to me…kill. Kill them all. Kill as many of them as you can because if you don’t they’ll kill you.”
He really had flipped his lid. “Dad what are you talking about? They didn’t give you your soul? You have your soul, you always did!”
Before I even finished my sentence, I was hit with a wave of nausea as the movie began to play. It was like I was dreaming again, but like before the fog cleared, I could see everything and I was wide-awake. The other thing that was different, I couldn’t feel Buffy like before, this time I felt only my father.
I felt the incredible pleasure and happiness he felt. How his soul soared to the sky, free and loving. Perfect happiness. The next second I felt pain incredible pain like my heart was being ripped from my chest. I saw my father fall to his knees and I felt his soul leave his body.
When he stood, it was the demon that stood. And I understood what it all meant. I remember hearing Cordelia whispering something about how a moment of happiness for Angel was death to the rest of us but I never understood it. I did now.
The fog cleared and I looked up to see my father walking away, he hadn’t even noticed that I’d zoned out. I shook my head, clearing the visions; I guess this was a new trait that came with being The Vindex. It was kind of cool, but it would take a while to get used to the dizziness.
“Wait Dad! What about Buffy?”
He stopped in his tracks. His shoulders got even tenser if that was possible. I could sense the million different emotions that ran through him. He turned around.
“What do you know about Buffy?” he asked quietly.
“I know that she’s your life. I know that she’s the reason you did everything. I know…that you love her.” Yeah I was taking a chance. Of course I didn’t really know any of those things, for sure at least. I just sensed it.
There seemed to be a softness that entered his eyes, for one brief moment, then rage filled them again as he stormed over to me.
“You know nothing boy!”
I briefly wondered why everyone liked to call me boy when they were enraged. It bothered me, because I was no way a boy, but yet everyone seemed to do it and it was really pissing me off.
“I know what the Oracles showed me. I know that you two loved each other. And I know that your destines are entwined. She’s in trouble Dad, or she will be, soon. You have to go to her and help her.” I shouted in his face.
“Oracles. Bah don’t mention them to me again Connor. As for Buffy, we were over a long time ago. Let her…lover…save her now.”
Lover?
“What lover, what are you talking about?”
“Ha they didn’t show you that did they? The almighty Oracles. They didn’t show you how she’s been whoring herself with The Immortal?”
The Immortal? I hadn’t seen anyone other than Buffy in the visions, but I did feel the evil that surrounded her and was trying to trick her.
“Well no not exactly, but I felt him. He’s not good for her, Dad. She needs our help.”
He chuckled, “Connor, Buffy doesn’t need anyone’s help, she never has.” The sadness returned to his, “especially from me.”
He turned walking away once again.
I ran after him not knowing what else to say to get him to listen to me, the next words just poured out. “But Dad the baby…we have to save the baby.”
He stopped and turned around; he looked weary and tired, like I was just pestering him with fairytales of nonsense. But he took the bait.
“What baby?”
“Yours and Buffy’s. My sibling.”
“What bullshit are you talking about now Connor? There is no baby there never was.”
He sounded sad. To my ears it sounded like that was something that he had always wanted but was never given.
“No that’s not true, The Ora…” he growled, “…they showed me what happened.”
Now at the time that I received the original ‘visions’, I think it’s safe to say that was exactly what they were, I didn’t really see anything or know anything for sure. And of course I had thought about this exact same scenario on the plan. And yes the Oracles pretty much told me as much. But for some reason it never really clicked until now. Now it all played out in my head as I talked and I saw everything that happened that day.
“The day that never was. She conceived that day Dad. A baby. You had a baby with Buffy!”
He didn’t believe me but I succeeded in pissing him off again. Well I guess one emotion was better than none. He stormed over to me his face red with rage.
“LIES! All lies Connor don’t you see that! The Oracles are lying to you. There was no baby! She would have told me!” He didn’t look too certain about that.
“No she didn’t know Dad. The Oracles they took the baby away because it wasn’t time.”
He snorted at me like I had just proved his point, “Ah it wasn’t time. I see. So let me guess, now it is time right?”
“Yeah.”
I saw where this was going damn it.
“How convenient for them,” he leaned closer his voice soft, “Connor don’t you see? It’s just as I said they’re tricking you. They’re using you for their own means.”
“No Dad that’s not true. I saw the baby I saw everything!”
He stared at me, like he was soaking in my features. I saw guilt, sadness and regrets in his eyes, all things that I desperately wanted to change, for him, for Buffy but mostly for myself.
But with a shake of his head, he plainly told me he wouldn’t allow me to do that.
“Connor go home. Get as far away from me as possible. Go live the life that I wanted for you.” He walked away.
“The life I was never supposed to have!” I called out to him and he stopped.
“What are you talking about?”
“That was not my destiny Dad. I wasn’t supposed to be given another chance at life. I didn’t need one.”
“What?”
The look on his face was pure surprise and shock. That was good…that meant he wasn’t that far gone.
I approached him slowly, my voice lowered.
“Dad, I’m not The Destroyer. The prophecy you guys read was not entirely true. There was more to it. When you changed my life you altered destiny and now I only have one week to get you and Buffy back together, to save the baby!”
I thought I had him, until I said the word baby. Then he just shook his head sadly at me again.
“Connor I don’t think you’re well. You’re talking nonsense.”
“No Dad, it’s not nonsense, it’s my Destiny. I’m the Vindex.”
“The Vindex?”
He said it like he had heard it before. I could see his mind working trying to figure out everything that I told him and whether or not it was true.
“You’ve heard of it?”
“The Vindex, the guardian of The Child of Scintillate.”
I smiled at him, a true smile, the first one I’d made in a long time. “Yes, that’s right. You have heard of me…I mean it.”
He huffed, and turned away again. “It’s a myth, nothing more.”
I ran after him, “no it’s not Dad, it’s me, I’m the Vindex and The Oracles they showed me everything, they sent me here to get you.”
“Connor. I’ve had enough of your games. Go home. Leave it alone. They’re full of shit, and the sooner you realize that the better you are. Besides, I’ve got business to do. And I can’t do it with you on my heels.”
“What! No Dad Buffy…”
“Buffy…doesn’t need me. She has her lover to take care of her.”
There it was again, the sneered jealousy whenever he said that word. Okay, so he was still in love with her, and he was damn well pissed off and jealous that she was with someone else. That was good. I could work that. My father was nothing if not a possessive man, I’d seen that time and time again. I was also getting vibes that he knew this person, and that he didn’t like him, that could also work in my favor.
“And if she were going to have a baby, it wouldn’t be mine.”
I saw the pain those words made him feel. It was like I could see inside of his soul. He spoke the words of something that he desperately wanted, a life with Buffy. But he had been broken too many times by everyone, perhaps even by Buffy herself. So he had given hope, and he was angry with her and the world around him.
He wasn’t going to listen to me. He didn’t want to listen to me.
Fine, if that’s how he wanted to play it, I could play it that way too. He wanted pain and misery; I’ll give him pain and misery.
“Alright fine go on then go and kill more demons, go ahead and blacken your soul even further. You’re no good for her you know that!”
He laughed, and it was cold and hollow, not the reaction I was hoping for. “Yes I do. I’d been telling her that for years.”
“Yeah well, fine. I’ll go find her and I’ll go save her and YOUR baby. I’m sure the Immortal will love to raise a child that’s not his. A child that belongs to his nemesis! If he doesn’t kill it first!”
He faltered in his steps, but very briefly, then he waved his hand in the air disappearing into the night. I couldn’t believe he just walked away and left me here in the middle of nowhere.
“Well can’t you at least tell me where the hell I am?”
He didn’t answer me.
“Well that went well.”
I looked around the dark forest great what the hell was I going to do now? My nose twitched as the smell of the dead dogs started to fill the small clearing turning my stomach upside down.
I picked up my bag and headed in the opposite direction of my father.
I wondered if I would always get those cool vision thingies. I assumed that they came with the new destiny so I think it was safe to say that I would.
God what a predicament I found myself in. Having a father who needed help but was too stubborn to see that and even if he did see it he most likely wouldn’t ask for it, just made my job much more difficult.
And let’s not even talk about Buffy. I mean I don’t even know her! There were certainly no delusions of a warm and fuzzy greeting from her.
I really had to come up with a better plan. But before I could even think about Buffy I first had to find out exactly where I was and then I had to get to Rome.
It turned out I was in Ireland. As I was walking down the road I was picked up by an old guy in a cart. He was kind enough to give me a ride to the next town, where I was able to catch a train to Dublin. From there I used Dad’s credit card again to buy another train ticket to Rome. While I waited for the train I decided to call home and let my family know that I was okay.
It was strange now to think of them as my family, I mean were they still? I guess I could look at it as having two families. That wasn’t so bad. It was a lot more than some people ever had.
Family had always been a conflicting thing for me. I’ve always known that Angel was my real father, but he never felt like family. But ever since the dreams started and my little adventure began, I began to look at my situation in a new way. Clearer.
If I looked really deep inside of myself, at everything I was and everything that I had become since my second chance of life, I realized that I did feel something toward Angel. There was a part of me, a deep buried part that could connect with him on the level of a son to a father. The deeper I looked the more I thought that perhaps I always had, but never wanted to see it for what it was. I had always tried to fight the knowledge that I was the product of two vampires and tried to see myself more like a regular normal kid with regular normal parents.
I was so selfish back then. I only saw my own pain and grief. I didn’t want to look at anyone else’s because that would have meant that I cared and at the time I didn’t want to care about any of them. I felt only hatred. Of course that all changed when I became ‘normal’ but then once again, that changed too.
Where was I? Oh…so since I found out that this was always meant to be my destiny I felt closer to Angel than I ever had. I wasn’t blinded by my own demons anymore and I now realized the full repercussions of what he did for me and what it cost him.
I felt responsible for putting him in the predicament that he was currently in. I know technically it’s not my fault; there were a lot of things going against him besides his changing time and me. But still, I couldn’t help but feel somewhat responsible. I guess the apple really doesn’t fall that far from the tree.
I wanted to help him. I needed to help him for my own sense of self worth and well because … he was my father. It was time for me to repay him for all that he had given me and all that he had given up for the side of good.
So I called my second family and told them that I was okay and not to worry. When they asked me what I was doing and where I was. I only told them that I was following my path. They seemed to understand what I was saying. They didn’t bother asking me when I’d be back and I didn’t offer it. Because truthfully I didn’t know. It was actually kind of strange that they didn’t question me any further but I didn’t wonder about it for long. It was better that way, the less explaining the better.
What I did know was that Angel, Buffy and my unborn sibling were now my family. That’s how I felt, and I would stand by them forever if I had to.
The train was nearing Rome and I had no clue where to even start looking for Buffy. But I guess it didn’t matter, because the second I stepped off the train, that cool tunnel vision thing happened again and I found myself walking down a quiet tree-lined street.
It was about ten in the morning when I passed a graveyard.
I stopped and looked at it. It was the graveyard that I saw Buffy in. I turned around and looked at my surroundings and just as I did, a door opened from a small house behind a gated fence.
I watched as she walked out and closed the door. She was wearing shorts, a tank top and running shoes, and her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail. She checked her watch, put on some headphones, walked down the path, opened the gate, closed it, and started a brisk jog down the block.
I stood there transfixed on her as she jogged down the block. I couldn’t believe that I was actually standing there and looking at her. The woman that had become so much a part of me in so little time, and she didn’t even know it. She had no idea what was about to happen to her and it was up to me to make her see it, make her believe in it.
I sighed, that was a heavy burden yet it was one that I was more than willing to take on.
I decided to stay there and wait for her to come back. Hopefully she wouldn’t be gone too long. It had taken me a day and half to get here and time was running out. I still didn’t know what I was going to say to her.
I spent the time watching the street and the people that inhabited it. There was an old woman that lived next door to Buffy. She came out about ten minutes after Buffy left and started to water her plants. She kept looking over and giving me dirty looks like I was casing the place. I just stared back at her with my I’ll-kill-you-just-with-my-eyes stare, it was a good one; I’d learned it from Angel. I’d made the meanest biggest demons shiver with fear with that stare. But man if that old lady wasn’t tough. She just scowled right back at me like she was scolding me for sticking my finger in the icing of the cake that wasn’t supposed to be eaten yet.
In between the death stare battle that I was drawn into with the old lady; I tried to come up with something plausible and intelligent to say to Buffy. But the more I thought on it the more I realized that there wasn’t anything that I could say that wouldn’t make me sound like a lunatic. And I couldn’t afford to sweeten it up and make it sound all pretty, time was not my friend. So I decided that I would just have to be honest and straightforward…cut right to the chase and hope to god that she didn’t kill me.
I was getting a little bored and was considering either going across the street and belting that old lady across the face, or taking a stroll myself, when I noticed Buffy coming down the block.
She stopped when the old lady called out to her. They spoke, the woman gestured to me, and Buffy turned and looked at me questioningly.
I gulped as I saw her crossing the street and coming over to me. I guess this was it. How the hell was I going to explain myself? I didn’t even know if she knew that I existed let alone who I was.
But as she neared me I stood up. I had to start somewhere.
“Can I help you?” she asked.
Her voice was a surprise. I thought it would be hard and unyielding. But instead it was inquisitive and soft, with a hint of innocence. It was comforting.
“Hello?”
“Oh um…sorry.”
She chuckled, “That’s okay. I only ask because my neighbor, she’s a real nosey body, she said she’d seen you sitting out here all morning. She’s ready to call the cops on you.”
“No I…um, I’m not here to cause any trouble. I um…actually, I’m here to see you.”
“Me?” Her head tilted to the side like she was trying to figure out if she knew me. There was a small spark of recognition but then it was gone.
“Do I know you?”
“Well um not exactly. But we have a mutual friend.”
“Oh who?”
Who, who indeed? For some reason I got the distinct impression that it would not be a good idea to mention Angel’s name, so instead, “Faith.”
“Faith. Really. I just talked to Faith this morning she didn’t mention that she was sending someone.”
“She doesn’t know. I hope you don’t mind, I just really need to talk to you.”
“What’s your name?”
What’s my name? Shit?
“Ah…Steven.”
“Alright Steven come on.”
I blew a sigh of relief that she believed me as I followed her across the street and up to her door.
“It’s okay Mrs. Anacondie he’s a friend of Faith’s.”
The woman said something in Italian and waved smiling the whole time as Buffy opened the door and stepped inside. I followed her and she closed the door walking into the living room.
I turned around to face her and found her keen green eyes staring right at me. She had this look on her face, like she was still trying to decide if she should trust me. Her head tilted to the other side and her expression changed to one of boredom. To me it said that she decided it didn’t matter if she could trust me or not. If she found she couldn’t she would just kill me.
My nerves became more agitated as I realized exactly where I was standing and what kind of position I was about to put myself in. I tried to shrug it off I mean the Oracles wouldn’t send me here to die, would they?
“If you don’t mind waiting here for a few minutes I just want to go and get cleaned up before we talk.”
“Oh yeah sure no problem I’ll wait here.”
I know I sounded nervous as my hands found their way quickly into my pockets and I started to rock on my feet.
She stared at me with that, ‘I know I know you from somewhere’ look. When I realized what I was doing, and who that probably reminded her of, I stopped.
“I’ll be right back.” Her eyes never left my face as she walked out of the room. I couldn’t help but sigh with relief when she was gone.
I took the opportunity to walk around and be a little nosey body myself. I also had to calm myself down. I was way too nervous. I had to figure out just what I was going to tell her. I mean I’d seen her fight, I was a good fighter but she was way better than me, and I knew if I said the wrong thing then she’d probably kick my ass. And that was the best-case scenario.
As I looked around the room I took note of the total lack of hominess. I mean there was a couch, a table, a desk, lamps, things like that. But there was nothing personal. There were no mementos of her life either here or in the states. No photos of friends or family. No pictures of pets or anything. It was like a hotel. It was like she didn’t even live here. It was a telling sign to me that she didn’t allow herself the luxury of friends and family anymore. My heart ached for her. She was young, beautiful, and I knew in my heart, full of love and passion, yet she was making herself a prisoner to her duty. I had a feeling that she was going to be as stubborn as Angel.
“It’s a little cold I know, you never know when you’ll have to pick up and leave.”
I turned just as she walked in and sat down on the couch.
“No it’s not cold. Just very…tidy.”
She chuckled and the sound was warm and inviting. “Tidy…did you hear that Mom I’m tidy.” She said as she looked up at the ceiling.
“Oh your Mom lives here?”
She smiled warmly and waved her hand. “No. She passed away a while back. Sorry. It’s just that tidy and Buffy usually are not said in the same sentence and I just found it…funny.”
I smiled at her.
“So…Steven,” she said it like she didn’t believe my name was Steven. “What can I do for you?”
I sat down in the chair opposite her and took a deep breath. “Okay well this is going to sound really strange.”
She chuckled softly, “Strange. Believe me Steven there is nothing you can tell me that I would find strange.”
“There are things that I’m going to tell you that you aren’t going to believe. You’ll probably think I’m nuts.”
“Try me.”
“Okay…well um have you ever heard of The Oracles?”
She stood up all pretenses of boredom were gone and replaced with anger. “Who are you? Faith didn’t send you did she?”
I guess nobody liked The Oracles if this was the reaction I was getting every time I mentioned them.
“No she didn’t but please I’m not here to hurt you I’m here to help you. Please just listen to what I have to say.”
She stood there stone still; I could read the indecisiveness in her eyes. “Make it quick and it better be good.”
“My name isn’t Steven.”
“Umpf…I knew it.”
“It’s…Connor.”
I waited for the shock that the son of her one time lover was here before her. I waited for the recognition to once again enter her eyes. But it didn’t.
“Okay Connor so what do you want?”
She didn’t know who I was. I took that as a blessing. Because with the hostility she was now showing me by just mentioning the Oracles I knew it would have been a lot worse had she really known who I was.
“The Oracles sent me. I’m here to protect you. I’m the Vindex.”
Unlike my father, there was no acknowledgment at the word Vindex; instead she looked at me funny. “And that’s supposed to mean something to me?”
“I am the guardian of the Child of Scintillate.” I said it proudly, because well, I was. I was proud of the fact that I actually had a purpose in this life that didn’t consist of destroying it. And I felt like I needed to make myself worthy to her. Or at least appear worthy.
But instead of praise and admiration she just looked at me blankly. Didn’t Slayers have Watchers or something like that? Someone that was supposed to fill her in on all of these life altering thingamajiggies?
“Alright Buffy I know this is going to be really impossible for you to believe. But here it is. I am here to protect your unborn child.”
She scoffed at me, “My what?”
“Your unborn child. The Child of Scintillate.”
Her face turned beet red as her voice lowered in rage. “What kind of sick joke is this?”
I stood up trying to calm her down. “It’s no joke. I know who you are, what you do.”
“Then if you know, then you’d know that Slayers can’t have children.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that because I didn’t know that. Actually I knew nothing about slayers, except that they were created to kill vampires and fight for good. But it appeared I had a lot to learn about them.
I suddenly envisioned myself killing the Oracles. I mean this was a big piece of the picture. How can I explain to a woman who thinks she is not supposed to have children that she will. Someone really needed to have a talk with those Oracles on how to properly send someone out on a destiny mission.
“Who sent you?”
I had no choice but to mention my father. I had to explain something that made sense before she kicked me out and he was the only thing I could think of, the only connection I had to her.
“Angel.”
Her face turned white, she took a step back. “A…Angel?”
“Yeah well he didn’t exactly send me here, but it concerns him and you, and…”
She stumbled back, the back of her knees hit the couch and she sat down dumbly. “He’s…alive?” she asked quietly.
Ah this was interesting she didn’t even know he was alive.
“Yes.”
Her eyes closed and her head lowered. “Where…where is he?”
“Ireland.”
She looked surprised by that, “Really?”
“You didn’t know?”
She shook her head, her eyes glazing over with sadness and regrets. “No. I…after his battle with the senior partners, I tried to call him to make sure he was okay. But I never reached him. I saw Spike a few months later. He told me about what happened, the people that died and that Angel just left, without a word about where he was going or anything. Spike said that the hounds of hell were on his tail. But he wouldn’t tell me why.”
Her voiced hardened as her eyes pinned my own. “Do you know why?”
I shook my head; “The First Evil put a bounty on his head. He did a lot of damage to them in that battle and they were…pissed.”
She chuckled softly, “Yeah I guess they would be.”
Her eyes lifted and once more drilled into mine, “He’s okay?”
I had no idea how to answer her. It was obvious by the look in her eyes that she was still deeply in love with him, so how did I tell her that the love of her life was falling apart and only about a footstep away from hell. I guess the look on my face already said as much.
“No I don’t suppose he is.“
She stood up and walked over to the window hugging herself. I watched the play of emotions on her face from the reflection on the glass. She was desperately trying to keep herself together. I hated to press her, but time was running short.
“Buffy, I know you don’t know me and have no reason to believe me but what I say is true. On the eve of your twenty-fifth birthday you will conceive a child. That child is The Child of Scintillate. It’s my duty to protect that child.”
“And The Oracles told you this?” she quietly asked me.
“Yes.”
There was a long pause until she spoke again. Her voice was distant and far off, filled with pain and memories. “You know a long time ago, I trusted the Oracles to know what was best. Angel trusted them too. He believed in what they said and gave up the one thing that he wanted most in this world. They took everything from us. It was the best day of my life. Of course I didn’t’ remember it and Angel, well he never told me.”
She paused clearly struggling with the memories and the pain that came with them. She turned around and my heart flinched at the misery that covered her face. But like any woman, slayer or human, that emotion didn’t last, and her posture changed quickly with her next words.
“They couldn’t even let me have my memories and only saw fit to give them back to me after I died.“
Her voice was scathing. She hated The Oracles. She had put her trust in them, gave up everything and got nothing in return, not even a memory or two to give her comfort in the long lonely hours of the night. Nothing. I understood her anger and my father’s anger. But it still didn’t change anything. I realized that my biggest battle wouldn’t be with some demon, but with the inner demons of Buffy and my father.
“They lied. What they said what they told Angel, was all a lie. Everything! You should go home Connor. Forget the Oracles they’re mischief-makers nothing more. They’ll only bring you pain and heartache. Believe me I know.”
Gee where have I heard that before?
She started to leave the room and I quickly stood up. “Buffy wait. Please listen to me. You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know, I mean directly. But my…Angel, he told me when I saw him.”
She stopped. “Did he? What else did he say?”
I could see she was wildly curious to learn more about my father and I wanted to tell her. But what could I say, that he was pissed off at her. Called her a whore? I couldn’t say those things.
But she looked at me sadly, like she already knew what I was going to say. “He’s mad at me. He thinks I’m nothing but a whore that slept with his enemy, twice.”
She walked back over to the window once more hugging herself. “It’s okay. I know what he thinks. And I can’t blame him.”
“No Buffy that’s not true. He’s just confused, lost, he needs help and guidance.”
“He won’t accept it from me Connor.”
“That’s not true he will, he has too.” I pleaded with her.
She turned back around, her eyes pinning mine. “Why? Because at one time in our long lives we loved each other? No, he’s moved on from me. He’s loved others.”
I averted my gaze from her piercing one. I couldn’t let her see the truth in my eyes.
She snorted, “I know all about them Connor, Cordelia, Nina, news travels fast in the demon world. But it’s okay, at least he was able to love again, unlike…”
She stopped realizing what she was about to say and headed briskly out of the room. “I think you should go.”
“The baby is his Buffy, yours and his, from the day that never was.”
“What?”
“It’s true, you got pregnant that day and the Oracles they took the baby from you to keep it safe. It wasn’t the baby’s time, it wasn’t your and Angel’s time. But it is now. The baby will be brought back to you on the eve of your twenty-fifth birthday.”
Her expression was first one of anger. I could see that she was thinking this was just something else that the Oracles had taken from her. But then it was wiped clean and she looked like she totally didn’t believe me.
My head was spinning from the emotional changes that were coursing through her. But I couldn’t help it I felt everything she felt. I knew what she was thinking and I knew what she was going to say even before she said it. It was a little scary but it also made me feel connected to a woman in a way that I never had. And I liked it. I fleetingly wondered if this is what it would have felt like had I ever been able to spend time with my real mother.
“You expect me to believe that I’m going to become pregnant on my twenty-fifth birthday and that baby will be one that was conceived five years ago! Come on Connor. Don’t you see they’re lying to you!”
“No Buffy you have to believe me. It’s my purpose what I was created for. You must believe me.”
She studied me for a moment, “Well I’m sorry, but I can’t. You see Connor, that’s something good and the fact is that nothing good happens to me…ever.”
I sensed her battle. She wanted to believe it; she wanted to have something good to look forward to. But all the times in her past when those things never occurred or did occur and then backfired on her, were rearing their ugly heads. She was afraid to believe again. She was close but still afraid. I just needed to push her a little.
“But what if it does?”
She chuckled, “Well leave me your phone number and on the eve of my birthday if I suddenly become fat with a kid I’ll let you know.”
“No, it’s not that…simple. They said that in order for them to give the baby back to you, that you and my…Angel have to make love. It’s the only way the child can be brought back into the world.”
She snorted, “Connor, Angel hates me and since he never even tried to contact me after his battle, I doubt he wants to see me again, let alone touch me.”
“No Buffy that’s not true. He doesn’t hate you. He loves you, I felt it, I could see it in his eyes. He’s just letting his emotions control him. He’s mad as hell at the powers and the oracles and just everyone.”
She smiled, it was one filled with a memory that I could tell, she often thought about. “That sounds like Angel. Always beating himself up over things he has no control over. But emotional? That doesn’t sound like the Angel I knew.”
I smiled at her, “yeah well, he’s changed in some ways.”
She started to pace back and forth. Taking in everything I said. She looked like she was planning a huge battle and not trying to decide whether or not to believe me.
There was a brief moment of hope in her eyes but it quickly dashed away. She had made up her mind. “It doesn’t matter. It’s all in the past, Angel’s in the past.”
She walked toward the hallway and I quickly followed her. What else could I say to get her to believe me, when fear and pain where stronger than words.
She opened the door, “I’m sorry I can’t help you.”
“But I can help you.”
“I think you should leave now.”
I just stood there desperately trying to come up with something to say but nothing came. We looked at each other for a few moments. Seeing that she wouldn’t budge I stepped outside.
“I’m not giving up Buffy. I’ll find a way to make you trust me.”
She smiled at me, “Then I guess this isn’t goodbye.”
She softly closed the door.
********
The next couple of days I followed Buffy from a distance.
I figured that she was the key.
Yes my father played a very important role in all of this, but I knew my father. And I knew that there was no talking him out of his stubborn nature. But I also knew that once he had a chance to brood over everything that I said, that the memories would come back to haunt him. Memories of her. Memories of what he always dreamed would happen for him and the slight chance that it might still.
I also knew that my father, once the brooding was over, and the reminder that Buffy was with his enemy, would be enough to send him here.
Well maybe, I didn’t know for sure but I was betting on the possessive nature of my father’s vampire side. I only prayed he wasn’t too late.
Two days later I followed Buffy to a small dark restaurant near the water. She was dressed in a short dark red dress that clung to her body like a second skin. Her hair was glowing and beautiful falling down her back and she had on a strappy pair of high heels.
I glowered into the night, there was no mistaken she was meeting someone. Could it be the lover that my father had so angrily mentioned?
I followed her inside the restaurant and sat down at a table in the shadowed corner on the other side of the room. She sat down and the waiter poured her a glass of red wine. He never asked her what she wanted he just brought it to her. She smiled at him and thanked him, calling him Tomas.
