Basically a Season Five and on re-write. Everything up to the last act of Sanctuary S4 happened after that it’s my own twisted little world. This story is not cannon!

Pairing

Buffy & Angel

Minor Buffy & Riley

Summary

What if after leaving the police station, Buffy went back to Angel to apologize and plead with him to take her back? What if he rejected her? What would the ramifications of that rejection be to both of our heroes? Buffy will go down many dark paths until Angel comes back to help her and the Scoobies with a Hell Goddess bent on destroying the world.

Author’s Note

Again, I just wanted to stress that this fiction is not cannon and will not be true to the BuffyVerse with regard to storyline and/or characterization. They are not that far off but they do tend to act or say things the characters in Verse would not and I just wanted to stress that point before you begin your journey. With that said, I hope you decide to read it and should you do, I hope that you enjoy it *hugs*.

Many Thanks

To Kay, beta-extraordinaire

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Prologue

Walking down the stairs and out of the police station she held her tears at bay, she didn’t want him to see her cry. She had too much pride for that.

Her rational mind told her that she was being a bitch and that she shouldn’t have lied to him. But seeing him with Faith had completely devastated her. She was hurt that he was happily living a life without her and she reacted by lashing out with her pain and anger.

It didn’t seem fair to her. For Buffy ever since he left Sunnydale she had been miserable and the irony of that was almost unreal. He left her so that she could have a happy normal life and it seemed to her, like he was the one doing that. He was achieving what he wanted for her.

Meanwhile, Buffy felt like she wasn’t achieving shit. School sucked, half the time she didn’t even know what she was doing there. Who was she kidding? She was the Slayer not a scholar. It’s not like she was going to go out and get a job as a shrink. Though I could probably use one, she thought.

Then there was her nice normal boyfriend, Riley. She knew that she wasn’t going to marry him and have the 2.5 kids that Angel wanted for her. She was just Buffy Summers, Vampire Slayer. Why couldn’t he see that? Why was he being so stubborn? She knew that he still loved her; she could see it in his eyes. She could feel the tension that seeps into his body when she’s near him. She could feel how he restrains himself from touching her. She even felt it in the slap of his hand on her face.

She still can’t believe he did that. At the time she was a little shocked, to say the least, and pissed off that he hit her over Faith. But now she was thinking more clearly and she knew that she deserved it. It wasn’t her place to come into his town and try to run things. She knew that she wouldn’t have liked it if he’d done that to her.

She sighed deeply at her stupidity; once again she was a selfish bitch. But she couldn’t help it. When it came to Angel she was extremely selfish, but only because for her, he was hers. Whether he wanted to agree with that or not, she didn’t care.

That was when it hit her. She stopped walking and stomped her foot. She wasn’t going to take this laying down anymore. She was through with letting him tell her what was best for her. She wasn’t going to stand here and let him trample over her heart again while he’s living his happy little life and I rot away in Sunnydale with a goof ball that likes to play solider boy with demons!

No I won’t accept that, she thought, I love him only him. I have to tell him I’m sorry. I have to get him back into my life. I still want my life to be with him. I don’t care what anyone says. I don’t care what he says. I’ll get down on my hands and knees and beg him if that’s what I have to do. Because when it comes to Angel I have no shame.

********

He opened the door and stepped into his darkened apartment. He could finally let my shoulders slouch and the sadness show in his eyes.

He threw his jacket on the couch and walked over to the kitchen. He took a pint of blood out of the fridge and raised it to his lips, when he felt her.

He looked around the dark room, finally spotting her sitting in a chair in the corner. “Buffy?”

She didn’t answer at first; she just sat there staring at him like he held all the answers.

“Buffy?” he asked again.

“Do you love me?” She asked. Her tone was soft but firm.

He sputtered his answer because he didn’t really want to go there, “Bu…Buffy…”

“I love you. With all of my dying heart that is slowly withering away from being without you, I love you.” She stood up, “I don’t love Riley...” she started to slowly walk toward him, “…I don’t even trust him. I’m sorry for lying. I’m sorry if my stupid words hurt you. I’m sorry for hitting you. I’m sorry for anything I ever did to make you leave me.”

She stood in front of him tears glistening on her cheek and when she spoke her voice was filled with shame and sorrow. “I’m sorry you lost your soul.” Her green eyes usually so full of love and laughter, now reflected her heartache, pain and guilt. To know that he was the cause of that sorry cut him to the core and he mentally shouted at her, ‘Why are you making this so hard for me?’ He tried to turn away from those eyes that ripped through his battered soul but she wouldn’t let him. She grasped his arms tightly and forced him to look at her.

“Don’t turn away from me!” she pleaded. “Don’t turn away from us! Please.” She dropped to her knees her tears were flowing freely down her face and neck, rolling down into the valley between her breasts. He watched them shimmer on her golden skin and he wanted nothing more than to taste those tears. But he couldn’t.

He tried once again to step away but she held tightly, gripping his legs pressing her check against his thigh. “Please Angel, I beg you! I need you so much. I’ll do anything you want if you just take me back. PLEASE…PLEASE!”

He had never heard her sound so desperate and lost, and he held back his own tears and closed his eyes to her pleas. If he could he would give her the world. If he could he would take her in his arms and hold her forever. If he could he would tell her everything would be all right as long as they were together…but he couldn’t. It wasn’t their time.

He opened his eyes and stared down at her golden head, he closed his heart to her and did the hardest thing he ever had to do in his undead life.

“I don’t love you.” His voice sounded cold and hard and she looked up at him her breath hitched while she tried to comprehend what he just said. “Wh…what? No, that’s not true I feel it!” her head shook violently with her denial.

He coldly grabbed her by the arms and hauled her up to eye level. She looked into his eyes and stopped breathing. Was she looking into the eyes of the demon? His beautiful chocolate eyes that once shone with love and devotion for her, now stared back at her with cold indifference.

She shook her head, she couldn’t be wrong, she felt it, she knew he still loved her!

“I don’t love you Buffy! Go home! Go back to Riley and your life in Sunnydale. What we had was nice but it’s over. It’s been over! I suggest you get over it and move on!” He threw her aside and turned away unable to look into her eyes and lie anymore.

She fell to the floor not expecting him to just cruelly reject her pleas “Angel please, you don’t mean that! I feel what’s in your heart!”

“My heart?” He coldly laughed “my dead un-beating heart?” He threw her words back at her. He steeled himself and held firm to his resolve to send her away. He turned around “Buffy go home, we’re over. I don’t need you in my life. I have a real life now, with people that actually like me. I have a purpose here. And I’ve met someone, someone mature enough to understand my needs and me. Someone who isn’t a selfish little school girl with fairytales of white knights and forever love in her head”

She stared at him in shock and disbelief. She couldn’t understand why he was saying these hurtful things. What did she possibly do wrong to make him hate her so much? “No you don’t mean that. You’re just trying to hurt me for saying those things about Riley! I’m sorry…please…please you have to believe me, I didn’t mean it, any of it…I LOVE YOU…ONLY YOU!” She shouted.

He grabbed the jacket that she had thrown over the chair. He walked up to her shaken form and took her by the arm. He led her to the elevator and put her inside. When he spoke his voice was empty and despondent. “It doesn’t matter anymore Buffy. We were never meant to be. Go home forget about me, forget about us.”

With those last heartless words he closed the elevator on her speechless face and walked away. Hating himself and hating her for making him do what he knew he had to do.

She crumpled to the floor stunned and shaken by his words. Her heart exploded into a thousand tiny pieces with the realization that maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe they were never meant to be. Maybe he never loved her the way she loved him. She held her face in her hands as the dam broke and a torrent of tears was let loose.

Inside her soul screamed with denial and pain as it slowly closed itself off to the raging emotions inside her. She was filled with nothing but emptiness and darkness, a darkness that would settle and stay until the dam broke once again.

Chapter One

Neophyte

Six Months Later…

She was hunting. There was no other word for it. It had ceased to be patrolling a long time ago. The darkness inside of her called out for the night. The blood in her veins rapidly coursed through her with the thrill of the chase. The feeling of absolute power and fearlessness settled inside of her and she lived for that rush. Hunting her enemies had become her only reprieve from the memories that haunted her.

She closed her eyes and breathed in the night air. This was the only time that she truly felt useful anymore. School sucked and she really wasn’t getting anything out of it. She was at a point where she didn’t even care. There was no drive inside of her to do anything else. The yearning for normalcy just seemed to fly out the window. Now she didn’t care if she had a normal life or not. She had a nice normal boyfriend, and honestly, she found him dull and boring.

He didn’t to it for her. She knew even though she hated to admit it, that there was only one person that would ever be able to do it for her, but he kicked her out of his life, threw her away like she was trash going out to the curb.

She had tried for so long to figure out why he did what he did. She had spent weeks of sleepless nights trying to comprehend all the cruel things he had said. In her head she knew that she had forced him to act that way. If she hadn’t begged and pleaded with him he wouldn’t have pushed her away so cruelly. But she had only spoken what was in her heart. She had only done what her heart and soul were crying out for. If the rational part of her brain were working properly she would have recognized that he did only what he thought was best for her.

She kicked the wet grass with her foot; she was tired of that excuse. He always used that excuse; did he think she was some stupid kid with nothing upstairs? Did he think that she didn’t know what was best for her? Well he did say that she was a selfish little girl, didn’t he? I guess that truly is how he feels. She was nothing but a young, immature, selfish little girl how could she ever think that a vampire of his years and experience could love her the way that she loved him.

She should have seen it coming because now all she was left with was a heart that for all intents and purposes, stopped beating. She was stuck with a soul that was turning blacker than the blackest nights. He left her with nothing, nothing but this…the hunt and the kill. He had taken away everything that was beautiful to her, leading her into the darkness, and ironically, she felt more powerful now than she ever had before. Now she wondered why she ever shunned her darker side.

A crack of a branch in the distance alerted her, her body tensed she acutely listened to the sounds of the night, waiting for that moment of certainty when she would know which direction to go. Crack, there it was again, her head whipped to the left her eyes scanning the darkness. She saw a faint shadow swiftly moving across the cemetery.

Her heart started thumping in her chest. Her pulse quickened as she smiled into the night. She began to sprint across the dew-covered grass. Her hair whipped in her face as she made a sharp right. She saw her prey in the distance, twenty maybe thirty feet in front of her. Her smile increased, her pulse raced away, as her heart filled with the adrenaline of the hunt. She jumped and leaped over a tombstone, gracefully flying through the air she landed on her target pushing him to the ground. She sat up straddling him and rammed her stake through his heart.

She got up wiping away the dust that covered her. She rolled her head to the right and then the left, cracking it with the motion. She rolled her shoulders taking a quick look around and finally felt at peace. She walked away, making her way back to her room. Back to the bed where her nice normal boyfriend slept, back to a world of light and dreams, back to the lies that had become her world.

********

Spike watched the Slayer attack her prey from the dark shadows of the cemetery, with lethal force and deadly precision. He often followed her out on her patrols partly because he loved to watch her work and because lately he was worried about her.

Ever since she had come back from LA six months ago she had changed. She was no longer the carefree college student with the quick wit and humor. She no longer parried insults back and forth with him. She hardly even spared him a glance anymore and talking to her friends seemed to become something of the past. She tolerated him and the others, and that was it.

She patrolled more often and with more violence. It seemed that every vampire that crossed her path, she had a personal vendetta against. Even the ones that she use too let go after giving her information got dusted in a blink of an eye. This Slayer didn’t care. She was a killing machine with a systematic routine…hunt and kill.

Spike basically saw it as the beginning of the end, the downfall of the greatest Slayer that ever lived.

He had seen and fought many Slayers and had killed them with no problem. He always knew that what made Buffy special and a warrior to be reckoned with was her attachments to this world. It was her emotions and love of life and the people in it that gave her that extra fire she needed to win.

But this Slayer lost that somewhere back in LA six months ago. It wasn’t that hard to figure out that the gel-haired idiot had something to do with it. He had heard the rumors about him too. He had heard that he was more demon than anything else. He had heard the tale of how he grimly stormed into Wolfram and Hart and slaughtered every one of them leaving behind only piles of dust and headless corpses in his wake. He had heard how he killed Drusilla and Darla without a second thought leaving them to burn to death in a building as he stood by and watched with smile on his face.

It seemed to him that these two once star-crossed lovers were unwittingly on the same path, put there by the idiotic ramblings of a fool in a love.

As he watched the Slayer he had to shake off the icy coldness that swept over him. He used to only get that feeling from Angelus but now he was getting it from her and it was freaking him out. Not to mention the fact that when she did look at him it was with loathing and hatred as if she associated him with Angel. So besides the occasional stalking detail that the Watcher put him on, he tried to stay out of her way.

Quite a turnaround when you consider just a little while ago he was nipping at her heels like a lovesick puppy. But all that changed one night while following her on patrol. He had noticed a dark figure steadily following her as well. He knew it wasn’t a vamp because he didn’t sense any. He continued to watch the dark figure and as the Slayer finished off the last vamp the figure emerged. It was Riley.

He walked up to her and started yelling at her for fighting four vamps by herself. She looked at him with cold eyes, grabbed his head and brought it down to her mouth. She kissed him savagely making his lip bleed then coldly demanded that he either fuck her or leave her alone.

Riley stupid as he may be did exactly that. He shut up then proceeded to fuck the Slayer into the nearest tree. Spike the pervert not willing to miss this kind of free show had stayed low in the bushes watching.

He was so turned on by the animalistic violence of the Slayer that he reached into his pants and started to stroke himself. It wasn’t until he took his eyes off of the Slayers breasts that he looked up to see her staring directly into his eyes. He stilled his motion not knowing what to expect. But she just coldly smiled at him and continued to stare at him, while commanding Riley to fuck her harder.

It was in that precise moment that his cock softened and he realized that the Slayer no longer held that lure of goodness and purity. The things that had attracted him to her in the first place were now replaced with nastiness and cruelty. She was just downright mean and as Spike watched her fuck Riley with not an ounce of emotion in her eyes he knew that the Slayer he had known was gone and that a new Slayer was left in her place.

Chapter Two

Altered States

He sat at his desk with his feet up, his head leaning back and his eyes closed. In his hand was a picture of a girl, a beautiful blonde that in all likelihood hated his guts.

He opened his eyes and stared into the eyes of his mate. His fingers lovingly stroked the perfect check bones that graced the photo. His eyes roamed down her long supple neck staring at the pulse point that had so often fascinated him with its constant beat of life. He looked at the full pink painted lips that he knew tasted as sweet as the sweetest nectar made by God himself. Lips he knew he would never again taste or feel.

His body shuddered as he remembered the last day he saw her. God he was such a bastard. He never thought that he would have it him to do what he did. The cold callous words that came out of his mouth were things the demon would say, not the soul. Yet, he had and now he was tortured everyday as every word reverberated in his head making him sick to his stomach.

He had irrevocably changed that day, he knew it; he wasn’t stupid. Even if it weren’t for the looks of unease that he got from Cordy and West, he would still know because the demon clawed at his soul. His bloodlust to hunt and kill, to inflict pain to anyone he could was a constant scream in his head. Every day he fought to keep control. Every day he struggled with doing what he was supposed to do even though the drive and determination was not there. He still did the same things but now it was done vacantly. Before he had a purpose, he had a reason to keep fighting, Her. She was his motivation to fight for his salvation; she was his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

But there was no rainbow now. That dissipated with every vowel and syllable of lies that had spewed from his mouth that day. No there was no doubt in his mind that he had pushed her so far away that she would probably stake him as fast as he could say hey. Now there was no reason. Now he just went through the motions, doing what everyone expected him to do: save people.

After that day he didn’t remember much because everything was just a blur. He remembered Darla coming back to life, which seemed surreal at the time. He remembered trying to lose his soul in her just wanting the pain to stop and he could easily remember the rage that followed after when he realized he hadn’t.

He looked up at hearing a noise and saw Kate walking towards him. She was nice he liked her but she wasn’t Buffy. He looked back down at the picture in his hands and felt a twinge of guilt that he was using Kate. But there was nothing to be done about it. It was just the way things were. Did he love her? No. He knew that as sure as he knew that Buffy hated him. But she was all that was left to him and he might be dead but he still needed the company of a woman from time to time and Kate filled that need.

“Angel?” Kate walked into the room and closed the door. She walked over to him and started to run her fingers through his hair. “Everything go alright tonight?” Her hands wandered down his shoulders and to his arms.

He just nodded at her still staring at the picture in his hands. She saw him looking at the picture and once again wondered what pull this tiny girl had on the vampire. She asked Cordelia but she just gave her a nasty look and said, “I don’t think that’s any of your business.” Wes sputtered something about an old acquaintance. And Angel, the one time she asked him, he threw her the hardest coldest look she had ever seen and told her that she was no one.

She pulled the picture out of his hands and placed it on the desk, turning him around to face her. She dropped to her knees and caressed his crotch, unzipping his pants in the process. She took his cock out and started a slow up and down motion. She leaned down and licked the tip of his head and then consumed his whole length in her mouth.

As she sucked him he stared at the picture on the desk. His mind imagining that it was Her lips on his cock pleasuring him. The demon added his own images of a blonde head bobbing up and down between his legs and in no time he came in Kate’s mouth shooting his seed. But the fantasy soon faded at the sound of her spitting his cum out of her mouth like it was a disease.

She got up from the floor pleased with herself and took his hand pulling him out of the chair and leading him away from the picture, away from Her.

