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Book Three Through Rose Colored Glasses
(6.26.09) Prologue (6.26.09) Chapter One (7.2.09) Chapter Two (7.2.09) Chapter Three (9.21.09) Chapter Four (12.15.09) Chapter Five (12.15.09) Chapter Six (6.2.10 – unbeta’d) Chapter Seven (9.8.10 - unbeta’d) Chapter Eight (9.8.10 – unbeta’d) Chapter Nine (9.15.10 – unbeta’d) Chapter Ten (2.9.11 – unbeta’d) Chapter Eleven
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Posted June 26, 2009 Work in Progress ?? Chaps - ??? pages
Rating NC-17/MA
Disclaimer Not mine!
Distribution If you already archive my stories then feel free, otherwise please ask
Timeline N/A – Alternate Universe
Pairing Buffy & Angel, Faith & Spike
Summary Afraid and unsure of how Angel will react to the news of her pregnancy and the unknown parentage of the baby, is almost too much for Buffy to bear but she knows she has to do the right thing and come clean. Apart from of how stressful that is, their impending parenthood is the least of their problems when reality once more throws them a curve ball.
Buffy and Angel have been through hell and high water to get to this point in their lives and they won’t let anything get in their way again. Love and a deep devotion to each other is what will see them through. For the past is the past and their future is wide open…unknown and unwritten.
No matter what, love will conquer all.
Author’s Note There has been a lot of angst, suffering, betrayal and pain throughout this series, as well as a soul binding love and deep seated passion for each other, for family, and for the truth. Initially when I thought of this last installment my thoughts were pretty much the same…more soap opera like angst, however when it came time to actually write it I realized that I didn’t want Angel and Buffy to be thrown back into that cesspool of negativity, so I decided that this final book would be one that was full of optimism and love – hence the title. Of course there will be some angst, every good Buffy and Angel tale should have some, but the overall feeling I wanted to give was hope, and that no matter what happens in life there is always a sunny side even though it is not always that easy to see.
As always, many warm thanks to Kay, my beta-babe!
My sincerest thanks to all the readers who have taken this story and held it close to their hearts, may this final installment give you a sense of closure yet at the same time a feeling of infinity. For though the story ends here for me, Buffy and Angel continue to live on.
EBOOK Not yet available It’s free!
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Ireland November 1980
Heavy rain pelted the windows of the i gcróilí an bháis pub with unrelenting fury. The glass shook in the wooden panes that barely kept the glass in its place. Rotting and neglected, the window frames were just like the rest of the little Celtic pub, very old and very much forgotten, hidden away in the shadows of a dark alleyway on a cobblestone street that time itself seemed to have passed by.
The air was thick and hot, wood crackled with renewed life in the ancient stone fireplace that lined the entire west wall of the pub as the barkeeper fed the flame by throwing another log on. When the wood hit the flames it sparked and hissed, smoke wafted out from the neglected flue that was only opened half way. The barkeeper, used to the environment in which he worked, was unaffected by the heavy pungent smoke that filled the small room with the strong smell of burning timber.
It was past two o’clock in the morning and on the low murmurings of the few patrons that remained, the door swung open, a fierce gust of wind blew inside the smoky pub carrying the door with it and out of the hands of the man that had opened it. It slammed against the wall, startling the occupants out of their conversations. Several sets of eyes lifted to the doorway inspecting the new visitor that stood in the threshold with the rain beating against his back. A shiver of unease ran down their spines as they recognized the man that stood soaking wet in the threshold. Quickly they averted their gazes and resumed the softly spoken conversations they were having before the newcomer’s arrival.
Harsh brown eyes scanned the pub, scrutinizing the customers one by one as he grunted with satisfaction from the fear he read in their gazes before they looked away. He skimmed the faces that sat around the tables and the bar drinking their troubles away. After determining that they were all local regulars he closed the door and made his way over to the back table hidden in the shadows of the pub.