So she had been here before, probably lots of times. She was comfortable as she waited for her date. Except as her eyes scanned the menu she stopped and looked up. Her eyes looked out across the room blankly, like she was in deep thought.
The door opened and I turned as a shiver of something, evil is the only word that I could choose to describe it, slithered down my spine. My eyes crinkled as I turned to the new person in the room.
He stood tall all in black. He took off his gloves - gloves, who the hell wore gloves in this day and age - slapped them against each other as his eyes landed on Buffy in the corner.
I knew that it was him. The evil that coveted her. I felt it crawl all over my skin. The disdain he felt for her that was well hidden. The way his eyes were cold as a winter’s morning as they raked down her figure and stared at her belly.
He knew. It was why he was here.
I growled quietly as I realized that this was my nemesis. This is the one that would try to destroy my family, kill my sibling, and I would not allow that to happen.
I glanced over at Buffy who still hadn’t noticed that he entered the restaurant. Her eyes were off in the distance, lost, hopefully in all that I had told her.
When I looked back at the stranger I found his black eyes on me. I glowered at him and he smiled at me coldly, then nodded his head and walked over to Buffy.
He knew who I was and what I was there for. He was openly challenging me and I was hit with a wave of fear. Fear that I wouldn’t be able to stop him should he try something. I had a lot on my plate here and I was alone, and it all came to me in that moment.
I swallowed and took a couple of breaths. This was no time for cowardice. I could do this. This was my duty.
I pushed the fear away and watched as he neared Buffy and put his hand on her shoulder. She jumped and looked up at him chuckling embarrassingly. She said something to him and he responded by gripping her chin and kissing her on the lips.
I snarled again, not liking what I was seeing. But then I noticed the way Buffy didn’t exactly lean into the kiss. She seemed hesitant like she was questioning his agenda.
Maybe she wasn’t blind to him after all. Maybe being with him was just a farce to get information or something like that. I didn’t know but I figured it was logical enough of an explanation to wait it out and see what happened instead of just going over there and staking the bastard.
So I waited, I sat there for two hours watching them making sure that nothing happened. After my fifth cup of coffee I decided to leave the restaurant and hide outside in the shadows. It would be easier to follow them this way, especially if he knew why I was there.
I stood up and left unnoticed. There was a doorway directly across the street and I figured that would be a good place to lurk.
As I neared the door I felt something and as I turned around to see what it was. I was grabbed from behind, a hand was thrown over my mouth and I was dragged back in the doorway just as the door to the restaurant opened and Buffy and that man stepped outside.
“Shhh…don’t make a sound.”
I nodded my head and he released my mouth. We watched as the man put Buffy’s wrapper around her shoulders and kissed her on the lips. I could hear the soft rumble in Angel’s chest, that of a silent growl, and I would have chuckled and patted myself on the back if it wasn’t for the clandestine moment I found myself in that required silence. But I couldn’t have called it any better. And sooner too. It was only three days since I left him in a dark forest in Ireland. Three days and here he was.
We watched silently as they walked down the block. When they turned the corner I jumped out of the doorway and faced him smiling like an idiot.
“I knew it! I knew you would come.”
He looked like he wanted to hit me, but he didn’t, instead he just smirked at me and started to walk down the street. “Conceit doesn’t look good on you Connor.”
I chased after him, “What changed your mind?” I had to know I mean was I that much of an exceptional speaker. If so maybe I should try politics as a secondary career.
“None of your business.”
Stubborn.
“Oh come on dad you got to tell me?”
He stopped walking and faced me, “Look Connor, you don’t need to know what changed my mind.”
“But you believe me?”
“I’m not sure what I believe, yet.” He started walking again and left me confused.
“Then why are you here?” I asked as I ran up to him again.
He stopped, sighed and looked up at the sky. There were a thousand emotions flickering off his face and I didn’t think he was going to answer me. But he did.
“After I left you in Ireland, I summoned Marchocias.”
“Who?”
“He’s a Grand Marquis of Hell.”
“You summoned a demon from hell when they are the ones hunting you?” Had my father lost all common sense?
He smirked at me.
“Dad…why? Do you have a death wish or something?”
“Once summoned, Marchocias must give a truthful answer to any questions that are asked of him by the conjurer.”
I was a little upset. I mean okay my story was a little farfetched but I’m his son he’s supposed to believe his own flesh and blood.
“You didn’t believe me, you had to conjure a demon and ask him! That’s who you believe in these days?”
He shrugged and smacked me on the back pulling me along with him as he continued down the street.
“Connor don’t take it so personally. Besides I had a score to settle with him. You should have seen the look on his face, when he saw it was me that conjured him. Priceless.”
He was laughing! He found this whole situation funny.
“Dad I don’t see the humor in this situation.”
“No I don’t suppose you would. I guess you had to be there.”
We walked in silence and I decided that I had to know who that man was that was with Buffy even if that meant disturbing the ‘good nature’ my father seemed to be in.
“Dad who is that guy?”
I asked quietly, but the way his body immediately tighten you’d think that I’d screamed it.
“The Immortal.”
“The Immortal? What kind of freaking name is that?”
He chuckled and I could see pride in his eyes as he looked at me. “He’s evil Connor. Plain evil. Even when I knew him without a soul he was pure evil. My demon never liked him, never trusted him. He always believed that he was up to something. He was always around us like he was waiting for something.”
“The Destroyer?” I said in wonderment. Could it be that this Immortal had always know about the coming of the Destroyer and knew that it would be Angelus’ child.
“Maybe. I’m still not clear on that whole thing.”
“I thought you believed me. I thought that demon told you it was true?”
“Well unfortunately I wasn’t able to ask all the questions I had. Sneaky bastard brought two of his legions of soldiers, the second he answered my first question they attacked. I was a little busy after that. And by the time I realized that I didn’t get all the answers I wanted it was too late. My sword had already taken his head.”
“I know he’s evil dad. I feel it. I felt it when the Oracles showed me Buffy. He covets her.”
His face darkened as I looked up at him but he had to know the rest.
“When I was on the plane coming here, I had a dream, I saw Buffy she was pregnant and she was being attacked by someone. I don’t know who it was but it felt like him. He stuck a knife in her stomach Dad and I watched as she screamed with pain. I watched as he turned the knife deeper into her swollen belly and blood dripped out of the wound. How can I save her Dad? How can I protect a baby that isn’t even born yet? I don’t know what I’m doing! I’m going by feel! God what am I going to do, what if I can’t save her! What if the baby dies!”
The panic that I’d been feeling since I left my father in Ireland all streamed to the surface. The fear that I wouldn’t be able to succeed in my duty scared the hell out of me and as I spoke it all came out.
And he heard it. He stopped walking and turned me to him. He gripped my shoulders and shook me. “Connor it’s okay. That’s not going to happen.”
I looked into his eyes and I saw his strength. I heard the weight of his words and it calmed me. I breathed deeply, like he had once taught me, and the fear disappeared. I drew strength from him and the brightest light I had ever felt shone through me. I felt strong. I felt powerful. I was no longer afraid.
“I’m glad you’re here Dad.”
He smiled at me and ruffled my hair making me grimace. I always hated it when someone did that, it didn’t matter who did it, it just always made me feel small.
His smile disappeared and with the next words he spoke my fear returned.
“I have to go to London Connor.”
“What? London but Dad…”
“There’s someone I have to talk to, someone who can answer the rest of my questions.”
“But Dad, The Immortal, Buffy…”
He stood back from me, his face stern. “Buffy will be fine. She can take care of herself. Besides he won’t do anything yet, he’s waiting.”
“But you should at least talk to her let her know you’re here.”
“No.”
“What do you mean no?” He sighed, “Connor there is a lot of…history with Buffy and myself, a lot of things that don’t need to be brought up if this prophecy isn’t true. Things that are better left unsaid. I’ve caused her enough pain I don’t need to cause her more.”
“But Dad…”
“No buts Connor. I’ll be back, if…if the prophecy turns out to be real.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
“Then I’ll go on with my life and so will she. And you should go back to your parents and live your life.”
I understood what he was saying but I couldn’t agree with him, because I believed. He didn’t. I had no choice but to let him find his own answers.
I bowed my head and I know I sounded pitiful when I spoke. “Alright.”
“Don’t worry Connor she’ll be okay. If there’s one thing I know it’s that Buffy is a survivor. Besides she’s got you, The Vindex to protect her”
I looked up at him and he was smiling at me, warmly, a true smile one filled with pride and love, and I couldn’t help but smile back at him.
He turned and walked away heading down the street.
“How will I find you?”
“Don’t worry I’ll find you.”
He left with the fog that suddenly rolled in. It was weird because there were no clouds in the sky and the weather was cool not damp. I heard a deep howl in the night followed by another as the fog rolled down the street chasing after my father. No fog moved like that that could mean only one thing…it was the hounds of hell.
I would’ve chased after him but I knew him, he wouldn’t want my help, in fact he would be pretty pissed off if I followed. So I didn’t. I had faith in my father, faith that he would return, faith that he would get the answers that he needed and would return to claim what was his.
I crossed the street and headed in the direction of Buffy’s house. I had rented a room in the house across from hers and I was suddenly very tired. I needed to rest. Because tomorrow was a new day and I had a lot to look after.
********
The next morning I was up bright and early and waiting by the tree in front of Buffy’s house. I had gotten to know her routine and every morning at the same time she came out for her jog.
Alright maybe not, but my curiosity about the woman that stole my father’s heart was pressing. Too pressing to ignore so I waited for her.
At exactly ten o’clock her door opened. She looked up her eyes immediately landing on me as I leaned against the tree. She smiled, closed the door, and walked down the steps and out of the gate. Closing the gate she just looked at me and shook her head.
“Why am I not surprised to see you here?”
I smiled back at her, she was truly magnificent when she smiled like that and I easily understood my father’s attraction to her. Her smile was warm and inviting. Honest. Like she didn’t care what the hell you were, if you proved to be true to her then she would be true to you.
“Because you believe me.”
She chuckled and started to jog. I quickly jogged up to her following her pace.
“You were at the restaurant last night weren’t you?”
“Yeah. How did you know?”
Gee guess I’m not as good at the whole stalker thing as I thought I was.
“I don’t know I just…felt you.”
The question popped into my head if it was really me she felt or my father.
We jogged in silence for over an hour until we came to a park of rolling green hills. She stopped at a water fountain and took a long drink then sat down on a nearby bench.
I also took a much-needed drink then sat down next to her. We watched the people in the park moving around living their nice normal lives, totally oblivious to what roamed in this same park at night.
“Do you think they ever wonder?” I asked.
“No. They don’t want to know.”
A small boy ran by us chasing a butterfly and I looked over at Buffy. She was watching him with longing in her eyes. I could see the way her eyes glazed over with want. She wanted a child and a family. As she continued to watch him I realized that she was hardening herself to it. She didn’t want to let herself dream of something that she thought she was never supposed to have.
“You can have a family you know.” I said quietly.
She looked down, she seemed embarrassed at being caught staring at the child. “Connor don’t start that again.”
And I didn’t. I figured that was a conversation that should be left up to her and my father. Before I would have pressed the issue but knowing that my father would return I didn’t feel obligated to anymore. I just had to protect her until he came back.
“Why are you seeing him?”
She turned to me surprise in her eyes, “Who Lucian?”
“Lucian, is that what he told you his name was?”
“Connor, I know who he is. But yes he does also have a first name you know.”
“I hope so, the Immortal…humpf stupid name.”
She chuckled and shook her head at me.
“Why? You know he’s evil, you know he’s after something?”
She looked at me, “Aren’t you the observant one.”
I shrugged, “well usually when a girl kisses a guy that she wants to kiss she doesn’t tense up.”
I looked over at the little boy who was squealing happily as the butterfly landed on his nose. I smiled, so carefree, no troubles to think about. Just a happy normal little boy.
“How old are you Connor?”
“Eighteen.”
“I see eighteen and so wise to the ways of women already ah?”
I blushed. I actually blushed. “Well um no but it just makes sense to me.”
She laughed. Then her face turned somber. “There are things that you couldn’t possibly understand Connor. Women don’t always do what makes sense.”
“Ain’t that the truth.”
She smiled. “Sometimes a person just needs to…feel. It doesn’t mean anything else but that. Do you understand that?”
I shrugged, I didn’t understand.
She sighed then looked away, “Well it doesn’t matter, Lucian is my business not yours.”
“But Buffy he’s evil; he’s only after one thing.”
“Believe me Connor he’s only getting one thing.”
Damn it she made me blush again.
“I know what you meant. Leave it alone Connor. I’m not going to talk to you about Lucian. I can handle him”
I silently agreed. In reality it didn’t matter anyway, because she wouldn’t have to explain her relationship with Lucian to me. I just hoped that when the time came for explanations that my father wouldn’t be too jealous and blind, and say something that would hurt her, something that he would regret saying. But knowing Angel the way I did, I was pretty sure that that was inevitable.
“So what’s your story?” she asked me.
I leaned back against the bench, stretched my legs out, and leaned my head back enjoying the warmth of the sun. I appeared completely unfazed by her question. But my heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest. I shrugged, “I don’t have a story.”
“Everyone has a story Connor, some just have more chapters to them than others.”
I knew I wasn’t going to get out of this, and I wasn’t really sure I wanted to. I mean I was afraid of what I don’t know, but I wanted to tell her my story, all of it. The hard part was just how much to tell and what not to say.
“How do you know about slayers and prophecies?”
“My father is a demon hunter.”
There that wasn’t a lie.
“Oh. Where is he now?”
“He’s in London.”
So far so good.
“Does he know you’re here and what you’re doing here?”
“Yup.”
“Does he believe this prophecy, that you are The Vindex?”
“He’s not totally a believer yet. That’s what he’s doing in London, trying to find more answers.”
“Oh sounds like a smart man?”
I smiled, “Yeah he is.”
“So I guess it’s safe to say that you know how to fight?”
“Yeah my dad taught me.”
“Well then what do you say if you and I do a little sparring. I’m curious about the level of your skills. You know I mean if you are supposed to protect me.”
She smiled at me and pinched my arm making me giggle. I know I’d look back at this moment later and feel like I was laid low. Giggling like a schoolboy. But I couldn’t help it, she just made me feel so comfortable and at ease, that it just came out naturally.
“Sure, but you know I’ll take it easy on you. I wouldn’t want to hurt you.”
She laughed and smacked me on the arm. “All right enough resting. Come on tough guy I’ll race you back to the house.”
We took off like banshees from hell. She was fast, faster than I thought those little legs would carry her, and damn if she didn’t beat me to the house.
I was completely out of breath as I came to a stop in front of her gate. I looked up at her to find her breathing deeply and chuckling at me. She didn’t even look like she broke a sweat.
“Where are you staying Connor?”
I nodded my head to the house across the street, still too winded to form words. She laughed at me again. “Up to that spar?”
Was she nuts! She wanted to spar after just running ten miles at full speed?
“Yeah…sure.”
Well you didn’t think I was going to let her show me up, did you?
I followed her inside and down to the basement. She had the whole basement set up as a gym. There was weight lifting equipment, mats on the floor, a punching bag, and there was a weapons chest that displayed some of the finest array of daggers, swords and crossbows I had ever seen. It was impressive and even rivaled my father’s collection.
I walked closer to it because there was a huge hammer that caught my eye. It was humongous and I couldn’t help but wonder how someone so small like Buffy could handle it.
“Like that?” she asked from behind me.
“Yeah it’s…big.”
She chuckled, “you should’ve seen the troll it used to belong to. Alright you ready?”
I turned around to see her on the mat. She had taken her shoes and socks off and was standing in a fighting stance waiting for me.
I leaned down and took off my shoes and socks and joined her on the mat. “Always.”
We circled each other a few times before I decided to be the man and make the first move. But that was a mistake.
I swung a left and she dodged it. I swung a right and she dodged that. I kicked up with my left leg and she ducked and missed it. I kicked out with my right leg and she ducked and missed that.
I was getting completely winded and tired and I hadn’t hit her once. Getting frustrated I ran at her at full speed. She jumped up in the air and flew over me, the next thing I knew I was laying flat on my stomach. I was supposed to protect her?
“Didn’t your father teach you that you should never let your emotions control you in a fight?”
I stood up, completely embarrassed; I couldn’t wipe away the scowl that I knew was on my face. “Yes.”
“Try again.”
I took a deep breath and calmed myself. She was right. The number one rule of fighting was never let your emotions get the best of you and that was exactly what I did.
I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on the maneuvers that Angel had taught me.
When I opened them she was standing there watching me, I nodded my head and she nodded hers. We circled each other again and this time I waited.
She attacked, quick and hard, throwing punches that I just barely missed. She lifted her leg and I caught it throwing her down on the mat, I quickly straddled her and pinned her.
I looked down at her smirking proudly and she looked back at me strangely.
“Are you sure we never met before?”
“No. Why?”
“Um…no reason, it’s just you remind me of someone.” She said softly her eyes gliding over my face then staring hard at my smirk. They crinkled as if she just realized something and I stopped smiling. I immediately stood up holding out my hand for her. She grabbed it and I pulled her up.
She walked over to the bench and picked up two towels. Throwing one at me, she began to wipe her face. “If you don’t mind I’m a little tired, okay if we call it quits?”
Tired? We had barely started.
I started to walk up the stairs when she called out to me. “Connor are you doing anything later?”
“No.”
“Would you like to come back and have dinner with me?”
I smiled my stomach already rumbling with the suggestion. “Yeah I’d like that.”
“Cool. Say seven?”
“Okay I’ll see you at seven.”
I walked up and out of the house and made my way across the street to my small dismal rented apartment. I felt good. Yeah my body felt beaten down, my ego was slightly cut in half, but overall I had enjoyed my day with Buffy and as my stomach growled with hunger, I looked forward to dinner.
********
It was seven o’clock on the dot as I lifted my hand and knocked on Buffy’s door. The day had been really great and I was looking forward to spending more time with her.
“COME IN!”
I opened the door and followed the sounds of clinking pans down the hall and into the kitchen.
I walked in and Buffy was in front of the oven pulling out something that looked like it was supposed to be lasagna. She turned around looking murderously at the pan. She had tomato sauce on her face, her hair was haphazardly pulled up and strands that had fallen out of her makeshift ponytail were surrounding her face. She looked beautiful.
“Hey Connor.” She grumbled.
“Having…trouble?” I asked as I took a seat at the table.
She snarled, “God you don’t know the half of it.”
Then she dropped the burnt lasagna onto the stove and turned around to look at me blowing her hair out of her face. “Kill vampires, behead demons I can do. Cooking an edible meal is an entirely different story.”
I chuckled, “That’s okay Buffy, I’m not that hungry.”
God I was starving but I didn’t want to embarrass her so I kept quiet.
Her face scrunched up, “I got cold pizza?”
I smiled, “My favorite.”
She smiled and started moving around the kitchen. Pulling out the pizza from the fridge and throwing it in the oven to warm it up.
About ten minutes later we sat down across from each other eating our semi-warm reheated pizza. And you know it was the best damn pizza I’d ever had.
“So Connor have you fought a lot of demons?” she asked in between bites.
I shrugged. What was considered a lot? I probably thought that I had, but compared to someone like her or my father, whom had been fighting demons their whole lives, it was nothing.
“Compared to you probably not. But I’ve killed my fair share.”
I was proud of the damage that I had inflicted on evil and I know it showed in the tone of my voice. I probably sounded cocky but nonchalant, which was the way I wanted to sound. Although there was one attempted kill that I was not proud of. I didn’t think it would be a good idea to tell her that I tried to kill my father. So I don’t think I’ll be mentioning that any time soon.
“Can I ask you something?” she softly said as she watched me take a bite.
“Sure”
She smiled at my answer that was spoken around a mouthful of cheese.
“Why do you believe you are The Vindex? I mean you seem like a nice normal kid. Why would you want to give that all up to live a life that will never be normal?”
Ah the big question. I was hoping that she would be curious and start asking me questions about what I was really doing here. That way I wouldn’t come off to pushy and she might be more open to believing me.
I knew her questions would be direct and right to the core. And I knew that my answers had to be the same. Honesty after all worked both ways. And the truth was that I really liked her. She had this open and warm personality about her. She made you feel like you could tell her anything and she wouldn’t condemn you. I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised I mean she fell in love with my father. She had been fighting her own condemnation her whole life. Why would she inflict it on others?
I put my pizza down and looked her right in the eye. “I’ve never had a normal life Buffy. This is pretty much what I’ve always known.”
“How’s so?”
I took a deep breath and began my story.
“When I was a baby, I was stolen and sent to a hell dimension. When I returned to this plane I was sixteen.”
“Oh my god Connor I’m so sorry. What about your father?”
“He searched for me but was never able to find me. When I returned we didn’t exactly have the greatest relationship. I didn’t trust him. I blamed him for everything. And I thought I was a demon and I thought…he was a demon.”
She reached out and grabbed my hand. “Connor it’s understandable that you would think and feel those things. I know that time moves a lot quicker in a hell dimension. It must have been hard to make the transition from one to the other.”
I could see in her eyes that she was thinking about her own transition the one from death to life. But there was something else. Something else dark and hidden in her past that she was thinking about. I could read the pain in her eyes, pain for another, not for herself.
I went to speak but I was hit with that cool tunnel vision thingy. Everything around me disappeared and I was suddenly standing in a room with a big stone statue in it. I heard the clinking of swords and voices being spoken. I looked over to see Buffy and my father fighting each other. I continued to watch enthralled with both of them. They fought each other violently yet there was a hidden passion behind it. I could feel their every emotion. Buffy was confused, filled with pain and sadness at the same time she was filled with admiration, determination, and lust. I swallowed, feeling that lust in my own body, and as I looked over at Angel, the lust became even stronger, more powerful, yet it was dark and demanding. I felt how empty he was inside; I felt the void of a soul, and my eyes widened. He didn’t have a soul. It was Angelus she was fighting. I felt his obsession with her, how he coveted her yet couldn’t have her, so he was going to kill her and destroy the world.
They continued to fight until they stood in front of the statue when there was a change in the room; it felt like the hairs on my arms were standing on end. It was electrifying and warm and then I felt his soul enter his body. She was crying, he was crying and confused, and a portal of swirly red and orange lights suddenly opened up behind them.
They spoke to each other, they kissed passionately and then to my shock she pushed forward, her sword skewering my father in the stomach, as his eyes widened with surprise. I gasped horrified at what I witnessed, she said she loved him and then let him go. The vortex sucked him up and he was gone, his hand outstretched to her, reaching for her crying form.
She stood there her eyes lifeless and watery; her body hitching with deep grief, and guilt entered her soul.
“Connor? Connor you alright?”
My vision cleared, Buffy was staring at me concern in her eyes as she waved her hand in front of my face. I shook my head trying to free myself from the heavy burden of guilt. She was consumed with guilt over what she had done and I felt it. “Yeah…um sorry.”
I tried to calm myself, tried to shake free the enormous emotional strain I was suddenly feeling. I cleared my throat trying to remember just what the hell I had been talking about. “I um never felt normal and then there was this prophecy about The Destroyer that he was evil, and…everyone believed it was me.”
She inhaled sharply, “Including your father?” There was anger and promised retribution in her eyes. Which confused me, because why would she feel that?
“Yes.”
When her mouth opened to speak, I stopped her. “No it’s okay Buffy; I mean it wasn’t his fault the prophecy was there. They read it correctly and I fit it. Anyway, that wasn’t the best time for me; I did a lot of things I’m not proud of. Said a lot of things that hurt people.”
My head lowered and shame filled me with the memories, “I wish I could take them all back.”
Her hand was under my chin lifting my sad eyes to hers, “Connor, it’s not your fault. You reacted the way anyone would have reacted at being told they were evil. You have nothing to be ashamed about and I’m sure that everyone that loves you understands that.”
I placed my hand over hers and my eyes watered. No one had ever said that to me. No one ever absolved me of the guilt that I carried around with me for the way I treated people then. And it wasn’t that her words her were full of depth or philosophical Freudian therapy shit, they weren’t. They were just simple words spoken from the heart by someone that had absolutely nothing to gain by lying to me. It was honest. And that was what touched my heart.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t’ thank me. I am only doing what someone should have said to you already.” She smiled at me, her own eyes watering. But she had this look in her eye that was kind of, motherly, and it was strange. It made me feel like she knew me…I mean really knew me. It felt like she knew who I was, or rather, who my father was, and she was sticking up for me and condemning anyone that had made me feel that way at the same time. It was nice.
“Yeah well those were tough times. You know things were…”
“Crazy?”
“Yeah.” I softly chuckled. I guess she knew a lot about that.
“Say no more. I totally hear ya.”
“Well after that my dad, found a way around the prophecy. He was able to um…change things. I don’t know exactly how...” there was no way I was going to tell her that my father killed me. “…but when I woke up I was just a kid. He gave me up so that I could have a normal life.”
Once more my emotions showed through the tone of my voice and I silently cursed myself. When the hell did I become so open and honest with my emotions? I used to be able to hide them away from everyone. No one ever knew what I was thinking or feeling. Yet here I was one big ball of babiness saying without words exactly every emotion that was running through me.
Buffy just smiled at me, like she knew I was uncomfortable with this new frankness. “You don’t have to be embarrassed Connor guilt is a normal feeling when someone is given a great gift like the one you were given. You wonder what you did that was so great to receive such a gift. And you start to doubt your worth. But what you have to understand is that your father made a decision that he thought would be best for you. He made a selfless sacrifice for you so you could have a better life.”
Her eyes crinkled and she mumbled into her plate but I heard her anyway. “Gee doesn’t that sound familiar.”
I gulped that sounded extremely sarcastic. The thought suddenly occurred to me, that maybe she knew who I was. She said before that she knew of Cordelia and Nina, wouldn’t it be safe to say that she knew of me too? Well whether she did or didn’t she wasn’t telling me, and frankly I was very happy about that. It wasn’t my responsibility to explain it to her that was Angel’s job.
“I know. It’s just hard sometimes.” Hard was am understatement. Maybe if I had more than four days to get used to the idea that everything was fucked up because of me but it really wasn’t my fault, then I wouldn’t feel guilty. But as it was I didn’t and I did feel guilty.
“Anyway, after that I did have a normal life. You know dated, I was going to college.”
“That’s great, what are you majoring in?”
“Art history.”
“Really. My sister Dawn is also an Art History major, in London. Imagine that, small world.”
“Yeah. So you know I was just doing the normal kid thing. Then one day, little by little things would remind me of something and then the memory would return full force. Day after day more memories returned. Each one more incredible than the last. I swear for a while there I thought I was losing my mind.”
She shook her head like she completely understood what I was taking about.
“Have you had something similar happen to you?”
“Well not exactly but there was this one time when my friend, who is a witch by the way, cast a spell. It was a big mess and that’s all I’ll say.”
“Well I was getting kind of violent at school and stuff, and my parents brought me to see this man. The man turned out to be my real father. You know we did the whole talky thing, I asked questions and he answered them. He explained why he did what he did. And then we parted. I actually felt pretty good about that conversation.”
“Well sure you would. You spoke to the man that you probably secretly blamed for everything that was wrong in your life, only to find out that things aren’t as simple as they seem.”
“Yeah.”
It was amazing. She was amazing. It was like everything she said made sense to me and clicked with what I had always been feeling. Was I that transparent or was she just that attuned to people.
I smiled back at her. “Well about six months ago the dreams started.”
She stilled, her eyes changed to a slightly darker green. “Now dreams I know about.
“You get weird dreams?”
“Weird no. Prophetic yes.”
“You get prophetic dreams? Like visions you mean?”