********

A few hours later he was staring at the ceiling with his hands behind his head. He had to be losing his mind, he thought. After Kate led him up to his bedroom he had taken her pretty roughly, he had two orgasms for God’s sake and he was still note sated. Kate hadn’t said anything but he knew that she didn’t enjoy it that much. But with the lingering images of Buffy giving him head, that Kate had unknowingly invoked, he was so turned on he couldn’t control himself. He just closed his eyes and imagined that she was Buffy.

He sat up on the edge of the bed his agitation growing. The demon mocked him cruelly, laughing at him to face the fact that no woman would ever be able to sate him. And the one woman that could would never let him touch her again. He angrily rose and dressed quietly he needed to work off some steam, he needed to kill something.

Kate lay still watching him get dressed. She could feel the irritation and tension coming off of him in waves and it really ticked her off. She gave him pleasure, she let him come in her mouth, she let him fuck her brutally without one word of how much it felt like was ripping her in half, and he still wasn’t satisfied. She knew that many times after they made love he would wait for her to fall asleep then he would rise and leave her, going out into the night seemingly trying to escape something.

When she first started this relationship with him, she knew he came with baggage, doesn’t everyone? But she didn’t care she had wanted him from the first moment she laid eyes on him at that club. Besides his brooding, he was everything a man should be in her eyes and she never had it as good as with him.

He put on his jacket and slipped out the door.

She rolled over and lay on her back. It was probably that blonde in the picture he was hung up on and Kate wondered once again whom she was. She sighed, it didn’t really matter in the long run because she was not here, she was not sharing his bed and if Kate had anything to do about it, she never would.

********

When he got outside he started hunting. Finally coming across some vamp trying to snack on a girl in an alley he moved in to strike but the vamp sensed him and ran. He watched him run down the street; he climbed the building wall and jumped from rooftop to rooftop chasing his prey. He stopped at the edge of a roof and looked down. He saw a shadow turn the corner, with a smile on his face he jumped and landed right in front of the vamp.

“Going somewhere? But we were just starting to fun!” He threw a right cross landing it squarely on the vamps chin knocking his head back. He grabbed him by the throat and brought him flush to his face. “Why run you know it’s just going to make me angry?”

The vamp he held was scared, he knew who he was dealing with. “Angelus I don’t want any trouble with you.”

“Too late.” Angel sneered at him as he deftly put a stake through his heart.

He wiped away at the dust that settled on his leather and took a big sniff, the sun would rise soon it was time to go home and back to his miserable existence.

********

The hunt did nothing to appease his agitation and as he entered the Hyperion he pushed the doors open forcibly, banging them into the wall and making the pictures rattle. Cordelia, who was sitting at the front desk reading her latest Vogue magazine, jumped at the loud crash spilling her coffee in the process.

“Geez! Can you not break the doors down when you come in?” She sneered at him. He barely acknowledged her as he climbed the stairs to his rooms. Cordelia shook her head at him; he was so different that half the time she didn’t know if she was dealing with Angel or Angelus, she was getting really sick of it. Not to mention the fact that he hooked up with that bitch Kate.

Cordelia seethed with anger at the thought. She wasn’t quite sure why she hated Kate so much; maybe it was just the fact that she was a haughty bitch. Or maybe it was that she knew why Angel was with her to begin with. First it was the Buffy-Incident and then it was that fiasco with Darla, it was obvious to Cordy that the only reason Kate was around was because Angel had lost his mind…plain and simple.

Since he had sent Buffy back home six months ago she wasn’t too sure she liked him much anymore. She was really starting to think that that had been a big mistake. When Wesley had told her what happened she actually felt sorry for Buffy and secretly she had been angry with Angel for doing it so heartlessly. She shook her head she never thought she would have seen the day that she would be on Buffy’s side.

But she had to admit that she would prefer to see Angel back with Buffy. She had seen what their love was all about and there were many times that she had been jealous of that love. They were just meant to be that was it. There could be no other for him just like she knew that there could be no other for Buffy. Even if the both of them were living in denial, Cordelia wasn’t.

“Was that Angel?” Wesley came out of the office with a book in his hand.

“Yup that was our esteemed happy go-lucky leader. You know if he doesn’t change his attitude soon I’m going to stake him myself. This was a brand new cashmere sweater and now it’s ruined!” she wiped at the coffee stain.

Wesley looked up to the second floor worried about the vampire. He had been closely watching him since the Buffy episode and he didn’t like what he’d been seeing. Angel had worked so hard to get to the point where he was feeling good about himself and his mission, working towards the ultimate prize…Shanshu.

But now it seemed that he just didn’t care. He didn’t care about them; he didn’t care about the people he saved. He just went through the motions. He was so despondent that he rarely ventured out of his rooms when he was in the hotel. He stayed hidden up there doing God knows what. He only came downstairs to get blood or to leave the building.

At first Wesley had been happy about what happened, he would never say anything to Angel, but the thought of a Slayer falling in love and sleeping with a Vampire always seemed wrong to him. He assumed it was the Watcher in him that was turned off by the idea. Because even though Buffy never trusted him as her watcher, in his heart he always felt a sense of protectiveness for her and Faith.

He had a lot of guilt when it came to both of them, especially Faith. He had on many occasions belittled himself for how he had handled things with them. He knew now that he really was a pompous ass that knew nothing about what went bump in the night. But since he’d come to LA and started working with Cordelia and Angel he’d seen that people could change and better themselves, something that Angel had been working towards. Now though, it seemed as if he was going backwards.

And this whole Kate business was bothering Wesley too, because he didn’t trust her for some reason and he felt that Angel was blindly walking into something that he was going to regret later.

He walked over to the counter and put the book down. “He’s under a lot of pressure Cordelia.”

She looked at him rolling her eyes. “Pressure, please he’s just in permanent Buffy mode and has been for six months.” She started to file her nails.

“Is Kate still here?” he asked.

“No, thank God. She left right after him; all pissy too I might add. I guess she didn’t like waking up alone.” She snickered.

“Yes well then perhaps after a good night sleep he’ll feel better.” He lamely said.

“Yea right and I’m fat and ugly.”

Chapter Three

Phantasm

She stood on a dais overlooking a room full of demons. Their sleazy eyes roamed down her naked body as their approvals of what they saw echoed off the chamber walls. She stood stone still afraid to move, afraid that the slightest sound would trigger them to attack her. It was as if she was paralyzed unable to move or breathe. She suddenly felt like she was suffocating, the lights dimmed and smoke started to seep up from the cracks in the floor. She started to tremble panic quickly taking over.

She looked up and was shocked to see Whistler walking towards her. Whistler? She hadn’t seen him in years but he still looked the same with his cheap zoot suit. She looked into his eyes and the panic receded. Her breath returned to her lungs filling them with oxygen. She took a deep breath and tentatively reached out to him. He smiled at her and shook his head, stepping away from her. She watched him as he made a stately bow and a flourish with his hands. She looked beyond him and saw the figure of a black clad demon walking towards her.

Her belly tingled with a sensation of fear and lust as she peered through the smoke that now filled the room trying to make out his features. He walked closer talking the steps of the dais one at a time. He stood before her but the darkness covered his face but it didn’t matter, she didn’t have to see his face to know who it was. She felt him in her soul.

He took one small step and his face was in the light. The beautiful face that could so easily make her yearn with unbridled lust or tear her heart to pieces. She didn’t know what to say, she didn’t know if she wanted to say anything. Seeing him, even if it was only in a dream and she knew it wasn’t real, brought back the horrors of that day; the day he literally destroyed her world and pushed her into the darkness.

She looked into his eyes and saw sadness reflected back at her. She smiled slightly at him “Angel?” He smiled at her reaching out a hand that lovingly caressed her check. She closed her eyes feeling the rapture of his hand on her skin. She could feel his love for her and it filled her heart with warmth. Warmth that she had been missing for months and it made her smile deepen. She knew that he loved her; she knew he didn’t mean the things that he had said.

She longed to hear his smooth deep voice whispering words of love in her ear. A lock of his silky hair tickled her check and she felt his cool breath on her face. She wetted her lips with the anticipation of his touch when she felt his hands grasp her upper arms. But this was not the touch of a lover; this was the brutal hold of a demon. Her eyes snapped open and she found herself staring into the glowing red eyes of the demon.

“Angel?” She asked. He leaned his forehead next to hers “Shhh...”

The true face of the demon emerged and he cruelly smiled at her while tightening his hold on her arms, bruising her soft skin.

“Angel, you’re hurting me?” Her voice squeaked out as tears formed in her eyes.

He laughed at her and without a seconds hesitation he threw her into the horde of demons surrounding her. Their claws swiped at her naked body, tearing her skin open, her blood flowed freely down her body and onto the floor filling the cracks. She felt razor sharp teeth puncturing her skin. She struggled trying to get free. “ANGEL, HELP ME PLEASE?” She called out only to hear the cruel taunting of his laughter. She continued her struggles but they were to no avail as the demons continued to maul at her.

He stood above her watching her struggle, horrified and turned on by her terror all at once. He raised his hands and the demons stopped and parted for him. He leaned down and pressed his hand to her chest. Her green tear-filled eyes looked up at him pleading with him to help her “Angel…please, help me?”

He lifted his hand to her cheek tenderly holding it then he smiled at her as he punched his hand through her chest grabbing a hold of her heart and ripping it out. She screamed with excruciating pain as she stared at her beating heart held in the hands of the man who was her lover and her tormentor. Looking into her eyes he brought her heart up to his mouth and swiftly sunk his teeth in draining her life, draining her hope, draining her love.

She jumped up and scrambled out of bed clutching her racing heart. She frantically looked around the room, where were all the demons? Where was her lover? Confusion set in as she realized that it was just a dream. But it felt so real! She could still smell the smoke. She looked down at her body searching for claw marks, searching for teeth marks. But there were none.

Taking deep breaths she tried to calm herself ‘”Snap out of it Buffy it was just a dream, just a dream.” Sitting back down on the bed she took another glance around the room. Her eyes landed on the still sleeping form of Riley. He was lying on his back his arms stretched above his head and the sheet was low on his hips. She looked at him trying to find some sort of desire for him, he e wasn’t bad looking for a guy he was sort of cute.

So why was it that when she looked at him half naked the way he was now that she felt absolutely no stirrings of desire. No need to take him in her arms and just be with him. No desire to share her heart or even her every day thoughts with him. How could she feel nothing when Riley touched her yet be incredibly aroused by a demon in a dream that hated her? A man, who with a simple look, enflamed her desire and made her soul soar with feelings of passion and love.

Thinking about the dream she closed her eyes, she could still feel the way her body trembled with anticipation, waiting for him to touch her, to claim her. She could feel his cool breath on her face lightly blowing in her ear. The way she had shivered when he finally touched her.

She opened her eyes, now annoyed, what was wrong with her? How could she still want him so much after all the cruel things he had said? He broke her heart and shattered her soul, yet her body still reacted to him even in dreams. She got even angrier as she realized that no matter how much she shouldn’t she still considered herself his.

Her hand lifted to the bite mark on her neck. She ran her fingers lightly over the sacred bumps of his bite and felt the tingling of desire the second she touched it. She would never let Riley touch it. It was too personal. It was her reminder that at one time he had loved her. At one time he had considered her to be his girl.

She longingly remembered that day; she could still feel his fangs breaking her skin and sinking into her flesh, she could still hear the loud slurping noises he made while he drank her life’s essence. She could feel his hands on her back pressing her closer into his hard chest. The way it felt like they were one joined both physically and mentally; two souls touching each other in the most intimate of ways.

The mere memory of the most erotic experience she ever had turned her insides warm and set her body on fire. She leaned down on the bed. Her hand moved up to her breast squeezing it and drawing light circles around her hardening nipple. Biting her lip to keep from moaning, her other hand wondered down to her belly slowly circling her bellybutton then slipped under the elastic of her panties.

She stilled her hand and her eyes snapped open. Was she seriously going to pleasure herself with thoughts of that bastard when she had an able body right next to her?

She looked over at Riley who was sleeping peacefully. She lowered the sheet that covered his body and her hand snuck under his drawers. Watching his face she grasped his dick and started pumping him until he was hard.

He started to softly moan but she could tell he was still asleep but she didn’t care. She didn’t want words of love from him; she didn’t want soft touches and gentle thrusts. She wanted only to forget.

She pulled her panties off and straddled him. With one hand on his chest and the other on his dick she guided him inside of her. She closed her eyes trying to feel his heat, trying desperately to feel anything but memories. She started to ride him, not caring if he was awake or experiencing pleasure, she increased her pace violently slamming herself down on to him.

Riley now wide-awake opened his eyes and watched her. She had her head thrown back and her eyes were tightly closed as she rode him hard and fast. She was pinching and pulling on her nipples and her mouth was open as her tongue snaked across her lips.

He would have been completely turned on if it wasn’t for the fact that not once had she looked at him. Not once had she called out his name. And the brutality of her actions only made it seem as if she was reaching for something that she desperately needed but would never find.

With one final slam, she came over his cock and her motion slowly stilled. Riley watched as she opened her eyes and looked into his, coldness reflected back at him, a coldness that chilled his bones. She patted him on the cheek and got off. She walked over to the closet and pulled on a pair of pants and shirt. Then pulled on her boots and without a backward glance to him walked out of the room.

********

Angel’s eyes snapped open and he sat up frantically looking around the room. Where was she? Where were all the demons? The rational part of his brain told him it was a dream. But it felt so real. He could still smell her scent of fear and arousal. He could hear her pleas for help. He ran his tongue over his fang he tasted the blood of a Slayer. He closed his eyes as he savored the taste.

The small drop of blood that was there slowly ran down his throat and he glorified in it. The demon inside him screamed and moaned for more. The taste awakened his every desire and want, his every need for her body beside him and her sweet voice in his ear.

Blood? How can that be? It was a dream there’s no one here but me. I’m in the hotel and she’s two hours away in Sunnydale. But there was a definite tang of copper in his mouth and his nostrils were filled with her scent. He closed his eyes and saw her standing naked in front of him, he smelled her arousal, he could feel her smooth skin, and his body tightened with desire.

He remembered the mixed feelings he had, those of the man, to hold her comfortingly, to shield her naked form from the eyes of evil. And those of the demon, the intense lust at seeing her so open and vulnerable, how he just wanted to throw her down on the floor and take her violently before all of them, so they would see that she was his. And the way it felt to sink his teeth in her heart. Oh dear God the taste of it; her pure essence of everything he wanted from her; her blood, her passion, her love. The man inside him wept at her tears and the demon reveled in it.

Getting out of bed he walked over to the window and peaked through curtains. He had to think about this rationally and logically. Looking at the dream as a whole it really was just a retrospective of what he did. He did throw her to the wolves. He did break her heart.

He lowered his head in shame as he remembered how he had pushed her away. Maybe the dream was just a result of the enormous amount of guilt that he felt. Maybe it was just his shattered soul torturing him with visions of his actions.

But this dream was so real. It was just like the other dreams he had shared with her every touch, sound and taste were in 3D. He started to wonder if maybe something else was going on. The other times they had shared dreams it was because of The First. Maybe something or someone had a hand in this. Maybe he wasn’t slowly losing his mind.

He ran his hand through his hair; he didn’t know if he could take another dream like that it was too much for his already wounded soul. But she was so much a part of him that he didn’t know if he could dream about anything else.

There had to be an explanation for all of this and he was going to find out what it was even if he lost his mind in the process.

Chapter Four

A Stranger Among Us

The next morning Buffy walked into the house on Revello Drive and slammed the door shut. She was in a bad mood. After the dream, she had tried to lose herself in Riley but of course that didn’t work. She did have an orgasm but Riley was just Riley he certainly didn’t have the proper tools to satisfy her. She was only able to cum because behind her closed eyes it was the bastard that she was riding and that’s what put her in a bad mood.

“Mom?” She called out. She walked into the kitchen where she found Joyce drinking a cup of coffee “Hi sweetie.” Joyce looked at her daughter and saw the frown on her face “having a bad day?”

“You have no idea.” She grabbed a soda out of the fridge “I’ll be up in my room.” Joyce watched her walk away a frown settling on her face. Buffy hardly spoke to her anymore; actually she hardly spoke to anyone anymore. She rarely ever came home and when she did she hid away upstairs in her room. She was worried about her maybe she should talk to Rupert. She looked at her watch; damn I’m going to be late.

Grabbing her jacket and briefcase she walked to the door “Buffy I have to go to the gallery.” She called out but no one answered. She then remembered that she forgot to tell her the good news. She quickly climbed the steps and made the turn towards Buffy’s room, she opened the door and was stunned to see her oldest daughter with her hand around the neck of her young sibling, holding her up against the wall with her feet dangling in the air.

“OH MY GOD! BUFFY WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” Rushing into the room she ran over and tried to tear Buffy’s hands off of Dawn.

Buffy sneered at her. “She was in my room…” she banged Dawn against the wall “…going through my things!”

“Oh my God Buffy LET HER GO!” Joyce was earnestly trying to release Buffy’s hold, but Buffy was so much stronger she had no problem shaking Joyce off.

She leaned down into Dawns reddening face. “Not until she swears to stay out of my room.”

Dawn was sputtering desperately trying to breath. “I…swear…I…swear!”

Buffy dropped her like a rag doll and turned cold empty eyes to them. “Good, now get out and stay out of my way.” She turned away from a coughing Dawn and a shocked Joyce and stared out the window.

Joyce looked at the back of her daughter who was this stranger? This couldn’t be my daughter? Taking Dawns shaking form in her arms she led her out of the room quietly closing the door behind her.

********

“Rupert I was so scared. I didn’t know what to do! Not that I could have done anything. I tried, really I tried but she wouldn’t budge, she barely listened to me. What’s happened to her?”