Pulling off his hat he shrugged out of his drenched rain coat, shaking the rain off of the garment with a scowl on his face. He hated Ireland, hated the rain that never seemed to stop and he hated wearing hats and stupid uncomfortable raincoats. But most of all he hated this God forsaken bloody pub. At least the stupid Mick’s had enough sense to name it aptly; i gcróilí an bháis Gaelic for ‘in the throes of death’. He could never decide if it was named such by the rank booze they served or the dirtiness of the establishment. Not that it mattered partaking in either for too long would most likely kill you. He was pretty sure – and bloody thankful - that if it weren’t for the barkeeper saving the good stuff for them that he and his brothers would already be dead, because in his mind there could not be a more despicable pub in all of Ireland than this one. But that of course was the appeal of the place. No sane person in their right mind would linger here except the locals, the same locals who knew what the pub really was; the rendezvous place for the members of The Order. They watched over it in respect to the members of The Order. They threw out any strangers that came by and they kept the secrets of The Order as if they were their own, and in a way they were.
This town and the people that lived here generation after generation was where it all began. And though the Order had strongholds in every country home base was here. In the back of his mind, he knew that one day this town would be where it all ended.
Fitting, he snickered as he reached the table and threw his coat and hat on the coat rack next to it. It would be appropriate to see The Order and all its righteous loyalists brought down in this piss ass excuse of a town, two peas in a pod if you asked him. And when that happened he would finally be free of this bloody country and all its ignorant populace, not to mention the crappy weather.
The barkeeper walked over and silently put a pint of ale down in front of him. He nodded at him, his eyes shining bright with all the respect he had for his patron, then he walked away.
The man eyeballed the barkeeper’s back thinking how nice it would be to see the look on the man’s face when he realized just how misplaced that respect was, a shame really, that he wouldn’t be here to see it.
He took a drink of his ale – the only good thing this country has ever produced - and pondered his previous thoughts, wondering why he had grown such an aversion to foul weather. Being a Londoner he was accustomed to inclement weather but the difference was that in London he was at home, where he belonged. Here in Ireland he was nothing but an outsider - an outsider with a secret. One, that after tonight he would no longer have to bear.
The past eight months had been harder than he thought it would have been. In fact, he deserved a bloody Oscar for his staunch performance of a man who really cared for the ‘cause’. He still could not believe that he’d gotten away with it. Either he really was that good or the men he had fooled were that blind.
The door opened again and another angry gust of wind blew in with the man that opened it, blowing his coat and hat off the rack and to the floor. He didn’t pick it up, after tonight it was going to get burned anyway so what did he care.
Closing the door, the new arrival walked in much the same way he had; removing his coat and hat, shaking off the offending rain and then carelessly throwing it on the rack next to their table. He sat down across from him then nodded his head in greeting as he accepted the pint the barkeeper brought over for him.
They watched the barkeeper as he walked away and then he sat forward, his voice but a whisper. “Is it all set?”
He passed the tickets under the table to the greedy hands that awaited it.
“Everything has been set into motion. The plane leaves at ten.”
The man maliciously grinned as he practically ripped the tickets out of his hand. He smirked back at him. His brother was the one man that hated this country and its natives more than he did. He didn’t blame him either he would have felt the same if he was in his brother’s shoes.
“Have you told her yet?” he asked.
His brother shook his sandy blonde head, his loose curls moving around a face that was set in a hard and malevolent manner. “No and I don’t plan on it either.”
“Do you think that’s wise? If she or the children cause a scene…”
“There will be no scene. She’ll go because I’ll tell her to go, even if I have to gag and bind them all.”
The angry reply spoke of the unleashed violence that coiled inside the man. The empty eyes that looked back were a window into a soul that was by nature heartless and cruel. Nothing unusual there, the man sitting across from him was as unstable as he was himself. That was probably why they had gotten along so well. Well, he just hoped that he kept it in check. Tonight was important. Their futures depended upon everything tonight and as the door to the pub opened once more and four men entered laughing with each other as they did every damn day, their quiet conversation stopped.
Their mannerisms turned jovial and friendly, their masks in place as they greeted their ‘brothers’, he smiled. The smile that formed on his face was not forced or fake. For the first time in many years the smile that was plastered there for all to see was honest…real. Because he knew that nothing would be the same after tonight for any of them.
********
1985 Buffalo, New York
I know who they are.
They tried to hide their disloyalty and they succeeded for far too long, but not any longer. I know each and every one of them that betrayed me…betrayed the Order.