She shrugged, her eyes once more revealing the dark memories that filled her mind. “I don’t know if I’d call them visions. But yeah, I have on occasion had a dream or two that came true. They’re um hard to grasp exactly, I mean, it’s like you’re there you know but you’re not. I don’t know I can’t explain it.”
“No I understand that’s how these dreams where.”
“Well what were they about?”
“You.”
Her eyes widened, “Me?”
“Yeah, it was like a movie that I was watching. Bits and pieces of your life things that had happened to you and…Angel. Like um…the day that never was.”
She sat back in her chair her eyes were on my face but her face was emotionless. I had no idea what she was thinking.
“I had them for a while until I just got the strongest feeling to come to Rome. So I did.”
“You just hopped on a plane, with no clue as to where you were going or what you were doing?”
“Yeah. I know it sounds crazy but it was like I was being pulled here. I didn’t have a choice. I knew I had to come to you. I knew I had to protect you. I felt a…a connection.”
I looked at her deeply, as I sat forward in my chair, my voice lowered, “Do…do you feel it?”
She just sat there staring at me, still wearing the best poker face I’d ever seen. I didn’t think she was going to answer me. But she did quietly and softly.
“Yes. I feel like I know you, like we’re connected somehow.”
“So you believe me, about the prophecy?”
“Connor I…”
The front door suddenly opened and slammed shut, heavy footsteps walked down the hall. “Buffy my sweet are you here?”
I stiffened as I sat back in my chair, my eyes hardening as The Immortal walked in and stood in the doorway.
Buffy jumped up from her seat, “Lu…Lucian what are doing here?”
His black eyes took in her jumpiness and then landed on me, staring at me hard. “I thought we had a date, but I guess you made other plans.”
I stared back at him, loathing and hatred in my eyes and he looked back at me the same. But Buffy didn’t seem to notice any of the raw emotions we were throwing at each other. She just seemed off balance, like she had been caught doing something that she shouldn’t have.
Was it possible he had her under some sort of thrall? I knew the tales about Vampires and how they could put people under these hypnotic states so they can control them. I’ve never actually seen it and frankly I just thought that was something that the movies made up. But if this Immortal was as evil as my father said then maybe he had that ability.
“Oh my god I completely forgot. Um Lucian this is my friend, Connor. Connor this is Lucian.” The tone of her voice told me to be nice and I snorted silently at her, as I looked back at him.
I simply nodded my head and he did the same.
“Connor I’m sorry I did have plans with Lucian. Can we get together tomorrow?”
“Sure.”
“Great. Lucian I’ll just run upstairs and change I’ll be right down.” She headed out of the room but was stopped with Lucian’s hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him expectantly. He smiled at her his hand coming up to cup her cheek as he leaned down to kiss her.
They pulled away slowly and he smirked at the blank look she had on her face. She smiled back at him but it was slightly forced, like she was obligated to do it. It didn’t appear to be a natural response at least to me. My eyes looked back at him; he was still smiling at her conceitedly. He didn’t see it. How could he not see that? Not feel it? Maybe he wasn’t as in sync to people as I thought.
She turned to me, blushing slightly, and I could read the confusion in her eyes. I knew right then and there, that she didn’t want to be attracted to him, but she couldn’t fight it. And I wondered again if maybe she had her own agenda for being with him. She smiled at me and then walked out of the room.
We stared at each other in silence until the sound of her steps faded into the distance. I stood up out of my chair, I stood tall and proud, and walked over to him. “I know what you’re after and you’re not going to get it.” I sneered at him.
The bastard had the balls to laugh at me.
“Really? Well I know who you are and I can assure you boy that I will succeed in my endeavor.”
Boy! My teeth grinded with absolute fury as my nails dug into my palms. Now was not the time for violence. I knew my time would come and then he would be sorry for talking to me like a child.
I sneered at him, “Confident aren’t you? Well just so you know you won’t be dealing with just me.”
Yeah I threw that at him, I had to. For two reasons one was to see if he was as smart as he thought he was and two I wanted to see fear in his eyes. Now, in most cases, if you threw the Scourge of Europe – I know I didn’t actually say it but he knew whom I was talking about I could see it in his eyes - at another vampire they would tremble with fear but not him. No he was cool, calm and collective, and once again he just laughed.
“I hope not. In fact,” He leaned into me, his eyes turned even blacker and I’d swear I saw a glimpse of burning brimstone in them. “I can’t wait to see Angelus again. Our last meetings were so…enlightening.”
I wanted to say something back to him but just then Buffy came bounding down the stairs and skidded to a halt just outside the kitchen. Her eyes flitted back and forth between us like she was checking to see if either one of us had a sword sticking in his gut. “Lucian, I’m ready. I’m just going to see Connor out okay?”
“Surely my love, take all the time you need.” He slapped his gloves against his hands in that really arrogant way. He smiled at her then sat down at the table and addressed me.
“Connor it was a pleasure to meet you. I do hope we meet again.”
The bastard just sat there smugly, slapping those goddamn gloves and smiling at me, egging me on when he knew I wouldn’t do anything about it. I smiled back at him because I knew it was only a matter of time before I would be able to wipe that haughty smile off his face.
God he was really annoying! With that clipped and precise English accent – it was more obnoxious than Wesley’s ever was - and did I mention that he was extremely good looking? He had those classic good looks, you know, tall and lean frame, high cheekbones, piercing eyes, thick wavy hair, and dark. Everything about him was dark and sensual. It was easy to see why Buffy was sleeping with him. Hell if I were a girl I’d probably want to sleep with him. But as it was I just wanted to take a two by four to his face and wipe that arrogance right off. I took comfort in knowing that I would soon. And if not me, my father would. Either way he would be getting his.
“Oh I’m pretty sure we will.” I said back to him and he nodded.
Buffy grabbed me by the arm, none too gently, and dragged me to the front door.
“He’s very…dark, isn’t he?” I said to her. I wanted to see what she thought of the almighty Lucian. I mean she was sleeping with him right? She had to have some thoughts on him. I had no idea why I was curious I mean it’s not like she’s my girl. But it would make for good ammunition to use against my father when he comes back. You know feed him little bits and pieces of how attractive Buffy found The Immortal…rub it in that they were sleeping together...enjoyably so, that would definitely send my father into a rage.
But she wouldn’t give; she just rolled her eyes at me. “I’ll see you tomorrow Connor okay.”
“Buffy please be careful. I don’t trust that guy.”
She smiled at me, “You know considering that I’ve known Lucian for two years and I’ve only known you for two days, who do you think I should trust?”
Well that ruffled my feathers, but she had a point. “Buffy I’m not here to hurt you, I’m only here to help you. And I’m telling you that guy is a fake! Please just promise me you’ll be careful.”
She smiled at me warmly. “I always am.”
She closed the door and I immediately took off across the street and into a nearby dark alley. I pressed myself up against the wall, and I watched and waited for them to come out.
********
I never would have guessed that I was like my father but I was, as I quickly became Buffy’s shadow. I followed her everywhere she went. Sometimes she acknowledged my presence and other times she didn’t. I didn’t mind, I knew that she needed space. She had been very nice and open with me so far and I couldn’t expect her to totally accept me and believe in my mission.
Unfortunately for me, the more I watched her; the more I questioned my own ability to do my duty. Every night she went hunting. And every night I would watch from the shadows as she killed them all effortlessly.
She had tricks and maneuvers that I could never even imagine let alone actually execute. Yet it was my duty to protect her? But it wasn’t was it? My duty was to the baby not Buffy. Still I couldn’t help the over protectiveness I felt towards her. And if it was my duty to protect a baby that hadn’t been born yet, then it was my duty to protect her until that happened. Or at least until my father returned.
About three days later I was following her through a cemetery. I thought I was being stealthy, hiding behind trees and in the shadows, always staying a good distance away from her so she didn’t notice me but close enough to be able to jump in if I had too. But it didn’t matter.
“You can come out Connor, I know you’re there.”
She continued to walk as she said that and my face crinkled with annoyance. I should have taken some stalking lessons from Angel.
“How long are you going to be doing this?”
“Doing what?” I asked innocently.
She chuckled like she found it very amusing and familiar, “Oh you know the whole stalker thing?”
“Oh that…well um I guess until Angel shows up.”
She stopped and faced me, her face was serious and her voice was hard. “Connor Angel isn’t coming here.”
“How do you know?”
She sighed, “Because Connor, he hates me. I already told you that.”
“And I already told you that he doesn’t hate you.”
She rolled her eyes and continued to walk ignoring my last comment. I guess it would take more convincing. I ran up to her. “Buffy can I ask you a question?”
She shrugged and quietly spoke, “I guess so.”
“What happened between you two?”
“Connor…” she sounded really exasperated with my question but I didn’t care I needed to know. See my father had always been a mystery to me. He was a demon that hunted and killed demons. Yes he has a soul but still, it always seemed unnatural to me that he did that. Now here was someone who had gotten extremely close with my father, someone that understood why he did things, and I needed to know why.
“Please Buffy I need to know.”
“Why? Because of this prophecy?” She sneered the word prophecy and I could see the hard glint in her eye as she snuck a peek at me. I couldn’t tell her the real reason I wanted to know, so…
“Yes it will help me to better understand you guys.”
She sighed, “There’s not much to tell Connor.”
Yeah right!
“Well why didn’t you stay together? I mean, I could tell from my visions that you loved each other.”
“Sometimes love isn’t enough.” She softly said then she stopped walking and turned to me. “Look Connor you want to really know what I think?”
“Yes.”
“Well I think that people like Angel and myself aren’t meant to know love.”
“What do you mean people like you and Angel?”
“I mean, champions, heroes, warriors. There’s no room in our lives for luxuries like that. Those things, in the end, only bring heartache and pain…” her eyes lowered, “…death.” She looked back up at me, that hard glint back in her orbs again. “They’re distractions and nothing more.”
She turned and started walking away again.
“Distractions! Everyone has a right to know love Buffy! Champions and heroes are no different than anyone else. In fact, they need it even more.”
She snorted but I wasn’t discouraged.
“When people like us see so much evil in the world, it hardens us and makes us cold. It changes who you are, and you forget what you’re fighting for. Love brings compassion and understanding to a person it keeps them alive!”
And I truly believed that. Look at my father and what he had become. A cold distant man or demon, I didn’t know anymore. And even Buffy had closed herself off from the world. It was a bit scary to think that these two people who had fought for the right cause for so many years and now had such a cynical outlook on life, would be the creators of someone so special, so ethereally good, that the demons of hell wanted it dead before it even breathed life. It also made me realize just how big my ‘two-fold’ duty was.
I remembered what the Oracles said, that the baby needed to be conceived in the same environment as it was before. That meant that Buffy and my father had to be in the same state of mind, or rather, love. Clearly that was not the case.
“No it makes us stronger, makes us faster, makes us more powerful.”
“NO it turns you into a zombie, uncaring and unfeeling!” I was mad and I didn’t care if she knew it or not. I wasn’t necessarily mad at her, I was mad at the powers that be. Were they really that cruel and uncaring like my father said? Wasn’t it their duty to their champions to give them something to fight for? Why would two people that lost everything want to keep fighting for the side that took it away? Just what the hell was I doing here?
“Look Connor, it doesn’t matter if we don’t agree it’s my life and you have no say in it.”
She was deflated and tired of answering my questions. She turned away from me but I was still steaming. I grabbed her arm and spun her around to look at me. “Yes it does matter! Don’t you understand that! “ I leaned in my eyes burning into hers. “There is a baby up their waiting to be given life! A baby that is destined to do good things! Someone that this world needs!”
She threw me off with one delicate shrug of her shoulder and her eyes turned a dark green and burned right back at me with all the righteous anger that she been feeling…for a long, long time.
“Yeah for what! So they can take everything away from it! So they can destroy whatever good is inside of it! So they can kill it! No Connor. You’re wrong. And if this prophecy is really true, then it’s wrong too. I would not participate in bringing a child into this world that would have nothing but pain and suffering! I would spare my child that!”
“So you would rather that its soul just wither away and die! You would rather that this baby never knew love!”
“Better that than to know it so deeply then have your heart ripped to shreds when they take it away! Yes!”
She tried to walk away but once again I grabbed her arm stopping her.
She looked down at my hand on her arm, her eyes another shade darker, and inside I was getting a little nervous she definitely didn’t seem to appreciate my manhandling of her, but I was so frustrated that I didn’t care.
“What about you Buffy?”
“What about me?”
“Don’t you want to see your baby? Don’t you want to feel it growing inside of you? Something that was conceived out of a love so deep and binding that it’s been waiting for you? Don’t you deserve to love and be loved?”
Her eyes softened and watered, and when she spoke her voice was but a soft yearning whisper on the wind. “Me. I don’t know what I deserve any more Connor. There was a time when I thought I knew. But now…there have been too many things in my life that I’ve done wrong. Too many times I’ve followed the dark path instead of the light. Even if Angel did still want me, I wouldn’t deserve him. He’s too strong. No matter what happened to him he fought back. He fought to redeem himself. I’ve never once had the strength to do that. When darkness knocked on my door I answered it, with a smile on my face and my legs wide open. I don’t deserve anything, let alone the beauty of a baby.”
Too strong! I bet my life if my father heard her say that he would laugh right in her face. I knew there were plenty of times that he danced with the dark side. Wasn’t I the result of one of those times? But she didn’t know that. She was under the misconception that he walked the straight path every day and never faltered.
“Buffy Angel isn’t perfect and he would be the first one to tell you that! No one’s perfect, everyone makes mistakes and everyone has regrets. But you can’t live your life through them. You have to look to the future. People forgive, god forgives…you have to forgive yourself. There isn’t anything that you’ve done in this world that Angel wouldn’t forgive.”
“Really? You
know that for sure do you?”
She stepped closer to me. “Do you know I sent him to hell, with a soul?”
I gulped, “yes.”
“Do you know that I slept with a soulless demon?”
My eyes darkened, “Yes and you still are.” I pointed out to her. She was trying to freak me out. But it wouldn’t work because I knew of those things and I knew that it wouldn’t matter as far as my father was concerned, at least after he ranted and raved about it. So what she had slept with other people so did he!
She sighed heavily, and once again her shoulders slumped and she sounded tired. “Connor you have no idea how bad I want those things. You have no clue how deeply I’m haunted with the fact that I don’t have them. But the sad truth is that I’m never going to have them, I’m just not meant to be a mom. And love…” she turned and walked away, “…love is but a fleeting moment in time, one that passed me by.”
She sounded like she was reciting a poem that she had read a thousand times, one that she identified with. And I felt bad for her. I couldn’t blame her for what she was feeling but I had to make her understand that there was love in her future.
“Buffy please…”
She turned around, probably to yell at me if her facial expression meant anything, but instead…
“Connor duck!”
I ducked just in time to see a long scaly green arm fly over my head and land on Buffy’s face. She fell back stumbling and the demon jumped over me and attacked her. I jumped up, and ran toward her, growling angrily only to be jerked back and thrown into a tree. Shaking my head and clearing my vision I opened my eyes to see another ugly green bastard standing in front of me smiling.
“We’ve come for the slayer boy not you.” He snarled and I saw red. Finally someone that was calling me boy that I could attack.
“Well sorry to disappoint you but you’ll have take me out first.”
He laughed at me, why do people always laugh at me? Do I not look tough? Well no matter, I laughed back at him and threw a left hitting him in the face with such force that he flew back and landed on top of a tombstone smashing it to bits.
I looked over at Buffy who was fighting the demons one by one as they tried to rile her.
“Slayer…we’ve been waiting for you.”
“Yeah we’ll I’ve been here the whole time handsome.”
She jumped up, doing a perfect split in the air, both feet landing on the chests of the demon that was in front of her and behind her. The demons fell back and two more stepped up.
I ran and attacked one from behind and before I knew it I was taking on five of them as Buffy took on the rest. They were strong, very strong but I prevailed there was no way I was letting these scaly green bastards take Buffy.
Little by little we killed them all. I just snapped the neck of one and I turned around to see if Buffy needed help.
“You will die slayer, so that your child cannot be born. The Child of Scintillate shall never breathe air!”
She stopped stone still, her eyes bulged and in her shock of what the demon said she looked over at me and missed the sharp sword that suddenly appeared in the demons hands.
“BUFFY LOOK OUT!” I screamed just as the demon lunged forward sinking the sword in her gut.
She sank to her knees, shock on her face, blood pooling around her on the ground. The demon pulled out the sword and lifted it. “All hail the death of the slayer! The death of the Child of Scintillate!”
He went to strike her but I ran after him at full speed and jumped on his back spinning him around. I grabbed his arm, and with the strength that I never knew I had, I twisted his arm and sank his own sword in his stomach.
He stumbled to the ground clutching his belly and I stood in front of him, I pulled the sword out. “Let it be known demon that the Child of Scintillate is under my protection. The protection of The Vindex!” I swung and neatly severed his head from his neck. It fell to the ground with a sick thud then rolled away and into the darkness. His lifeless body fell forward and I dropped the sword running over to Buffy.
“Oh my god Buffy! Buffy!”
I was petrified there was so much blood. Blood everywhere from the gaping wound in her side. Tears started to fall from my eyes as I quickly ripped off my shirt and pressed it against the wound, desperately trying to stop the flow.
“Connor…” her voice was low and pain filled, her breathing was shallow and her skin was pallor.
“Shh…don’t talk.”
“…t…tell…Angel…I’m so…ry.” Her eyes closed and her head fell back.
“NO! BUFFY PLEASE DON’T DIE PLEASE!” My head fell on her chest and I was crying hysterically. I failed. I failed myself, I failed my father, I failed the baby and most importantly I failed her.
In the distance over my sobs I heard the sound of heavy footsteps and angry snarls. I didn’t even have time to lift my head before I was pushed away. I looked up tears streaming down my face.
“Baby wake up!”
I watched as my father, his face one of rage scanned her face and her body. He leaned in to her, sniffing. He snorted satisfied with something, and then picked her up cradling her in his arms. “Connor we have to take her home.”
I just sat there dumbly watching as blood dripped down off her body and on to my father’s pants and boots. She looked lifeless her head lobbed back her eyes were closed and I shook my head. “Dead, she’s dead.”
“CONNOR!”
My eyes were drawn to his immediately, the tone of his voice leaving no room for disobedience.
“She’s not dead she unconscious. We have to get her inside! Now!”
Hearing the urgency in his voice I jumped up and started running not bothering to see if he followed.
We arrived at her house and he kicked the door open then ran up the stairs and laid her gently on the bed. I followed dumbly my eyes never leaving her still body.
“Connor get me some warm towels and some peroxide.”
I stood there in the doorway staring at her not moving. Staring at the trail of blood on the rug, blood on the bed, on her, on my father it was everywhere…so much blood.
“CONNOR NOW!”
Without thinking I reacted quickly. I ran to the bathroom and grabbed some towels wetting them and then threw open the medicine chest throwing things everywhere looking for peroxide. I finally found it and ran back to the room.
My father was huddled over her whispering words to her that I couldn’t understand. As I neared the bed he leaned back and ripped her shirt off then grabbed a towel and wiped the blood from the wound that was pooled all around her.
“There’s so much blood.” I whispered.
“It’ll be alright.” He said calmly and confidently wiping off the blood.
He stood up and looked at me, taking his jacket off he laid it on the bed. “Don’t be afraid. Trust me.”
I nodded my head blankly as I watched his face change to that of the demon. He sat on the bed and leaning over her he began to lick the wound.
I stumbled back. I was shocked and a little sick to my stomach as I watched him lick the wound from very point. His hands came up to her belly, stroking it lovingly like he was trying to reassure her that everything was going to be all right. His hands moved over to the wound and he pushed the gaping hole together. Blood pooled to the top of it and I watched as he held it there in place licking and hungrily sucking the blood. He stopped and looked up at me. “Find some needle and thread.”
His face was covered with blood his eyes were glowing yellow and I was afraid. Afraid that the blood would be too much, afraid that the demon would truly come out and finish the deed. But my feet didn’t feel my fear as they carried me crazily through the house searching for something to be used.
Finding a needle and some old thread I ran back to the room and handed it him. He dumped the whole bottle of peroxide on top of the wound then neatly and expertly began to stitch it up. When he was done he licked it one more time and I watched mesmerized, as the wound seemed to seal up completely. The blood stopped and he sat back a warm towel in his hand as he wiped her stomach clean. He looked perplexed by something as he continued to watch her skin, as it seemed to grow into each other. It appeared as if the skin melded back into one smooth section. I tried to lean in closer to get a better look but my father did too at the same time and he blocked my view, but I heard an angry rumble.
I walked around to the side of the bed and I looked down at him as he lovingly washed her face. His shaking hands caressed her and I could hear his heavy breathing, I could hear his snarls. I just couldn’t determine what they were…anger or hunger.
“Is she…”
“She’ll be okay. It was a clean hit to her side, nothing damaged, just a lot of blood.” He looked like he was having a really hard time controlling himself.
“But she’s…”
“Connor she’ll be okay. Slayers heal fast and I was quick enough in sealing the wound. It will heal.” He stood up, grabbed his coat and walked out of the room. I watched him as he stiffly left wondering just where the hell he was going. I sat down on the edge of the bed and took over where he left off wiping her face and praying to god that she would be okay.
I felt so alone as I watched her. But my mind was clear enough now to see the slight rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. I leaned closer to her and I felt her soft breath hit my face warmly and I smiled relieved. She would be okay. I didn’t fail.
An hour later I walked down to the living room. I found my father standing at the window gazing out. His shoulders were stiff and I was slightly apprehensive about approaching him. “Where did you go?”
“Out.” Was his terse reply.
“Out! She’s lying upstairs dying and you went out!” I was angry, angry that he left, angry that I hadn’t been able to stop the demon, and angry with myself for falling apart.
“I couldn’t stay Connor…the blood…her blood…it’s too powerful, too strong...too alluring.”
“But what you did…”
He spun around still wearing the face of the demon and I jumped back startled. “I had to do. But it takes a toll on my strength.” He looked back out the window. “It’s been too long and her taste is too…provocative.”
I sat down on the couch. I understood what he was saying and I was suddenly very thankful that he did leave. I was not sure what to say next since he still seemed tense. I wasn’t sure if it was the demon still at the fold or something else.
“Are you…I mean, um…” I guess he understood my confusion because he smiled at me. It was a little frightening to see a smile around a pair of sharp gleaming fangs. It confused me even more; I mean was I supposed to feel relieved?
“I’m fine don’t worry.”
“Then ah why…you know all…grrr…” I said waving my hand in front of my face.
He grinned at me quite evilly actually and then sat down in the chair. “Because Connor, I’m a little…perturbed at the moment.”
“Oh okay.” When I realized why he was perturbed, or rather at whom, I swallowed and prepared myself for the verbal lashing. Hopefully that would be the only kind of lashing I would be getting from this fuck up.
I lowered my head respectfully, “I’m sorry Dad. I failed. I’m just not strong enough I guess. And then when…when it happened, all the blood I just freaked out. I’m not worthy to be The Vindex.”
There was silence after my heartfelt plea and I looked up at him, he was smiling, and not an evil I’m going to kill you smile; it was a smile of…comfort?
“Connor it’s all right, it’s not your fault. You did everything that you could have possibly done.”
“No I could have done more. It’s okay Dad you can be mad at me, I understand.”
“Connor I’m not mad at you. You did everything that you could do and I’m proud of you.”
“You are?”
He nodded.
“I don’t understand.”
“Connor, Buffy knew they were coming,” he said quietly.
“She did?”
He nodded. “Giles, her watcher…” his eyes crinkled with anger, “…or former watcher from what he said.”
“Wait former?”
His eyes darkened a little more, clearly upset with what he had learned in London. “Yes. It seems that after they blew up Sunnydale and came to Europe, Buffy came here and disassociated herself with everyone. She told Giles that she didn’t need him anymore and she hasn’t spoken to any of her friends since then.”
“No that’s not true. She told me she spoke to Faith not too long ago.”
“Apparently, Faith is the only that she talks to.” He smirked, “Ironic.”
“How so?” I asked but he avoided my question.
“Giles, called her about a week before you showed up. He had been informed that the demon population in Rome at risen immensely and that they were all gathering to hunt down and kill the slayer. Giles didn’t know why but he called Buffy and warned her.”
I sat back in my chair, “She never mentioned it. So she had been going out night after night hunting them, looking for them specifically?”
He shrugged, “Knowing Buffy probably.”
“But why? Why would she go out alone and not call somebody?”
“Because Connor apparently Buffy is immortal.” He stood up and walked over to the liquor cabinet. Opening it he pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels.
“Ah?”
“Didn’t you see the way the wound healed, how quickly?” he asked, pouring a drink. He drank it down quickly.
“Yeah but I just assumed you know slayer…your saliva…”
He shook his head, pouring and then drinking another shot. “No. That’s too quick even for a slayer and my saliva. There’s only one way a person heals that quickly and that’s if they’re immortal,“ he poured another drink and drank it down, “I should know. It’s how it is with me.”
I sat there thinking about this new revelation; it made a lot of sense. If she was immortal and she knew then she wouldn’t feel like she needed a watcher anymore. It was also a good explanation as to why she would be so reckless in hunting and taking on so many demons at once.
“Well that explains why she went looking for them. So um why does this seem to bother you?”
He didn’t answer.
“Dad?”
He sighed, “Because Connor it’s not what I wanted for her,” he quietly said. You know what? I was speechless. It hit me in that moment, that everything my father had done up to this moment was selfish. It wasn’t blatant and I doubted he even realized it, but it was. I watched him now with clearer eyes, maybe really seeing him for the first time and I wondered how far I would have to push him until he saw it too.
“Maybe you can’t decide what everyone gets in life Dad.” I said quietly, his shoulders stiffened but he didn’t respond to my comment.
“When you’re immortal you feel invincible, you start to think you don’t need anyone.” He shrugged, “or maybe it was something that she just felt she had to do on her own.” He offered his own lame excuse and ignored my hint, which only served to piss me off.
See even before I met her I knew that she was just doing what she had to do. She didn’t care anymore. It had nothing to do with the fact that she was immortal. I think she went out being reckless with the hope that one of them would get lucky and finally kill her.
“You know what I think. I think that being immortal is just a lame excuse. It’s bullshit Dad. I think she didn’t call anyone because she doesn’t care what happens to her anymore.”
He didn’t respond he just poured himself a drink and swiftly drank it.
“Like you.”
His shoulder’s stiffened and I realized that I was probably treading on volatile ground but I didn’t care. My night had already been scary as hell, so I figured why not make it a little scarier.
I stood up and faced him. “You don’t give a shit either anymore it’s why you keep running, why you can’t control the demon as easily as you used to.”
“I run because if I don’t they’ll catch up with me.”
“No. There was a time when you would stand your ground and fight.”
“Yeah that’s what got me into this mess to begin with.”
“No Dad, what got you into this mess was you! You put yourself in this position.”
“Connor I had no choice, I did what I had to do.”
“You didn’t have to sign away your Shanshu Dad!”
He turned around and looked at me coldly. “How do you know about that?”
“Wesley. He sent me a letter right before you went into battle…before he died. He told me what you guys were doing and why.”
He looked down and poured another drink. “Then you know that I had no choice. I did what I had to do.”
“No you had a choice; there could have been another way. The moment you signed away your Shanshu dad was the moment that you aligned yourself with Evil. It was the moment that your path changed.”
The glass shattered in his hand as he looked at me with rage in eyes. “You understand nothing!”
I stood my ground and stepped up to him. “NO you don’t understand! You and your selfless sacrifices! They’re bullshit! You don’t do them for anyone else but yourself. I finally see that now! You left Buffy because you needed to get your head together. You changed my destiny because you couldn’t deal with the fact that I was not what YOU wanted me to be. You signed away your Shanshu because you were scared. Scared of being human again. Scared of the fact that you would have to face Buffy. Scared because you were and still are fucking pissed off at her because you think she betrayed you! When you were the one that betrayed her!”