Giles watched Joyce pace in his living room his concerns clearly etched on his face. He was also worried about Buffy lately she seemed so distant, so cold. He had been watching her for some time now slowly sinking into an abyss of darkness. And he didn’t know what to do about it.

Now with this new occurrence he was more than worried he was literally afraid for her soul. She seemed to be tumbling further and further away from him and everyone she knew and he had no idea what to say or do to help her.

“Joyce I know you are concerned, as am I, but we need to calm down and think about this rationally.”

“Rationally…Rupert I really don’t know if I can think rationally when my eldest daughter is clearly losing her mind!”

He took off his glasses rubbing them with his shirt. “I don’t think it’s that serious Joyce. She’s not losing her mind I think that perhaps she is going through something personal that maybe she is having a hard time overcoming.”

Joyce scoffed. “Something personal? Who are you kidding Rupert? She’s been like this for six months and it’s just getting worse. You know the cause as well as I, I just wish I knew exactly what the hell happened.” She smacked her fist into her hands pacing back and forth, feeling righteous anger on behalf of her daughter.

Giles looked at Joyce wondering how much he should tell her. She had dealt with a lot the last couple of years and unfortunately things were only going to get worse for her. He really liked Joyce. In fact he would even go so far as to say that he had a crush on her. Ever since the incident with the candy bars, he laid awake many nights remembering their time spent together. He wondered if she ever thought about it. Either way he had a strong emotional bond to this woman, which sometimes made him uncomfortable. But maybe the bond he felt with her wasn’t so strange considering he felt like a father to both her children.

With all of these confusing feelings toward her he didn’t like lying, but he decided that for the time being, the least bit of information was best. “I spoke with Wesley right after she came back.”

She stopped her pacing and looked at him. “And what did he say?”

“He said that they argued over Faith and then he told her to go home.” Giles left out the last bit about how he told her to go home. When Wesley told him he had actually applauded Angel for doing it so heartlessly because he believed that his Slayer would finally get over the souled vamp and move on with her life.

Instead it backfired on all of them. Because as soon as she got back from LA she was a woman possessed, she wasted no time in going after Adam and the Initiative, one by one. He could easily remember the empty look on her face when she rammed her sword in to the stomach of Maggie Walsh.

He was shocked that she could so heartlessly murder a human. But she did with no sign of showing any remorse. She just pulled her sword out of Walsh’s gut, wiped the blood off with a swipe against her leather pants and moved on to the next one.

After the total annihilation of the Initiative, it was the Dracula incident next. He still wasn’t clear about how Spike found out his information but he said he saw Dracula sitting on the Slayer’s bed. One minute he had her in his thrall, seducing her with his hypnotic gaze and moving in for the kill, when he mentioned Angel’s bite mark on her neck. She snapped out of whatever thrall he had her under and before Dracula knew what hit him, with lightening speed she whipped out a stake and rammed it straight into his heart. She then casually whisked away his dust with a flick of her wrist and went to sleep.

No Giles was deeply concerned because after talking to Wesley it seemed that not only was his Slayer slowly slipping away but Angel as well. He had returned to his old habit of solitude. He rarely spoke to them and there was a constant mix of guilt, anger and hardness in him. He was slowly but surely turning into a callous being with not an ounce of compassion.

So it seemed to both the disgruntled ex-watchers that they had some troubling times ahead of them. With both of their champions running around like loose cannons where did that leave them?

“Joyce I understand that you are upset and I am in full agreement with you. But we must proceed with caution.” He put his arm on her shoulders and steered her toward the door “I want you to go home and comfort Dawn. Let me think about this and I’ll call you later tonight.”

Joyce looked at the man who had become the surrogate father to her daughters and a good friend and her heart filled with warmth. He had been so kind to her and the children from day one and she honestly didn’t know what she would have done without him. Sometimes when she looked at him she got a warm fuzzy feeling inside. It would make her blush, because she was not a schoolgirl. Grown woman didn’t get feelings like that. So she would just push them aside. Except for that one night when they were both under a spell, she figured that he probably didn’t feel the same and that it was best to keep her feelings to herself.

“Thank you Rupert for everything you do, for them and me.” She softly kissed him on the cheek gave him a small sad smile and left.

********

Dawn sat on the back porch trying to figure out what she did wrong and why her sister hated her so much. Something had happened to her since the last time she had seen her and she didn’t know what it was. And it wasn’t like anyone would tell her. Not little old insignificant me she thought.

She had asked Willow what had happened, but she only shook her head and told her not worry that Buffy would work things out in her own time. Her mom and Xander had all said the same thing. Even though they wouldn’t tell her, she wasn’t stupid and she knew that there was only one person in this world that could get such a reaction out of her usually so controlled sister. Angel.

She wished that she could talk to him. She always liked Angel. He was always nice to her and treated her like a person and not an annoying little girl. Telling her stories of his adventures and all the marvelous places he had been. Maybe he would tell her what happened.

She ran inside the house and upstairs. Grabbing the phone she went into the bathroom and locked the door. She dialed the number that she had memorized.

The phone rang and rang till someone finally picked up. “Hello Angel Investigations we help the hopeless and we’re willing to help you for the right price.”

Dawn snickered, the same Cordelia “Hi Cordy.”

“Dawn? Hey what’s up?”

“Is Angel there?”

Cordy heard the unspoken plea in her voice “I’m sorry Dawnie he’s sleeping.”

Dawn shoulders slumped “Oh…I really need to talk to him, do you think you could wake him up.”

Cordelia huffed into the receiver “Dawnie I like you but I don’t like you that much. He’s been seriously wacky lately and I try to avoid him as much as possible.”

“Oh okay. Can you tell him I called?”

“Sure sweetie, I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.” Cordelia hung up the phone with a frown on her face. She looked up the stairs towards his room and made a silent prayer that the souled vamp would soon find his way out of the darkness that was slowly taking control.

Chapter Five

Fate Be Damned

Giles sat at his desk reading over the prophecy that Wesley had faxed him. He took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. This couldn’t be. It just couldn’t! It was inconceivable and totally implausible, and yet he believed every word that was written on the page.

He got up and walked over to pour himself a drink. Gulping down the amber liquid he couldn’t believe their luck. What incredibly bad timing to have something like this to face when he wasn’t too sure about the sanity of his Slayer.

After the incident with Dawn he had called Wesley to see how things were going there. It was funny he thought, when he had first met Wesley they did not get along which was only normal considering that they each had their own views and ideas on how to train the Slayers. Not to mention the fact that Wesley took his job and that he and the Slayers did not respect him. But how could they when he obviously didn’t have a clue as to what he was doing.

But since Wesley had been in LA working with Angel he had changed and Giles was pleased with the changes. They had talked often over the past year and Giles found that he actually enjoyed their conversations. They had a lot in common and each one felt responsible for their champions.

So when he called Wesley to discuss what happened with Dawn, he was informed of the goings on in LA. and he was not pleased to say the least. According to Wesley things weren’t looking any better in the city of lights either. Angel has also become a shell of his former self. Wesley confided in him that he often found himself questioning the vampire’s agendas and goals.

The two former watchers had talked about their champions; each had expressed their concerns, their worries, and their guilt in the situation. Perhaps if they had done something at the beginning of this mess, things wouldn’t have progressed so far. But at the time they had both thought that what happened was for the best. But now they both saw the error in that judgment as they found themselves questioning their champion’s priorities, a feeling that both Wesley and himself were extremely unfamiliar with.

And now this! He slammed down his glass breaking it and spilling the liquid on to the rug but he didn’t notice. His mind was completely besieged by images of opening hell portals and a young girl, dead in a pool of her own blood.

********

After the morning episode with Dawn Buffy had lain down and slept the rest of the day. When she woke at seven she was still pissed off so she slipped out her window and went hunting. She found a nest in an abandoned building broke in and killed them all before they even had to time to wake. It didn’t help calm the raging storm that was building inside of her but it cleared her mind a little.

Now as she made her way to the Bronze she thought about what happened at home. She didn’t know what possessed her to react that way. But when she walked into her room and saw Dawn nosing around her stuff she just saw red. It seemed that in every aspect of her life someone was trying to take the control away from her.

Why? Wasn’t she capable of handling her own life situations? Hadn’t she proven over and over again that she could handle things both logically and responsibly? Okay there might have been a slip up here and there but come on! She was just a girl, a girl with more responsibilities than any of them, so why couldn’t they just leave her alone?

She wished she had someone to talk to. Someone who would understand what she was thinking and feeling. She couldn’t talk to Willow; she was so happy with Tara that she wouldn’t understand. Xander was a goof who had his own hands full with Anya. Her mother wouldn’t understand and Giles, Giles was too concerned with world peril problems to listen to her.

She used to be able to talk to them, all of them. But since he left, they never seemed to understand the pain that she went through. How hard it was to go on without him. Her so-called friends were only too happy to see him leave.

Now here she was more than a year later and after everything he said and did to hurt her, she still missed him. She still felt like she couldn’t breathe and it was only getting worse. The dream and her reaction to it just proved that.

She fell to the ground on her knees; she held her head in her hands as she silently cried. She felt so alone and she cried at the emptiness inside of her. She cried for that part of her soul that she felt slipping away. She didn’t want to be this way; she didn’t want to feel nothing but rage and violence. But that was all that was left inside of her and she cried for that.

She lifted her head and screamed into the pitch-blackness of the night, screamed at him for denying her his love. She screamed at him for breaking her heart and not taking care of it and protecting it with his own like he said he would.

She was feeling a multitude of emotions, the continuous blend of rage and pain, feeling vulnerable and unstable, weak and strong, she felt the calling of the light and wanted to walk towards it, but the pull of the dark was too strong and she couldn’t resist. She felt like she was losing her mind, becoming unhinged and she was scared. She had already lost so much; would she lose herself now too?

She looked at the blinking stars that shone in the sky and her tears slowly receded. Why was fate so cruel? Why was she never allowed to have the peace that she so desperately wanted?

She sat there quietly contemplating her own question but she knew the answer even before she asked it, she was the Slayer. Her eyes hardened and she got up. Brushing the wet grass off her knees, she started to walk.

“I am the Slayer!” She told herself out loud not even realizing that she did. “I am the Slayer! I have to be hard and unyielding that’s my job. I can’t give in to pleasures and desires. The fate of the world rests on my shoulders and I just have to suck it up and do my job. “

“And if doing my job hardens me to everything else then so be it.” Shrugging her shoulders at her own words she decided that it didn’t matter anyway, she’ll probably be dead before her 25^th birthday, either from a demon or from her dead heart.

********

“I’m telling you Xander there is something seriously wrong with her. She hasn’t been to any of her classes, I haven’t seen her in days and the last time I did see her she barely said hi to me.”

Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya sat at their regular table in the Bronze. Willow had called the meeting after finally deciding that they needed to do some kind of intervention for Buffy. Ever since LA Willow had noticed the changes in Buffy, but she thought that she would work them out, she always had before.

She was embarrassed to say that it took her a long time to finally see that wasn’t going to happen. She was also ashamed to say that she honestly hadn’t even been thinking about her friend. She had been so wrapped up in her newfound relationship with Tara and their exploration into magic that she had been totally oblivious to the pain her friend was in.

“Wills I don’t think there’s anything that we can do. The Buffster has to get over it on her own.” Xander said then continued to munch on his muffin.

“I agree with Xander, don’t we have our own problems without having to deal with her love life?” Anya coldly said.

“Excuse me but if it wasn’t for Buffy we would all be dead a thousand times over so ah yeah I think it is our responsibility to help her.”

“I think Willows right, she needs our help and she doesn’t seem like the type of person to ask for it.” Tara softly added her own thoughts. She liked Buffy and she had sensed a darkness growing in her lover’s friend. A darkness that would soon eclipse everything else that lived inside of her and Tara didn’t want to see that happen.

Willow smiled at Tara and grabbed her hand squeezing it lightly. “See I am right. We have to do something.”

Xander wasn’t too sure. He knew what plagued the Slayer and he knew that in time she would get over it. That part of her life was over and there was no reason to bring things up again. It was better to just let it rest where it was. “I don’t know Will; I think we should let dead dogs lie where they are.”

Willow was amazed by Xander’s obtuseness, was he still so blinded by jealousy that he couldn’t see their friend was falling apart. “No Xander this has gone on too long already. Don’t you care? And poor Riley he told me the other day that she practically ignores him. Plus I got the feeling that something else was going on but he wouldn’t say what it was. Oh and do you know what she did to Dawn?”

Xander wasn’t too impressed so far. Everything seemed normal to him for a girl that had the weight of the world on her shoulders. “What did she yell at her for borrowing a shirt without asking? That’s normal stuff between siblings Will. They’ve been doing that for years.”

Willow rolled her eyes exasperated with his lack of interest “No Xander I’m not talking about borrowing a shirt,” she leaned in whispering softly “I’m talking about Buffy almost killing her!”

Xander dropped his muffin and looked at Willow incredulously. ”What? You got to be wrong Will. There’s no way Buffy would do that.”

Willow shook her head. “No it’s true Joyce told me. She called the dorm wanting to talk to Buffy, but Buffy wasn’t in and then she asked me if I thought Buffy had been acting strange lately. Then she told me that Buffy came home the other day and was pissed off to find Dawn in her room and she practically strangled her.”

Xander didn’t believe it for one second. “No way you got your information wrong Will. Buffy wouldn’t hurt Dawn.”

Tara interjected. “No it’s true, we called Giles after and he said it was. Joyce went to his apartment afterward and was very upset.”

Xander looked at them and couldn’t comprehend what would make Buffy do that. He hadn’t really seen much of her lately and when he had he just assumed that it was pressures of school and slaying that made her seem so distant. He still found it hard to believe that his friend who was sunshine and goodness would do something so mean but it would seem that she could.

Willow watched Xander’s face “Now do you believe me?”

“What that she’s a psycho crazy bitch? I could’ve told you that three years ago.” Anya replied

“Anya shut up!” Willow said, exasperated with the former demon. “Xander we have to do something.”

“Hey what’s going on?” They all jumped, none of them had seen the Slayer walk in.

“Oh hey…Buffy...ah…nothing, you know just a night out on the town.” Willow stuttered out. Buffy looked at all of them she knew they were up to something. She had overhead a little bit of their conversation and she knew it had something to do with her.

She grabbed the nearest chair, pulled it up and sat down. “What ya guys talking about?” She innocently asked.

“Ah oh you know the usual, school…ah…school.” Willow didn’t know what to say but she was relieved when Buffy’s cell phone rang.

“Yeah? Okay I’ll be right there. Yeah they’re all here. Ok.”

“That was Giles he wants everyone over his place like yesterday.” She got up and without a second word left them there staring at her retreating back.

Xander unconsciously shivered as he watched her leave. “She’s definitely a bit chilly these days.”

Anya who never much liked the Slayer to begin with said. “And people say I’m rude.”

“Shut up An, let’s go.” They all collected their stuff and followed the Slayer.

Chapter Six

What’s To Come

Giles hung up the phone after talking to Buffy. He stared at the receiver dismally; he almost didn’t know whom he had been talking to. It was extremely disheartening to realize that he couldn’t trust her. This was a new feeling for him and it sent chills down his spine.

He was actually afraid to tell her what he discovered because he didn’t think she would care. And he feared that she would do something that she would later regret. It was up to him to make sure that Dawn was safe, at least until he got his rational Slayer back.

He picked up the phone and dialed the house on Revello Drive.

“Hello” Joyce answered.

“Joyce its Rupert I want you to listen to me very carefully and don’t ask questions. I want you take Dawn and go stay at Spike’s crypt.”

“What Spike’s crypt? Rupert what are you talking about?”

“Joyce just listen to me I’ll explain everything later. I just need to make sure you two are safe. Please just do as I ask, oh and pack a bag for a couple of days.”

“Rupert, are you kidding me? I have to go to work and Dawn has school.”

“JOYCE you must do as I say your lives depends on it!”

“Our lives? Alright Rupert I’ll do it but you better give me a damn good explanation.”

“Good, good. I will check up on you soon and I’ll explain everything.”

“I hope so Rupert.” She hung up the phone not happy that she was being displaced from her home.

Giles hung up and started to pace as he tried to figure out the best way to start the inevitable conversation.

His front door opened and Buffy stonily walked in. She barely acknowledged his forced smile of greeting, as she nodded at him and walked over to stand in the darkened corner. Her impassive reaction was so foreign to him that if she didn’t look the same he would have never known it was Buffy.

He turned as he heard the other children come in and a genuine smile graced his face. They were all such good decent kids that had to deal with so much. He felt bad that he was the one that always dropped the bomb, but it was his job. So he steeled himself to his own worries and he primed himself for what he knew was going to be an explosive reaction.

Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara walked in one by one, they took one look at Giles and they knew that whatever he had to tell them was not going to be good. They walked quietly into the living room and took their respective seats. Willow and Tara shared the chair and Xander and Anya sat on the couch, they all took note that the Slayer stood alone.

“I’m glad you could all come on short notice we seem to have a….”

Just then the door was thrown open again, “Am I late? Did I miss any of the good stuff?” Spike sauntered in and sat down next to Anya on the couch; he turned and blasted her with big smile.

She rolled eyes at him. “Please.” She said then scooted closer to Xander who was scowling at Spike.

“What’s he doing here?” Xander asked.

Giles sighed as he answered sounding very unhappy about the whole thing. “I called Spike because unfortunately we are going to need his assistance.”

“That’s right kiddies you need me and my special skills.” Spike answered very proudly.

“What skill is that soap opera watching?” Xander replied.