They are responsible for putting my brothers and their wives in prison. They are the ones that are responsible for leaving two young boys parentless and alone. They are the ones that even now plan my death.
I had been so blind to what was right in front of my face and now I’m paying the price. My friends and their families are paying the price and this is unacceptable.
The rage and resentment that I feel toward these men is unlike anything I ever felt before. The coldness that has seeped into my body is unrelenting and without mercy. My hands, even now while I hold this pen, shake with the bloodlust that drives them to kill and the shame that I feel for not putting the pieces together soon enough. If I had then perhaps my dear friends would be at their homes and not rotting away in dank prison cells, if they weren’t already dead that is.
I can remember the exact moment when I knew something was not right. Five years ago, in a place that should have meant safety and security, I sat down with my brothers at a table that we had sat at a thousand times before, in a pub that I had been in more times that I could count, and with two men who we thought were our allies, our…brothers. I spit out that word now with loathing and hatred toward these vile men. They do not know the meaning of that word and never did. They were men not of honor but of greed and selfishness, men who have a sickness in their hearts and black empty souls, men that I had at one time entrusted my life with.
Perhaps none of us are at fault for not seeing it sooner, after all they had always been more cynical and harder than the rest of us, their eyes always held a frisson of disgust in them but that night… something was different. The eyes that stared back at me and at my brothers had cut me to the core with open hostility and malevolence. I’m ashamed to admit that at the time I pushed my concerns away. We had just completed a difficult mission that had ended successfully, we were in high spirits and I was looking forward to seeing my family. I didn’t want to think of anything else but the good in life. And they, they had joked with the rest of us, drank ale like any other night, and plotted the next mission with us just like always. Still a part of me knew something was not right and the following day when one of my brothers came to me crazed and upset like an insane madman, I knew my suspicions were correct.
After that, the four of us stuck together. We did our duties at the same time as we searched for answers and sought explanations.
For five long years we did everything we could to find them and destroy them and when we did we were…reckless. We had become so obsessed with seeing them dead and restoring the Order to what it use to be that we became careless. We let our emotions control us – something completely unheard of for men such as us - but emotions were what drove us.
Now, my two dear friends are gone, locked up in prison, and my other trusted companion has disappeared. I do not know where he went but I understand why. God, how I understand for if it were me, I would have left too. I hold faith that one day he will succeed in his endeavor and then seek me out. In my heart I know one day we will rejoice as brothers should, all of us, together once again.
I tell you this my son because while I am hopeful that the latter will occur I fear that I will not be around to see it. They know that I am on to them. It’s only a matter of time before they come for me. I must leave you and I must leave my beloved behind, for I could not stand it to see either one of you suffer because of me.
“Liam, come down now, your dinner’s getting cold!”
“I’ll be right down beloved.”
Angelus, I end this letter with points of advice that I stress with dire importance.
TRUST NO ONE!
Seek a man known as Ripper for he holds the missing pieces of the puzzle that I have created for you.
And most importantly…find your brothers, for they are your only allies. With them you will restore the Order back to its glory.
I trust in this and I trust in you.
Your loving father…
Los Angeles Present Day – 2006
With a gentleness that belied the strength of the big hands that held it, Angel lovingly folded his father’s letter, taking care not to rip and tear the old and creased paper any more than it already was. Gently he put it back into the inside pocket of his jacket. His hand lovingly settled over the jacket’s fabric that secured the precious paper that had over the years been his only link to the father that was lost to him.
It was the first item he took out of the locked box that was waiting for him in Switzerland when he was a young man. When he first read it he did so with tears in his eyes, missing the man that had scratched out the quick note with an ache in his heart, an ache that had swiftly turned into a rabid need to seek out and destroy those that had harmed the writer. That day, as he sat in the small closed room of the Swiss bank’s basement, revenge had taken root and had quickly grown with a malevolence that had set the course of his future. Now, twenty-one years later, the need for revenge was as strong if not stronger. And the determination to settle the score with his father’s killer that had become like a second skin was just as steadfast. Killing his Uncle had been therapeutic there was no doubt about that, but it wasn’t the all healing balm he had hoped it would be. There were still too many things left unsaid. Too many questions he had. And the one man that had many of those answers that he so desperately sought was not speaking.