I found myself flat on my ass across the room, from the strong pissed off blow to my chin that he solidly landed. I shook my head and looked up at him as he approached me and stood like an avenging angel loaming above me.
“You listen to me boy, you know nothing… NOTHING…about me or about Buffy! You have no right to say anything!!”
“I have every right! And I do…I know everything! I know that that beautiful incredible woman upstairs is still deeply in love with you. I know that she’s haunted by the fact that she doesn’t have what her heart desires most, children, a family, a home. I know that she has closed herself off from the possibility that anything good could happen to her because of you! I know that she thinks you are this god of truth and strength and thinks herself not worthy to spit on your shoes!“
He stood back he seemed a little shocked at what I said but I wouldn’t relent. “And I know this Dad. She never betrayed you. Her heart has always remained true to you, when she was with Spike and even now when she’s with the Immortal.”
He spun away from me, “Shut up!” he sneered at me coldly.
“No I won’t shut up. You think I don’t understand but you know what I’m the only one that understands anything around here! See I understand now that everything you do, every choice and decision that you make doesn’t just revolve around you Dad. It involves her, it involves me, and it involves that sweet little soul that’s waiting to be given life. And you know what Dad? It’s always been that way you’ve just been too blind and stupid to see that!”
“I’ve heard enough!” He stormed out angry. Slamming the door as he went, the walls shook with the force and I stood there fuming at his stubbornness. I calmed down only because of the fact that he came back. A smile formed on my face. He found the answers he was looking for in London and he came back like he said he would.
I headed back upstairs to sit with Buffy feeling pretty good. I’m glad I yelled at him, someone needed to set him straight, because someone needed to set Buffy straight and that person wasn’t me. That had to come from the person that put all the doubts, fears and misconceptions in her head.
So let him stew, let him brood over everything, I knew he’d be back. Because deep down inside my father wanted the same things Buffy did. It wouldn’t take him long to realize that now was his chance to stop being selfish and do what he always claimed he wanted to do most…love and protect Buffy.
********
It was late and the house was quiet as I sat on the bed staring at Buffy. My strength left me the second I walked into the room and looked at her still body. I was petrified that she wouldn’t wake up. There was so much more I wanted to learn from her and tell her. She had gotten into my heart and my soul, and I felt as close to her as I’ve ever felt toward anyone. I was like her in so many ways, both of us a victim of one man’s acts and deeds. Both of us always striving to be perfect in his eyes, to be what he wanted us to be regardless of what it cost us, and then to feel unworthy when we weren’t.
Now don’t get me wrong, I know that my father is not that much of a selfish bastard, and in reality he really wasn’t selfish at all. I know that he did the things he did out of love for us, a deep love that he felt he didn’t deserve.
But still I thought it was selfish only because he didn’t have the balls to acknowledge it for what it really was. Fear. Instead he ran from it and justified everything by telling himself he was doing what was best for us.
Running. He had always been running. Running from the truth. Running from the fear that having faith puts in your soul. It’s a scary thing faith. I mean you give into it wholeheartedly thinking that everything will be okay but deep down inside you’re scared out of your mind. Scared because to have faith means opening yourself up, you become vulnerable. And who the hell wants that?
It was sardonic considering that these two people who were older than me, who had seen and experienced more in their lives than I could ever imagine, didn’t see it for themselves. It took me, a lost and stupid kid, to show them. I would be lying if I said that that didn’t make me feel a little bit superior to them. But really it isn’t that I’m better. It’s just that I’m not that much a part of it so it’s easier for me to see it for what it really is.
Her leg moved and brushed up against mine bringing me out of my thoughts. I looked at her expectantly waiting for her to open those big soulful green eyes, to know that she’s truly okay.
Her lids opened and her eyes zoned in on me, “Angel?” she softly asked.
I smiled, as I wiped her face with a cloth. “No Buffy it’s Connor.”
She looked surprised for a second then her eyes traveled over the room like she was looking for somebody that wasn’t there. When she looked back at me, I could see her embarrassment as her face lightly blushed. “Oh…I’m sorry…I thought…”
“You thought right.”
Her eyes bulged and I saw her throat move as she swallowed nervously. “I did.”
I nodded.
Her eyes watered and when she spoke her voice was hushed. “He’s…here?”
God I couldn’t stop my own eyes from watering at the hope and need that oozed out with those two little words. I smiled at her and nodded my head. “Yeah but he…”
“Left.”
I nodded.
She went to move but the pain stopped her as she fell back on the bed. “Oh god!”
“Don’t move just lie still and relax.”
Her hands went to her stomach as a horrified look crossed her face. I knew what she was thinking. I grabbed her hands and held them in mine, her eyes automatically looking into mine. “It’s okay. The sword was a clean hit to your side. It’s okay, nothing was damaged.”
She seemed to relax a little bit sitting back into the pillows her eyes closed and she breathed deeply. “Ouch.” She smiled at me stiffly, “I guess I shouldn’t do that too much.”
I smiled back at her. Then looked down at her wound checking to make sure that it was still not bleeding and that it was healing. Which it was, rapidly so, my eyes crinkled wondering how she had become immortal.
Her hand came to rest on my cheek lifting my head to hers. “I’m sorry,” she said softly.
I shook my head at her, tears filling my eyes. “No I’m sorry. I wasn’t able to stop them; I wasn’t able to protect you. I’m a terrible guardian.”
She smiled at me as the tears started to roll down my cheeks. “No Connor. What happened wasn’t your fault. I…I knew they were coming for me. They have been for quite a while I just never knew why. But…now I do.”
I looked up at her, “You believe me.”
Tears started to stream down her face as she nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe in you before. It’s just…it was too hard and it came with too much hope and I…I was afraid to believe.”
“I understand.”
“No, I don’t think you do, Connor my relationship with Angel has always been, precarious to say the least. He always tried to protect me, from demons, from my destiny, even from himself. He always tried to do things that he thought were in my best interest. I know that when he found out about me and Spike that I let him down. I wasn’t that pure and noble person that he always thought I was, he thinks of me differently now, and he can’t accept that.”
I shook my head, “No Buffy he’s just jealous, he doesn’t mean anything he says.”
She snorted, “Well see that’s the problem Connor. He doesn’t say. He doesn’t say anything! He never tells me what he’s thinking or feeling. Honestly, I’m surprised he even showed up. I know what he thinks of me. The thought of touching me must be revolting to him.”
“That’s not true Buffy. He just needs some time.”
She smiled at me. “We don’t have time Connor. The prophecy is almost among us and he’s gone…again.”
I lowered my head feeling like I failed and she sensed that. She took my chin in her hand and raised my head to look at her.
“Connor you have not failed. You have been nothing but wonderful. You’ve opened my eyes and my heart to the hope of having a baby. A baby Connor! God I still can’t believe it. And you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have proven yourself to me and to anyone else that’s been watching.” Her eyes tilted to the ceiling like she knew they watched and she was demanding that they give me the credit that I deserved.
“You fought for what you believed in and I know that should…this baby be born, that you will be a fearless and indestructible Vindex. I know that my baby will always be safe with you Connor.”
I cried as she spoke, I couldn’t help it. She made me feel so strong, more powerful than I had ever felt. It was a miracle really, how quickly someone’s belief in you could change how you always felt about yourself. See I had always been afraid that the goodness in me was overruled by the darkness, that the darkness was what gave me strength. But what was good and what was evil? They were polar opposites. You couldn’t have the good without the evil. It was all about balance. And if you had the right people giving you love and support, their strength, then you never had to fear being taken over by the darkness. That balance would always be there.
Her hand lowered and her gaze moved to the window staring into the night. “That’s if there is a baby.”
“He’ll be back.” I told her as she stared out the window. I couldn’t read what was going through her mind as we sat there quietly but I knew she was battling something inside of her.
When she finally turned to look at me, her gaze was clear and bright. “You know Connor throughout our entire relationship, Angel has always run away and I’ve always let him, I suppose I’m as much to blame as he is.
“No Buffy it’s nobody’s fault, it’s just the shitty cards that you guys were dealt.”
“Well it doesn’t matter. I know what I want. The trick is getting it.” She had this gleam in her eye; it was a trickster’s gleam. Something was brewing inside of that beautiful head of hers. Something that I had a feeling didn’t bode well for my father.
Once again I was taken back by how strong Buffy was. She had lost so much in her life, had sacrificed everything in the name of destiny, resulting in self-doubt and maybe even a little self-hatred. She was scared out of her mind to believe that anything good could happen to her, and she believed that the man she loves hates her. Yet here she was once more ready to take that big step and to once more believe. She was without a doubt the strongest woman I had ever met, and I felt such admiration and respect for her that I was more determined than ever to make sure she got what she deserved.
“You…you need to rest.” I sputtered out as the strong emotions I was feeling threatened to overwhelm me.
She continued to just stare at me. I took a step back from her, uncomfortable by her stare. There was something very knowing in that stare, it told me that she wasn’t going to give up this time. That she would do anything she had to do in order to make my father stay. And I felt almost afraid by it. I was very thankful that I wasn’t my father, because things were going to get real ugly for him.
“Just lie there and relax I’ll bring you up something to drink. What do you want?”
Her face softened and she smiled at me putting me once more at ease. “I’d love some hot chocolate.”
“Okay rest.” I told her sternly, “One hot cocoa coming right up.”
I was almost at the door when she stopped me, “Connor?”
“Yes?”
“If he doesn’t come back…”
“Buffy he’ll be back.”
“Connor it doesn’t matter if he comes back or not, because I’m going to get him and drag his ass back here.”
I smiled at her as I shook my head. “Good and I’ll be right behind you.”
I quietly closed the door and headed down to the kitchen. I knew that she was up there right now plotting against my father, strategizing her next move. I also knew that she was steeling herself against the pain that confrontation would bring her. She wasn’t kidding herself into believing that he was going to be kind, she knew without having seen him in over two years, what state of mind he was in. I just hoped that he wasn’t too cruel.
Reaching the kitchen I started opening up cabinets searching for the hot cocoa. Finally finding it I filled the teakettle and put it on the stove. Taking a cup down, I opened a package and emptied it in the cup. A few minutes later the kettle started to blow its annoyingly shrill whistle, and I quickly took it off and filled the cup when I sensed that I was not alone.
“She’s awake?”
I pulled the tray out from under the sink that I had found earlier, put the cup on it, then turned around. ”Yes I’m bringing her some cocoa.”
He walked in stiffly hands in his pockets. “She likes milk in it.” He said quietly as he sat down at the table running his hands through his hair. “And marshmallows…lots of them.”
I smiled at his bent head and put the tray on the table. I walked over to the fridge and pulled out the milk, then searched for the marshmallows.
“How…how is she?” he asked quietly.
I smiled at him, I think he had a lot coming to him when he walked into that room but hey I wasn’t going to ruin the surprise. “She’s…in good spirits.”
“Oh good, that’s good.” He looked back down at his fingers as they lay on the table now crossed.
“So I guess you found your answers?”
He shook his head, “I just…I’m having a really hard time believing it.”
“I can understand that.”
He looked up at me; his brown eyes filled with an everlasting ache. “Can you?”
“Yes I can.” I answered him quietly my eyes never leaving his. I wanted him to know that I truly did understand everything that he had done and why.
He stared back at me like he was reading my every thought then he sighed and looked away. “You were right, everything you said was true.” He lowered his head, “I’ve been such a coward and my cowardice has altered everyone’s lives. All the people that I love the most, all the people I swore I would never hurt I just kept on hurting them, time and time again.”
“Dad it’s okay, I mean you were afraid. Everyone gets afraid and it’s nothing to be ashamed about.” I silently thanked Buffy for that little speech we had in this kitchen not so long ago. Because I believed the words I just told him and I was desperate to make sure that he believed them too.
“No it’s not alright because…no matter how much I do believe and no matter how much I want those things…I…can’t have them.”
WHAT! No he did not just say what I thought he said. I set the tray down on the table and slammed my hands down making the tray shake. He looked up at me, surprise on his face.
“WHAT?” My eyes burned into his.
“Connor, I know you want everything to work out between Buffy and myself but the truth is it would never work out. There’s always something getting in the way.”
“Yeah YOU!” I screamed at him.
He stood up, “No it’s not me damn it! You think I don’t want her! You think I don’t want to have a baby with the only woman I’ve ever loved!”
“Well I don’t know Dad, the way you’re talking it sounds like you’re just going to give up!”
“Connor I’ve unleashed the dogs of hell! Do you know what that means?”
“Yes that they’re hunting you.”
“That’s right. And who do you think they will come after once they find out that I’m here and with Buffy?”
“It doesn’t matter Dad we’ll be all together we can protect each other!”
He sat down dispirited and I had a moment of hope. I sat down across from him, “Dad I know you’re worried I’m worried too. Don’t you think that when the Oracles told me what I was, told me my true destiny that I was afraid? Dad I’d never been more scared in my life. But you know what? I sucked it up because I needed to know that I wasn’t meant for just destruction and evil. There’s more to me than that Dad. Just like you. And Buffy she’s so special; she deserves so much more than what she’s gotten in life so far. You deserve more! Don’t you see you two can finally be together! You can have everything you always wanted. You just have to have faith Dad.”
He looked up at me, a slight smile on his face, “When did you get to be so smart?”
I shrugged, “I don’t know. Honestly, I think it was when I met Buffy.” I smiled at him.
He snorted, “Really, I think I got dumber.”
“I’d agree with that.”
I turned to the doorway as Angel quickly stood up from his seat. Buffy stood in the doorway in a pale blue robe her arms crossed over her chest staring at my father with anger in her eyes. Her appearance was one of softness and beauty, yet her eyes told the true tale. Her eyes said that she was ready to go into battle and take whatever shit she had to take to get what she wanted.
“What are you doing out of bed?” he asked angrily.
“I don’t need to lay down Angel, I’m fine,” she snapped.
“Oh that’s right. I forgot. You’re immortal now!” he said mockingly.
“Yeah that’s right I am!”
“Don’t you think that’s something I should have known about!” he screamed at her.
“Why would I tell you? You don’t care about me and you haven’t for a very, very long time! In fact I’m surprised to even see you here. What? Did you suddenly grow a pair of balls!"
I almost dropped the tray; I couldn’t believe she said that and neither did my father oh for about two seconds. On the third second his palms landed on the table - I figured it was either the table or Buffy and I thanked god he had enough common sense to use the table - so hard that the table splintered in two and broke.
I jumped back the one end of the table almost landing on my foot. I looked at my father his face had shifted to the demon, his eyes were closed and he was snarling very, very loudly. He was desperately trying to control his rage but Buffy wouldn’t relent.
She walked into the room and up to his side. “I know why you’re here. You’re here because all your whores are dead and you see an opportunity to fuck me!”
His eyes opened so quickly and his hand slapped her hard across the face so fast that I had no time to respond. She flew back against the kitchen wall and I dropped my tray and took a step toward her. But his hand came out and stopped me. “Stay out of this Connor,” he sneered at me as his eyes glowed yellow.
I wasn’t too sure about that until I looked at Buffy and…she was smiling? There was blood dripping down her lip and she was smiling! And then she winked at me! This was her plan? To piss him off so much that he gets violent?
My father turned to look at her and her smile vanished, he didn’t even see it, her eyes were once more hard as she watched him slowly approach her. He pushed up against her as his hands landed with a thud on the wall trapping her.
“Don’t talk to me about whores Buffy. That’s not a particularly good subject with me right now!” he said quietly. But she snorted at him flippantly and I could see his fingers flexing angrily into the wall.
“Really and why is that Angel? Could it be because you think I’m a whore?”
He didn’t answer her but I could see his fury grow and I heard the snap of wood as his fingers clenched into the wall indenting it. I stepped forward. “Buffy…please…stop.”
“Stop? No I don’t think so Connor. See Angel here has always had a problem with telling me what he’s thinking and feeling. You see he prefers to just shut it all inside and let it rot. He doesn’t like to mention things that are unseemly to him, because then that gives him the opportunity to run away from me, to run away from us. Just like he’s always done.”
She looked back at Angel, her eyes piercing his, totally unafraid of the dangerous spot that she knowingly put herself in. “So let’s talk about whores shall we? Let’s start with what you really want to know Angel.”
He sneered down at her, but he didn’t seem as stressed as he was moments before. “And what’s that Buff?” he quietly asked.
If I didn’t know any better I’d swear that it was Angelus speaking. The way he spoke reminded me of the one time that I met the demon. And I was filled now with anger and fear, just as I was then. I was seeing for the first time just how close my father was to that imaginary line between good and evil and it scared me. Now Buffy she took note of it too, except there was no fear in her, just excitement. Apparently she took it as a good sign.
Her eyebrow lifted at the shortened use of her name. She leaned her head back against the wall and her eyes slid closed slowly and sensually. They opened and she stared deeply into his. She smiled as her lower body moved against his ever so slightly. If I didn’t have such keen eyesight I never would have noticed it…but I did, and I looked away from them.
Her voice lowered, “You want to know how I thought they measured up to you. You want to know if you’re still the best lay I’ve ever had or just a memory blowing in the wind.”
I looked back to see his reaction.
He smiled at her around a mouthful of fangs, as his hips slowly rotated against her. Leaning further into her neck he sniffed her and lightly rubbed his chin against her cheek. Her eyes closed and I could hear her breath deepen as he looked back up at her, a conceited smirk on his face. “I already know the answer to that Buff,” he leaned in again, breathing deeper as his hips once more rolled against hers, “If it had been me that you were sleeping with these last two years, you wouldn’t smell like a bitch in heat.”
My head was swinging back and forth between them. I couldn’t believe the conversation that I was overhearing. Well, not overhearing, I mean I am standing here as plain as day, but for them it was like I wasn’t even there.
I looked back at Buffy and her eyes were a smoky green as she smirked back at him, “Well I guess you would know about bitches in heat wouldn’t you?”
He snarled at her, “At least they weren’t soulless demons.”
“I do my best work with soulless demons, it’s a shame you didn’t get to find that out for yourself…Angelus.”
I don’t think he liked that because he snarled at her angrily and his hands quickly left the wall. Gripping her wrists he pulled them straight above her head. “Don’t be a smart ass Buffy, you know I’m not him, if I were you’d be tied up and being beaten within an inch of your life right now!”
I was about to step in, because things seemed to be rolling in the wrong direction. But Buffy she looked at him a smile as sweet as pie on her face and said, “Don’t tease me Angel.”
That seemed to piss him off, because his hold on her wrists tightened and he pushed himself even further against her. “So that’s how it is now ah, you like it rough, it makes you wet doesn’t it! You want me to beat you like some…” He stopped and looked at her, his eyes glowing yellow, but he didn’t finish his sentence.
“Say it Angel, like what?”
He just stared at her intensely, his body shaking with the rage that he was trying to control. Her eyes softened and her voice was soft and entreating when she spoke to him. “No, then I will. You think I’m a whore. You think I’ve lowered myself by sleeping with Spike and Lucian. You always thought of me as some epitome of pureness and now you can’t, and you resent me for that. You know maybe you’re right, maybe I did lower myself, but you know what Angel, I did what I had to do to survive and at least I can admit that.”
He didn’t say anything; he dropped her hands and stood back from her. He took one last look at her and then walked out. Buffy’s eyes closed and a single tear fell down her cheek but then she stood up tall and straightened her shoulders her eyes opening. She looked up at me and her eyes were clear and focused. “Stubborn jackass.” She mumbled then she followed him.
I followed them out to the hallway to see my father just opening the door and Lucian standing there.
There was a tense second of silence as they stared at each other. I saw the way my father’s hands gripped the doorknob and I heard the low rumble of rage.
“Ah Angelus here at last I see.”
Buffy walked over to them and pushing Angel aside she stepped in between them. “Lucian wh…what are you doing here?”
He looked down at her, his face mockingly showed concern, yet his eyes held nothing but sinister pleasure. His hand rose to her cheek and as my father snarled behind Buffy, he wiped at the tear. “Still making the women weep I see.”
Angel reached around Buffy and grabbed Lucian’s hand pulling him away from her. “Don’t touch her.”
“You know one would think that after two hundred plus years you would have learned how to treat the ladies with respect.” Lucian said, his eyes twinkling at my father.
Buffy stood between them like a rabbit caught in a snare. My father took a step closer pushing into her back causing her to take a step closer to Lucian. But quickly his arm came around her waist pushing her back into him protectively. “One would also think that after two hundred years a person would get tired of sloppy seconds.”
I grimaced at the raunchiness of that statement and by the look on Buffy’s face I don’t think she appreciated it either. “Excuse me?” she said angrily as she tried to turn around to glare at him.
But they ignored her; they were just two stallions alone in a field fighting over the same mare.
“I wouldn’t exactly call Buffy sloppy seconds Angelus.” He looked down at Buffy who was trapped in between them her face completely unreadable. “There’s just something extra special about this one, isn’t there?” He eyes shifted to me and they turned black, “much tastier than that whore Darla.”
“Darla? What?” Buffy asked confused.
Lucian heard her confusion and smiled wickedly as he turned his gaze back to Angel. “So tell me, how is the little family reunion going?”
My father’s face turned murderous and I didn’t know what to say, but Buffy quickly turned around and faced Angel. “Angel what’s he talking about?”
He never took his eyes off of Lucian as he replied to her, “I’ll tell you later.”
“No Angel I want to know now.” She demanded her voice hard as her eyes looked to me, “Connor?”
Lucian chuckled, the bastard, knowing full well what he was doing. “Buffy my love didn’t they tell you? Tsk…tsk Angelus keeping secrets from the woman you supposedly love.”
Lucian smiled at him then looked at Buffy. “Buffy my sweet, Connor is Angelus’ and Darla’s child.”
“What? No she’s…she’s dead.” She stumbled back and out from in between them walking backwards in a daze.
“Yes she was love, but she was resurrected to be with her destined mate, Angelus. You see there was a prophecy about a child…”
“Lucian shut up!” My father roared again and stepped right up into his face daring him to open his mouth once more.
“Prophecy...a child…” Buffy’s eyes were wild as she looked back and forth between my father and me. I felt horrible. She should have been told. I could see the confusion in her eyes she was thinking of another prophecy and another child and wondering if it was all lies.
“Come on Angelus she has a right to know, does she not?” Lucian said.
“You’re right she does but it’s not going to come from you.” My father answered followed by a straight left punch right to the bastard’s perfect aristocratic nose. I smiled gleefully as I watched Lucian fly backwards and land on his ass on the front lawn.
He sat there his face that of the demon snarling up at my father who stood in the doorway. “Lucian I’m going to give you a head start. Be smart. Use it and run because I’m coming for you,” he quietly said then he slammed the door on Lucian’s angry growls.
“That was the best thing I’ve seen in years!” I said happily as I slapped him on the back. But he wasn’t paying me any attention as he looked around the hall for Buffy who was not there.
“Damn it.” He cursed as he took the steps two at a time. I followed behind, because hello this was my story and damn it I wanted to hear it.
We found her in the bedroom, staring out of the window, her arms crossed protectively over her tummy. My father cautiously walked in and I didn’t blame him. God only knew what her reaction would be or rather how violent the situation would get. So he approached her with all the respect a vampire would give an emotional and unpredictable immortal slayer – very carefully.
“Buffy…”
“Is it true?” her voice was flat. It sounded like a simple question there were no undertones of betrayal or rage. She asked and wanted a straight answer and that was it. I raised my eyebrows, because it was not the response I was expecting.
“Yes.”
I could see her shoulders move slightly from her light chuckle. “Were you ever planning on telling me Angel?”
She had her answer when he didn’t answer her. Her head lowered sadly, and I could see the strength that she had mustered before slowly diminish with the slight shake of her shoulders. But seconds later her head rose and she stood straight as she turned around and looked him right in the eye. “So you and Darla ah, that must be nice to have a child with your mate.”
She turned to the side to walk by him but he grabbed her arm and spun her around. He looked at her for about ten seconds not speaking, but I could see that he was fighting a battle with himself. He was fighting the fact that even though he resented her he still loved her, and he was fighting the guilt that he felt for not telling her. But he seemed to come to grips with it as he sighed and his voice lowered.
“Darla was never my mate Buffy. She was just…there. Look at the time it happened, I was in a dark place it didn’t mean anything. I felt desolate and alone. I felt like I had lost everything and there was no reason to go on.”
She turned her head but he wouldn’t allow it, he roughly took her chin in his hand and turned her head to look at him. “I was trying to lose my soul Buffy. It’s not something that I’m proud of. In fact after leaving you, it’s probably the second most cowardly thing I’ve ever done. But I wouldn’t change anything because that moment of despair also gave me one of the happiest moments in my life. A son.”
He looked over at me and smiled then looked back at Buffy who just stared at him blankly. “That’s great for you Angel.” She said it like she didn’t care. It was almost like she wasn’t even upset about it, like she already knew.
She walked around him, as he stood there glaring at her, and up to me. She looked at me, her eyes wandering over my face, and I blushed shamefully as she condemned me for not telling her the truth.
“Father’s a demon hunter ah? My father’s in London looking for answers.” she snorted at me.
I guess I looked uncomfortable because Angel stepped up to answer her. “Don’t blame Connor Buffy. It wasn’t his place to tell you.”
She spun around, “Oh I don’t blame Connor Angel. I blame you! Why do you find it so hard to talk to me? You have never been able to tell me anything about what you’re thinking or feeling. Instead you make promises you never intend on keeping!”
“Don’t be dramatic Buffy!”
“Dramatic! I’m not being dramatic Angel; I’m speaking the truth. You prefer to go behind my back and do things instead of talking to me about it. Why did you go to London, Angel?”
I could feel his teeth grinding together, and I smirked because he didn’t like to be proven wrong and that was exactly what Buffy just did. “I was talking to Giles.”
“See. Instead of coming here and talking to me about it you go off and talk to someone else. Then you come here and try to tell me what to do!”
“I’m not telling you what to do! Besides I needed to know for sure. I needed to know that the Oracles weren’t playing tricks!”
She snorted then walked up to him, “You know what Angel you haven’t changed at all. You still can’t believe in anything! See I believed, I didn’t need to talk to Giles…I believed!”
I didn’t think it would be a good idea to point out that she only believed after the demon said something. I figured she had to know what she was doing. So I kept my mouth shut.
“You!” she rammed her finger in his chest, “you have never believed! You were always looking for a way out! You know what I don’t care anymore! I’m fucking tired of prophecies that promise me nothing but sunshine and roses and deliver me shit! And I’m fucking tired of you always pushing them away!”
He grabbed her hand, “That’s not fair Buffy I’ve always believed in us! I’ve always tried to make things work!”
She shook her head, “No you haven’t! But it doesn’t matter anymore. I want you to leave.” She jerked her hand out of his and stepped back her eyes looking at him then me, “both of you. Get out!”
“I can’t believe you’re acting this way! Why because I didn’t tell you about Connor and Darla? We weren’t even together then! Hell we were barely even talking!”
I didn’t realize until now how slow my father could be. It was either that or he was so blinded by his own emotions and hang-ups that he couldn’t comprehend why she wasn’t bitching at him about Darla. It seemed like he wanted her to be upset about Darla because then it would justified his own feelings about Spike and Lucian. But Buffy wouldn’t give in to it.
“No Angel this isn’t about Connor or Darla, this about you and your refusal to let me in on what you’re thinking!”
“What!” He walked closer to her, confusion evident on his face, that and sadness. “Let me get this straight you’re not pissed off that I slept with Darla?” he asked questioningly.