Spike leaned in closer next to Anya, leering at her insolent boyfriend with disgust. “You just wish you had the muscle and stamina that I have boy.” He snickered then winked at Anya

Xander leaned in too and Anya was now crushed between the two of them. “Oh yeah why don’t you….”

“Why don’t you both shut the hell up and let Giles talk!” The hard command came from the dark form in the corner, and it silenced everyone in the room.

Giles was taken back by Buffy’s lack of patience, the bored expression on her face and the hardness in her voice. He could feel her agitation and annoyance from where he stood and for a second he didn’t know to what to say.

Buffy was bored and she was slowly losing her patience. She didn’t want to be here she wanted to be out hunting, killing. She just coldly stared back at him like he was an empty-headed idiot. “Giles you did call us here for a reason didn’t you? If not I do have plans?” She said.

Willow noticed the lack of emotions on Buffy’s face. She saw and understood Giles confusion with it because she felt the same. She was so angry that she wasn’t thinking about putting herself in a dangerous situation, all she could think about was lashing back at Buffy.

Standing up from the chair she faced the Slayer. “Yeah and what plans are those Buffy? You haven’t been around; you haven’t been hanging out with us or with Riley? What have you been doing? And what about poor Riley you hardly even talk to him? He is totally confused and he’s afraid to approach you with it because you’re so distant…you’re distant with everybody!” Her voice had risen by the end and everyone in the room was shocked by her very vocal outburst.

Buffy straighten up from leaning against the wall and slowly walked over to the red-haired witch, staring at her with malice in her eyes “Excuse me? What are you my mother?”

Willow wasn’t stupid and she knew that by opening her mouth she now faced the wrath of a very pissed off and unstable slayer, but she felt that this needed to be addressed and so she stood her ground. Her voice shook slightly as she spoke lower now. “No but I care about you and I want to know what’s been going on? I want to help you. Please Buffy talk to me.” She pleaded with her friend to open up and let her in.

They were nose to nose and the whole room was intently watching. Xander, Giles and Tara were afraid for Willow’s safety. Anya was too busy flipping through a magazine to care what was going on and Spike just sat there happily on the couch waiting for the catfight to begin.

Buffy was blinded by rage at the audacity of the witch. Her body trembled with her effort to suppress the anger at being talked to like a child. Just like He had done, didn’t she control her own fate and business? Who the hell was Willow to question her about anything! “My business is just that Willow, my business! It’s not yours so keep your nose out of it!” She had said it so low and hard that Willow didn’t know what to say.

Giles cleared his throat to get their attention. This was getting out of hand, now was not the time to confront Buffy on her behavior and Willow was certainly not the person to do it. “Now girls we have urgent business to discuss this is not the place nor the time for other things.”

Willow looked to Giles and was about to say something but she stopped when she saw the slight shake of his head. “Alright fine…” She looked back to Buffy who hadn’t moved an inch and whose body language screamed violence. “I’ll keep my nose out of it.”

She sat down almost relieved not to have to go on with the confrontation. But Buffy still stood there not moving, never once taking her eyes off the witch. Everyone waited with baited breath to see what she would do next. Even Spike now sat at the edge of the couch waiting to jump up and protect Red if he needed to.

“Buffy.” Giles called out but she didn’t respond she just stayed where she was staring menacingly at Willow and it was making him nervous. “BUFFY!”

Finally there was a slight twitch in her body and she slowly backed away from Willow and walked over to the kitchen counter where she sat down and stared at the wall in the kitchen.

Giles cleared his throat again. “As I was saying…there is an apocalypse coming and we must prepare ourselves.”

Everyone groaned. “Ohhhh not again! Can’t we ever get a break?”

“Yes, well it would seem not. There is a Hell Goddess making her way to Sunnydale and she is looking for a key to open the portal to her dimension so she can go home.”

Spike guffawed. “Home to a hell dimension? Not a nice place why would she want to do that?”

“It seems that she was kicked out centuries ago and wants to return home to rule. She is searching for the key that will do that.”

“So why come here?” Willow asked.

“Ah Will you do remember we live on a Hellmouth right?” Xander said.

Willow blushed, “Dah well of course we do, but how does she know the key is here?”

Giles kept an eye on Buffy to see if there were any reactions to what he was saying. “It seems that the key was previously being watched over by some monks. Glory, that’s her name by the way, she killed them all trying to retrieve the key but not before they were able to transform it and send it somewhere safe.”

“So what they transformed it into something that’s here in Sunnydale?” Xander asked.

“Yes, well not exactly, not a thing but a…person.”

They all looked at Buffy, all of them thinking the same thing. “It’s not me you morons.” She hadn’t turned around but she had felt their eyes digging into her back.

They all breathed a sigh of relieve.

“Well then who is it?” Tara meekly asked.

Giles looked back to Buffy. “Dawn.”

A round of what’s, you have to be kidding me, and no way’s filled the room. Spike was the first one to jump up and deflate this idea. “No way Rupert. We all have memories of the bit. Besides there’s no way she isn’t human I would smell it.”

As they continued to argue with Giles, Buffy was reflecting on how she felt about hearing that her sister wasn’t her sister. She dug deep inside to find something, anything. She definitely didn’t feel sad; she didn’t feel mad or indignant like the others. There was no urge to protect or scream for justice. She basically felt…nothing.

Giles held up his hands trying to calm everyone. “The monks implanted the memories so that we would all believe her to be real.”

“Yeah, okay but that doesn’t explain the smelling bit.” Spike still protested.

Giles was also perplexed by that he just assumed that it was some powerful magic that the monks had used. “I don’t know why Spike. We must just assume that the monks were able to conceal that somehow, I don’t know.”

Looking at Buffy with hard eyes he continued, “They transformed the key into Dawn and sent her here because they knew that the Slayer would protect her with her own life.” They all looked at Buffy sitting there staring at the wall stonily. None of them believed that was the case anymore and they each had their own horrific thoughts of how she would handle this.

“Um…Giles if you don’t mind me asking, how did you find this out?” Tara asked.

“An acquaintance of mine has been researching a prophecy that concerns someone close to him. He came across a section that when he deciphered it, mentioned Sunnydale. He was able to decipher the rest and it clearly states that these events with Glory will happen and that they are all part of the prophecy. He checked with the Watchers Council and so have I, after talking to them they have confirmed this to be true. They also confirmed the death of the monks and that the key has been transformed.”

“Excuse me; did you say Watcher’s Council? Exactly who is this acquaintance of yours Giles?’ Xander asked but he already had a bad feeling about what the answer would be.

Giles watched Buffy like a hawk she hadn’t moved at all, hadn’t said a single word and he didn’t know what to make of it. He knew that the second the word came out of his mouth there would be some reaction, and of course he wasn’t disappointed “Wesley.”

The scrape of her chair against the floor as she violently pushed away from the counter echoed through the silence in the room. “I’ve heard enough I’m leaving.” She headed toward the door.

“Buffy wait we must discuss our plan, what we’re going to do, how we will keep Dawn safe!” Giles screamed at her.

She stopped with her hand on the doorknob. She slowly turned around and looked at her Watcher “There’s nothing to discuss Giles. A hell goddess is coming to town searching for a key to get home. Dawn is that key and I say we hand her over. End of story.” With that said she left with six faces staring at her in utter horror and shock.

Chapter Seven

Ecstasy and Agony

Buffy walked through the graveyard with a purpose in her stride. She had a mission and one she was determined to succeed in. Once again she had to save the world and once again she was forced to sacrifice something that was hers but she found that this time, she didn’t care.

She was rounding the corner of a mausoleum when she saw a dark figure standing in front of the door looking around.

She walked over and lightly tapped him on the shoulder. The figure jumped and spun around and she found herself looking into the face of some sort of demon or troll, she didn’t know what it was but she knew she wanted to kill it.

“Can I help you? I am your Graveyard Tour Guide and I would love to assist you in any way I can?’ she sweetly said.

The figure looked at her and took a whiff, ah The Slayer, perfect. “You are the Slayer.” He smiled at her.

She rolled her eyes. “I guess you’re a little slow ah?” He was confused until he felt the prick of the stake that she held at his stomach. His eyes lifted she was good; he hadn’t even felt the stake. She was a surprise though, small and petite, she didn’t look like much. But she was already a legend in the demon world. Well he smirked; we’ll see how she handles his mistress.

“Slayer I’ve been looking for you, I have a message for you.”

“Oh a secret admirer, aren’t I the lucky lady!” She fluttered her eyelashes at him sweetly, and then grabbed him by the throat roughly. Pinning him with a cold hard glare she asked, “Who the hell are you?”

He was thrown off by her manner and didn’t answer right away, until she increased the pressure on his throat. “My name is of no importance but my message is.”

She just looked at him, deciding that he was no danger to her she released him. “What’s the message?” She lowered her staked and waited impatiently.

“My liege the all powerful and beautiful, the most curvaceous, the most desired, the most….”

“Look I get it she’s got an ego.” She grabbed him again. “Now cut the crap and give me the message.”

“Her magnificent Glorificus wants the key. She knows that you being The Slayer will know where this key is and she demands you give it to her.”

Buffy’s eyebrows went up a notch; no one demanded anything from her in her town. She had been on her way to the house to grab Dawn and give her up. But now, now she changed her mind. She guessed she was just real fickle these days. But she didn’t like it when people tried to push her around and she wasn’t about to let some skanky hell Goddess with an ego the size of California tell her what to do.

“Is that so? She demands I hand over the key?”

He smiled happily and nodded his head she seemed very obliging. But he didn’t see the stake that had suddenly appeared again out of nowhere and was now sticking out of his belly.

Buffy smiled at the look of shock on his face. She pulled her stake out. “You can tell your magnificent bitch of a Goddess that I don’t take orders from people, especially in my town. If she wants something she should maybe consider asking for it nicely. She might get what she’s looking for. “She turned around and left.

The demon watched the Slayer walk away as he held his stomach trying to stop the bleeding. While the pain was intense, it was nothing compared to what his mistress would do to him. This was not good. His Glorificus would not be happy.

********

Buffy opened the door to her room at the dorm and peered inside, she was relieved that Willow wasn’t there. She really didn’t want to see the red-haired witch after what happened at Giles. She was still annoyed that her ‘friend’ had spoken to her that way.

She was exhausted and she just wanted to sleep. Maybe if she slept she would be able to forget that her sister wasn’t her sister and that her best friend thought she was incapable, and that some stupid hell goddess thinks she can tell her what to do. She was overwhelmed by everything that was going on and what she was feeling and she didn’t know how to make it stop.

She knew deep down that what she had planned on doing was wrong. Was she really going to just give up her sister so easily? Was she going to just give in to evil without a fight?

A part of her thought, yes give the bitch what she wants and she’ll leave you alone. Besides Dawn really wasn’t her sister was she so that made it all right, didn’t it? Plus Dawn was so annoying and Buffy had no patience for her. More so now then she ever had before. So maybe she was actually thinking rationally and not irrationally, like everyone else. Evil always won in the end didn’t it? It was foolhardy to fight it.

Then she scowled as she remembered the demon demanding she hand her over. No there was no way she was going to do that. No one told her what to do anymore. She made her own rules and decisions.

She lay down on the bed and took a deep breath trying to relax. Her body ached from the constant hunting and she was mentally drained from the torturous dreams that never left her alone. She was desperate for a few good hours of dreamless sleep.

She had just closed her eyes when there was a knock at the door. She groaned her displeasure at being bothered and shouted out…“WHO IS IT?”

“It’s…Riley.”

Argghhh not now! “It’s open.”

Riley hesitantly opened the door and stepped inside. His eyes were immediately drawn to the bed where Buffy was laying down with her arm thrown over her eyes.

He stepped closer and smiled at her. “Hey what’s going on? What are you doing?” he cautiously asked.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” She growled, and then mentally berated herself for keeping the moron around.

Riley blushed when he realized what a stupid question that was. “Sorry. Um I guess I should leave and let you sleep.” He turned away ready to leave her alone when she grabbed his arm stopping him.

Buffy almost agreed with him until she decided that he should stay, just in case she needed him later. She lowered her arms and looked at him as lovingly as she could. She put on her sweetest smile and slowly caressed his arm. She lowered her voice and spoke huskily. “No you should stay and sleep beside me.”

Riley was puzzled by her sudden change but he didn’t question it. He was just glad that she made the offer. A big smile spread across his face and he lay down beside her. He wasn’t tired but it didn’t matter, he would do anything to please her. He turned to her, his arms reaching out to hold her but she quickly rolled over on her side and faced the wall.

He stared at her scowling, then sighing he rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling, once again wondering what the hell he was doing here.

********

Swinging the doors of the hotel opened, he walked inside and immediately stopped. He breathed deeply; there was a familiar scent in the air. His head whipped around and his gaze landed on the sight of his mate standing in the doorway of his office. She wore a long flowing white gown that resembled the dress she wore when the Master had killed her and she looked beautiful, pristine and innocent.

They stood there staring at one another vampire and vampire slayer. She wanted to turn away from him and ignore him. She wanted to run up to him and put a stake in his cold dead heart. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t resist him as her body walked towards him on its own accord and her mind screamed its denial.

He saw the play of emotions on her face, he smelled her desire, her anger, and confusion and he welcomed it. If this was the only place he could have her then he would.

Meeting in the middle of the room he lifted his hand tenderly touching her check. Tears formed in her green orbs and she shook her head backing away from him. “No please not again.” She pleaded to him.

Tears glistened in his eyes as he tried to reassure her of his love “Shhh baby its ok. I’m not going to hurt you anymore. I love you.”

She didn’t believe him, it was just more lies, “No…no you don’t…you said you didn’t love me… you said we were never meant to be.” She reminded him of his deceit.

His heart broke again as he urgently tried to comfort her and make her believe that he loved her. “No Buffy, none of that was true! I love you! You’re my soul mate! I only wanted to spare you the pain of wanting something that we couldn’t have.”

She laughed. “How by ripping my heart out?”

The heavy guilt of what he had done came to the surface. “I know I went about it the wrong way but I didn’t know what else to do! You put me in a position I never wanted to be in and I handled it badly.”

She still didn’t believe him. “No you’re just trying to manipulate me into believing you then you’ll rip my heart out again.” She tried to run away from him but he held strong, his resolve to make her believe him overpowering the guilt.

The demon came to the front, his features shifted, and his eyes glowed red with the displeasure of what the soul had done to their girl.

He shook her gently. “BUFF LOOK AT ME!” he yelled at her.

Hearing her name shortened like that she stopped struggling. Fear filled her as she realized who now held her in their grasp. “Please don’t hurt me, not again…please” she whimpered.

The demon looked at his once strong mate and saw a woman who was slowly falling apart all because of the stupid actions of the soul. He smelled the darkness inside of her and how it was slowly taking control and he didn’t like it.

He lowered his voice and spoke reassuringly to her. “I won’t hurt you Buff, we’ll never hurt you again. We just want to love you we just want to protect you.”

She found that odd, since when did the demon proclaim love for her. She looked into his eyes and saw a strange mixture of red and chocolate. It was as if the demon and soul were sharing the body speaking as one unit, and strangely, it comforted her.

He grabbed her and crushed her to him. His mouth descended on hers taking and plundering what was his. She didn’t care if it was the soul or the demon, she didn’t care if he did rip her to shreds again. When his mouth touched hers she could only think of touching him back, surrendering to his will.

She opened for him and delighted in the raw need that she felt in his kiss. Shuddering with longing she quickly divested him of his coat as he ripped her dress from her body. He threw her down on the red sofa and looked at her his eyes showing his need to possess her.

She moaned from the heat of his intense stare and the sound drew his glowing red eyes back to her face. She licked her lips and placed her hands on her breasts pushing them up for his attention.

He dropped to his knees and bent over her taking a rosy nipple in his mouth. He lightly suckled, running his hands down her sides and to her thighs squeezing them and pushing them further apart.

She held his head in a viselike grip to her breasts as his mouth moved to the neglected nipple, lavishing it with the same attention. She squirmed on the sofa desperately needing to feel more of him. He ripped his belt off and unzipped his pants, she helped him lower them to his ankles and when their mouths met for a passionate kiss he slid inside her. They moaned into each other’s mouths as he started to move.

They frantically clung to each other as the tempo increased and his thrusts became harder. She twisted her head to the left enticing him to take what was his.

Seeing his mark on her pale slim neck he growled and sunk his teeth into her flesh. She came the second she felt his fangs prick her skin.

With her juices coating his cock and her blood flowing down his throat he ripped away from her neck cumming and screaming her name.

“BUFFY!” “ANGEL!”

In two separate beds in two separate towns two people abruptly woke up, their sweaty bodies shaking with the aftermath of their orgasm. One tasted the sweetest nectar running through his veins. The other could feel the release of her lover seeping out from between her legs and blood dripping down her neck.

She silently cried into her hands wishing that it were true and not a dream, wishing that he did still love her.

He felt like he was being torn into two. There was a war raging inside of him, a struggle for control. The soul who still wanted her desperately but was willing to sacrifice his desires so she could have a normal happy life in the light, and the demon who raged at the soul for his actions and who wanted nothing but his mate by his side.

They each rose quickly quietly getting dressed needing to feel the cool night air on their skin. Each seeking refuge the only way they could, in the hunt.

Chapter Eight

Musings

“Did you find it?” Glory stood at the window overlooking the dismal town that she had come to. She really hated it here, although she had to admit that being this close to the hell mouth did give her a rush. But she really couldn’t enjoy it; all she could think of was finding her key and going home.

“I found the Slayer my most beautiful goddess” Dreg said.

“And my key? Where is my key?”