“I’m not a hypocrite Angel, I slept with Spike and Lucian how can I hold Darla against you?”
Bingo! There goes the confusion and sadness. His face turned murderous as he growled angrily and stormed the rest of the way over to her. “Do me a favor and don’t mention that to me again. EVER!” He sneered at her.
She actually rolled her eyes at him, “Oh shut up Angel! Don’t try and turn this conversation into some stupid totally uncalled for jealously thing!”
“What! Uncalled for!”
“Yes that’s right uncalled for. You have no say in who I slept with just like I have no say in who you slept with!”
He shook his head, “Oh no…well you know what you can be all honorable and think like that but you know what I can’t!”
“Yeah well get over it!” She screamed at him.
He grabbed her roughly, pulling her closer to his red face. “You want to know how I feel? Fine I’ll tell you! I can’t forgive the fact that you slept with Spike! It makes my skin crawl to think that he touched you! To know that you got pleasure from him makes me want to put a stake to my heart! And let’s not even start with Lucian! LUCIAN! Jesus Christ Buffy are you trying to kill me!”
She pushed him off and once more rammed her finger in his chest as she approached him pushing him back. “What about you Angel eh? How do you think it made me feel to know that you LOVED Cordelia! Cordelia the one person who always hated me! The one person who at every opportunity she had took great pleasure in throwing every snide and catty remark in my face. And then who was next…oh right Nina…a werewolf…how do you think it made me feel to know that you rather be with a werewolf than come home to me! Why do you think I’m with Lucian Angel? It’s because of you!”
“Me!” he shouted at her.
“Yes you! I learned about Nina from Spike. Spike was the one that told me that you were in love. You didn’t even have the fucking balls to say it to my face!”
He laughed madly, “Spike! I should have known. He was just trying to get into your pants Buffy!”
She smiled at him, “Yeah…well it worked!”
She stepped back smiling at him, obviously enjoying the rage that was distorting my father’s face into something that I have never seen, and I got to tell you I was shitting a pickle. But not Buffy, she just stood there smiling at him her arms crossed over her chest waiting for him to say something.
But my father, the cool, calm cat that he was, didn’t say anything instead he turned to the bed, picked it up and literally threw it against the wall. I jumped back completely startled as it smashed into tiny bits all over the floor.
Buffy threw her hands up in the air. “Oh that’s great Angel! Just great! What the hell am I supposed to sleep on now?” she screamed at him.
“I don’t give a shit what WE sleep on Buffy!”
“WE?”
“That’s right we! I’m not sleeping on the same bed that you fucked Spike on!”
You know if there wasn’t so much tension in the room I would have laughed because she was fucking brilliant! She had completely turned the tables on him. She got him to tell her exactly what he was feeling and admit that he wanted the prophecy to come true to.
“Oh no you got that wrong; I’m not sleeping with you period! You think I want to have a baby with someone that obviously has no faith in us! Someone who with the next opportunity that he gets is going to take off? No, I’m done with that Angel!”
She turned around ready to walk out of the room my father took two steps and was an arm length away from her, when the house suddenly started to shake. I looked out toward the window to see a thick fog rising and hovering outside as if it was looking in. Buffy grabbed the wall to steady herself and I did the same as we both looked at each other. “What the hell is that?” she screamed over the ever-loudening roar that was filling the house.
I looked at my father and his face changed; he was snarling his yellow eyes transfixed on the fog as he shouted. “NOT NOW GOD DAMMIT!”
He looked at Buffy and pointed his finger at her. “I’ll be back to finish this Buffy!” Then he turned and jumped out the window splintering glass everywhere. I looked at the other window to see the fog receding away. The house slowly stopped shaking and everything was quite once again.
Buffy looked at me for an answer.
“It’s the hounds of hell. They’re hunting him.”
She shook her head, “God dammit Angel, you and your martyr bullshit!” She stormed over to the closet and pulled out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. She took her robe off and I quickly turned around.
“Um…Buffy I’m still in the room!” I whined as I kept my eyes tightly shut.
“Oh get over it Connor. I’m sure it’s nothing you haven’t seen already.”
I heard the rustle of jeans as she pulled them on and then the sound of a zipper. I waited another five minutes, “are you decent?”
“Yes.”
I turned around to see her putting on socks and boots. “Um…where are you going?”
She stood up and put on a denim jacket then walked over to another closet. Opening the door she reached in and pulled out a sword that was way bigger than her. She then grabbed some throwing knives and tucked them in the waist of her jeans.
“I’m going to save your father’s ass, that’s where I’m going.”
She headed out of the room with me quickly behind her. I was confused, didn’t she just tell him to get out?
“I don’t understand. You just basically said you didn’t want anything to do with him?”
She waved her hand at me, “that’s just foreplay Connor.”
“What kind of foreplay is that? It sounded to me like you guys wanted to rip each other’s throats out.”
She shrugged, “Foreplay, pillow talk, an aphrodisiac, whatever you want to call it.” She stated it so simply; like it was something I should have known, yet I was still confused.
“Buffy I don’t understand.”
She stopped on the stairs and turned to me. “Connor do you know what tomorrow is?”
“Tuesday?”
She smiled at me, “Yes and it’s my birthday.”
My eyes popped out of my head. With everything that had been going on I had totally lost track of time.
“You know what that means don’t you?”
I dumbly nodded. I did understand what that meant but I was still confused by the argument and emotions that I had previously heard and felt. It didn’t sound to me like they were ready to experience a loving sexual moment that would produce a child.
But she seemed to understand my non-understandment of the situation. She caressed my face, “I know you still don’t understand baby and one day when you fall in love, and your other half is being an ass, then you will understand.” She smiled sweetly at me although it didn’t reach her eyes and then she turned and started walking down the steps again.
“Um…Buffy I don’t think…”
She stopped at the bottom of the steps and I bumped into her. She turned around and looked at me sternly. “Listen to me Connor, don’t think I’ve forgotten that important little bit of information that you neglected to tell me, you and I will have words when I get back. Right now I’m going to save that big stupid stubborn jackass, and make your destiny come true, and you are going to stay here. Do you understand me?”
Throughout her rant I was pushed back until I lost my footing and found myself sitting on the stairs. I felt like I just got yelled at for sticking my hand in the cookie jar. “Yes.” I gulped.
“Good.” She walked out and slammed the door shut muttering something about a big stupid jerk.
I stood up, waited a few minutes, and then ran out after her. Like I was going to sit here and wait, yeah right!
********
I ran as fast as I could to catch up with them. As I neared a dark forest I heard the telltale sounds of a battle. As I got closer I stopped. I was stunned because there they were, my father and Buffy, fighting the ugliest demons I had ever seen, and they were arguing! It was like they picked up from their conversation in the bedroom. It didn’t matter that there were twelve demons coming at them from all directions. They fought them as violently as they argued with each other.
Instead of jumping into the fray, I ducked down behind a bush and watched. I’ve already realized that Buffy was the master Angel-tactician, and I figured that it might be a good idea to listen and learn. I could pick up a few pointers on how to better deal with my father.
“I can’t believe you destroyed my bed!” She screamed at him as she grabbed a demon and twisted his head. The body fell lifeless to the ground and she faced the next one.
Meanwhile, my father was busy with two demons of his own, “Yeah well I can’t believe you slept with Spike…AGAIN!”
“Yeah well maybe if you had the fucking balls to call me up after your little battle and tell me yourself about your new…pet…then I wouldn’t have!”
I smiled into the darkness. Lesson number one: Blame. Blame leads to guilt. Something my father was very susceptible to. Hearing him growl in anger and frustration as he rammed a piece of wood into the heart of the demon he was fighting, it was obvious that that hadn’t changed.
“You were and still are I might add with LUCIAN! And you know I can’t believe you’re blaming me! I suppose Riley is also my fault! Oh and that other asshole Parker!”
Who?
She sucked in her breath like she was surprised he said that last name then she got hit in the face with a big gnarly fist. “Parker! How do you know about Parker?” she asked angrily as she whipped out a throwing knife and threw it at the demon’s neck.
“You’re lover Spike told me!” he sneered at her as he threw a right cross in the nose of a demon.
I heard her mutter something about chopping off his peroxide head, and then she said. “Yeah well it was! You left me! I was lonely!”
He growled and head butted a demon. “Yeah well I was lonely too but I didn’t run off and sleep with the first person I saw!”
“I can’t believe you just said that! You the demon with the long list of lovers! That’s a little hypocritical of you isn’t?”
Lesson number two: mentioning my father’s long list of degradations as a vampire, fires his guilt, shame and …
“I have not had a long list of lovers, at least not since I met you!” he snarled.
Honesty? Umpf, I never would have thought that.
“Whatever…it’s still calling the kettle black!”
“Well excuse me if I don’t want the woman I love to be jumping into bed with every guy she sees!”
“God you are so aggravating!” She said between clenched teeth as she kicked up with her left leg and sent a demon flying back.
“Yeah well so are you!”
“You know if that’s what you really think of me then why are you even here?”
“Because I love you god damn it!” He screamed twisting the head off of a demon.
Lesson number three: being flippant and acting like you just don’t care causes him to speak what’s in his heart.
“Yeah well I love you too! But I’m still not sleeping with you!”
“Yes you are!”
“Oh no I’m not!”
“So what, all that… ‘I want a baby and a family’…that you told Connor was bullshit?”
“No it’s not bullshit but I can’t have those things with a man that’s going to run away every time there’s trouble!”
“I’m not going to run away damn it! I want those things too!”
“Yeah right, today you do, and then tomorrow you won’t and it’s bye-bye Buffy, bye-bye baby…have a nice life!”
I could see the tension in my father’s body was much more severe than when he was normally fighting. She got to him. I could see the light in his golden eyes that indicated everything that he was feeling, anger, jealously, guilt, stubbornness, and…defeat.
“You know what this whole conversation is pointless! Because we can’t sleep together anyway!”
“Ah ah! See, you’re ready to run already!” She spun around and lopped off the head of a demon, then was punched back by another, dropping her sword.
“I’m not running any where damn it! But there is still the fucking curse!”
The moment he said it, I knew the curse wasn’t an issue anymore. I didn’t know how but apparently Buffy did.
“What are you talking about? You can’t lose your soul!”
She took him by surprise with that and he looked at her, “What?” then he was punched in the face by the demon he was fighting. “Ooof.” He stumbled back growling at the demon then pulled a knife out of his pocket. As the demon ran at him, Angel smiled at him, and threw the knife right at his heart. The demon fell to the floor.
“Oh don’t play like you don’t know!” She said to him as she rolled across the grass and picked up her discarded sword, slicing the demon in front of her in two.
“Buffy what the hell are you talking about!” He ducked just missing the swipe of a sword at his head.
“Are you telling me that you were going around and sleeping with fur girl and you didn’t know? God Angel that’s real responsible of you!” I couldn’t see her eyes but the tone of her voice clearly indicated that she was rolling them with disbelief.
“What…no…it was not irresponsible because there was no danger of me losing my soul with Nina!”
“What Nina wasn’t a good fuck?” she sneered.
He growled back, “I don’t love Nina!”
I watched as he shook his head trying to keep up with the change of conversation. I could tell that he was familiar with her tactics, but out of practice.
“Don’t change the subject! Get…back…to…me not losing my soul!” he got out in between ducks and fists flying at his face.
“Willow changed the curse the last time she re-souled you.”
“Oh that’s great! Well it would have been nice to know!”
“She told Cordelia. And I figured since you never called me you were happy with doggywoman!”
I remembered that. Cordy was evil then and if Willow did tell her, there was no way an evil Cordy would have told Angel.
Simultaneously they each threw a knife at the demons they were fighting and then turned to face each other. Panting with exertion from the battle and their emotionally charged quarrel.
“So I can’t lose my soul?” he asked.
“No.” She answered.
I have never seen my father run as fast as I did in that second. He ran at her and she met him in the middle jumping up and wrapping her legs around his waist. He growled hungrily as they mauled each other’s mouths. Their hands caressed each other as he walked them backwards and into a tree. I winced, as Buffy was slammed into the tree hard, pieces of bark flew up and around them. I heard the sound of zippers being unzipped and cloth being ripped. Then I heard, “Oh god Angel, yes right there baby!”
I quickly but quietly walked away. That was something I definitely did not need to see.
I couldn’t stop smiling as I headed home. I did it. I succeeded in bringing them back together and just in the nick of time as I checked my watch and saw that it was eleven thirty. Only thirty minutes away from Buffy’s birthday. That was cutting it close.
I neared the edge of the forest and I heard two loud and very satisfied roars, and my smile grew. Yeah I was feeling pretty good about everything when there was a sudden bright light that shone out of the black sky.
They appeared before me, smiles on their faces. And like before only the woman spoke, “You have done well Vindex. You have succeeded in the first part of your destiny. The lovers are reunited and the soul of the Child has been brought home.”
I smiled back at her feeling pretty darn cocky. “Yeah well of course I did.”
Her eyes sparkled as if she knew of all my insecurities. “A new day has begun and the path of your destiny is now straight. Be wary Vindex, many will try to stop the birth, some closer to you than you think.”
“I know, The Immortal.” I quietly said.
“Yes. He is very old, The Immortal, and he seeks the Child for his own purposes. He will stop at nothing to fulfill his own destiny.”
What this destiny thing applied to evil too? “What’s that?”
“He believes himself to be the next ruler of the underworld. He believes that the Child of Scintillate, once turned to the darkness, will help him succeed.”
“Well he won’t succeed.” My voice was strong and determined, and I was. I felt like nothing could stop my family now and I was ready to take on whatever evil came my way.
She smiled at me, nodding her head, her eyes shone like the moon in the pitch-dark forest and then they were gone as quickly as they came.
I snorted, flighty creatures those Oracles.
I continued to walk back to the house thinking of Lucian.
What would be his next step? He had to know that tomorrow was Buffy’s birthday, and if he was aware of the prophecy, then he knew that tonight would be the night the child would be conceived. So where was he?
My eyes turned to slits as I scanned the darkened path through the forest. He had to be here somewhere, watching, waiting. I felt a chill crawl down my spine and I knew he was somewhere lurking, my enemy for life. He was always going to be lurking. In every darkened corner or shadow he would be there waiting for his moment to strike. But he wouldn’t get it.
Bonds were strong. And the bond that I shared with the unborn baby was as strong as the bond that Angel and Buffy shared. I knew the moment the baby’s soul was here on this plane because I felt a strong sense of love and devotion. It was almost as if the baby was speaking to me. I could feel it’s little heartbeat and I could feel it’s strong soul.
Funny that I could sense all of that, yet I still had no clue if it was a boy or a girl. You would think that would be the first thing I would sense, or at least The Oracles would tell me. But I never asked and they weren’t that forthcoming with information. In fact I was surprised they brought up Lucian. Maybe it was a freebie, a reward for succeeding so far.
Reaching the house I stepped inside and closed the door. Leaning back against it, I closed my eyes, I wondered when my father and Buffy would be back, and then when I remembered what Buffy said I cringed and hoped that it wouldn’t be too soon.
I had just closed my eyes to try to get some sleep since I felt like I hadn’t slept in days, when I heard the front door open and the sound of angry footsteps and loud voices. Well one loud voice at least.
“You still should have told me Buffy!”
I opened my eyes and groggily straightened up in my chair to see Buffy strolling in the living room. She had a glow around her that was warm and rosy. Her eyes glittered with happiness and satisfaction, and I smiled back at her as she flashed me a tremendous smile. “Hi Connor.” Her voice was chipper and carefree, like she didn’t have a care in the world.
She was the complete opposite of Angel, who stormed in right behind her the darkest scowl on his face, his eyes crinkled in anger and pitch black like the night. The aura of fury that surrounded him was as evident as the sunny happiness that shone all around Buffy.
“Hi Buffy…ah, Dad.”
“Angel will you let it go already. Let’s not forget that there are specific things that you should have told me.” She looked at me as she walked by saying that, ruffling my hair as she passed making me cringe. “Hungry baby?”
I watched as my father’s scowl darkened as he followed her out of the living room and into the kitchen. “Ah yeah.” I stood up and tagged along, I was starving but the thought of Buffy cooking turned my stomach. I wonder how I could get my father to cook something without insulting Buffy.
“That’s not the point Buffy! This was important.” He said as he took off his jacket and carelessly threw it on the railing of the stairs as he passed it.
“Oh and having a son with your ‘dead’ sire isn’t?” She threw back at him.
I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t sure how to answer her so he didn’t. He just sat down in the chair, placing his hands on his face.
I sat down across from him a smile on my face. It was just so nice to see my father so out of sorts. It was a new experience for me and I was really enjoying it. But I guess he didn’t appreciate my sense of humor with the whole situation. He looked up at me, “What are you smiling about?”
“Nothing.”
“What would you like to eat Connor?” she asked as she stood in front of the open refrigerator. “I’ve got pizza.”
I shuddered at the thought of eating old pizza again and my father stood up and rolled his eyes. He took her by the shoulders and steered her to a seat. “Sit down,” he grumbled then he started rummaging through the cabinets and the fridge. He pulled out some chicken cutlets and cheese, pasta and a jar of sauce, which he looked at very unhappily, like he couldn’t believe he was going to use jarred sauce. Then he rolled up his sleeves and started to prepare the chicken.
“Buffy?”
Her eyes that had been following Angel around the kitchen turned to me questioningly. “Yes?”
“How did you become immortal?”
The light dimmed in her eyes as she looked down at her hands that were folded together on the table. I sensed her hesitation about talking about it. It seemed like a memory she didn’t want to relive and she also snuck a peek at my father.
“Yes Buffy enlighten us as to how that came to be?” he said pounding his fist into the chicken a clear indication that she hadn’t told him yet.
“You know I have a meat tenderizer for that,” she lightly said but he just growled and punched the chicken cutlet again, making the utensils on the counter rattle. She shrugged, “Suit yourself.”
“Was it when you came back from…” I didn’t know how to finish my sentence. It made me uncomfortable to think of her as dying but she didn’t seem to have any problem with it.
“…the dead?” She said blankly and my father growled again picking up another cutlet and slapping it down on the counter, pounding that one.
“Um yeah.”
She nodded her head as she watched Angel beat up the chicken cutlet with his fist.
I was curious about the whole thing; I felt the underlying tension between them concerning this particular subject but I didn’t care I wanted to know all the little details. I was fascinated with the idea of being immortal I always had been, but I never felt comfortable discussing it with my father. I guess because his immortality is linked to the demon, and it felt odd talking about it, almost taboo. But Buffy’s immortality wasn’t associated with evil, hers was different and I felt at ease asking her. “Did you know right away?”
Her eyes dimmed with haunted memories and her voice was dismal. “No. I mean I knew that there was something different about me, that I came back wrong.”
She was interrupted by the loud punch of my father’s fist into a cutlet. “You did not come back wrong!” he snarled.
She looked up at him, her eyes sad. “Yes I did Angel.”
He spun around, “NO you did not!” His words were precise, clipped, and angry.
“Angel, don’t stand there and tell me that. You sensed it, I know you did don’t deny it.” She stared at him, he snarled and turned around back to his chicken, once more attacking it brutally but not denying her statement.
Her eyes softened as she watched the muscles in his back strain as he flattened the chicken, then she looked at me. “I was patrolling one night, I guess it was about a month after I came back, I’m not sure, anyway I came across a couple of vamps and we started to fight. I think there were four of them. I killed the first three pretty quickly and when I was done I turned around to finish off the fourth. But he was right behind me. The bastard snuck up on me; pulled the extra stake I had in the back of my pants out and staked me in the stomach.”
My eyes grew large with surprise and my father’s reaction was one of pent up anger. He slammed the glass-baking dish onto the counter. The glass shattered everywhere and Buffy stood up quickly walking over to him. “Damn it Angel that was my mom’s!” she screamed as she started to pick up the glass that was all over the floor.
“Ouch!”
He grabbed her by the shoulders drawing her up to her feet. He scowled as he grabbed her finger that was sliced from a piece of glass and bleeding. “Give me that,” he said gruffly as he drew her finger to his his lips and closed them around it. They stared into each other’s eyes as he sucked on her finger. Drawing it out, he licked it clean, his other hand going around Buffy’s body as she leaned into him, like she was in a trance.
Seeing how they weren’t going to clean up the glass I stood up grabbed the dustpan and swept it up. After throwing it in the trash I sat back down. I cleared my throat, loudly; I wanted to hear the rest not watch them get all hot and bothered again. “So what happened?”
She stepped back from him, she smiled at him warmly and he scowled back then turned to his victim…the chicken, once again.
“The short of it…I died.” She walked over to the fridge and took out three cokes. “Then about ten seconds later I was alive again.” She put two cokes on the table and then leaned against the fridge she opened the third and raised it to her lips. “It was actually kind of cool.”
“Dying is not cool Buffy,” Angel snarled at her. He was clearly upset with the entire conversation and I couldn’t understand why. I mean alright she died I get that, but she was here now and they were practically the same. He didn’t’ have to worry about watching her get old and die, so what was his problem?
She snorted, “Sure easy for you to say, you’ve had hundreds of years to get used to it. I’ve only had the luxury of dying twice before that. And coming back from those two times wasn’t all peaches and cream. Well they always say, the third one’s a charm.”
He turned around. “Immortality is not something to be flippant about. It’s a huge responsibility. One that you have to deal with every day. And you should treat it with more respect.”
“Oh please.” She waved her hand at him, completely bored with his highhanded speech and I grinned as his scowl darkened even further.
She sat back down next to me. “So after that I kind of figured that’s what happened. I guess the spell Willow used, had more than one consequence.”
“She never should have done it to begin with,” my father mumbled under his breath as he turned around to pull out another baking dish. But I heard him and so did Buffy.
“I didn’t hear you complaining about it when you had my back up against a tree,” she reminded him and he didn’t answer her.
“What do you mean consequences?”
“There are always consequences when you use black magic like the spell Willow used to resurrect her,” he said as he placed the cutlets in the pan.
“Yeah see when she brought me back another demon was brought back too. It was no biggy though I killed him.” She drank down some more soda, her eyes once more watching Angel.
“What does it feel like?” I asked her and she looked at me. “I mean does it feel different than when you weren’t?”
She shrugged and my father spoke. “How do you feel?” he asked me and I turned to look at him. He was staring at me intently, his eyes dark and expressive.
“Me?”
He nodded then turned back to the cutlets putting cheese on them and then topping them off the sauce. “You’re The Vindex Connor.”
“Yeah but…” I never once stopped to think what being The Vindex fully meant to me besides guarding the baby.
He opened the stove and threw the pan inside closing the door he turned back around to me, his eyes slightly softer then what they were. “Didn’t the Oracles explain to you exactly who the Vindex is and what his job is?”
Buffy snorted, “Yeah right, like they ever say anything completely.” My father smirked at her and I just sat there dumbly, feeling completely stupid for not thinking about this before. “Well yeah I mean no…I don’t know.” I lowered my head to the table feeling like a dunce.
“The Vindex is immortal Connor. He has to be since he’s the lifetime guardian of The Child of Scintillate.“
“Lifetime?” Buffy’s eyes crinkled as she looked at him.
He nodded looking just as glum as she did. “Lifetime.”
“But that’s not fair!” She sounded extremely indignant with that and as I stopped to wonder why, I realized that this was it! This was my job for the rest of my life. Goodbye normal – hello immortality.
Angel smiled at her lovingly his eyes softening even more. “Nothing’s fair in this world Buffy you know that.”
“So I’m immortal?” I said it with a smile on my face because I just thought that was the coolest. Plus it meant that I would never have to leave my family again, and I didn’t have to worry about fucking up my mission. I would always be around to watch over my sibling.
But my father scowled at me. “Didn’t you just hear what I said? Immortality is a big reasonability especially yours, don’t get cocky with it. You can still die.”
Well that was a bit of a deflation. “I can?”
He grinned and nodded at me then picked up the very large and very pointy butcher’s knife that was on the counter, he walked up behind me and drew the blade under my chin just a hair away from my skin. He whispered sinisterly in my ear, “Beheading.”
“Angel stop it!” Buffy scolded him all the while she was chuckling at his antics.
I suppose if I didn’t have a shiny knife under my throat and didn’t just hear that with a slice of a sword my head was gone and me with it, that I would find it funny too. But I didn’t.
I slapped his hand away as he laughed and stood up straight. Buffy stood up and walked over to the cabinet pulling out a pot she filled it with water and placed it on the oven. “Don’t worry Connor, you’re a good fighter, you just have to learn to keep your head on your shoulders.”
My father snickered as he took a seat at the table and I scowled. “Ha ha very funny.”
“Well look at it this way, you’ll always be young and handsome.” Buffy said smiling just as the phone rang. She walked out of the kitchen and to the hallway to answer it.
“Dad?”
“Mmm.” He said absently I could tell he was in another world, as his eyes were glued to Buffy’s ass as she walked out.
“What did Giles say, about the prophecy? Does he know about me?” I was curious about Buffy’s ex-watcher and what kind of man he was. The only watcher I had ever known was Wesley and we never really got along that well. There was a part of me that thought of watchers as stuffy bookworms that were only good for knowledge and nothing more. I mean yeah I had seen Wesley fight demons but he was still just mortal, and I had heard Cordy making comments about how he used to be a pussy. So I wondered if Giles was the same. The bigger question in my mind though was if he would also look at me with hatred and mistrust like Wesley had.
Before he could answer me Buffy came storming back into the kitchen her face red with anger. “That was Faith.” She looked at my father her arms crossed over her chest her foot tapping impatiently. “Do you mind telling me why Giles is on his way here?”
Angel sat back in his chair lifting the coke that was in front of him he drank it nonchalantly. His face crinkled with distaste as he put it back down on the table and looked at me. “How can you drink this crap?” Then he got up and walked out of the kitchen and into the living room.
“Angel!” Buffy yelled as she followed him to the living room and over to the liquor cabinet where he was pouring himself a whiskey. Of course I was right behind her.
“Are you going to answer me?”
I stood in the doorway listening intently. He drank his shot then poured himself another. “He wants to help Buffy and I agreed.”
“Oh you agreed! Well then that makes everything okay doesn’t it,” he scowled at her sarcasm.
“Just what the hell is he going to help with Angel? Last time I checked you were perfectly capable of screwing me by yourself!”
My eyes widened with her hostility because I didn’t understand where it was coming from. I was under the impression that slayers got along with their watchers.
“Jesus Buffy do you have to be so vulgar?”
“Well apparently I do to get anywhere with you!”
“Look he loves you like a daughter, he knows all about the prophecy, and he can help. I, for one, think it will be very beneficial for all of us to have him around. So whatever issues you have with him, get over it!”
Her face turned even redder as she huffed and stormed out of the room and upstairs slamming the door to her bedroom shut.
“Where’s that coming from?” I asked as I followed him out of the living room and back into the kitchen. He put his glass down on the counter and started to put pasta in the boiling water.
He shrugged and said, “You’ll have to ask her.”
He was a little too blasé about it, and the fact that he didn’t go after her told me there was more to the story then just that. I eyeballed him suspiciously. “What else are you not saying Dad?”
He turned around to face me. “Connor sit down.”
I did as he said and sat down in the chair looking at him expectantly. He sat down next to me and faced me. “Connor there’s a lot going on right now, with you, Buffy and myself, Lucian.” he growled out. “Not to mention the fact that I still have a bounty on my head. I can’t be here all the time and you need training.”
“Training? Training for what? I know how to fight dad.”
“I know you do Connor but there is still much more for you to learn and the fact that I won’t always be here to train you myself worries me. Giles will be able to do that for me.”