“Well I ah gave her your message…”

“Yes and…”

“She said no.”

She turned around and looked at him for the first time. “No, what do you mean no?” Taking note of the demons appearance she squealed as she walked over to him. “Oh my poor Dreggy, what did she do to you?” Scowling she whined, “You’re bleeding all over my rug!”

“Yes well she refused to hand over the key and then staked me in the stomach.”

“Oh, what a bitch.” She turned away and walked over to the bed. “Well I guess I should have gone myself, can’t trust a troll to do a God’s work.” She flopped down on the bed amongst all the shoes that were spread out.

Dreg watched her and proceeded with caution. He had spent too many years with her to not know how unpredictable she could be. “Perhaps we should try another way to retrieve the key?”

“Oh like what?” Glory said has she toyed with the strap of a red stiletto.

“Well perhaps he would have better luck.”

She dropped the show and looked at him, her eyes crossed. “He won’t help me.”

He took a step closer. “Maybe he can be persuaded.”

“Mmm that is something to consider. All right, I will think of something in the meantime I want you to follow the Slayer and all her little friends’ maybe they’ll lead us right to the key and we won’t even need his assistance.”

“Yes mistress.”

********

Buffy’s head was spinning as the images of the dream played over and over in her head. After she awoke she scrambled quickly out of the dorm needing to be outside. She didn’t even look to see if Riley was still sleeping, she didn’t care. Now as she walked through the graveyard she desperately tried to figure out what was wrong with her.

Should she believe the words that he spoke in the dream? She wanted so much to believe him. She wanted to believe that she saw love in his eyes and heard guilt in his words. But she couldn’t! How could she trust anything he said anymore? There was no hope in her any more he had taken that from her.

But knowing that how could she still want him so much? How could she still think that she belonged to him? The dream had been so real, she felt him. She felt his hard body pressed to hers. She felt his cold length slid inside of her and she felt the absolute joy in his possession of her. She took a deep breath of air she could smell him on her skin. She could smell the scent of her own blood that ran down his chin when he had pulled out of her neck.

Her pace quickened as her anger increased. She hated him, didn’t she? Hadn’t he thrown her away like she was nothing to him? Didn’t he say that they were never meant to be? Was she going crazy? Why could she not stop thinking about him? She felt powerless in the face of her emotions and desires. She felt that she had no control over her own mind when it came to him.

There was a crunch of leaves in the distance and she instantly kicked into Slayer mode. She ran in the direction of the sound ready to kill whatever it was. At least in this she still held the power and control.

********

Angel walked down the stairs of the hotel quickly he didn’t want to be bothered with anyone he needed to clear his mind, clear his thoughts, get rid of the tension in his body.

He was almost out the door when he was stopped, “Angel?” Wesley called out to him, walking out of his office.

He stopped with his hand on the doorknob but didn’t turn around. “What?” he growled.

Wesley approached him cautiously he sensed the vampires annoyance and he didn’t want to incite him. These days you never knew how what the vampire was going to do. Half the time Wesley thought he was dealing with the demon and not the soul. It was a little disconcerting especially for Wes who never really faced Angelus. But seeing his friend like this he knew that he didn’t want to.

“I um think we need to talk about something that I’ve discovered in the Shanshu Prophecy.”

Angel sighed angrily, why couldn’t they just leave him alone? “I don’t care about the prophecy Wes.”

Wesley tried again, “But it’s very important, it concerns certain things that I’m sure you would be interested in hearing.”

Angel didn’t even spare him a glance as he once again tried to brush him off. “Wes can’t it at least wait till tomorrow I have to go.’ He went to leave but was stopped again.

“Well I don’t know…it…it concerns Sunnydale.” Wesley waited to see what he would say, what his reaction would be.

Angel closed his eyes against the longing that engulfed him the second he heard that word. How it made him want to jump in his car drive there immediately and take back what was his. But he couldn’t do that he had made his decision no matter how much he regretted it and no matter how much he wished he could take it back, he couldn’t.

His only remedy now was these dreams that plagued him. Though they were torture they also afforded him the luxury of telling her how much he loved her and wanted her, how he was sorry for what he did. Even though she didn’t believe him he could at least have the pleasure of trying to convince her by touching her and loving her, worshipping her body and mind. In the dream world he could do all the things that he couldn’t do in reality. It was all he had now; his dreams of Shanshu and a live with his mate were no longer dreams, but delusions of desires that will never come true.

His voice hardened, “That’s her town, Wes. She can handle it.” With that said he left Wesley standing there totally shocked that was not the reaction he was expecting.

“But Angel?” He called out but the vampire was gone.

********

Riley sat at the bar of Willy’s drinking his second shot. He had been sleeping next to Buffy when the jostling of the bed woke him up.

When he looked at her his first thought was that she was in the throes of a nightmare. But when he heard her moan and looked closer he could see that she wasn’t thrashing from a nightmare but rather she was in the throes of an erotic dream. And he would bet his life that he wasn’t the star of that dream.

He had immediately risen from the bed and left; he came here to nurse his bruised ego. He had tried to deny it but he really couldn’t any more. She had changed so much that he didn’t think he knew who she was anymore, if he ever did to begin with.

She had always been slightly distant but there was warmth and kindness in her eyes when she gazed at him. But now when she looked at him she did with revulsion and pity. He knew that she would go out at night hunting to release the pent up frustrations that she couldn’t escape with him. He knew that he wasn’t satisfying her and he didn’t know what to do to fix it.

He tried to hold on to her by giving her everything she wanted. He accepted her distance never pushing for that next step in their relationship because he assumed that eventually she would come to him. He realized now that she never would.

He laughed into his drink; he thought he felt powerless last year with everything that happened to him. That was nothing compared to how he felt now.

He was losing her to a ghost from her past, a Goddamn demon! He snorted and shook his head; he couldn’t deny it any longer. He could see the faraway look in her eyes when she didn’t know that he watched her. He knew that it was Him in her dreams, making love to her, giving her the pleasure that always seemed to elude Riley.

One night he had even followed her after she snuck out of the room thinking him asleep. He had watched from the shadows as she walked detached through the cemetery with a blank expression on her face. She had fell to the ground on her knees and started to cry calling out for Him. Pleading with Him to deny what he had done.

He had sullenly left her there crying her heart out for a monster that should be staked dead. Riley thought if he had the nerve he would do it himself. But he didn’t believe for one minute that she would let that infraction pass, regardless of how she claimed to hate him. Riley knew that she would protect the demon with her life. Sadly, he knew she wouldn’t do the same for him.

He had never met Angel and she never once told him about her demon lover. There was only that one time when he asked her about the mark on her neck. Her answer had been something about a puppy. He should have known then that she was hiding something from him. He thought that he was astute when it came to judging people but it seemed when it came to her, he was totally clueless.

God he hated him, hated him with every breath in his body. It was because of him that she would never truly be his.

He drank down another shot and looked at the women sitting next to him, she was a vamp. He was curious as to what kind of lure loving the undead had on a person. Could it really be that different then being with a human?

He wasn’t naïve about the mating of vampires. He had been witness to a few couplings at the Initiative; they had been fervent and brutal. Riley himself had been both disgusted and excited by the mixture of passion and violence. He understood how that combination could be addictive almost hypnotic.

He took a long hard look at the vamp. She was attractive, she had blond hair and a slim face, in some sick way; she almost reminded him of Buffy. He wondered what it would feel like to feel her fangs sink into his flesh and drink his blood. He was repelled by the idea but he also felt his dick get hard.

Maybe there was more to it than meets the eye. Maybe it was something that he had to experience for himself to truly understand the lure. Maybe it would help him to give her more pleasure to satisfy her fully, so she wouldn’t leave him. Maybe he could somehow take control of this situation before she slipped even further away.

Chapter Nine

As It Is Written

Throwing open the door to the vampire nest he walked inside and started swinging his battle-ax left and right. He didn’t stop to look to see what he was killing he didn’t care. The bloodlust running through him took over and he completely destroyed the nest in a matter of minutes.

When he was done wreaking his carnage he dropped his ax and stared into space. He fell to his knees, leaned his head back and screamed at the top of his lungs to the Powers That Be, cursing them, cursing the gypsies, but mostly cursing himself.

The dreams were his enemy and best friend at the same time. He knew that they meant something, but he couldn’t figure out what it was. Was someone trying to tell him that he had to make things right? Was his lover really falling into such despair that she would blindly walk into the darkness? He had felt that immediately from her in the dream. He sensed the darkness that had crept into her soul slowly consuming her thoughts and actions, driving her to do things that she would never do.

God the guilt was killing him. He did that. He hurt her more than he could ever have known when he was only trying to do the right thing.

Then there was the demon. For some reason he could feel him at the surface all the time now. He no longer lingered in the pits of his blackness. He was always there berating him for what he did and smoothly trying to cajole him into doing what the demon wanted; get Buffy back.

While he sat there he thought that maybe the demon was right. Maybe by his actions he not only damaged her but himself as well. Maybe he needed to come to terms with what he did and beg and plead for her forgiveness.

But nothing had changed, he still couldn’t take her into the light, he still couldn’t give her children and the white picket fence. How could he be the man she needed him to be if he couldn’t even touch her?

He got up and left the building heading back to the hotel his thoughts and emotions running wild. He opened the door and walked inside heading to the staircase. He was tired he just wanted to lie down and try to get some sleep.

He was half way up the stairs when he felt a presence in the room. He stopped taking a whiff he scanned the darkened shadows searching for the owner of that scent.

He turned and looked around the lobby his eyes landed on a figure sitting in the corner chair. “Who’s there?”

“I’m insulted. Has it really been that long that you don’t know my scent?” came a voice out of the darkness.

Angel walked down the stairs gripping his ax ready to battle whatever demon was in his home. The voice sounded familiar but it couldn’t be. He hadn’t seen him in years.

“Whistler?” he cautiously asked.

Whistler stood up and stepped into the moonlight that shone through the window “Ah see you do remember me. It fills an old man’s heart with glee.” He patted his heart.

Angel relaxed his grip on the ax and walked towards him “What are you doing here Whistler?” He was filled with trepidation because seeing Whistler couldn’t be a good thing.

Whistler chuckled at Angel’s obvious nervousness “Relax Angel I’m here for a good reason, trust me.”

Angel didn’t smile back at him “I don’t trust people too easily these days Whistler, especially demons that seem to come into my life and cause chaos.”

“Chaos, now you’ve insulted me again. What chaos have I caused you? Showing you your destiny? That was chaos ah?”

Angel walked over to the couch and sat down “Whistler what do you want? And make it quick I need to rest.”

Whistler studied Angel’s face and shook his head “You know Angel I like you I really do, always have and probably always will. But you my friend, if you don’t mind me saying so, are a schmuck.”

Angel raised his eyebrows at the demon.

“See you were given a gift my friend a gift that was predetermined and you, being all noble, turned it away.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the light buddy. I’m talking about how you turned away from the light. How, through your own callous actions and words, you made the light turn into darkness.”

Angel had his eyes closed and he was rubbing his temples. “Whistler I’m very tired and I have no patience for riddles so please just spit it out.”

Whistler stood in front of him obviously upset by Angel’s lackadaisical attitude. “I’m talking about your mate you moron!”

Angel lifted his tired eyes to Whistler, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He got up and walked over to the counter, placing his hands on the top he lowered his head trying to keep his raging emotions under control.

Whistler looked at Angel’s back and decided it was time for a wakeup call. “How convenient for you. Let me give you a taste of what I’m talking about.” Whistler made a small gesture and frowned in concentration.

Angel suddenly found himself an eyewitness to the pain and darkness he’d caused in his mate. They were little more than rapid-fire clips of the lows her life hit. Just a glimpse really of how far she’d fallen, including all the times she fucked Riley. He saw the emptiness in her eyes and felt the coldness of her heart as she did it.

Just when he thought he couldn’t take anymore, he found himself back in the Hyperion with his head in his hands. His was consumed with possessive rage at the images of his mate fucking that boy. His livid growls echoed off the walls and Whistler smirked.

“Now that I have your attention and I’m sure you know who I’m talking about, let me enlighten you as to exactly what you’ve done.”

Angel closed his eyes desperate to control his rage. He knew that Whistler was here for a reason, and he had to be sharp, because when it came to this particular demon, you never knew what you were going to be hit with.

Whistler walked over to the couch and sat back down. “You see Angel there’s a girl, one girl in all the world whose job it is to fight the darkness and things that go bump in the night. See this girl she’s young but the prophecies foresaw her calling and it’s written that she will be the greatest slayer that ever lived.”

“I know this story Whistler.” Angel tiredly said he didn’t want to relive things.

“Yeah I guess you do don’t you?” Whistler shrewdly looked at his friend’s back. “Well let me tell you something you don’t know…it’s a love story.” Angel was about to interrupt but Whistler held up his hand “No you have to listen to this it’s a beautiful story, filled with passion and love, hatred and angst, life and death.” He put his hand over his heart “Why it just breaks my heart.”

Angel turned around. “Look Whistler I don’t want to hear this…any of this! These things are in the past and there’s no going back…especially now.”

“What you think you can take the easy way out and just ignore me and The Powers, I don’t think so Angel you have no choice in this matter. Like I said it’s your destiny, she’s your destiny. Now shut up and let me continue with my heartbreaking tale.”

“See it’s written that this small slip of girl would have great peril in her life. She will have to many times sacrifice things that are important to her. There will be grief and death. It’s crushing really so much sadness in one girl’s life. “He shook his head.

“But the outcome of these life-altering moments will be good, because she will overcome all of them and in so doing she will become stronger, more powerful. It’s these moments in her life that will make her legendary. But the real adventure for this lovely lady begins with the coming of a demon, a demon that in his own right, is a legend the most vicious and brutal demon to ever walk the earth.”

Angel snorted, “Gee I wonder who that could be?”

Whistler just glared at him, “You know boy, I could give you a taste of hell if I chose. I suggest that you shut up. You’re ruining my story. As I was saying, it was written that this demon would enter her life at a time when he himself was lost. They would come together and become allies against the darkness. Now the Powers they had a hard time believing this because well c’mon they are natural enemies. But circumstances made the demon slumber and the soul had control, and the soul took them on the path towards redemption.”

Angel yawned “I’m really getting tired here Whistler why don’t you tell me something I haven’t already lived through.” He just wanted to get this over with.

“You know I’d have thought you’d learn patience in your 250 odd years, but obviously not. You’re making me angry and, trust me; you won’t like me if I’m angry.” He glared at Angel again and the faint aroma of brimstone seemed to filter into the hotel

He abruptly stood up and faced Angel. “Alright I won’t beat around the bush anymore I’ll just jump right in and tell you what an asshole you’ve been. How because of your own actions you have unknowingly changed her path and yours. Because of you the balance between the good guys and the bad guys is slowly diminishing. Because of you she is falling off the path of light and slowly succumbing to the darkness. Because of you, your own fate and redemption hang in the balance. Why? Just tell me why?”

Angel was mad now too he jumped off the counter and stood in front of Whistler “Why? I can’t believe you even have to ask that question! You know why! I can’t be with her! She can’t be with me! What was I supposed to do when she came to me pleading with me to give her what we both wanted and I COULDN”T? Tell me Whistler what was I supposed to do AH?” He was screaming in his face now because damn it! What the hell did the Powers want from him.

Whistler took pity on his friend “You know you two make me laugh, the both of you seem to think that the Powers have something against you. Do you honestly think that they would treat their champions so heartlessly?”

Angel turned away “What the hell am I supposed to think, I’ve never seen signs of anything else.”

“I’m going to let you in on a little secret everything that has ever happened to you was written, it was all meant to be. You two meeting, falling in love, the slip up on her birthday, everything was as it was written. And it was going great too until you screwed it up!”

Angel was pacing back and forth. “Arrgghhh…what do you people want from me? I didn’t know what else to do! I want her to move on, have a normal life! Have all the things a normal girl should have, all the things she can’t have with me! What was I supposed to do?”

“You were supposed to embrace her. You were supposed to take her back into your life. You were supposed to go back to Sunnydale with her.”

He stopped pacing and faced him “How Whistler? Ah? How am I supposed to do that when I can’t even touch her? How can I embrace her when every time I’m near her I have to hold the demon back and not take her?”

Whistler stepped in front of him “That’s what I’m trying to tell you, you pig headed fool! You’re not supposed to hold back…you don’t have to…at least not anymore.”

He took a step closer. “What?”

Whistler sighed, “You know I thought you were a lot smarter than this.”

Angel growled at him.

“Well I guess not…” Whistler was exasperated with how slow Angel was in getting this. “You’re a vampire Angel you should already know the answer to this.” He waited to see some sign of recognition but he didn’t. “BLOOD ANGEL! It’s always about the blood.”

When he saw the blank look on Angels face he sighed deeply. He turned away looking at the pictures on the wall. “Angel what’s the clause in your curse?”

“You know what it is…perfect happiness.”

“Right a moment of true perfect happiness that unleashes the demon. Contradictory don’t you think, a moment of perfect happiness that frees the greatest evil that ever walked the earth?”

Angel wasn’t sure where Whistler was going with this but he actually never looked at that way. “Yeah I guess so.”

“So tell me then what else is a contradiction?” He continued to walk around the room his hands in his pockets.

Now Angel was really confused. He ran is hand through his hair shaking his head trying to clear his thoughts. “What do you mean?”

“Well would you say that a Vampire Slayer selflessly putting her own life in jeopardy all in the name of love, to save a vampire her natural enemy, would you call that a contradiction?”

“I guess so.”