I scoffed at him, because I couldn’t help but feel insulted. “What’s some stuffy watcher going to teach me that I don’t know already?”
“Connor there are many types of demons that you are going to have to face, Giles will be able to teach you about them, tell you the best way to defeat them and how to do it as quickly as possible. Plus he knows the prophecy, very well.”
Oh well that wasn’t so bad. As long as he wasn’t going to train me to fight because come on he was just a watcher for god’s sake! What could he possibly know about fighting?
“He will also continue to train you to fight.”
I stood up angrily! “What! Dad I…”
“Connor sit down!”
I sat down and glared at him.
“Giles is an efficient fighter.”
“Yeah about as efficient as Wesley was.” I smirked but he didn’t like being reminded of his dead friend. His hand shot out and he slapped me across the face. My hand went up to my burning cheek as I scowled even more darkly at him.
The demon looked back at me his eyes a bright, pissed off yellow and his voice was thunderous. “Don’t talk about Wesley that way. He was a good man and he died fighting to save you, me and the whole fucking world!”
I had enough sense to know that I was wrong. Yeah I had issues with Wesley but I guess my father wasn’t the one to talk with about that, so I lowered my head respectfully. “I’m sorry.”
A few silent seconds passed before his face shifted back and his eyes were once more a deep chocolate. He sat back in his seat and sighed. “No I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you.” He shook his head like he couldn’t believe he’d done that. But I could. To me it was just one more sign of how he was teetering on that line between good and evil.
“Look Connor, Giles is a good man. He trained Faith, and he trained Buffy, it’s what he does. He’s perfectly capable of training you too.”
I just nodded my assent I wouldn’t argue with him about it anymore. “Okay dad.”
He stood up suddenly, his face changed to the demon as his head whipped around the room.
I stood up, “What? What is it?”
He quickly walked out of the room and grabbed his coat. “I have to go, when the chicken’s ready drag Buffy down here to eat. If you have too, tie her up and throw it down her throat. She has a tendency not to eat enough.”
“But where are you going? It’s almost morning!” I asked as I followed him to the door.
“I have to go, I’ll be back later.” With that he was gone, out the door and down the street. I closed the door and then leaned against it, my eyes looking at the clock on the wall. It was three in the morning; he didn’t have much time before the sun rose.
Standing up straight my mind wondered back to Giles. I wasn’t so sure about meeting him. I resented the fact that my father thought I needed additional training, why I have no idea when I also questioned my own ability to protect Buffy and the baby. But I guess like any teenager, note I did not use the word normal, I had a problem with authority and being told what to do.
I headed back to the kitchen when I heard the timer go off on the oven. Taking the chicken out, I prepared two plates one for me and one for Buffy. I loaded them both up with the chicken Parmesan my father made and the pasta. I grabbed a tray and two more cokes then made my way upstairs.
“Buffy can I come in?”
She opened the door and smiled at me, letting me walk inside.
She snorted at the tray. “He’s gone again isn’t he?”
“How’d you know?” I asked I put the tray down on the little table by the window.
“If he was here I’m sure he’d be up here forking all that food in my mouth.” She said as she sat down in the chair at the table.
I smiled at her and sat down too. “He told me to throw it down your throat if you don’t eat.” I had a vision of myself being thrown into the wall and Buffy standing over me, and I looked at her. “I’m not going to have to do that am I?”
She chuckled, “No. I’m a big girl Connor. Contrary to what your father thinks I’m quite capable of eating on my own.”
We picked up our forks and started to eat.
“Mmmm … this is really good,” she mumbled with her eyes closed.
I smiled at her watching her eat. “Yeah Dad’s a good cook.”
“Something else he never told me,” she said as she shoveled more chicken in her mouth.
“How long have you known?” I asked her quietly and her eyes rose to mine as she put down her fork.
She settled back in her chair as she continued to stare at me. I couldn’t decipher what it meant but it made me uncomfortable. I never stopped to think that this was one person that probably hated my existence more than anyone else. And it made me wonder if all her kindness had been false.
“I’ve always known.” She quietly said.
“Then why didn’t you say something when I told you what my name was?”
She shrugged, “Honestly I didn’t put it all together, at least not that day.”
“When did you?”
“When we sparred, you reminded me so much of Angel. That’s when I realized who you were.”
I lowered my head, my chicken Parmesan suddenly becoming the most interesting thing I had ever seen. For some reason, I just couldn’t look her in the eye. I guess I was afraid to see hatred staring back at me or loathing, or god knew whatever feeling one would have if their soul mate had a child with someone else. Whatever it was, I didn’t want to see it.
“Connor…” she spoke softly, “look at me.”
I forced myself to look at her at the same time as I braced myself for whatever it was she was going to say.
“I don’t hate you, at least I don’t now. I won’t lie to you though; when I first saw you I hated you with everything inside of me. ”
“You…you saw me?”
She shook her head.
“Da, I mean Angel, he never told me.”
“Because he didn’t know.” She took a drink of her soda. “Remember when I told you about the memory spell my friend cast that when wrong?”
“Yes.”
“Well it was after that. See she cast a spell that made everyone forget who they were, and things were nice for a couple of hours. But then when the spell broke the memories all came back to me; everything that I had been blissfully ignorant about came crashing back. It was hard, extremely hard.”
Her eyes were somber as she lifted her glass and took another drink of her soda.
“Anyway a few nights later I went to see Angel. I just had to talk to someone you know? I thought that if I could just talk to him then things would be better. When I got there I saw you, in your father’s arms, and…Cordelia. She was there rubbing your head the love of a mother on her face. I stood there staring at the three of you and I was shocked. Actually, shocked probably isn’t the right word, but anyway, all I could think about was how he had everything he ever wanted and I had nothing. I never went inside, I never said anything, I just left. After that, things got real ugly for me, but there’s no need to go into that so I’ll stop right there.”
“You mean Spike.” I answered her quietly and she looked taken aback. “He told you about Spike?”
I snorted, “Yeah because we both know how open and forthcoming my father is.”
She chuckled and I smiled back at her, then I remembered the visions of her and Spike together, the darkness that surrounded her, the pain that she welcomed, and I looked away unable to show her all that I knew. “I um…”
“The visions?”
“Yeah.”
She snorted, “That graphic huh?”
I fidgeted in my seat, “Well…sort of.” I cleared my throat, “So you um thought Cordelia was my mother?”
“Well yeah, I mean what else would I think? Besides the miraculous question about how he could even have a child, I never once thought it was Darla. I mean, I saw Angel stake her with my own eyes right in front of me. Then of course when Willow was there, to re-soul him, she came back and told me about you and how… close he and Cordelia seemed to be.”
“But you already knew about me.” I pointed out to her.
“Yeah but I never told anyone. No one knew I went to see him. As far as they knew we met right when I came back from the dead and that was it. See at the time, my friends…” she sneered the word and I got a glimpse of the resentment she had toward them. “were too happy that I was back to even consider that I was unhappy.”
I shook my head, “I know I sensed that.”
“Gee is there anything you don’t know?”
I blushed. “I’m sorry; I don’t mean to intrude on your life.”
She smiled, “Connor relax I’m kidding. Actually I’m a little jealous, I mean your visions seem so accurate and clear, mine are never like that. They’re just foggy and patchy.”
“So I guess you’re not too happy about Giles coming?”
“I don’t know, I mean Giles has been like a father to me. I love him. But I don’t know. It’s very complicated. I wouldn’t say happy. I’m not unhappy, but I’m not looking forward to it either.”
“That I understand.” I said solemnly and she smiled at me, “Yeah I guess you do.”
“Connor when I left America I came here and ended all ties with my friends. I just needed to be by myself. You know figure things out like just who the hell was Buffy Summers. I’d been the slayer for so long that I lost track of who and what I was as a person, and I had to come to terms with the fact that I had, scratch that, have, many issues with the people that I called friends, and Giles is one of them.”
Now this I could relate to on so many levels. It’s what I always felt about myself. Disconnected with who and what I was and was supposed to be. Hell I still was. “Have you found your answers?”
She shrugged, “Some, but mostly no.”
“Is that why you’re with Lucian?” I asked again and I didn’t know if she would tell me or not. Maybe I was walking on too personal ground but for some reason her story seemed so much like my own and I thought that if I could learn something from her experiences and mix them with my own than maybe I would have more answers for myself.
“Lucian. You’re not going to let up on that one are you? Gees just like your father.” I smirked at her, “Thanks.” I said proudly and she chuckled.
“I met Lucian when I first came here. Faith and I were out clubbing and he came up to me and asked me to dance. I knew what he was, I mean my slayer senses were in overdrive but for some reason, I don’t know there was just something about him that drew me to him. When I went home that night it was like I was in daze you know, like I wasn’t really sure where I had been and what I’d done. And ever since then he just comes around and we go out. It’s weird though because I never seem to remember us having plans or anything like that. He just shows up, tells me we had plans and then we go out.” She sat there a perplexed look on her face like she had thought of this hundreds of times yet still couldn’t figure it out.
“Maybe he has you under a thrall.”
“I thought about that, I mean I was under a thrall once, a long time ago. But it just seems different this time.” Once again the memories crept into her mind making her voice sound far off.
The plot thickens. “My father?”
She laughed, “Angel! God no, believe you me Connor that man has never needed to put me under a thrall to get what he wants.” She winked and damn it if I didn’t blush again. This was becoming a habit of hers that I could see I would have to break her of.
She leaned in to the table and whispered, “Can you keep a secret?” I leaned in closer and whispered back, “Yes.”
“Dracula.”
“No way! The Dracula?”
“Yup. He came to Sunnydale the year before I died and he had me under his thrall. The bastard even bit me before I realized what was going on.”
“Why?”
She shrugged, “I don’t know. He sprouted some shit about how I was his perfect match and we were meant to be together and all that. He even said that you’re father was unworthy of me.”
“WHAT!”
We both jumped up at the angry bellow that came from the doorway. “Oh hey Dad. Back so soon?” I innocently said.
Buffy smiled and walked over to him; she cupped his cheek and kissed him. “Hi baby, how many were there this time.” She said nonchalantly as her eyes scanned over his dirty bloody clothes.
I couldn’t hold back my smirk at the look of childlike disbelieve on my father’s face. “Three,” he answered quietly.
“That’s it, um. You should really get out of those clothes Angel. They’re beginning to smell.” She said wrinkling her nose at him.
“Did I just hear you correctly?” he asked her as she walked over to the bed and sat down.
“Well I don’t know honey, what exactly was it that you think you heard?” she asked looking at her nails.
“Connor?” His head whipped over to me.
I jumped up and walked over to him. “Yes Dad?”
He handed me a piece of paper. “Go to this address, there’s a bag in the closet, grab it and bring it here.”
I looked at the address then looked back up at him. “Isn’t this that old house down the road, the one with the overgrown vines and the black window drapes that looks like no one has lived in it for years?”
Buffy’s eyebrow went up, “Oh…been stalking again?” she asked sweetly pointedly staring at him. He shuffled, “No I don’t stalk. I’ve owned it for years.” He mumbled.
“Ah ha, and you just so happen to have clothes there that aren’t from the eighteenth century?”
He threw off his jacket in a huff, “Alright, so I’ve been there…here and there. Connor just go and bring me the bag please.”
I smiled at him. I’ll never get over the joy that consumed me at my father’s expense. “Sure Dad.”
I left the room and closed the door on my father’s loud yet whiney voice, “Did you sleep with him too?”
Walking down the steps I started to whistle. He was so full of shit my father. All that crap he told me in Ireland was just a smoke screen. He had been checking up on Buffy since god knew when. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, I mean, it was what he did best, stalk and watch, never participating in the lives of the people that he loves. I knew that was all going to change now because there was no way Buffy would let that continue, plus I don’t think he really wanted to anymore. Thank god!
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Read Interlude 2 - Luce dell'amore (Light of Love)
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When I got back from my father’s house, which by the way was not as empty as it appeared on the outside. There was fresh blood in the fridge and the linens were all clean and dust free. But the most damning evidence that he had been there, and recently, were the sketches of Buffy that literally covered the bedroom floor. I wondered what Buffy would say if she saw it. Knowing her she would probably smirk that ‘I knew it’ smile then badger him about it for hours. Um, maybe I should tell her.
As I made my way upstairs, my ears picked up the sound of lusty grunts and groans, and loud banging against the wall. I dropped the bag in front of the bedroom door then quickly fled down the stairs. I laid down on the couch in the living room, and closed my eyes. I was tired. More tired than I ever had been, which was curious. I mean I’m immortal now, doesn’t that count for something? Why should I get tired like the rest of them? But I was, so much so that I quickly fell asleep.
I awoke to the sound of the doorbell. I didn’t know how long I’d been sleeping or even how long that annoying doorbell had been ringing. Reluctantly, I got up, wiped the sleep from my eyes as I walked over to the door and opened it.
He stood there staring at me. He wore a pair of grey slacks, a button down black shirt that was neatly tucked into his pants, and a brown leather jacket. “Hello, you must be Connor,” he said as he walked inside, dropped the big duffel bag he was carrying and held out his hand. I took it and squeezed, hard. Yeah I was annoyed and I wanted to show him that I didn’t need his help.
“And you must be Giles.”
We held each other’s hand in a death grip, both of us staring at each other refusing to give in. I was surprised by the strength that I felt in his hand. “Nice grip.” I begrudgingly admitted.
“Yes, um you too.”
We let go and stood there staring at each other. His eyes wandered all over my face and down my body all the way to my toes, and then back up. He looked completely in awe. It made me uncomfortable.
“Do I have two heads or something?” I asked a little perturbed as he just stood there staring at me like he just couldn’t believe what he was looking at.
“You have to forgive Giles Connor; he’s finding it hard to believe that two vampires can procreate.” I looked up to see my father casually strolling down the stairs and buttoning his shirt at the same time.
Giles blushed, “Yes…please forgive me. It’s just…wow.”
I shifted on my feet feeling like a freak in a carnival when my father walked up to Giles and slapped him on the back. “How was your flight?” He moved him into the living room and Giles finally looked away from me. “Fine thank you. How are things here, anything new?” He sat down on the couch his eyes searching the room, exploring its lack of contents, and his face darkened with apprehension. “Um…is Buffy here?”
“She’s resting upstairs. Can I get you a drink?”
He sighed, “Yes please.”
My father poured them both drinks and I silently crept inside the room and stood in the corner. I wanted a few minutes to observe the man that I would probably be spending a lot of time with in the near future.
“Connor sit down.” My father said, his eyes intensely staring at me, not allowing me the few moments that I craved. I sighed and walked around sitting down in a chair. The second I did, Giles’ eyes were once more riveted on me. It was really starting to piss me off.
“I don’t have fangs and drink blood if that’s what you’re wondering.” I said bitingly. “Ouch!” My hand reached back to the back of my head that was just gifted with an unhappy father slap. I looked at him and his eyes pretty much said it all ‘be respectful or I’ll kick your ass.’
“Sorry.” I said as my eyes turned back to Giles.
He blushed again, “No it’s alright, I’m sorry Connor I don’t mean to stare it’s just quite amazing.” He took a drink, “So um how are you dealing with your new destiny? Angel told me your story. It must have been quite a shock, I would imagine, to learn that your destiny was not what you thought it was.”
I shrugged not feeling to friendly at that moment. “I don’t know, I guess so.” He smiled at me warmly.
“Yes it’s a lot to take in all at once. I just want you to know that I’m not here to interfere or tell you what to do, I’m simply here to help you better become acquainted with your duties as The Vindex and to assist in any demon research that you might need. So tell me, Connor, what did The Oracles tell you about The Vindex?”
He was just jumping right in, asking his questions, trying to make me like him and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to do that. I had issues about Giles being here, having my father think that I needed someone to help me wasn’t exactly an ego strengthener. But I think it was more than that. I think it’s because I felt resentment toward him for whatever he did to Buffy. My allegiance to her was so strong now, that when we talked earlier her resentments became my own without me even knowing it, and without even knowing why she resented him. “How do you know so much about it?” I asked scornfully.
“Connor.” My father snarled, unhappy with my attitude. I ignored him and kept my gaze on Giles.
“No Angel, it’s perfectly alright. While studying to become a Watcher I did my thesis on the myth of The Child of Scintillate and The Vindex. I am very well versed in the prophecy Connor.”
“And that makes you an expert?”
“Well I don’t know about an expert, but I’m probably the only person alive besides the powers that be and evil of course, that knows about it. So yes I guess I am.”
“She doesn’t want you here you know?” I said without even thinking and was once again rewarded with my father’s hand slapping me on the head, although this time it made my brain rattle.
But Giles didn’t seem to put off of by that, he straightened in his seat, his face and eyes hardened and his voice was stern. “Angel, it’s okay. Connor, I’m not here for Buffy, I’m here to help you.”
“Yeah but in helping me you are helping her, so you can’t say that.”
He smiled at me, “Yes I suppose you’re right. But regardless, Buffy and I are two mature adults and whatever…problems, we have with one another we can put aside for the greater good.”
“Oh suddenly my sex life is the greater good.”
We all turned to see Buffy standing in the doorway, her arms crossed and her eyes staring at Giles. He stood up and nodded at her, smiling briefly. “Buffy. How…how are you?” he asked quietly and she just stared back at him completely untouched by the emotion in his voice.
But I wasn’t, it actually made me feel bad for him. The question had crossed my mind why Giles would come here to help me. I mean I was the son of the one-time vampire lover of his surrogate daughter. A daughter whom he wasn’t exactly on good terms with to begin with. So why help me? But it made sense now. The love he felt for her was written all over his face and in his body language as he uncomfortably shifted on his feet. He loved her and he hated that things were so strained between them. That was my answer, he saw this as an opportunity to make amends and regain his relationship with her.
“You’re well I hope?”
For some reason I felt the need to jump in. Why? I have no idea. I mean it’s not like Giles was my best bud or something. But maybe it was because he was seeking redemption from her, maybe there was a little bit of that in me too and unwillingly it made me feel closer to him. So I jumped up wanting to get her angry green eyes off of him and on to me. “Can I get you anything Buffy?”
She looked over at me and then at Angel who looked back at her concerned yet anxious, like he was waiting for her to pounce on the poor watcher and stake him to death. Her eyes lightened and she walked in, “No I’m good. Thanks.”
She sat down and crossed her legs. My father and Giles both sighed with relief and sat down too. She looked at my father and then at Giles, then back at my father. “So when did you two become such bosom buddies? The last thing I knew you…” she looked pointedly at Giles, “hated Angel.”
“Buffy.” My father grumbled but Giles looked her right back in the eye and answered her. “Buffy I’ve never hated Angel. Yes I’ve had my concerns when it came to him and his…soul, and yes there have been times when I wanted to kill him.” He looked over at my father who just nodded his head, like he already heard this entire conversation. “But the fact is that I’ve always trusted that he loved you and wanted what was best for you.”
“Ah ha, and that happen when…when he came to see you about this prophecy?” Okay so she didn’t believe him. Well resentments could run very deep and painful. It looked like Giles had a long way to go in getting back on to her ‘I only talk to’ list.
I looked over at Giles whose face was now red, I didn’t have to guess why for long though. “Still as biting as ever I see.”
“Oh well gee forgive me if I’m not jumping for joy that you’re here.” Buffy sneered back at him and Giles stood up ready to battle.
“How many times do I have to apologize? For how long are you going to keep throwing that…that…decision back in my face?”
Buffy stood up and faced him, her face as red as his, her fists clenched at her side. “Until you can give me a good god damn reason why?”
“I’ve already explained why.”
“Yeah well it’s not good enough!”
I looked at my father to see if he had any idea as to what they were arguing about, but the look on his face was enough to convince me that he didn’t know either. He stood up and stepped in between them. “Giles, Buffy SIT DOWN!”
They stared at each other, both of them backing up and sitting back down in their respective chairs.
“Just what the hell are two you arguing about?” he asked looking back and forth between them.
Buffy huffed, and settled back in the chair, crossing her arms over her chest. Giles pretty much did the same. Neither one of them answered my father. “Fine you don’t want to tell me then don’t. But you two are going to have to learn to get along with each other so deal with it.”
Buffy stood up and looked at him blankly, “You brought him here you deal with him.” Then she quickly left the room.
My father closed his eyes and I could see his lips moving, like he was counting in Latin for patience. When he moved to follow her Giles stopped him. “Let her go Angel.” He said quietly. My father halted in his footsteps then sat back down. “She’s so stubborn.” He said looking at Giles, who smiled at him. “Look Giles whatever is between you two is just that, between you two. Unless you need me to step in.” He added.
Whoa…hold up, he wasn’t going to bully him into telling him what was going on? Well I couldn’t accept that, I needed to know. “What a second, you’re not going to demand he tell you?”
“Connor it’s their business.” He said tiredly.
“No it’s your business, because it involves her.” I looked over at Giles, “and it’s my business because it involves her and if she’s upset by something that you did, then I want to know!”
I looked back at my father to see his reaction and he was angry, very angry but I stood my ground. I had to have a say in all of this I was through being left in the dark about important things, at least things I deemed important, and I wanted answers.
“It was the year we blew up Sunnydale,” Giles soft voice broke through the tension that was flowing between my father and I. We both turned to look at him, quietly sitting back down in our seats as he stared off and told his story. “Although if I really looked closely at everything, I would have to say that tensions built between us the day we stood over Jenny’s grave.”
My father stood up and walked over to the mantle. His shoulders were stiff with tension as he stared at nothing.
“She’s always blamed me for that you know. Of course she never said as much and she of course had her own guilt, but I know that she always felt that it was something I should have known. Something I should have researched further when your relationship progressed. And I don’t know, maybe she’s right, maybe I didn’t do enough.”
“It’s not your fault Giles. It’s nobody’s fault,” my father said softly but Giles didn’t hear him. He just kept on talking.
“Then of course the list of my transgressions built from there. When you returned and she kept you a secret, we fought. On her eighteenth birthday I lost her trust. The year after you left Sunnydale, I was never there for her; I never saw the pain she was in. I don’t know maybe I did, but I didn’t want to admit how much you were a part of her. Then of course, when Glory showed up, we disagreed about Dawn. I’m ashamed to admit that I thought…”
He stopped talking and he looked down, embarrassment evident on his face. I was on the edge of my seat waiting for him to finish his sentence. But my father finished it for him.
“You thought the world would be better if Dawn was dead.”
My eyes bulged; he wanted to kill her sister!
“Yes well, things weren’t looking very good for us then. I mean Glory had fought Buffy already a few times, and each time Buffy lost. And of course with Joyce being sick and Riley leaving, Buffy was…different, she had so much on her shoulders I wasn’t sure if she would come out of this one, if we all would. She didn’t appreciate my comments though I’m afraid. She threatened to kill anyone that hurt Dawn.”
Angel smiled, “You know she’s protective of the people she loves Giles. It doesn’t mean anything else but that.”
“Yes well still, I lost a little bit more of her trust. After that, when Willow brought her back, I was so mad. I could’ve wrung Willows neck for doing it. I mean the absolute arrogance of her to think that she could manipulate magic like that for her own good was just illogical. And of course Buffy, she was so…distant and cold. I left her you know, I went back to England. I thought it was the best thing for her. She had to stand on her own two feet. She was leaning on me too much.”
“So you left her when she needed you the most? That’s nice, really nice Giles. No wonder she’s pissed.” I said angrily.
“Connor, you weren’t there.” My father said strained.
“And you were?” I asked, prodding him to show his true feelings. I could feel the tension in him, he wasn’t enjoying hearing this story any more then Giles was in telling it. I knew my father, I knew it must be killing him to learn that the one person he thought would protect her, left her to fend for herself at a time when she needed support the most, at a time, when my father himself, was unable to be there.
“No.” He turned and looked at Giles, “If I was I wouldn’t have left her.” His voice was cold as he stared at the watcher and Giles looked away.
“It wasn’t the right decision, I know that now. I knew it when I learned about her and Sp…” He stopped his eyes drawn to my father’s hard gaze.
He cleared his throat. “When I returned the following year it was like we didn’t even know each other. She resented me being back, even though she didn’t say it. The final straw was right before we battled the First. I wasn’t too sure of her state of mind. She didn’t care about anyone. It seemed the only person she did care about was Spike.”
My father quietly growled, Giles didn’t hear it, but I did.
“I guess I should have heeded her. She was right about him you know. The First needed his blood. I thought she was just too emotional about him to see things clearly and I didn’t trust her actions. We um…we asked her to leave.”
“Excuse me?” My father said, leaning in a little closer.
Giles finally looked up at him, I could tell he was bracing himself for the onslaught of anger from my father.
“We asked her to leave the house. We wanted Faith to be in charge. No one trusted Buffy to make the right decisions. No one! Not even Dawn.” He was trying to justify his actions, but I didn’t buy it and thankfully neither did my father.
“Let me get this straight, you and all the other twenty people living in her house, people that she had saved numerous times before, kicked her out and told her she wasn’t in charge anymore, that Faith was?”
“Yes.”
The underlying rage that was coursing through my father felt like licks of a whip through my own body and I waited for the outburst that I knew would come. But it wasn’t what I was expecting. Instead of a loud angry rant, his voice was soft and literally frightening to hear.
“I should kill you myself.”
“And you would have every right. I know I screwed up Angel, I’ve known it since that day when she walked out. I have no excuse for my actions except that at the time, I thought I was doing what’s best.”
“How could you not trust her Giles, even after everything that she had been through you still should have trusted her.” I sensed that this was an issue close to my father’s own heart. A time when people he thought loved and trusted him yet also gave up on him.
“I know, you’re right and I’ve apologized to her but I’m afraid she hasn’t accepted it yet.”
“I don’t blame her.” I said standing up I turned to my father. “This is the man that you trust to help me and her? I’m supposed to trust the man who so easily cast aside his faith in his own charge!”
“Connor, that was a long time ago. No matter how much I hate to admit it, he did what he thought was best. I don’t condone it. Far from it, I hate it with everything in me, but I can’t change the past and neither can Giles. Buffy has to accept his apology and move on.”
I couldn’t believe how logical my father was being about this. Why was Giles betrayal affecting me more than him?
“Well I’m sorry, I can’t. I can’t accept what he did and I can’t accept how easily you’re taking all of this!”
“What would you have me do Connor? I can’t change time. Forgiveness heals the heart and the soul. You of all people should know that. Do you think we’d be standing here together if I never forgave you?”
I was speechless because he brought that up. And unfortunately, I didn’t have an answer. “I’m going to go see how she is.”
I left them there; they were just not two of my favorite people at the moment. I don’t know maybe I was making this out to be bigger than it really was, but I couldn’t help it. I felt Buffy’s anger and now I understood why, and I felt it was justified. The fact that my father could so easily take it in and then tell her to deal with it, made me sad. He was not the same man he used to be. I know there was a time when he would have followed her upstairs and talked to her lovingly and gently about it. Maybe he was right and she did have to get over it, but he never would have it done it so cold and callously.
My feet carried me up the stairs and around the corner. I knocked once and opened the door…to an empty room. I ran inside and turned looking everywhere, she wasn’t there.
“DAD! COME QUICK!” I screamed with all the fear that was thundering through me. I heard their footsteps as they ran up the stairs and then when they skidded inside the room.
“She’s not here Dad! Where did she go?”
My father walked over to the bed and picked up the note that was lying there. His face shifted and he snarled.
“What does it say Angel?” Giles asked as both of us waited anxiously to hear his answer.
“It says, that she doesn’t love me. That she doesn’t want anything to do with me and never wants to see me again.”
“What! That’s not true! She couldn’t have written that!” I screamed.
“It’s her handwriting,” he said. He sniffed the air and growled even louder, walking over to the window he peered outside at the ever- darkening sky.