Whistler waited for him to put it all together. When he realized that he wasn’t he just shook his head again. “Geez Angel are they spiking your blood with stupidity these days? I don’t remember you being this dense. Of course it could just be that your cruel denial of your soul mate is costing you brain cells.”

Angel was ready to rip Whistler’s head off, “Will you stop sniping at me and just tell me what the hell you’re talking about?”

“The blood Angel…Slayerblood, the most potent blood in the universe, did you know that?

Angel closed his eyes yes he did know that. He could remember the taste and how it made him feel powerful and alive.

“Did you also know that Slayerblood is the cure to your curse?”

His eyes snapped opened and landed on Whistler slowly he started to put things together. How could he have missed this? Of course Slayerblood is the most potent. He could attest to that himself. Wasn’t Slayerblood the only cure from the poison on Faith’s arrow? Why did he never think of it before?

He looked at Whistler who was walking around the lobby inspecting everything, giving him time to take it all in. He spoke softly and slowly, wanting to be clear. “Are you telling me…that my soul is mine and that drinking the blood of a Slayer cured the curse?”

“Not just any Slayer’s blood…love is a powerful thing Angel. It fuels the fire inside of us; it makes us strong inside, makes us feel invincible. Buffy gave you her blood because she loved you, she couldn’t stand the thought of you dying. It was a selfless act given unconditionally all in the name of love… beautiful really don’t you think? But yes it started to break down the curse.”

“What do you mean break down?”

“Well the curse is pretty heavy mojo you know that. And you can only fight that kind of magic with heavy magic of your own. Love and Slayerblood what a mixture! I’m telling you if we could bottle that stuff we’d make a fortune!”

“Whistler…” Angel growled at him.

“Alright geez lighten up. Anyway, when you drank her the first time it sort of caused a crack in the curse, so to speak. Think of it as a thin layer of glue that with every soul you’ve saved, every good deed that you’ve done and every evil that you’ve destroyed, thickens the glue causing it to get stronger, building it up, like a shield. Take the day that never was for instance…”

Angel glared and growled at him, he didn’t want to talk about that day.

But Whistler ignored him, “…that day you gave back the one thing that you always wanted, your humanity. You, without even knowing it, committed a selfless unconditional act of love, an act which pretty much sealed your curse.”

He turned around and looked at Angel. “You were only missing the final ingredient.”

Angel was mentally kicking himself in the ass because he finally understood where Whistler was going with this.

“Since it’s all about the blood, Buffy’s blood started the process and her blood was supposed to finish it. So when she came to you after the incident with Faith, you were supposed to take her back. You two were supposed to get so lost in your passion and love for one another that you would have slipped and…”

Angel continued for him, “we would’ve made love and while doing it I would have bitten her again and sealed the curse.”

Whistler was grinning now. “See you are pretty smart!”

Angel wasn’t grinning; in fact he was downright pissed off. “SHIT!

“Have no fear my friend, the Powers they know you sent her away with the right intentions even though they weren’t too happy with how you did it.”

Angel lowered his head in shame.

“But they need you two together and now. They knew it would take too much time for you to get back into the Slayer’s good graces. So they came up with the dream scheme. A place where you two could meet, talk, maybe work things out, and be together without the fear of the demon emerging. Drinking her blood in the dream had the same effect as if it was real, because technically since the Powers instigated the whole thing it was more like being on another plane as opposed to a dream. So you drank, her blood sealed the crack, and poof, the soul and demon are now merged. He’s not gone, he’s kind of just hanging out at the surface, he could take control at times but he can’t get out no matter what. Hence the mix feelings you’re getting from him.”

For some weird reason everything seemed to make sense to Angel. It was easy for him to believe every word that Whistler said because it was just the usual fucked up crap that always seemed to happen to him.

So the question was what now? There was no way she was going to accept his help or believe him when he told her. She didn’t believe it when he told her in the dream there was no way she would believe him for real. She would probably stake his sorry ass before he even had a chance to tell her.

“There’s some serious stuff going down at The Hellmouth and if you don’t go back and set things right you’ll never get another chance.”

Angel frantically looked at Whistler the worry evident in his chocolate gaze. “What’s that supposed to mean? Is something going to happen to her?”

Whistler turned and started to walk towards the door. “Angel she’s lost, didn’t you sense that in that dreams? Didn’t you feel the darkness that was taking over her soul? You destroyed all the hope that poor kid had in the world. She doesn’t think there’s anything left worth fighting for. She’s slipping…hunting not for the cause but for the kill.”

It was true he had felt all those things from her in the dream. The demon had raged at him for it too because he didn’t want to see her in the darkness either. He was attracted to her light, her heat. He didn’t want her to be cold and indifferent, evil…like him.

“Kind of like you ah?”

Angel looked sharply at Whistler.

Whistler just stared at him right back. “Not caring only going through the motions and doing what everyone is expecting you to do. You’ve lost your reason for the fight too. By pushing her away you condemned yourself as well as her. You need to get your ass back there and save her from herself. That shouldn’t be too hard, right? I mean that is what you do isn’t it? Save souls?”

He turned around ready to walk out. “Remember by saving her you save yourself. There are great things in store for you two and you have to be ready…like I said it’s all written.”

“Whistler?”

He stopped at the door, “Yeah?”

Angel took a step closer. “She’s really stubborn you know she’s not going to believe me, she didn’t believe me when I told her in the dream.” He was nervously rubbing his hands together at the thought of just how stubborn Buffy could be.

Whistler looked at Angel and smiled at him. “Well I’m sure that your patient intact soul and your dominant alter ego will be able to change her mind.”

Angel smirked back at him as the nervousness disappeared and all the pleasurable images of changing her mind filled his head. “Yeah, I think we can do that.”

Whistler turned around and headed out the door. “Good. Now get going and tell that firecracker of yours I said hi.”

Whistler left and Angel was standing there smiling like an idiot when Cordelia and Wesley walked in.

“Who was that?” Wes asked.

“Who cares, as long as he’s got money to pay he’s okay by me.” Cordelia answered.

They stopped dead in their tracks and looked at their boss. “He’s smiling, this can’t be good.” Cordelia whispered to Wesley.

They each grabbed the stakes that they carried. “Yes I think I would agree with you.”

Angel looked at them and laughed. They stood there staring at him with their mouths open. Cordy whispered, “Is he evil?”

“No Cordy I’m not evil, at least not now. And that was Whistler.”

“Who’s Whistler?” Cordelia asked.

He turned away and headed toward the stairs. “Pack a bag guys we’re going to Sunnydale.”

Wesley released the breath he was holding. “Oh thank god he has finally come to his senses.” He put away his stake. “Well I for one am ready, I already packed.”

“Yeah me too I got mine behind the counter.” They each went to retrieve their bags as Angel came bounding down the steps with his bag in hand.

“You guys ready.”

“As ready as I’ll ever be to go back to the Hellmouth.” Cordelia said.

They were just heading out the door when Kate walked in. “Hey guys.” She saw the bags they were holding “Where you guys off too?” She walked over to Angel and went to give him a kiss on the lips but he stepped away from her and Cordelia snickered.

“Oh we’re off on a little trip to help out some very…very close friends.” Ah her favorite part, the part where Angel blows the bitch off. She leaned against the wall she couldn’t wait to see this.

Kate looked at Angel. “What does she mean? What friends? Maybe I can help.”

Angel looked back at Kate. A few months ago he probably would have tried to appease her and make her feel better, let her down easy. But now, with the demon so much more a part of him he had no problem with blowing her off. He didn’t really care he had more important things to do than make Kate feel better. He had to save his mate. “Sorry Kate you can’t come. It’s family business.” He tried to walk away but she grabbed his arm.

He looked down at her hand on his arm and he shocked her when he started to growl. She took a step back. “F…family? What are you talking about you don’t have any family?”

Wes stepped up to her. “Actually Kate, we do have family and they need our assistance, so if you don’t mind…” he took her by the arm and lead her towards the door, “you’ll have to excuse us. Perhaps Angel will contact you when we return yes.” He stood there smiling at her and she just looked back at him with anger in her eyes. “What? Angel!”

“Sorry Kate. We have to go I’ll talk to you later.” With that said he took a grinning Cordy by the arm and dragged her out the door.

“Bye Kate, have a nice life.” She giggled out the door and Wesley followed them

Kate was left steaming, he couldn’t do this to her. Use her and then just throw her away when he didn’t want her anymore. Who the hell did he think he was? Well I’ll just follow them and then we’ll see who’s leaving whom.

Chapter Ten

The Return

Buffy sat at a table in the Bronze impatiently tapping her fingers on the table. She checked her watch then looked back up at the door. She was supposed to meet Riley here an hour ago, and here she was still waiting and still by herself.

Deciding that she didn’t need this bullshit, she got up and stormed out. When the door opened and the cool air hit air, she breathed in deeply and was hit with an intense tingling sensation that roared through her body like a racecar speeding down the track. Her breath hitched, her pulse quickened and she scanned her surroundings while telling herself she was just imagining things, he wasn’t here.

Seeing nothing out of the ordinary she pushed the sensation away, satisfied that she was just imagining it, probably just a remnant from the dream. She turned and headed down the street.

She was walking through town heading back to the dorm when she saw Riley. He was walking on the opposite side of the street at a very fast pace, constantly looking over his shoulder left and right, like he didn’t want anyone to see where he was going. Of course her curiosity was piqued so she had to follow him and see what he was up to.

She slipped into stealth mode thankful that she was wearing all black. He turned left into the old warehouse district. She crept up behind him staying close to the shadows so he wouldn’t see her. He walked up to a rundown building looked around and then went up the stairs and inside.

Buffy’s eyes narrowed as she wondered again what he was up to. She looked around saw no one coming and crossed the street. She walked up the steps and went inside.

It was dark and musky smelling, old furniture was strewn all around there were vamps everywhere and to her surprise they were feeding on humans. Her brow furrowed as she watched a man take money out of his pocket and give it to some skinny-looking blonde vamp.

She was even more amazed when the guy sat down and the vamp sunk her fangs in his arm greedily feeding as the man sat there with this incredible look of rapture on his face. A little part of her was jealous that this man was experiencing something that was akin to heaven. She closed her eyes at the memory of what that pleasure felt like. The darkness inside of her called out for the suckling mouth of her mate once again on her throat drinking her. She snapped herself out of it, shaking her head she admonished herself, this was not the time to be reminiscing.

She turned and walked up the stairs, what the hell kind of place was this and what was Riley doing here? She headed to the room at the end of the hall and slowly opened the door. Her eyes bulged out of her head as she looked in and saw Riley with his arm being sucked on by a vamp.

She didn’t say anything but she must have made some sort of noise because Riley looked up and into her eyes. “Buffy!”

Pushing the vamp away he quickly stood up and started rolling his shirt down over his arm.

Did he think she was stupid and didn’t see what he was doing?

“Let me explain it’s not what it looks like?”

If she truly cared she probably would be really pissed off by his stupidity. “Really...” she drawled out, “do tell?”

Riley was a little put off by the mixed feelings he was getting off of her. He couldn’t tell if she was mad at him or just mad. “Well I…um...I was...um...”

Buffy was about to respond to his stupidity when she was one again slammed with that tingling sensation. But this time it was accompanied with an incredibly warm hum that made her nipples tighten and shot a bolt of desire to her now moistened core. She shook her head as if to clear it and held up her hand, “You know what Riley I don’t give a shit. I don’t care what the hell you do. You can go around and let every vamp in town suck you off I couldn’t care less.”

She turned away ready to leave, but Riley grabbed her by the arm. Buffy looked down at his hand then raised her eyes to his “Don’t touch me.” She menacingly said.

Riley slowly let go of her arm and held up his hands as a peace offering “Buffy just let me explain?”

She walked up to him and grabbed him by the throat “You want to explain? Well I don’t want to hear any stupid explanations Riley in fact I don’t want to hear anything from you ever again.” She threw him across the room where he landed on an old table breaking it in two. The vamps that were in the room scattered quickly, they didn’t want to get in the way of a pissed off Slayer.

She strolled over to him picked him up again and threw him to the other side of the room. Riley was stunned from the force of his landing, shaking his head he tried to catch his bearings. He looked up to see Buffy coming at him again, her face was red with anger, and her eyes were like steel as they stared at him with no emotion and no compassion.

She reached for him again and grabbed him by the throat, with both hands she squeezed, applying pressure to his Adams apple. “You know Riley I only kept you around because I needed to get laid. But you know what?” Riley’s face was turning blue with the lack of oxygen and his eyes were bulging out of his head. “You can’t satisfy me. You are nothing but a low-life-wanna-be demon hunter who doesn’t know the first thing about pleasuring a woman.”

She continued to apply pressure slowly squeezing the life out of him. He was just about to pass out when she suddenly released him. He dropped to the ground coughing and sputtering for air. Looking up to see what caused her to let him go, he saw Buffy sprawled out on the floor across from him and Spike standing in between them.

Buffy looked up at Spike, who had just saved Riley from certain death, and she was flabbergasted that he had the balls to interfere. “Stay out of this Spike this has nothing to do with you.” She got up wiping off the dirt from her pants.

Spike had been following her and trailed her to here. He knew what the place was and he was curious as to what the Slayer was doing there. He didn’t know that she knew about it. Then when he saw vamps running out like their lives depended on it he ran inside to see what was going on.

It didn’t take him long to figure out what was happening but he couldn’t believe that Buffy was seriously doing what she was doing. She really had flipped her lid.

“Slayer you don’t want to do this.”

“Oh yes I do.” She was evilly smiling at him “If you want to play too just stand to the side and we’ll tango when I’m done with him.”

Spike shook his head. “I can’t let you do that.”

She eerily laughed at him “You can’t let me do that! That’s funny Spiky.” She turned serious and slowly took a step towards him “Who’s going to stop me…you…the chipped wonder?”

He looked at her sadly; he really didn’t want to get into this partly because it was really going to hurt and because he genuinely liked the Slayer. “If I have to…yes.”

“Why do you care what I do to him? You hate him. Besides, who knows…” she walked up to him and ran her hand up his chest and into his hair, pulling his head down to her lips she hovered there, almost but not touching his, “maybe you’ll get a little with him gone. I know you want me Spike.” She licked his ear and spoke softly “This is your chance to finally get a piece of me.”

Spike shuddered; he couldn’t control the natural response to her blatant come on as his body started to react to hers. He might not love her anymore but he was definitely still attracted to her. But he knew that he would never have a piece of her, so he lied “I don’t want you Slayer…at least not this bitch you’ve become.” He pushed her away from him, “Besides, I don’t want to tangle with Angelus later.”

She backhanded him so quickly he didn’t even see it coming; he landed on the floor hard. He looked up and into the red face of the angriest slayer he had ever seen and wished that he kept his mouth shut.

Buffy stood there fuming her hands were clenched at her sides and it took all the control she had not to put a stake through his heart. Instead she leaned down and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. She threw him up against the wall and started raining punches on his face.

Riley ran over and tried to pull her off, but she quickly turned around and threw a left cross at him landing it squarely on his eye and sending him flying into the wall.

She turned back to Spike and started her punishment again ruthlessly hitting him. Blood was abundantly flowing from his nose and his eye started to swell up.

“DON’T EVER…” punch “SAY THAT NAME…” punch “TO ME AGAIN…” punch “DO YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!” punch…”FUCK ANGELUS!”

Suddenly there was a band of steel on her arm that halted her next punch. She looked over thinking that it was Riley, but instead looked into the red glowing eyes of her mate.

“Gee lover I didn’t know you still cared.” Angel sneered to a shocked Buffy. He threw her back and off of Spike. Spike fell to the floor a bloody mess and Buffy landed clear across the room slamming into the wall, the force of her landing filling the room with a poof of plaster and dirt.

She sat there numbly shaking her head and trying to grasp at what just happened. He was here! What the hell was he doing here and butting into her business!

Angel didn’t even spare her a glance as he looked down at Spike. He held out a hand to him and helped him up.

“Thanks mate didn’t think I would ever say this, but I’m glad to see you.”

Angel sneered at him, “Yeah well you won’t be, don’t go far because I’m not done with you William. There seems to be some things that we need to discuss.” He leaned forward and grabbed his swollen nose. “Ow you wanker that hurts!” Spike cried out, but Angel was oblivious to him “Things that you’ve been doing that I’m not to happy about.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” Buffy screamed out interrupting them. She just couldn’t seem to get her body to cooperate so she was still sitting on the floor.

Angel let go of Spike’s nose and slowly turned to his mate.

When he first arrived in Sunnydale the first thing he did was go see Giles where he dropped off Wes and Cordy. After the many tales of the ugly things his love had been up too, Giles told him that she was probably at the Bronze because she was supposed to meet Riley there.

So he had unhappily made his way to the Bronze not looking forward to seeing his mate out with another man. But he did it anyway because this was his mess and he meant to fix it. Which meant two things, one get rid of Riley and two get Buffy back where she belonged, by his side and, preferably, sane.

He was hiding in the shadows outside the Bronze preparing himself for whatever it was he was going to see in there, when the door was flung open and a very unhappy Buffy stormed out. She stopped for a few seconds, her body tensed and she frantically looked around. He had still smirking in the shadows, she sensed him. He watched as she shook her head, clearly denying that she sensed her mate and walked away.

She was a sight for sore eyes and he drank in everything about her; from the black form fitting leather pants that hugged every curve, to the black halter-top that let her breasts freely move with every agitated step she took. It took him a moment to calm the demon down who had howled with lust the second she stepped out. But for once, he really had to agree with him, because she was so beautiful and looked so scrumptious that he just wanted to throw her up against the wall and take her.

While he stood there fighting his emotions he saw Spike walk outside of the Bronze and stealthily follow her. Angel stepped out of the shadows and stared at the retreating figures. Giles told him that he had Spike following her but he couldn’t believe that she hadn’t noticed him. Spike was not the epitome of stealth. So it was just another example of his Slayer unraveling.

After following them to the warehouse and then inside he had stood outside the door to the room listening very intently to the conversation that was going on. When he heard what they were doing there, his face morphed to that of the Demon. When he heard his girl putting that asshole in his place he evilly smirked while he watched her work him over.

But when Spike entered the picture stopping her from her fury he was a little disappointed, because he didn’t even think to step in and stop her from strangling Riley, he was enjoying it too much. But when she got up and walked over to Spike trying to entice him, pushing up against him, licking his ear he had almost roared out his fury. He was so incensed that he missed what Spike said but he heard his name spoken and there was no mistaken the angry reply from Buffy.

Now as he looked at her sitting on the floor her face a mask of fury he felt only sorrow at what he had lead her to become.

He dismissed Spike and walked over to her as she scrambled to her feet. He had to be strong he couldn’t show her any sign of weakness or she would move in for the kill. Words of comfort and love would come later, but now he needed the anger of the Demon to do what he had to do.

“Buff you’ve been a bad girl.” He said shaking his head.

Buffy was ready to lash out with a sarcastic comeback when she realized what he said. She took a good long look into his eyes to see if it was what she thought. What she saw reflecting back at her confused her.

“You…you called me Buff.” She softly said sounding lost and bewildered. Angel wanted to grab her to him and explain everything to her but he couldn’t, at least not yet.

Instead he put his finger on his chin and tilted his head looking up at the ceiling “I did, didn’t I? mmm what do you suppose that means?”

She was so confused her head was spiraling, how could this be? It was like in the last dream they had shared. She was getting mixed feelings from him, the demon or the man, who was she dealing with? And who gave him a happy? How could he get a happy if it wasn’t me? “I…I don’t understand…”

“You don’t understand? Well let me see if I can explain it to you.” He took a step closer.

Buffy was frightened because she had no idea what was going on. She backed away as far as she could until her back hit the wall. Frantically she looked around the room for an escape.

Angel saw her panic and walked up to her. When he was right in front of her he leaned down till they where eye-to-eye. “See Buff it’s like this, the soul and I, are kind of one item now. Kind of like a mix and match bathing suit you would buy.”

Buffy was utterly confused. He sounded like Angelus, he talked like Angelus, every movement of his body was that confident cockiness of the demon, and he spoke of the soul as if he wasn’t there. Yet she sensed the soul and she knew that he was there. She didn’t know what to think or what to do she was like a deer caught in the headlights, frozen, unable to move.

But then she heard what he said and it snapped her out of her stupor. Her eyebrows rose at his analogy, who the hell was he buying bathing suits for? “Cute who taught you that, your new mature girlfriend.” She sneered at him angered by the memory that he had someone new in his life.

Angel laughed at her “Tsk…tsk...that sounds a little catty Buff. No I am just filled with an abundance of important knowledge. Now back to business…” taking her by the shoulders he pressed her further against the wall. He leaned in so their mouths were only a lick away. “The soul has made some stupid mistakes which has made you a bad, bad girl…I mean really Buff trying to strangle your own sister? That sounds eerily familiar. Anyway I’m here to fix that.”

Buffy was angry he had no right to come here and try to control what she did. He gave up that right six months ago. She also still had no idea what was going with him, but nonetheless she still couldn’t get past the fact that someone else had given the demon the means to escape and that pissed her off even more. “Who was it? Cordelia? She was always lusting after you. It was her wasn’t it?” She screamed at him.

He squeezed her arms and shook her. “Buff, you’re not listening to me. But if you must know before we move on to other things, I’ll tell you.” He prolonged his answer just to torture her a little.

Unable to resist any longer he leaned in and ran his tongue across her lower lip. She kept her eyes on his eyes as she felt his cool wet tongue run along her lower lip. She clenched her hands at her sides fighting to remain calm and not show him how much he was getting to her.

When he was done he whispered so softly she almost didn’t hear him “It was you.”

She looked at him incredulously. “What? What are you talking about?” How could that be they were just dreams! They weren’t real.

He knew her line of thinking, “You know you and I have always shared, shall we say…happy dreams.”

She shook her head not believing what she was hearing. “But they were dreams nothing more.”

He released her arms and stood back giving her some space. “No they were much more and I’m going to tell you, but not here and not now. First…” he went to turn away from her.

But she spun him around and punched him in the face jerking his head back.

“Oh God you really are blonde aren’t you?” Spike said shaking his head “Are you stupid can’t you see who you’re dealing with here!” He yelled at her. He knew that she was confused because he was just as confused, he sensed the soul but he also knew that the Demon was in charge. He didn’t know how it happened but he knew that this was a new and improved Angel, an Angel that was both soul and demon.

Angel just smiled at her. Buffy ignored him and addressed Spike instead “I don’t care. Who the hell does he think he is coming here and telling me what to do?” She stomped right up to Angel “YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!!” she yelled in his face.

The smile disappeared from his face and his hand lifted tenderly touching her check, his face shifted back to his human form and Buffy found herself gazing into the warm sad eyes of her Angel. “Buffy, I told you in the dream that none of that was true. It was all a lie. I love you.”

She pushed his hand away and stepped away from him. “DON”T SAY THAT! YOU DON”T LOVE ME! YOU DON”T TREAT SOMEONE YOU LOVE THE WAY YOU TREATED ME!”

Riley, who had been quietly watching the scene unfold from the corner of the room, now stood up and walked over to Angel.

Spike put his hands up in the air, “Oh great, another wanker!”

Riley ignored Spike and stormed over to Angel pulling on his arm. “I knew it! I knew you had something to do with all of this! I knew you were somehow manipulating her dreams.”

Angel morphed back to the demon and grabbed Riley by the throat. “Boy you better mind your own business. What happens between my mate and me has nothing to do with you this is family business and you’re not in it. You should just be grateful that I don’t snap your neck for the way you disrespected her!”

Spike was snickering, “I’d like to see that mate.”

Angel looked over at Spike and growled at him. “Would you really William? Then maybe when I’m done with him I can snap your skinny neck!”

“For what…I didn’t do anything.” Spike was puzzled because he really couldn’t remember doing anything that would require that kind of punishment.

Angel threw Riley like a rag doll across the room and dismissed him. He walked over to Spike and picked him up by his ear “You didn’t do anything, ah? You weren’t chasing after my mate trying to get into her pants? You didn’t chain her up in your crypt trying to get her to love you? You didn’t press those SLIMY LIPS TO HERS AND PROPOSE MARRIAGE TO HER?” By the end of his rant his voice had risen and he was yelling and spitting in Spike’s face.

Spike stumbled because he didn’t know that Angel knew about that so he sheepishly answered. “Oh well I might have done those things. How the hell did you hear about it?”

Angel smirked. “Dru told me…right before I burned her to death!”

Spike was mad now. “Fuck you!” he spat blood out and it landed on Angel’s coat. Angel looked down at it, bent his head and licked it up.

“You can buy me a new coat later. But now you will take yourself and that lump of shit over there…” pointing to Riley, “and leave. You will make sure that Riley leaves Sunnydale for good, because if I see him again I will kill him. And then you will take yourself to the mansion and wait for me there. If you do all that then I’ll consider not hurting you…too much.” He let go and wiped at the blood on Spike’s shirt, seemingly trying to tidy him up.

Spike looked at Angel like he had lost his gourd. But he wasn’t stupid and he knew that this was his chance to get out alive.

He walked over to Riley who was still dazed; he picked him up and helped him out the door. “C’mon soldier boy. You sure don’t know how to take a beating do you? I thought they trained you people to be tough?”

“I’m not leaving her alone with him!” Riley struggled in Spike’s hold.

“Yeah, yeah big tough guy trust me you’ll thank me later”

He dragged a protesting Riley out of the room, leaving Angel and Buffy staring at each other.

Chapter Eleven

Kindred Souls

The tension was thick in the air as they stood there drinking in the sight of each other. Angel just wanted to reach out and hold her. He couldn’t believe the things that Giles had told him, but staring into her empty eyes he saw the truth. There used to be hope and love in those eyes now there wasn’t anything except pain, anger and confusion. He saw the darkness, the darkness he’d caused, and it sent a shiver down in his spine.

Before he had a chance to say anything she spun away from him and said, “I’m leaving.”

He took a step forward and grabbed her by the arm spinning her around and pulling her flush against him. Their bodies touched in all the right places as he leaned down so they were eye to eye. “I’m not done talking to you.”

“Well I’m done talking to you.” She flung off his hand and tried to leave again. He grabbed her and she spun around and punched him in the face. “Leave me alone!”

He stepped back from the force of her punch. Okay so she was angry with him, he understood that. Well he had to get past that anger before they could go any further. So he smirked at her “What’s a matter Buff got a little pent up rage?”

Her eyes hardened even more. “You think?”

He took off his leather coat flung it on the chair and started to roll up his sleeves. “You want to hit me? Go ahead hit me. Beat the living daylights out of me. Oh wait there is none of that in here is there? I’m just a cold-hearted bastard with no feelings about anything or anyone, right?”

“YOU’RE GOD DAMN RIGHT YOU ARE!” She was trembling with rage and pain, longing and lust. She didn’t know what to do; she didn’t want to talk to him and yet it took all her will power not to rush into his arms. She had to get out of there. She turned to leave but was stopped again this time by the kick that he gave her in the back.

She stumbled to the floor did he just kick me? She got up and stretched her back. It didn’t really hurt it wasn’t a hard kick, but it pissed her off even more. She violently spun around and drop kicked him in the stomach. He flew back hitting the wall hard and more dust flew up in the air.

He laughed evilly at her and rose. “Is that all you got baby? I thought you hated me.”

“I do hate you!” she spat out angrily.

He rubbed his belly. “Well you know frankly, you kick like a girl.” He knew that insult wouldn’t go unpunished.

She spun around and drop kicked him again. This time the force was so strong that he was thrown backwards through the wall where he landed in the next room with a hard thud.

He had to shake his head after that kick. Damn my girl can kick! But he didn’t want her to know that. He wanted her mad. He wanted her to get all the anger and rage out, so he could then talk to her calmly and try to explain everything. If that meant an ass kicking by his mate, then so be it; he deserved nothing less.

He got up again and faced her. “You know, if I didn’t know any better I would say that you really didn’t want to hurt me, because that last kick?” he shook his head at her, “C’mon even Cordy could do better than that.”

That did it, it reminded her of his current status and that he was happy with someone else. She screamed at the top of her lungs and ran full speed at him. She threw a left; she threw a right all landing with deadly accuracy on his handsome face. And he just stood there and let her rain punch after punch on him, never once trying to defend himself.

“YOU BASTARD!” She punched him in the stomach and he bent over grabbing his belly.

She grabbed him by the hair and pulled his bloody face up to hers she was going on pure rage now and was totally oblivious to what she was saying. “I LOVE YOU AND YOU TORE MY HEART TOO PIECES!” She banged his head into her knee and threw him across the room.

Kicking over a chair, she broke off the leg and stormed over to him. He rolled over onto his back coughing up blood. She straddled him and raised her arm ready to give him what he deserved, ready to put that cold wooden stake through his cold dead heart.

She lowered her stake to his heart and pressed it to his chest. A small trickle of blood rolled out from the point of her stake and when she saw it her heart stopped.

Her eyes filled with tears and she raised them to his. They gazed at each other and her stake pressed further into his chest. He looked at her with his now human face, looked at her with love and understanding, and spoke softly to her. “You’re right, I am a bastard, I did do all those things and I’m sorry.”

He lifted his hand and wrapped it around her trembling hand that was holding the stake. Urging her to press further he raised his voice. “Do it. It’s what I deserve. Kill me! DO IT!” he screamed at her.

She stayed perched on his waist her legs unconsciously squeezing his sides, tears rolling down her face her mind a muddled mess of emotions consuming her. She couldn’t kill him. She couldn’t. Because even after everything that he did she still loved him she would always love him. And to kill him would be the final nail in her coffin too. She shook her head at him and tried to pull away. But he was strong and he held her hand and the stake close to his chest.

“Do it Buffy. You hate me remember? Kill me and you’ll finally be free.”

She shook her head and when she spoke her voice was hitched. “I…I can’t…I can’t kill you.”

The sad lost look in her eyes made him feel as if the stake had already turned him to dust. “Why?”

She looked deeper into his eyes and saw his pain and guilt. She saw the tears that reflected back the misery that she felt. But she couldn’t bring herself to say what she felt in her heart and what she knew he waited to hear. Those three little words that she had spoken so reverently not so long ago but yet had robbed her of so much. She couldn’t, no she wouldn’t allow herself to be put back into that position.

She punched him wildly and it was just enough to get him to relax his hold on her hand. She jumped off of him, dropped the stake and sprinted from the room, her sobs echoing off the barren walls.

He didn’t stop her, he let her leave she needed to be alone he understood that. He took a deep breath and sat up touching his face tenderly. He flinched; his face felt like it was on fire. But he welcomed the pain. He staggered to his feet and grabbed his jacket.

Walking out of the building he thought that wasn’t so bad. Now all he had to do was give her some time to come to terms with everything then he would move in for the kill.

He smiled as the demon gave him lots of ideas on how he could make it all up to her.

********

She ran from the building away from him. Her feet pounded on the ground as her body shook with pain and confusion. She didn’t know where she was running too she just ran. How could he do this too her? How could he make her feel so many emotions at once? She hated him she wanted to kill him for all the hurtful things that he had said. But when it came down to it she couldn’t.

When she looked into his eyes she saw the same things that were haunting her. She saw darkness, she saw emptiness, and she saw pain and confusion. When she felt his body pressed against hers and smelt his scent her soul cried out for him and she realized in that moment that she would always love him. She had stared at that stake, her head yelling at her to do it but she couldn’t. Killing him would kill her. He was her curse like she was his.

She stopped running and fell to the ground crying her heart out to the injustice of it all. She lifted her head and took in her, she couldn’t believe where her feet had unconsciously taken her. He had come back to Sunnydale to save her and she was sitting at the same exact spot where she once saved him that snowy Christmas morning, she laughed at the irony of it all.

Everything seemed so simple back then. Back then she didn’t question his feelings; she knew that he loved her. She knew that she would have done anything for him…to save him, to keep him by her side. But now nothing was simple. She didn’t know what to believe. She knew that there was much more to the story but she couldn’t hear it right now. Just seeing him and touching him again was too much of a sensory overload.

Her body cried out for his gentle thrusts and loving kisses and her heart sang for his love and devotion. But her mind was lost on the fact that he seemed to be both Demon and Soul. How could that be? And her battered soul couldn’t get past the fact that someone else had made him happy. She earnestly wanted to be able to love him again; she was tired of the cold person she had become. But she didn’t know if she could open her heart to him again. She didn’t know if she could trust him again.

She lay down on the damp grass on her side and grabbed her knees; she cried silently and prayed to the Powers to give her some kind of sign as to what she should do.

Chapter Twelve

Tell Me Something I Don’t Know

Throwing open the doors to the mansion Angel painstakingly made his way inside. His body throbbed with every step he took, feeling every punch and kick of the beating that his mate gave him. Considering that he felt like he just got his ass kicked by a horde of demons, he actually felt very optimistic. He felt only slightly guilty for pushing her so cruelly, but she had closed herself off so much and he had to get through her defenses.

He smirked to himself when he thought of how good she was at doing that, she always had been, except with him. They always had a deep connection and time apart and all the pain that was between them didn’t change that. He knew that he would win her over because he would not accept anything else.

He growled when he smelt him. He wasn’t ready to deal with his wayward grandchild. He had to be in peak physical form to give him the proper ass kicking that he deserved.

“Looks like someone got their ass kicked.” A mocking voice came from the corner.

Angel made his way to the couch and feel into it, groaning as his aching body landed. “Yup I sure did.” He rubbed his ribs. “Has she gotten stronger or am I just getting older?”

Spike snickered as he walked out of the shadows. “No she’s definitely gotten stronger.” He sat down in the chair and looked at what appeared to be a weary Angel. Trying to gauge exactly who was in control.

“So um what’s up with the whole demony soul thing?”

Angel leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. “It’s a long story.”

“Yeah well I don’t have any where to go.” He wiped at the dried blood on his face. “Plus I’m not really in any condition to be going anywhere.” He felt his tender ribs. “Ow”

Angel looked up smirking at his discomfort. “She’s pretty fierce ah?” The pride he felt for his mate could be heard in his voice.

“Fierce isn’t the word. Vicious yes and I have to tell you, it warms a demon’s heart.” He smirked back at him. He was trying to start some sort of camaraderie with his Grandsire. The way Spike saw it was that he was better off to be on his good side. Because it was obvious that Angel was here to stay. And no matter how much bravado Spike put on in front of the others, he was still very much fearful when it came to Angelus. There was too much sick and twisted history between the two of them. It sort of pissed him off but it was a feeling that he was used to, and he had become very good at placating the older demon.

Angel hearing his mate and Spike’s heart spoken in the same sentence only reminded him of Dru’s words. His eyes hardened and turned red as he stared at Spike. The unthinkable thought that the bleach blond was in love with his mate turned his stomach. The image of him kissing her was only overridden by the image of him ripping Spike’s cock off and shoving it down his throat.

“I hope that it doesn’t warm it too much William.” The smirk on Spike’s face was gone instantly at the low deadly tone of Angel’s voice. He knew he had to tread softly or things would not go well for him.