“Let me see Angel.” Giles took the note and read it. “Yes this is her handwriting. Except something’s not right. It seems jagged, like she stopped and started writing again. It’s like that throughout the entire note.” He looked up at my father.
“That’s because she didn’t know she was writing it.”
“What?” I asked at the same time that Giles said, “What do you mean?”
He turned around. “I mean that Lucian was here. I can smell him. He took her. Or rather I should say she went with him.” He walked out and practically ran down the stairs.
“I knew it! I knew he had her under some kind of thrall.” I said as I ran after him, followed by Giles.
“You mean like Dracula?” Giles asked.
“Sort of. Dracula’s skill is not as potent, his thrall not as deadly. It’s diluted through the line.”
“Are you saying that Dracula is a descendent of the Immortal?” Giles asked and I smirked at him. “I thought you knew everything watcher?”
“Connor do shut up.” He said to me, and my mouth snapped closed as my eyes hardened. “You can’t talk to me that way!” I said as I walked closer to him getting in his face.
He looked at me the way a father would an unruly child, firm and unfaltering. “It’s no mystery that you don’t like me and why, frankly I could care less. We have to find Buffy and fast. Now that he has her he can start his plan.”
“Oh and what’s that?” I asked.
“To turn her, and ultimately the baby, to evil.”
“Well that’s not going to happen.” My father said as he opened the door. “Pack for cold damp weather boys. We’re going on a little trip.”
“Where are you going?” Giles asked.
“To my house to grab a few things”
“And where exactly are we going Dad? You don’t even know where he took her.”
He smirked at me, “Yes I do.”
******************
Once again I found myself on a plane and flying back to Ireland of all places. My father, who if you remember had been stalking Buffy in Italy for a long time, knew exactly where Lucian took her. He explained that when he first found out about their relationship he put a Wolfram and Hart worker on their tail at all times. He knew Lucian’s every move when he was in Italy and when he left, which was about once a month.
It turns out that Lucian, a/k/a the Immortal, is really, Lord Lucian Seamus McGrady, and was actually a very distant, distant relative of my father. Not his human roots, but his demon roots. The Immortal was, in fact, the brother of the Master. He was turned at the same time as the Master by the same demon. His human roots were just as impressive. His mother was an Italian Duchess and his father an Irish Lord. He controlled land holdings that his family had held for generations both in Ireland and in Italy. But there was one that held his interest and passion the most.
It was a keep high up on a mountain that looked over a field of green grass and thatched roof houses. Its strong stonewalls were imposing in size and strength. It looked impregnable. The tower of the main keep rose up through the sky, the fog circled it making it appear like it went on forever. It was dark and dismal. And the town that sat quietly below it, was small and old, like it was still the fourteen hundreds. I was shocked to see that it was the same town that I had found my father in.
“You’ve always known.” I said quietly as I turned to my father who stood at my right, his keen eyes on the castle that stood atop the mountain.
“I’ve known about the myth of the Child of Scintillate for a long time. In fact, the Master told me about it. He said that I was the chosen father and that my mate had not been born yet. He also told me about his brother, how they hated each other, each one thinking that he was the destined ruler of all things that were evil, and eventually the entire planet. He told me that one day, the prophecy would come to pass and that Lucian would try to take it away from me.”
“Then why all the bullshit about finding out if it’s true or not?” I asked angrily and he turned to me.
“Connor, when I first heard about the myth I was a demon with a heart as black as coal. I didn’t give a shit about some stupid prophecy that hadn’t happened yet. All I cared about was finding my next dinner and fuck. Time went by and well I forgot about it. Then I was cursed and the soul felt nothing but guilt from the destruction the demon had inflicted, not a prophecy. ”
He turned to Giles, “It’s the reason the Master sent Darla to me, the reason he wanted me back into the fold of his little family. He knew Buffy was the Chosen mother.”
“It makes sense, but why kill her? Wouldn’t he want to try and turn her like Lucian?”
“No. The Master didn’t have the faith of the prophecy that Lucian did. The Master though it was rubbish. He knew that the Chosen Mother would be a warrior for good. And he never believed that she would be turnable. He also knew that his brother would stop at nothing to make it come true and that wasn’t acceptable, The Master wanted to rule evil he wasn’t about to let his brother have it.”
“So he wanted her dead instead.” Giles said, looking back over at the Castle.
“I’m confused, you mean turn her as in making her a vampire?” I asked them and Giles answered. “No not to turn into a vampire. The child is a product of both good and evil, if Buffy had been turned, then she would have just been evil there wouldn’t have been any good in her.”
“Wouldn’t that make his job easier?”
“No if Buffy was turned into a vampire then the prophecy would never come to pass. He means to seduce her into evil. Show her how wonderful evil can be. Turn her toward their side on her on free will. I suspect he’s been doing it for two years, since he met her. I’m afraid I don’t know her as well now to know how close she is too falling.”
“Longer than that Giles, Dracula was his first attempt. I think he sent him to Sunnydale to try and seduce her.” My Father answered.
“Yes, and he almost succeeded.”
“She’s not close.” I said staring at both of them willing them to deny it. “She’s strong. She wants this baby. She wants a life with you. She won’t falter. He’ll never get her.” I said what I believed and my father smiled at me, slapping a hand on my shoulder and pulling me into his side. “I know Connor.”
“I wish it was that simple.” Giles said.
“Why isn’t it?” I asked.
“Because she’s with child now. She has something to look after, something that you yourself said she wants. She’ll protect that baby with everything in her, and if that means going along with what he wants then I’m afraid she may have no choice.”
“No she would never let her baby become evil!”
“She may not have a choice Connor. Lucian is strong, very strong. He has a plethora of mind tricks up his sleeve, all of which he knows exactly how to use to get what he wants,” my father said.
I looked up at the castle with fear in every part of my being. Fear for her, fear for the unborn soul that she carried in her womb. “We have to save her.”
“We will.” My father said.
******************
The sun was just rising as my father pushed open the big wooden doors to an ancient keep that was roughly two miles away from Lucian’s. We walked in and he closed the door just as the sun’s first rays peeked over an early morning cloud. I walked through the main room, my feet crackling and scrunching as I did. I looked down to see hay woven into what looked like locking mats all over the floor of the main hall. “You keep animals in here Dad?”
Giles answered me while my father ignored me, walking toward the back of the keep. “It’s not hay Connor, it’s rushes. It’s a medieval form of carpeting in a way.”
We stood there both of us looking at our surroundings and feeling really out of place. The ceiling was vaulted, I could see the stone floor under the mats, and there was a huge stone fireplace that stood in the middle of the room. It was the biggest damn fireplace I had ever seen. I shivered my arms automatically coming around my waist trying to keep some of my body’s warmth close to me as my eyes stared at the fireplace, wishing that there were warm fiery flames filling it.
My father walked back in his arms laden with wood and I breathed a sigh of relief. He walked over to the fireplace and threw the wood in, then he grabbed some newspapers that were in a wooden bucket next to the fireplace, rolling them up he strategically placed them under the wood.
I walked over to him and reaching down picked up one of the newspapers. My eyes bulged when I read the date – 1920. “Does paper this old still burn?” I asked sarcastically and my father smirked at me.
Giles meanwhile was still aimlessly walking around; his curious watcher fingers touched everything, from the intricate tapestries that covered the walls, to the sharp gleaming broadswords that hung next to them. His mouth was slightly agape and I could tell that he was in his glory.
“This place is just amazing Angel. Everything is so…maintained and in perfect condition. If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you owned the keep?”
There were a few moments of silence as he stoked the flames that were becoming visible. “A few years after I was made Angelus bought it.” He quietly said. Giles just harrumphed and continued his exploration of the keep, silently walking about then disappearing into the back.
I watched my father closely. I was learning things about him that I never knew. For example it seemed that he had enough money to keep and maintain two impressive old homes, in two different countries, it made me wonder.
“Are there any other homes you own that I should know about Dad?”
He was kneeling down in front of the fire, I couldn’t see his face but I knew that his mind was on Buffy when he didn’t answer me right away.
“Dad?” I prodded him again and after a few minutes he finally answered me.
“Three. One in LA, and…the mansion and the apartment…in Sunnydale.”
I smirked at his back why was I not surprised. “How do you afford all of that dad? I mean it’s not like you bring home a weekly paycheck.”
Isn’t it weird the things that you never think to ask someone that you really don’t know at all? I mean I never in my life even stopped to consider how my father lived when he didn’t hold a nine to five job like every other poor schmuck in the world. But in the peace and quiet of an old castle it was these minuscule questions that popped into my head.
“I was evil Connor, not stupid.” He simply said. “I’ve made a lot of investments over the years that have turned out to be very…profitable.”
I nodded my understanding, which he didn’t see because he still stared into the orange flames of the fire. I shivered as the heat of the flames started to seep into my chilled and tired body. My eyes wondered around the room some more and I couldn’t stop myself from wondering why he would buy this place. I mean I knew my father’s history, I knew when he was made a vampire and by whom, I also knew who was first on the dinner menu. It was no secret to anyone that knew my father the guilt he still carried with him about that, so I found it curious that he wanted to be here at all.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why this place? Why here of all places? I mean this is where it all began for you; I would think that you wouldn’t want anything to do with this place…ever.”
He chuckled under his breath then finally turned around and sat on the stone fireplace, looking at me. “You just answered your own question.”
“Ah?”
He looked around the hall. “Buying this place was the demon’s perverse sense of humor. He liked to come back here once a year, and see the pain and the destruction that he caused on the faces of the villagers. He thought there was no better kill, no better taste than those of kin. He saw it as the place of his birth.”
I swallowed because eww that was gross and extremely disconcerting. “Isn’t that even more of a reason to get rid of it?”
He shrugged, “I know it sounds morbid.” He quietly said shaking his head. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me.” He looked up at me and I could see the struggle within him. I knew that something extraordinary happened to him here in this place that was also filled with horrible memories, and I wanted to understand what it was. I just stared back at him, as open and sincerely as I could. He sighed and then finally spoke.
“After I was cursed I couldn’t even step foot in the country let alone this place. I left and went to America. I stayed far away from anything that reminded me of it and the pain that I had caused. When…Buffy…died, I came back.”
I’m sure my eyes bulged out of my head because this was news to me. “I thought you went to a monastery?”
“I did but I came here first.” He looked down at his hands and I sensed the past that hovered around him. “Her death seemed so cruel; she was everything that was good in this world. She was my reason for doing everything that I was doing. When they took that from me, I didn’t know what to do anymore. All I wanted was to kill them for taking her away, the hunger to hurt and cause pain was hard to resist, and I couldn’t.”
He looked up at me, his eyes unflinchingly hard and cold. “I came here to kill.”
I shivered from the deep despair that I read in his eyes. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear the rest.
“The first night here I stalked the darkened streets and I waited for some poor sucker to come out of the pub. When he did I grabbed him and dragged him into the darken shadows of the alley.”
His eyes closed and I could see his hands clenching at his sides.
“I remember holding on to him, feeling his fear and I was…excited by it. He was an innocent but it didn’t matter to me. I thought that if they could take her away so easily then they didn’t really give a shit about the innocent. So why should I. I was close, so close to sinking my fangs in his pulsating throat. I could already taste his fear as it rolled down my throat and I wanted it. For the first time since I’d been cursed I truly wanted to kill a human being and I would have.”
“But you didn’t?” I asked and he shook his head.
“What stopped you?” I asked quietly and his eyes opened to look at me. A small smile played around his lips. “Buffy.”
“Buffy?”
“She came to me that night, as I held that poor man in my grasp, my fangs just grazing his skin, she spoke to me.” His eyes closed once more. “She called my name; I felt her warm hand on my shoulder. And I…”
“Freaked out?”
His eyes opened and he smiled, “Yeah pretty much. I dropped the man and I ran here. I barred the door and all the windows. When I turned around and faced the fireplace, she was here.”
His eyes looked down at the spot where his feet now were. “She stood right here in this spot. God she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It was what I had wanted to see for so long that I couldn’t believe it. I thought she was a demon. I screamed at her to leave me alone to let me be. But she just smiled at me, her eyes were glassy with tears and she spoke softly to me telling me that it was really her. I thought it was a trick I ran at her screaming at the top of my lungs to go away but I ran right through her.”
Once more his eyes closed and a smile of pure contentment lit his face. It was peaceful and it comforted me.
“God Connor. It was the most amazing thing I ever felt in my life. It was her - her essence, her soul - it passed right through me, I felt her touching my soul. I dropped to my knees crying and I could feel her warmth as it circled me. She whispered in my ear that she was okay and that she loved me. She said she was happier than she ever had been, and that she was glad it was over. She said she was tired of the pain, tired of the sacrifices that she always had to make. But mostly, she said she was tired of always having to do it alone, without me. She told me that I had to be strong, that the world needed me. She told me she would always be with me. I felt her lips on mine.” His hand rose to his lips and they slid across them. He probably wasn’t even aware of it, so lost in his memories. “She kissed me and I felt the blinding truth of her words and I felt her love and belief in me. When I opened my eyes she was gone.”
His voice was but a whisper when he was done and I felt my own eyes tear by the tale. It was the most I had ever heard my father say at once and I was spellbound. I felt like my heart was going to burst with joy that he trusted me enough to tell me this story, something that was extremely personal and obviously something that he had never told another person before. His open honesty humbled me.
“After that, I stayed here a few more days. Walking around trying to figure everything out. I felt close to her here and I started to really hear the truth of her words and what they meant. I started to remember all the pain and destruction that I caused here and I realized that I could never ever put myself in that position again. I had to be strong for her because it’s what she wanted and…I would’ve done anything for her.”
Taking a deep breath followed by a just as deep sigh, he looked at me. “So I left and I went to the monastery. I stayed there for three months coming to terms with my guilt and anger. Getting stronger both physically and mentally. When I felt that I was as ready as I ever would be, I went back to LA. I came back here every now and then, whenever I thought I was losing myself. It’s a reminder that no matter how lost I feel, no matter how close I feel the darkness surrounding me, that there is no greater darkness then losing her.”
He looked away from me and down at his clasped hands as another piece of the complicated puzzle that was my father fell into place. I realized that he knew how close he was to the darkness again and had since the big battle. It was why he was here when I found him, why he watched Buffy in Italy. Even through his anger and jealously he knew that she was his stronghold to the light. He knew that like before she would be his salvation.
I knew it took a lot for him to tell me that story and I wanted to make sure that he knew how important it was too me that he had. “Thank you.” My voice hitched with all the love and emotion that I felt for him. It wouldn’t be until later when I would look back at this moment as the beginning of our relationship, the true beginning, and the first time that I could honestly say that I loved my father.
He looked up at me, a perplexed look on his face. “For what?”
“For letting me in.” I said simply.
“Angel are you aware that you have a First Edition Byron in your library?” Giles said amazed as he walked out from the back of the keep.
My father smiled at me then stood up to face Giles. Nodding, he started to walk up the stairs. “There are three of them.”
Giles looked even more amazed, a blinding smile lit his face and he sounded like a kid in a candy shop. “Truly?”
“I’ll be upstairs resting. You two should do the same. Pick a room. There are blankets and firewood in each room.” He disappeared up the winding stone staircase.
Giles turned and walked back to the library, or at least that’s where I assumed he was going. Either way, he completely ignored me. I yawned and stretched my aching body then stood up. Taking my father’s advice I made my way upstairs and sought out my new room.
******************
She woke up; her eyes opening as her hands automatically sought out her belly and lightly caressed it. A smile appeared on her face and her eyes were aglow with contentment and happiness. But that knowing look vanished as she looked up at the ceiling. Her face crinkled with confusion as she stared at the unfamiliar design. Sitting up she looked around the room. Her eyes took in the dark mahogany furnishings and the plush blue carpeting. The walls were white with dark blue stripes and there were blue velvet drapes that hung alongside the windows touching the floor. Looking down at the blue velvet bedspread that covered her she was even more bewildered.
She sat up and removed the bedspread, her feet touching the carpet, her eyes still perusing the room that she knew she had never been in before. Grabbing the red silk robe that lay on the bed, she stood and put it on covering herself from the slight chill in the room as she walked over to the window and peered outside.
She gasped at the sight that greeted her. Beautiful lush green hills stretched across the landscape as far as the eye could see. There were misty clouds that settled atop the distant mountains and she could just barely make out roofs in the far off distance. The clouds receded slightly and peering closer she saw a tall tower that loomed in the sky. It seemed so far away yet strangely so near and she couldn’t look away.
Staring at that tower, she felt disconnected. It was as if the other part of her was there and not here. Her stomach churned with anxiety and need. Her eyebrow lifted at the peculiar feeling as her hand rested on her belly, rubbing it comfortably, trying to ease the discomfort. A sudden lone tear rolled down her cheek as she felt something inside of her call out to that tower in the far off distance. Leaning her forehead against the cool glass her hand rose and pawed at the barrier. “Angel…” She whispered longingly. The clouds rolled back covering the tower with its smoky screen and another tear fell. Her fingers flexed frantically across the glass, nausea filled her as her stomach protested the towers disappearing act.
In an instant her anxiety vanished. Her vision blurred. Her sense of displacement faded and in her mind she saw him. A lone dark figure his black eyes speaking to her, telling her that she belonged to him.
“Come…come to me my sweet.” His voice was deep and seductive. The lure of pleasure awaited her in that voice that left no room to deny, and she could not.
She backed away from the window, her facial expression now blank as she walked toward the door and opened it.
She walked down the hall her bare feet padding across the carpet. Her hair was loose hanging down her robe covered back as she continued down the hall. Her face was distant and faraway. The light that normally sparkled in her eyes was hidden behind a veil of murkiness. The irate protests that her stomach still made were not heeded. She heard only his voice.
She turned a corner and stood in front of a door. Her hand rose to turn the knob but she stopped, her hand hovering just above the bronze knob.
She took a step back, a moment of clarity breaking through the fog. Her hand rose to her face, touching her cheeks she closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She was confused. She didn’t know what she was doing here. She had no idea how she had gotten here and she didn’t even know where here was. But she knew that she didn’t want to be here. She knew that something was wrong. She was frightened and she was alone.
But she wasn’t alone.
The door opened and a dark figure in black silk stood there staring at her hungrily. His eyes traveled down her body, briefly lingering on her stomach then back up to her bewildered face. His hand reached out to her as his eyes darkened and drilled into hers. His voice was smooth, cajoling she didn’t detect the deception. “Come my love pleasure awaits us.”
She faltered in taking his hand, her eyes speaking of her uncertainty and of the will to defy; yet her hand still rose. She wanted to pull back but she couldn’t move, and she watched silently horrified as it settled in his cold grasp.
Unsure green orbs stared into black endless pits and the uncertainty vanished. The fog once more settled behind her eyes blinding her to anything but him and his will. Her mouth formed a smile. “Yes, pleasure.” She repeated to him as he pulled her inside the room and closed the door.
******************
I knew I was dreaming. I could feel my body thrashing on the bed, my feet tangling in the sheets as my hands gripped the sides of the mattress. I could even feel the sweat dripping down my face and neck. It should’ve been enough to wake me but it wasn’t. Something was keeping me tied to her and I couldn’t escape. She was frightened and she was lost, and I felt everything she did. My mind screamed at her not go in that room, to fight him but she couldn’t hear him. And I watched helplessly as she did.
“What’s wrong with him Giles?”
I could hear my father’s frantic voice, I could feel a hand on my head but I could not move I could not speak.
“He’s in the dreamland, a very deep dreamland.”
“Why won’t he wake up?”
“I don’t know.”
******************
She looked around the room and she smiled, it was warm in here. The door closed, interrupting the serenity of the room, and she jumped turning toward the disruption. The smile disappeared as she gazed at the black figure whose face was never revealed. She took a step back.
“Don’t be afraid beloved. It’s only us here.” He said taking a step closer to her.
“Wh…where am I?” she asked.
He smiled at her, “My ancestral home.”
Accepting his answer she nodded then turned toward the window. Walking over she gazed out. “It’s…lovely.”
He walked up behind her and closed the drapes. Placing his hands on her shoulders he pulled her back against him. His head lowered and he whispered in her ear. “No my sweet, you are lovely.”
Her head tilted to the left at the feel of cool lips on her neck and her eyes closed. She saw him in her mind, deep brown hair nuzzled close to her own. Beautiful chocolate eyes that penetrated deep within her soul, and his full lips as they grazed her neck, making her shiver. Her hand came up and wound around his neck and through his hair, drawing him closer to her.
“Would you stay here with me? Forever?” He asked and she smiled. “I would stay with you anywhere.” She whispered back.
“The future is ours beloved. The world will be ours. You, me and the child, we shall be together forever.”
Her hand stilled in his hair and her eyes opened. Her hand wandered down to her belly. Her fingers splayed across the expanse of her tight stomach and her voice was wondrous when she spoke. “A child.” She sighed happily, snuggling back against him. “It’s what I’ve always wanted…to have your baby.”
He kissed her on the neck. “I know my sweet. And we shall. We will have the most beautiful and perfect child the world has ever seen.” He licked her neck then moved lower to the base of her collarbone. His tongue circled the fresh scar and she shivered with desire. “mmm…Angel…”
******************
“NO! NO…not…Angel!” I screamed at the top of my lungs as my body continued to thrash violently. I felt strong arms grasp my arms and legs and then I couldn’t move at all. The whole thing was very strange it was like I was standing in the middle of a black void, to my right was Buffy and Lucian and to my left was my father and Giles. I could hear what everyone was saying, but I couldn’t participate in either conversation. I was literally trapped in a void.
“What’s happening to him Giles?”
“I don’t know damn it!” “Well think for Christ’s sake! What the fuck is happening?” I heard the sound of his heavy steps as he began to pace, his voice loud and pissed off. I wanted to answer him. I wanted to scream at him to go now and save her before it was too late. But I couldn’t. I could do nothing but listen.
“Okay. Connor is the Vindex his connection to Buffy lies through the baby. Perhaps the baby is keeping him there, tying him to the dream so he can see what’s happening. Give him the opportunity to break the spell that Lucian has over her.”
“It can do that? How can it do that? It’s only been two days since she conceived!” My father’s confusion rivaled my own and I could hear the vexation in Giles’ voice.
“Angel, the Child of Scintillate is unlike anything we or anyone else on this planet has ever seen. He or she can do many things. It’s written that the connection between the Child and the Vindex is only overshadowed by the connection to the mother. So yes I believe that is what’s happening. It’s the baby’s way of getting help.”
“But how does Connor break it?”
“I don’t know, I guess that’s something Connor is going to have to figure out.”
******************
His hand came around her stomach holding her to him tightly as his other hand caressed her neck then tilted her head further to the side. “So sweet, so…warm and beautiful. I’ve always loved you. It’s only ever been you.” He said to her and she smiled. Sighing contently, her hand gently pushed his head deeper into the crook of her neck.
“You’ve gone through so much my love, so much pain and suffering, so many sacrifices.” He whispered.
Her eyes watered with the memories. “It’s been so hard.”
He kissed her, “I know. It doesn’t have to be any more. I can take that all away. With me by your side you will only ever feel love and devotion. Your cries will not be of pain and death but of passion and love. Your tears will only be tears of joy, not sorrow. And our child…” his hands spanned her stomach, “our child will be…blessed, blessed with the love of two parents. Blessed with the knowledge that no one will ever hurt him.”
“Or her.” She said happily and he smiled at her, “…or her. I will never leave you again. Together we are strong.”
“Apart we are nothing.” She said back to him.
“I can show you a world, where pain doesn’t exist. I will give you everything you need, everything you ever wanted. I will take care of you my sweet. You will be my queen. Would you like that?”
“Yes Angel, it’s all I ever wanted.”
He smiled, but she did not see the cruel cunning gleam in his eye. “Then relax my love. Close your eyes and just feel.”
He lifted her hair and tilted her head to the side, lowering his gleaming fangs to her throat.
******************
I couldn’t stand to see Buffy in Lucian’s grasp, lost in her own mind and memories. I knew I had to stop him I couldn’t allow him to bite her but I didn’t know what to do. So I screamed.
“BUFFY WAKE UP!”
I watched as her body jerked and her eyes popped open. But Lucian held her tight and whispered to her, “Shhh…just relax Buffy. Feel me, hear only me.”
******************
I watched helplessly as her eyes closed once more and her hand settled on her stomach. I felt bile in my throat at what I was witnessing and I started to panic. I felt helpless and alone. I was driven with the need to do something, anything to snap her out of it, yet nothing came. I was powerless.
“She’s mine boy. You will never have The Child. You will never save her.”
My hands clasped over my ears trying desperately to keep his malevolent voice out of my head. But I couldn’t. Cruel mocking laughter surrounded me and I fell to my knees tears streaming down as reality slapped me in the face.
The Oracles were wrong, I wasn’t the Vindex, how could I be? The baby wasn’t even born yet and already I failed. I was nothing but a fucked up kid with ideas of grandeur. There was nothing special about me and there never had been. I’d been blissfully kidding myself this whole time. I failed Buffy, I failed my father, I failed everyone. God I hated myself. All I ever wanted was to succeed at something. Do something that would make me feel like I was a real person and not a freak. Be someone special. But I wasn’t. I was just a freak. I’d always been a freak. And I always would be.
My tears fell rampant and my body heaved with guilt and self-loathing. My world became darker – bleaker. It felt like the floor just dropped from underneath me as a cold wind blew around me. Crackling laughter echoed around me and I felt myself fall. I didn’t even try to hold on there was not point any more. Everything was black now. I could no longer hear my father and Giles talking. I couldn’t make out what was being said between Buffy and Lucian. It was all a blur. I was in a deep pit of vast despair and all I wanted was for it to stop. This had to be it and I only prayed that it would come quick and painless.
Yet while I waited for the sharp pain of death to take me, it didn’t. The laughter faded into the distance until I couldn’t hear it anymore. It was replaced with a low buzz that got louder and louder, surrounding me, and I felt a warm light on my face. I was afraid to open my eyes. Afraid to see what it was that touched me now. Afraid to look into the contemptuous eyes of my nemeses but I felt a gentle push inside of me forcing me to see.
Behind my closed eyes, I saw my father in the great hall. I saw Buffy before him cradling his head in her hands, telling him to be strong and that the world needed him. I watched as she whispered to him that everything she ever did was for him. Every sacrifice she ever made, she made with the hope that one day it would be their time. I read the blinding emotion in my father’s eyes, emotions too deep for words. They were emotions that only a soul mate would understand without vocal expression. It was love, a deep soul binding love that crossed over time and space to touch again. It was devotion that never dimmed even in the face of danger and threats. It was commitment to each other. A vow of allegiance to the heart no matter what obstacles and separation lay between them. It was simply put…faith.
Faith carried Buffy and my father through everything they had ever lived through, together and alone. Faith was the cornerstone of a love so strong that even death couldn’t separate it. It dawned on me that if they could do it then so could I. I had to have faith, faith in who I was and faith in my own abilities as The Vindex.
My eyes snapped opened the panic was gone. What had, at one time, seemed so foreign to me now felt like my second skin. I felt a power inside of me grow, the power of self-assurance and confidence. There was no doubt in my mind that I could do this. I wasn’t some stupid kid that didn’t know what was going on. I was The Vindex. I had more power than that asshole Lucian. It was my destiny to save my sibling and I would succeed.
Giles’ words filtered though my head and I smiled, I knew what I had to do. Feeling secure in the knowledge that I would win this battle, I closed my eyes and concentrated on Buffy and the baby.
******************
Buffy opened her eyes just as Lucian was about to sink his fangs in her throat and she pushed him away falling to her knees. “Oh god I’m going to be sick.”