“Look Angelus mate, about that kissing thing…” Angel softly growled. “It’s not what you think…we were under a spell that’s all.” He tried to sound flippant about it, but from the continued growls from the older vamp he didn’t think he was succeeding. “You know Red, she couldn’t muster up a good spell if her life depended on it.”

Angel’s eyes remained hard. ”What other excuses have you come up with Spike? Are you going to tell me next that this imaginary love you feel for her was also a product of one of Willow’s spells? Are you going to tell me that it was some deranged demon that made you tie her up in your crypt?”

Spike knew that honesty was the best direction to go at this point. There was no denying what Angel knew and lying would only make his punishment worse. If he were honest and upfront perhaps Angelus would take it easy on him.

He sat forward and looked him directly in the eye. “Alright, I won’t deny it I did fancy myself in love with her. But you can’t blame me mate, she’s beautiful and she’s untouchable. You know I’ve always been fickle when it came to women.”

“Spike when I sent you back here to watch over her that wasn’t part of the plan.” Angel sneered at him.

Spike nodded his head. After that whole incident with the Ring of Amara Spike was drowning his sorrows at a local demon bar in LA, where Angel had found him. He had strolled in sat down like nothing had happened and started to talk to him.

He told him that even though they had their differences Spike still owed him for all the times that he had saved his ass. Of course Spike didn’t want to admit it, but it was true. There were many times in the past when they ran around Europe killing everything they saw, that Angelus had saved him from something or another. He also brought up the fact that Spike was still his grandchilde and that he was obligated to do what Angel told him.

Spike had been bowled over when he pulled that card out of his hat. He didn’t think Angel abided by those things anymore but it turned out that when it came to his mate, he did. So Spike reluctantly agreed to go back to Sunnydale and keep an eye on her.

But thinking of vampire law and mates, Spike suddenly remembered Dru and what Angel had done to her. He forgot his intentions to placate and instead got angry. He stood up and faced Angel.

“Yeah well you killing Dru wasn’t part of the plan either!” he shouted.

Angel was up and in front of him quicker than Spike could get his last word out. He grabbed him by the neck, his features shifted to that of the demon and his cold red eyes stared daggers into Spike’s.

“Do not forget your place when you’re speaking to me boy! “ His voice shook with anger.

“She was my mate you bastard!” Spike spit out.

“She was my child! I had every right to punish her how I saw fit! Do not over step your bounds William. I will forgive you this trespass because I understand your grief but understand that it is me who is control here! As for Buffy…” he squeezed harder and lifted his arm picking Spike up of the ground. Spike latched on to his arm struggling with his hold. “She’s mine! Whatever petty feelings you think you have for her better disappear. Because I don’t share what’s mine!” He threw him back down on the chair.

Spike sat there staring into the hard eyes of Angelus, this was freaking him out. Angel had moved so quickly and he was so much stronger now that it was very disturbing. Note to self, don’t piss off Angel unless you want to deal with Angelus.

He pushed down his anger over Dru’s demise because technically the ponce was right. And if the demon was at the forefront Spike knew that he didn’t stand a chance. So it was time to choke down his pride and be submissive, ah just like old times.

“They’re already gone…Sire.” He almost cringed at the use of that term. But he knew that Angelus would respond agreeably to it.

After a few seconds of Angel staring death at Spike his features shifted back to his human form and his body relaxed. The bloodlust that had filled him dissipated and the demon receded to the background. He was once again able to think clearly.

He almost had to shake his head to clear it but he didn’t want to show any signs of weakness in front of the younger demon. He was not yet used to his new state of being and it was strange to be in the background while the demon took control. He felt every emotion as if it was his own. It was as if he and the demon had come to terms with this shared sense of power, one giving it up for the other at the drop of a dime and then just as easily returning it. It was that transition that was bizarre. He supposed that eventually he would get used to it, but for the time being it was making him a little daft.

“I hope so. Because I really don’t want to have to kill you, I’m going to need you to stick around for awhile to help out with this Hell Goddess and watch over Dawn while I…fix things.”

Spike watched as in a flash of an eye the demon was gone and the soul was returned. He couldn’t imagine what that must feel like.

“That’s what I’ve been doing.”

Angel sat back down on the couch and stretched his legs out, settling back he listened to Spike.

“She’s been running around half cocked scaring the hell out of everyone; especially her mum and the bit. The Watcher he had them stay at my crypt because he was afraid of what she would do.”

There was fire in his eyes when he spoke next. “I have to tell you when I heard what she did to Dawn I almost killed her myself.”

Angel looked directly into his eyes. “Spike I know that you’ve gotten close to Dawn and I’m glad you’re looking out for her. But I’m warning you now…you touch one hair on her golden head and I’ll rip you apart limb from limb very slowly. Do we understand each other?”

Spike took his threat seriously. He knew that even though the soul was still there it would be the demon that would punish him for any infraction toward his mate and he knew what kind of torture the demon could do, hell he had even helped on several occasions. “We do.”

Angel straightened up and walked towards his bedroom. “Good. I’m going to get some sleep. Stay on the couch if you want.” He slammed the door not waiting for Spike’s answer.

********

Giles knocked once on the door of the crypt and then opened it. He stepped inside and saw Joyce and Dawn sitting on the chair watching TV. Joyce immediately stood up when she saw him and ran over to him. Grabbing his arms she asked him frantically, “Rupert what’s going?”

Giles looked at Dawn’s eager face and steered Joyce toward the door. “Joyce perhaps we should go outside and I’ll explain everything.”

Dawn rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah you don’t want the little girl to hear anything bad.” She sarcastically said.

“Dawn” Joyce admonished her. “Stay here I’ll be right back.”

Once they were outside, they closed the door and walked over to a bench and sat down. Giles wasn’t sure where to begin but he respected Joyce and she needed to know what was going on.

“Joyce we have a situation in Sunnydale that is not good. And I’m afraid that it concerns your family.”

“Okay, a situation as in a slayer situation?”

“Um yes it does concern Buffy but I’m afraid that it also concerns Dawn.”

“Dawn?” she narrowed her eyes at him. “What do you mean Rupert?”

He took a deep breath and started to tell her. He told her about Glory and the key. And he told her about the monks and what they did. And when he finally told her that Dawn was that key he waited for her outburst.

“Really Rupert who are you trying to kid? You’re telling me that my daughter isn’t really my daughter that she’s some kind of mystical key needed to open a hell portal and that my memories aren’t real?” She was laughing at him.

Giles looked at her gravely serious. “Joyce this is no joke. Glory is here and she is looking for Dawn. Although she doesn’t know that yet, and I plan on keeping it that way.”

Joyce stood up and walked a little bit ahead she was thinking that she really must have done something bad in a previous life to be stuck with all the things that she was stuck with. First her eldest daughter turns out to be a vampire slayer and now her baby wasn’t her baby. She didn’t know what to think.

Giles felt bad for her, for all that she’d been through and had to go through now. “I’m sorry Joyce I wish it wasn’t true, I wish I could tell you it was a joke but it’s not and you need to come to terms with this and fast.”

“You know Rupert I laugh but deep down, you’re going to think me crazy, but I always felt something was off with Dawn. But I just always chalked it up to being a worrywart. But now hearing this it kind of makes sense.”

She turned around and fixed him with a stern stare. “But it doesn’t change my feelings for her. I love her she is my daughter just as Buffy is and I will do everything in my power to make sure that she’s safe.”

Giles smiled at her reassuringly, he walked over to her and hugged her. When their embrace ended they stood there in the circle of each other’s arms staring deeply into each other’s eyes. They both wanted to say more but they were both unconformable with their feelings.

They smiled at each other and took a step away. Giles cleared his throat he still had more to tell her. “There is something else that you need to know.”

Joyce sighed and sat back down. She took a deep breath and massaged her temple, preparing herself for whatever else he had to say. “Well don’t hold back now Rupert.”

“It’s about Angel.”

He proceeded to tell her that he was in town and everything that Wesley told him about the curse and Angel’s souled status.

He also told her about his reservations about Buffy’s mental state and why he had them stay at Spike’s. Joyce wanted to deny that her eldest daughter was falling apart but she had seen it with her own eyes and she couldn’t. She agreed that she would stay here with Dawn until Buffy was better.

She had her own uncertainties about where that help was coming from but she could no longer deny that he was a part of her daughter. And that if anyone were going to be able to save her it would be him. She always knew that he loved her. She always trusted him to care for her it was just the evil half that she had been worried about, and now that wasn’t an issue anymore.

Plus she had to admit that her eldest daughter would never have the normal live that she wanted for her. She might as well have some happiness in her hectic crazy world and if Angel made her happy then he was all right in Joyce’s book. So she put aside her worry and her fears and she put her daughter’s lives in the hands of a man that she once feared.

Chapter Thirteen

Being Real

Dawn overheard every word that Giles and her mom had said. She wasn’t real? What did they mean she wasn’t real? She felt her skin and she pulled at her hair, it all felt real to her.

And what about Buffy, she couldn’t trust her own sister? Well she did try to strangle me so why would she save me? It sort of all made sense; the eerie sense of not belonging, her sister’s sudden hatred toward her, the abrupt move to Spike’s crypt, deep down she had known something wasn’t right but she actually just thought it had to do with Buffy.

After she tried to reach Angel and he didn’t call her back she had been sad. She thought that since he cut Buffy out of his life, that he was doing the same to her, which had broken her heart. She loved Angel, even knowing that he was mean to Buffy she still loved him. He was like Spike in some ways but so much better.

She wasn’t as gullible as everyone thought she was, she was fully aware of the fact that Spike was only around because of the chip. Deep down she knew that you really couldn’t trust him. She got along great with him because he treated her like a person and not some dumb kid. And he truly liked her.

But Angel was different. With Angel she knew that she could trust him in all ways. Not only did he treat her like a person, but also he was honest with her, he talked to her straight up. Without her ever telling him, he had known that she felt somewhat insecure and small next to Buffy.

He would just ruffle her hair and chuckle telling her that in the big scheme of things, everyone was equal. It didn’t matter if you were a high school kid doing teenager things or a vampire slayer, in the long run, when we faced our maker, it was the way you lived your life that counted.

Dawn had always remembered those words and she tried to live her life the best she could. Yeah she was still a nagging annoying little sister, but that was her job!

She loved Buffy and she loved her mom and she wanted to stay with them. She just wanted to be a kid. She wondered if this was how Buffy always felt…trapped and confused. And she had a new respect for the sister. Now she understood that it wasn’t hatred that drove her to be mean, it was the constant weight of responsibility that wore her sister down.

It was never having the sanctuary and peace that she craved. Never being able to be with the one person that would keep her grounded.

In between her confusion she felt a fission of relieve. Things would be better now that Angel was around. Her sister would finally have a chance to be her sister, and Dawn wanted that more than anything else in the world…to just belong once again.

She had to see him. He would explain everything to her. She quietly slipped through the crypt door and ran through the cemetery at full speed. She would go to the one place she knew she could get an honest answer.

********

KNOCK…KNOCK…KNOCK…

The insistent knocking woke Spike who was sleeping on the couch. He got up not annoyed that he was being woken. He threw open the door ready to rip whoever it was to shreds, only to see an ashen-faced Dawn.

“Niblet what’s wrong?” He took her arm and pulled her inside the mansion, he looked quickly outside to make sure no one had followed her. “What the hell are you doing out this late and by yourself?” he yelled at her.

“I…I…is Angel here?” Spike was hurt that she wanted to speak to the poof and not him. Hadn’t he been there for her? Hadn’t they gotten close over the last couple of months?

He lowered his voice and stepped closer. “What do you want him for? You can talk to me?”

“Dawn?” Angel came out of the bedroom in a pair of black sweats. He had been in his room brooding about Buffy and trying to decide what to do next. When he sensed her. At first he was ecstatic that she came to him. But then he realized that it wasn’t the strong connection that he normally felt when she was near, it was different, it was Buffy but it wasn’t Buffy. He knew right away who had come to the mansion.

When Dawn saw him she ran to him and threw herself in his arms, “Angel” she sobbed, “Please tell me it’s not true. Please I’m real…I know I’m real. Please…please tell me.” She was hysterical in his arms and he just held her tightly as sadness filled him for what she was going through.

He raised his eyes to Spike who stood glaring at them. “Shhh Dawn it’s okay, just relax, sit down and breathe. Spike, get her something to drink.”

“Like what you poof a pint of 0 positive?”

Angel growled at him. “Water you numb nut.”

Spike stalked from the room.

Dawn sat curled up on the couch tears streaming down her face faster than Angel could wipe them away. “That’s why she tried to kill me isn’t? Because I’m not real, because I’m not her sister.”

“Shhh…no Dawn. Buffy’s behavior has nothing to do with you. I’m responsible for that. But it’s okay I’m here now and I’m going to make everything better.”

She didn’t hear him. “She tried to strangle me you know. She hates me.”

Angel didn’t think his heart could break anymore than it could. But knowing that his stupidity not only caused his love pain but also her young innocent sister broke him even more. He gathered her in his arms, and tucked her head under his chin. He spoke calmly wanting to reassure her of her place. “No she doesn’t hate you. She’s just a little lost right now.”

“A little, that’s an understatement.” Angel glared at Spike’s interruption as he walked in carrying a glass of water.

“Here Niblet drink this.” He handed her the glass and then sat down next to her.

Dawn sipped the water and put it down on the table. Angel gently took her chin in his hand and brought her eyes to his. “Dawn I know that you feel confused but you have to understand that no matter what you were before, it doesn’t matter. Because you’re here now and you are real and you are a part of Buffy. And Spike and I, Giles, Willow, Xander…everyone’s here to make sure that you stay with us.”

Spike stroked her hair comfortingly. He truly loved the Niblet she was like his little sis’ and he spoke from the heart. “That’s right bit no one’s going to hurt you not while I’m on watch.”

Angel helped her up and led her to his bedroom. “Come on why don’t you lay down and get some rest. I’ll check up on you in a little while.”

He walked her to his bedroom. “Okay…” she sniffled. “But don’t leave me alone please.”

He placed her on the bed, “Shhh it’s okay I won’t leave you.” He covered her with the blanket then leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. He smiled warmly at her. “Don’t worry Dawn everything will be okay.”

He grabbed his clothes that were thrown on the chair and headed out of the room.

“Angel?”

“Yeah” he turned to look at her.

“I’m glad you’re back I missed you.”

He smiled at her. “I missed you too Dawn. Now get some sleep.”

Walking out of the bedroom he closed the door. He had to talk to Giles and let him know what happened. He didn’t know how Dawn had found out; he just prayed to God that it wasn’t Buffy that told her. He knew that eventually he would also have to talk to Joyce. That scared even the Demon, but it was something that he had to do.

He quickly got dressed and threw on his coat. “Spike stay here and watch her I’m going out.”

He left the mansion leaving behind a disgruntled Spike. “Yes master sire sir.”

Chapter Fourteen

Taking Control

“How much longer do we have to wait? I’m tired.” Cordelia whined.

“As soon as Rupert gets back we will head over to the mansion.” Wesley said as he continued to look at prophecy.

“What’s a matter Cor don’t like mingling with the old crowd?” Xander sneered at the cheerleader. He didn’t know why but he noticed the second she walked through the door with deadboy that he still had issues with her.

“Shut up Xander I didn’t come here to see you.” She answered.

“Then why are you here?” he stood up and walked over to her. “The way I see it things are messed up now because of Deadboy so what the hell is he doing here anyway?” He was mad. He didn’t think Angel being here would help, if anything, it would probably make things worse.

Cordelia stood up ready to defend Angel and got right in Xander’s face. “You know what Xander, whether we agree or not, those two belong with each other.”

Xander guffawed at her. “Oh really since when have you been on the Buffy and Angel band wagon?”

“Since he kicked her out of his life six months ago I’ve done nothing but watch my best friend slip further and further away from me and if being with Buffy makes him happy then I’m going to make sure that he gets what he wants!” She yelled at him.

Xander took a step forward and they were practically nose-to-nose. “Yeah well Buffy’s my best friend and I don’t think that he is what’s best for her, so I’ll make sure that he doesn’t get what he wants!”

“How are you going to do that Harris?” The cold hard voice came from the open doorway.

They turned to the sound of that voice. Cordelia looked at Angel and smirking looked back at Xander to see a smidgen of fear in his eyes. “Yeah Xander enlighten us as to how your going to do that?” She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him smugly. She loved to watch him squirm.

Wesley stood up. He knew the relationship between the Vampire and Xander had never been a good one and he was prepared to step in if he had to.

Xander didn’t even bother looking at anyone he was too busy staring at Angel and trying to figure out…demon or Soul.

Angel ruthlessly smiled at him because he knew what was confusing the boy. He really had to admit that he was enjoying this newfound oneness with his demon. It definitely gave him an edge.

He stepped inside and closed the door. He sauntered confidently up to Xander who took a step back and swallowed loudly.

Angel got closer and tilted his head peering at him questioningly. “You’re wondering if I’m evil, you’re wondering if I’m going to reach over and twist your meddling neck.” He slapped his hand on Xander’s shoulder making him flinch.

“Angel.” Wesley said as he moved closer to step between them, he was stopped by Cordelia who shook her head no.

Angel ignored Wesley. His eyes were still hard and cold but a smile appeared on his face. “Don’t worry Xander I’m not evil and I’m not going to kill you either.”

Xander seemed to relax a little until Angel applied pressure to his shoulder. He winced his body shifting down trying to alleviate the pain.

Angel smiled ruthlessly at him and whispered in his ear. “But just know that the whimpering push over that I used to be