Violently her body heaved as she vomited on his expensive plush carpeting and I snickered only to be woken by a wave of my own violent sickness. My eyes opened and I jumped out of bed and on to the floor throwing up.
I felt a hand on my back soothingly rubbing it up and down, and when I was through, I sat back on my hunches and looked up at my father. “She thinks he’s you.”
My father snarled, his eyes angry as he stared down at me.
“Of course, that’s his power over her. He’s using a cloaking spell, the sneaky bastard. Well I have a spell to counter that!” Giles said right before he ran out of the room.
My father helped me to my feet and put me on the bed. He sat down next to me waiting for me to tell him what happened.
“He almost bit her Dad.”
I didn’t need to look to know that he wore the face of the demon. “Almost?” he snarled.
“He didn’t. She got sick, like me. She threw up all over his carpet.”
He growled and it sounded like a pleased growl. “How did you do that Connor?”
“I don’t know. I saw everything that you told me, before in the hall, how she came to you. I just kept picturing it and I pushed it through. The baby helped, I think. Somehow the baby knows what Lucian’s doing and I think…I think the baby made her ill, I think that’s what broke the thrall.”
“Temporarily.” Giles said walking back into the room with an old dusty book. “Once the physical illness is gone she will be susceptible to it again. We must work quickly. There isn’t much time. Once bitten she will be even closer to him. He will no longer need the spell. She will see him for what and who he is, and then he will be relentless in showing her the good side of evil.”
“There’s a good side to evil?” I asked but he didn’t hear me.
“We have to move now Angel. This is our chance.”
My father didn’t need to hear that twice. He immediately stood up and left the room, followed quickly by Giles. I jumped up. My stomach was oddly settled and not flip-flopping around. I grabbed my coat and ran after them. Down the stairs and through the main hall, we turned the corner and entered the library.
Giles and I watched as my father grabbed a book on the shelf and pulled it out. The bookcase swung open creaking as it went. Where was I, Wayne Manor?
“Grab a weapon,” he quickly said right before he ran down the old, crooked staircase.
There was a weapons cabinet to our left. Giles opened it and grabbed a sword. I took the one that was next to it, and yes it was bigger and meaner looking than his. Well I was the Vindex I couldn’t let a mere watcher show me up.
Giles quickly followed my father down the rickety staircase. I moved to follow but my curiosity got the better of me and I stopped to look at the book that opened the hidden passageway ‘Dante’s Inferno’. I snorted, “Appropriate”. Without hesitation I ran inside and down the staircase. Reaching the bottom I skidded to a halt. My eyes widening at the bad ass suped up black Land Rover that sat there. “Nice car.” Of course I wasn’t expecting a reply and I didn’t get one.
He hit a switch and the door opened, rolling up and revealing the sun just being covered by a cloud.
“Uh Dad, it’s still daylight outside.”
He grunted then tersely replied. “Get in.”
I opened the passenger door and slid inside closing the door, just as Giles closed the back door. “Um Angel do you think this is a good idea? Connor is right, it is still day.”
My father closed the door and started the engine. “The glass is necrotempered and I don’t plan on walking through the door. Buckle up.”
I looked over at him just as he threw it in drive and his foot slammed down on the gas pedal. I was pushed back into my seat along with a surprised Giles “Oof!” as we peeled out of the garage and into the daylight.
He drove fast, driving over anything that got in his way. He didn’t take the road instead heading over the rocky terrain. Looking out my window, I could just barely make out a trail of tire tracks, which told me he knew the route, very well.
I looked over at him. It was weird to see the face of the demon shining in the sun. It was actually pretty scary, scarier than seeing it at nighttime. I guess because creatures of the night were just that, creatures of the night. They weren’t supposed to be able to walk in the sunlight and to see it was a little unnerving. Yes I’d seen my father standing in the sunlight at Wolfram & Hart, but for some reason, it just seemed more real outside in the world.
Turning my head I looked back out the window scowling at the thick fog rolling in behind us. The faster my father drove, the faster the fog moved. Great just what we needed! “Dad?”
His eyes never left the road. “I know damn it!”
I found it curious that my father always seemed to know exactly when the hounds were on his trail. Was it only because he was used to it or was it something else? The sinking pit in my stomach told me it was the later, that and the fact that nothing was ever simple when it came to my family. Unfortunately now was not the time to be inquisitive. I turned in my seat and looked out the back window, “It’s getting closer.”
Giles mumbled something about rude demons and then shuffled through his bag. He pulled out a green bottle. “Open the back window!” He called out as he jumped from the back seat and into the back of the truck – for an old man he sure could move fast - just as the glass slid down and the wind whipped inside the vehicle.
Giles leaned out of the window and shouted into the fog, “I command you back to hell dogs! Back to your demon masters! “ He threw the bottle into the fog. It landed on a rock breaking open and a green mist lifted up and circled the fog. Suddenly, the ground began to shake and the truck rattled, it felt as if the earth was opening up behind us. My eyes squeezed shut and my hands covered my ears as I tried to block out the high pitch screech that emanated from the fog. God it was painful. Like nails on a chalkboard, it vibrated down my spine causing the hair on my body to stand up in shock. Then just as quickly as it began it stopped. The truck stopped shaking and the squeal of incensed pain ceased. When I opened my eyes, the fog was gone.
I sat back in my seat, as my father put the window back up and Giles settled into his seat. “That should hold them off, at least until we can get Buffy and get out.” Giles said and my father snorted his agreement.
“Handy potion.” I noted.
“Yes well I knew it would come in handy at some point.”
I bet you did Giles. Silently I cursed myself for not seeing it before, the other alternative motive for Giles coming to Italy. God I could really be blind, a fault I would have to correct in the future. Giles and my father had met in London before coming here. I’m sure my father told him something about the predicament he was in. Which meant there was more to it than what my father told me. Which was not a good sign. I wonder if Buffy knew, well I’ll ask her later, but for now I’ll just prod the watcher.
“I have a feeling that my father will be needing more of that in the future.” I said, keenly watching him for any sign of something that would tell me more.
“No doubt. But unfortunately, this is not the remedy to Angel’s bounty problem.”
“What is?” I asked but he didn’t answer me. He just looked at me deadpanned then turned away. I smirked at him, my admiration once more growing for Giles. He was a tough cookie. And he was as good at being tightlipped as my father was.
I turned my attention to my father who kept his eyes on the road as he drove recklessly over the terrain and I felt a wave of fear. I didn’t want to lose him and the fear that I was going to, and soon, scared the hell out of me. I just discovered my father, I was just getting to know him, and I realized that was something I wanted very much. I wanted him in my life; I wanted to learn from him and I wanted to share with him the things that I was learning. I couldn’t lose him now. And the more my heart filled with love and fear, the more my anger grew at their silence. They were like two old southern women keeping secrets. It pissed me off and I snapped at them! “You have to tell me some time you know?”
No one answered me.
Okay, piss me off more why don’t you! I could understand that maybe this was not the best time to talk about it. And I knew that the only thing my father was thinking about was Buffy, but still, it was just one more secret. One more secret in a long line of secrets that I wanted stopped. Secrets had almost destroyed my family and I wasn’t going to let that happen again. For now I’d let it slide. He could run from the Hounds but he wasn’t going to be able to run from me.
My attention was brought back to now as we hit a large bump and my ass left the seat. I held on as I looked out the front window. My father wasn’t kidding when he said he wouldn’t be going through the door. Well at least, on our feet. Nearing Lucian’s castle, he rammed the wrought iron gate that closed off the driveway. He sped up the driveway and right toward the double wooden door.
“Um Dad?” I screeched just as we hit them. The truck slammed into the heavy wood breaking the doors and splintering wood everywhere. We continued to drive right through the great hall, finally stopping as we slammed into a wall.
We all jumped out of the Land Rover weapons in hand, except my father whose bare knuckles were clenching furiously at his side. We stood in the great hall surrounded by splintered wood and rock, scanning the room for any sign of Buffy or Lucian. At another moment, when the adrenaline wasn’t pumping through my veins, I would look back and laugh because I’m sure we looked like the male versions of Charlie’s Angels but in the moment there was nothing to laugh about. We were ready. Ready to battle the demon that held Buffy captive. The woman we all loved.
Suddenly Angel growled and ran up the stairs, Giles and I quickly followed him. Reaching the top he stopped, his nose twitching and inhaling, trying to get their scent. But I knew where we were. I knew this hallway and I knew where Buffy was. I pushed past him and ran down the hall to the door in my dream. I didn’t stop to think what I would do once inside, I just kicked the door open.
At the sound of the door crashing against the wall, they spun around from the window. Buffy stood with her back against Lucian’s chest; he had one hand around her waist holding her close to him. The other was tangled in her hair tilting her head to the side. His gleaming fangs poised to strike.
“NO!” I screamed as I ran toward them. Lucian’s hand that was in Buffy’s hair motioned toward me and I flew back into the wall. My sword softly clanking on the rug as it landed beside me. Shaking my head I looked up to see Giles running toward them, only to be sent flying back into the wall and landing right next to me.
I tried to get up but Giles stopped me. “No this is between them.” I didn’t like hearing that, but looking over at my father, I guess Giles was right. He stood there like an avenging angel. He was dressed all in black, including the black leather pants that I didn’t notice earlier, and the sounds emanating from his mouth were as potent as the fire yellow glow of his eyes. His fists clenched into his palms and I saw a tiny drop of blood drip down from his hand. He was the personification of a righteous pissed off lover here to collect his mate. And I had enough sense to know that getting in the middle of that was not a smart thing to do.
“You’ll never have her Lucian, she’s mine.”
Buffy stayed exactly where she was, I sensed her confusion, and she nestled closer into Lucian’s chest. Lucian took that as a good sign and smiled smugly at my father, “Really…do you think so Angelus?” His hand rose and he caressed her face. “Are you his, my love?” He whispered to her in that deep voice and as she stared at my father her eyes bulging with fear, she nodded her head no.
“Buffy wake up!” I screamed at her, trying desperately to awaken her from his thrall and to see my father standing in front of her and not behind her.
“I…I don’t know him.” She quietly said her eyes never faltering from my father’s demon face.
I watched as my father took a deep breath, his body visibly relaxing as the demon disappeared. He took a step closer to her. When he spoke his voice was soft and full of all the love that I knew existed in his soul for her.
“Ioniun. Look at me. Look at my face. It’s me baby, it’s Angel.”
She shook her head, “No.” She quietly said.
“You know it’s me. Look deep within your heart Buffy. He’s tricking you.” He took another step closer.
She nestled back against Lucian her hand digging into his arm that was wrapped around her waist. “No you are tricking me! My Angel’s with me.”
Lucian smiled confidently at my father so sure of his power over Buffy. But his arrogance only blinded him to the true nature of my father and Buffy’s relationship. And how deep it truly ran.
My father smiled warmly at Buffy. “You’re right, I’m always with you baby. Even death can’t separate us. Remember?”
Her eyes were glazed as she watched him take another step closer. Lucian growled angrily and I could see his arm tightening around her stomach. I saw her wince and I went to move but Giles once again stopped me. “No Connor.”
“But the baby.” I protested as I looked at him but he just shook his head no.
As I looked back at my father, I couldn’t understand why he didn’t just take Buffy away from Lucian. But sensing the fear and confusion in her eyes as if it were my own, I understood. She was in a delicate position. Her mind was drugged with illusions. She thought Angel was behind her. If he were to rush over there and take her away, she might just freak out and hurt herself or the baby. He had to take it slowly and remind her of them. Remind her of something that only they knew about, something sacred to them both.
“Death?” She whispered as she stared into his eyes.
He smiled at her, “That’s right. Remember?”
Her voice hitched as her free hand rose up to her mouth. “I…I killed you. I sent you to hell.” She cried, her eyes tearing.
I could tell Lucian sensed her breaking away from him and he snarled angrily yelling at my father, “SHUT UP!” But my father ignored him; all of his attention and energy was on Buffy.
“Shhh…baby it’s okay you had no choice, it wasn’t your fault. Do you remember what happened after that baby?” He took another step closer.
Her eyes became slightly clearer as she stared back at him. “I…I ran away.”
“That’s right you did. Where did you go Ioniun?” He took another step and Lucian growled again backing up and pressing himself against the window.
“L.A.”
He smiled at her, “That’s right you did and I followed you, didn’t I?”
A small smile appeared on her lips as another tear fell from her eyes. She shook her head and I could see her hand loosen from Lucian’s arms. “Yes, you…you found me.” There was wonderment in her voice like she still couldn’t believe that had happened.
One more step and my father was right in front of her. He nodded his head at her, a smile on his lips. “If I was blind I’d find you.” He said quietly and her voice hitched as a torrent of tears fell from her eyes. “Angel?”
The fog that had clouded her green eyes dissipated and she stared back at my father completely coherent. “Angel.” It sounded like a lover’s caress and her hand rose to stroke his cheek, but she suddenly gasped in pain as Lucian’s grip tightened around her waist. “NO!” He roared his disapproval and his hand came out and he punched my father in the face, forcing him back a step. “SHE’S MINE! THE BABY IS MINE!”
My father snarled at him but it was Buffy that answered. She stomped her foot down on top of Lucian’s then threw her head back into his nose. He bellowed with pain as he released her and she flew into Angel’s arms.
“Oh god Buffy!” “Ange!” They said in unison. When they pulled apart, my father’s hands lovingly circled her stomach as she continued to touch and caress his face. “The baby?”
“He’s okay Angel.”
“He?” he smirked at her and she smiled back, “or she.”
I smiled as I watched them when a gleam of silver caught my eye. I looked just in time to see Lucian with a sword in his hand. He face was twisted with rage as he pulled his arm back, his eyes on Buffy’s back.
“Buffy look out!” I ran at him my own face distorted with anger. Pushing Buffy and my father aside I threw my body at Lucian just as his sword came down for the final blow. I crashed into him and he wrapped his arms around me, whispering in my ear just before we flew out the window. “We’ll meet again Vindex.”
“CONNOR!”
It only seemed like seconds to me, a brief moment of pure silence and peace, right before my eyes opened and I took a deep breath, my heart pounding in my chest. I looked up to see two figures standing over me; I raised my hand to block the sun out of my eyes revealing the faces of Buffy and Giles.
“Wha…what happened?”
“You took a dive out the window.” Buffy said. “Give me your hand.” I put my hand in hers and she helped me up. I glanced down at the red blood that drenched my shirt and the gaping hole that was there. “What happened?”
She looked at me, her head tilting to the side and then she answered me. “You died. And now you’re back.” She smiled. “See it wasn’t so bad, right?”
Ah? “What wasn’t?”
“Dying.”
I couldn’t grasp what the hell she was talking about, and I suddenly felt like I was in my father’s shoes. “Dying?”
She rolled her eyes at me, “Well gees Connor that’s what usually happens when you get gutted like a fish.”
It all came back to me then, me running at Lucian, his sword skewering me like a shish kabob and then us flying out the window. I looked around the front lawn, “Where did he go?”
“He disappeared right before you dove out the window.” Giles answered.
I turned to Giles in disbelieve. “What? He’s not dust?”
Giles actually smiled at me. “Sorry to disappoint you but no. I told you Lucian is very old and capable of many tricks.” He turned and headed toward the door. “But don’t worry, you’ll get another chance, he’ll be back.” He disappeared inside and I stood there still a bit dumbfounded as to what exactly happened.
I turned to find Buffy staring at me quizzically. She had this look of a concerned mother and a happy teenager that had something really cool to share with her best friend. Of course I fell into it, because I was still a little baffled by the whole thing but I felt completely normal. Well as normal as I could feel.
“So that’s what it’s like ah?” I said as I poked my finger threw the gaping hole in my shirt.
Buffy laughed, “That’s what it’s like. You sure you’re okay?”
“Well besides being a little puzzled, yeah I’m okay.”
“Yeah it’s like that at first strange yet normal.” She shrugged, “But hey, pretty cool ah?”
I smiled at her, “Yeah actually it was.”
“BUFFY! CONNOR!” We both jumped as my father bellowed from the darkened doorway. I couldn’t help but cringe with hesitation. “He sounds mad.”
Buffy smiled, “That’s not his mad bellow Connor, that’s his concerned bellow. Believe me the mad roar is much more…deafening.”
“Oh, okay well that makes me feel better.”
Grabbing my hand she started walking toward the house pulling me along. “Come on let’s get you inside before your father has a coronary. Oh wait, he can’t can he?”
She smiled and we snickered at my father’s expense.
“I heard that!”
******************
It had been exactly one hour and thirty-eight minutes since I died and I was still trying to figure the whole thing out. You would think that someone who knew that they were immortal would have come to grips with the actual dying aspect of it by now, but I hadn’t.
It’s not that I was freaked out by it or that I felt different, at least physically, because I didn’t. The whole thing was just so surreal and fantastic that it was hard to accept. I guess because dying and then being resurrected was living proof of what my life had become and what was to come. Now I wasn’t complaining in the least. I was happier now than I ever had been.
I felt a newfound closeness with the father that I’d never known. Something that deep down inside I always wanted but was too stubborn to ever admit. Because to admit that would mean that I had finally come to terms with what and who I was. And until this little adventure began, I never had.
But now, as I sit in the overgrown garden in the back of my father’s castle in Ireland, I realize that I liked who I was. It didn’t matter that my parents were two nocturnal creatures, in fact, that was a good thing. It made me special. There was no one else in the world like me - I was an original – one of a kind - and that I liked.
The fact that I never knew Darla didn’t bother me either and I had one person to thank for that – Buffy. Thinking of how much she’d become my surrogate mom put a smile on my face. She was wonderful. She was everything a kid could ask for in a mom and I was lucky to have her in my life. We all were lucky, especially my father.
When I look at them together, the love is so blinding that it almost hurts my eyes. It reassures me that no matter what happens in life, if you are lucky enough to find that one person, then everything will work out in the end. And that comforted me. It gave me hope that maybe one day, I would find that special someone. Another aspect of my life that I had never once considered was missing - a significant other. But I had plenty of time to think about that.
The sky darkened as night settled in quietly and the shadows reminded me of death. Buffy was right. It was strange but not at the same time. It was like mentally I knew that this was not something everyone went through, that it was something different and special. But then I didn’t feel any different. It was like my body and my mind were at odds with each other. And I think that’s where the weirdness came from. I guess it would take time and a couple more deaths to really get used to it, if I ever did.
What I do know is that dying was…peaceful. Those few short seconds of blankness were the most harmonious seconds in my life. It was like I felt nothing and thought of nothing. All the hang-ups and issues that I carried with me everyday didn’t exist – I didn’t exist. But then in a blink of an eye everything returned to me. The coldness of reentering the world, the shock to my body as I breathed air into my lungs, the stimulus of feeling your blood pumping through your veins – something I had never in my life felt before – was awesome.
While it was a heady experience for me, and not necessarily a bad thing, the flip side of that was that I could easily see how it could be extremely fearsome for someone in a lesser state of mind. Or someone that had no idea it was even going to happen. Someone like Buffy. I don’t know how she could have handled that with no forewarning of what was to come. It was just another example of how strong she was.
I got the feeling that I wasn’t alone anymore and I turned toward the patio doors. Buffy stood there leaning against the door studying me with a knowing look on her face.
“What?”
She smiled, “Brooding?”
I shrugged and she chuckled, “Like father like son.” She walked over to me and sat down next to me. “So, how are you really?”
“I’m good.”
She nodded, “Have you figured everything out yet?”
“Not in the least.” She laughed then bumped me with her shoulder.
“Have you?” I asked her.
“Not in the least.” We smiled at each other like idiots until her face crinkled with discomfort.
“How are you feeling?” I asked her.
“Like my stomach is on a roller coaster ride without the rest of me.” She said as her hand automatically started to rub her belly. She had such a look on her face. There was something in her eyes now that wasn’t there the first time I met her. It was the look of a woman who had everything she ever wanted.
“Thank you Connor.” She said quietly as I looked back into her eyes that were now misty.
“For what?”
She took my hand in hers, “For coming into my life. You are an incredibly special person and I just want you to know that. “ Her eyes became fierce and she squeezed my hand harder. “Never doubt that Connor. You are not a freak.”
My eyes bulged with her words and when my voice was hitched when I spoke. “How did…”
“How did I know? It’s how I felt when I first found out that I was the Slayer. Plus before at Lucian’s I heard you.”
“You did?”
She nodded, “It was weird. I could hear your inner thoughts, I knew you were there but I couldn’t acknowledge it. It was like a dream almost. But that doesn’t matter. You saved the baby and me, Connor - you did. If it wasn’t for you Lucian would have bitten me and god knows what would have happened then.”
I looked down at our clasped hands feeling a little embarrassed. “I only did what I was supposed to do.”
“No you didn’t. You didn’t know what to do so you went with your instincts and that’s what warriors do. They keep on fighting regardless of how scared they are. That’s what you are, a Warrior.”
I bowed my head blushing as I did. I wasn’t used to receiving such praise and it made me a little uncomfortable.
“Connor when we first met do you know what my first thought was about you?”
I looked up at her, “No.”
“My first thought was ‘wow this kid has absolutely no idea how powerful he is.’”
“Really?”
She chuckled at the perplexed look on my face. “Yup. It’s why I didn’t throw you out on your ass.” She said warmly, smirking at me and I chuckled. “That’s what I thought you were going to do.”
“I wanted to. But, my instincts told me not to. See I knew the second I saw you standing across the street leaning against that light pole that you were someone that was going to change my life forever. Of course I was scared out of my mind because usually when my life changes it’s not for the best. But I just knew that was not the case with you.”
“Well I’m glad you took a chance on me.” I said to her and she smiled. “Me too.”
She looked up at the stars, her face now solemn. Something was troubling her and I’d known her long enough to know that it had something to do with my father. “How are things between you and dad?”
Was I being nosey? I don’t think so. I worked hard to get these two back together and I didn’t know if that part of my journey was over or not but I didn’t care. I wanted to make sure that they never lost each other again.
She shrugged, “Things are…okay.” I sensed what she wasn’t saying, that things were still strained between them. I guess that was understandable considering everything that they had gone through together and alone. All the anger and resentments that attach themselves to you like a leech don’t just go away with a kiss and hug. Plus I had a feeling that she wasn’t blind to my father’s situation, and she knew as well I, that he and that sneaky watcher were keeping something from us.
“Do you think he’ll tell us?”
She looked back at me the fierceness back in her steady gaze. “No. But it doesn’t matter. I have other ways of finding out.”
I couldn’t help but smirk at the sneaky look in her eye. She stood up then pulling me to my feet taking both of my hands in hers. “Connor I know I’m not your real mom and I don’t want to take her place. I just want you to know that I feel like your mom. To me, when I look at you, I see me. And although you are not of my flesh and blood, in my heart you are mine. I just want you to know that I love you as deeply as I love the baby that’s growing inside of me.”
I looked away from the emotion I read in her eyes and looked down at our clasped hands. Taking my hand she opened my fist and placed something cool into it, then she closed my hand around it. “I want you to have this. Your father gave this too me the first night we met. It’s the second most cherished item I own. I’m giving it to you as a reminder that I cherish you just as much and that no matter what I will always believe in you.” She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek her hands lovingly cupping my face. “I’m proud of you Connor and I’m thankful that you are part of my family.” She kissed me again and then quietly walked away.
I opened my hand and looked down at the plain yet beautiful sterling silver cross that lay in my palm. It was the most beloved gift I had ever received from anyone and I would treasure it forever. I vowed that I would do anything I had to do to always remain true in her eyes. To always be someone that she could be proud of.
I looked over to the doorway to see Buffy in the arms of my father. They spoke to each other quietly. I could see the smile on my father’s face. A smile that was pure and warm. They kissed softly, lingering on each other’s lips before pulling away. My father caressed her cheek and I could see his lips moving. “I love you” I didn’t need to read Buffy’s lips to hear her answer. Stepping out of his embrace, she walked into the house her hand grazing his shoulder as she left.
I could see his battle to draw her back into his arms. He didn’t want to let her go, ever. He looked up at me, clearing his throat and trying with all his might to wipe away the emotion that he knew he was showing. I smiled at him cockily and he glowered at me as he stood in front of me.
I stood there still smiling, my heart wide open to him, and my curiosity speaking without me thinking. “I wish I could’ve seen you when you first met her.” I said.
He didn’t look at me; instead he looked down at the claddagh ring on his finger, his finger tracing it lovingly. “You just did.” He said quietly.
“What do you mean?”
“Every time I see her it’s like the first time.”
I nodded my understanding. I guess it was like that when you were really in love with someone. I looked down at my hand and the cross that laid there, the significance of it meaning so much more to me now.
His gaze followed my own and he folded my hands around the cross then looked up at me earnestly. “Keep it safe.”
The way he said it told me he wasn’t just talking about the jewelry. He was thinking about the future and how he might night always be here. He was putting his faith in me to protect the family and I accepted it with pride. I looked back at him, my gaze unwavering. “Always.”
Opening my palm I lifted the chain and put it around my neck tucking it into my shirt and keeping it close to my heart, where it belonged. Where it would always remain.
He nodded then released my hands and stuffing his own in his pockets. “Connor I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for the way we began. For the way your life started. I never wanted you to get hurt I only ever wanted the best for you.”
“I know Dad.”
“And I want you to know that out of everything I have achieved in this life, anything good that I ever did, I’m most proud of you. And I…I love you.”
I don’t know what reaction he expected from me but I was so emotional at the moment that I didn’t care what he wanted. I blasted him with the biggest smile my face had ever made then I crushed myself to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my head on his chest. Instantaneously his arms fiercely closed around me and we squeezed each other tightly. “I love you too Dad.”
“Um…excuse me Angel?” Giles cleared his throat and we pulled apart smiling at each other.
“We really need to discuss…some…things.” Giles said. My father nodded and then ruffled my hair, chuckling when I scowled at him.
“You know I hate that don’t you?”
He smirked. “Why do you think I do it?” He continued to chuckle as he walked inside, softly closing the door behind him.
Yes sir things were good, for now at least. I had no idea what the future held for my family but I didn’t care. I also knew that there were a lot of unanswered questions specifically about my father. But I felt confident that Buffy would put an end to that mystery soon enough. I knew in my heart that no matter what happened next we would battle it together and we would succeed.
I took a step to go inside when I felt a chill come over me. I stopped my eyes peering into the darkness as the wind blew softly around me, rustling the trees.
“I’ll be ready for you next time. You better make sure you’re ready for me.” I softly said into the wind. I knew he was there listening, watching just like he always would be. But now I knew that I would always win the battle. I had so much to fight for and I wouldn’t lose any of it.
“Connor come inside your food’s getting cold.” Buffy called out from the doorway.
Lucian was forgotten as my stomach protested to the very idea of Buffy cooking. I must have made some sort of unpleasant facial expression because she looked at me crossly. “Don’t worry I didn’t cook.” She grumbled before turning and disappearing inside the house.
I smiled, my stomach rumbling hungrily and happily as I walked inside.
“Angel will you stop it! I’m not a baby!” I heard Buffy yell.
“No but you are carrying one and you are not going patrolling tonight!” My father answered her.
“What do you think the vampires are just going to go away now that I’m pregnant!” She yelled back and I smiled closing the door behind me.
Normal. What was normal?
Well there was no rhythm or reason as to what was normal. Normal was basically whatever was normal to you. Everyone had his or her own sense of normalcy. And whereas some people might look at my family and think that we were a bunch of freaks, I was secure with the knowledge that we were as normal as anyone could be.
The End…for now
Author’s Note: at this time, I do not know when Book Two will be written. Odds are Interlude #1 will be written first but again I don’t know when.
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