Hard angry eyes looked to the left and the little house that sat pristinely on the quiet suburban Los Angeles street. Inside that house was the man his father told him to seek. The man that was being as stubborn as any mule Angel ever thought could be, and his stubbornness was only fueling Angel’s anger higher.
He closed his eyes for one second, conjuring up an image of his parents, the one that he had held on too and called upon when he was feeling lonely or sad, missing them. It was the last time he saw them. They had been living in Colorado at the time, some small mountain town that Angel could not even remember the name of. It had been an unseasonably warm December day, his mom had prepared a picnic basket and they drove up to a deserted field not far from their mountain home. Angel could still remember the sound of his mother’s laughter when his father rolled her on the grass and tickled her mercilessly. He could still smell the scent of his father’s aftershave lotion mixing with the smell of the grass and the trees of the surrounding forest. He could still feel the sun beating down on his back as he ran across the fields to catch the football his father had thrown him. It had been the perfect day. The perfect memory. And it all ended with a startling bang, an ear piercing screech of tires, and the sound of metal crunching together then slamming against wood.
His eyes snapped open, harder more distant now than they were moments ago. Swift and assiduous anger quickly followed as he once more rummaged around that memory for any other remembrance of that night. But, like all the times before, there never was. Nothing else came to him. The next thing he remembered was waking up in a bed that was not his own. In house that was not his own, in a country that he had not been in since he was a toddler, and a man with vacant brown eyes who had looked back at him with an arrogant lift of his chin and speaking the unspeakable unsympathetic words that his parents were dead and this was his home now.
So long ago, yet those memories were as fresh as daises to Angel. Soothing and inciting all at the same time. They drove him to be the man he was today. Sent him down roads that no sane man would ever journey. Yet he had not one iota of regret in him for those deeds, those ‘sins’ that normal people would call them, instead he had a deep sense of righteousness. A deep perception that he was on the right path, and that one day all that diligence would pay off when he would finally be able to place a name and a face to the person responsible for altering his life. When he would at last be able to reciprocate the vileness that was committed against his own and set free the revenge that had settled in his soul.
He snorted when a sense of irony filled him. Revenge was a funny thing. For years it had festered in his heart and soul, ultimately changing who and what he was. His brothers, two men that knew, understood, and fed the same vengeance that he did didn’t let it change them the way he had. Spike and Oz retained a sense of lightheartedness that gave them a spark of vitality and the joy of life. Angel on the other hand had shunned that light, choosing instead to live a solitary life and never allowing anyone close to him except his brothers. He had turned away from anything that would make him actually feel well, anything.
For so long he lived like that and he thought that was just the way he was supposed to be but then revenge took on a different note. When Buffy came into his life retribution turned from a quiet monster that was slowly chipping away at him to a bittersweet song that sang freely and openly. It turned into something other than what it had been. Oh it was still something that he breathed into his pores every day, it was still something that he had to see through no matter what happened, but the difference was that while before it was happy to take the long and winding road now there was a sense of urgency to it. Now, unconsciously he had put a time limit on it. And it was all because of Buffy.
He wanted so much to start their lives together but there was a cloud hanging over him. One of revenge that he would like to conclude first, though it wasn’t what really drove him here to this little house, regardless of whether or not Giles gave him what he wanted today Angel would still ask Buffy to marry him. No it was the other reason that kept him from doing that. And that was the secret that the two people in that house were keeping, and that was what Angel was determined to get answers to. Giles was hiding something not only from him but also from Buffy, and Angel knew they were connected. What other reason was there for the man known as Ripper not to want Buffy to take part in the heist a month ago? While Angel had been inside the home, there was nothing that he saw that would elude any answers but his instincts told him he was right.
Giles held all the answers and Angel was going to get them. He felt it was his duty to protect his lover’s interests and truth be told – his own. Buffy had no idea that Giles and her mother were keeping something from her, but Angel knew, and knowing and not sharing it with her made him feel like a traitor. He resented that and he refused to begin a marriage with the woman he loved while feeling guilty. Because the truth was that when the secret came out, Buffy would find out that Angel knew and then she would look at him with accusing eyes. And there was no way in hell he was going to be the recipient of that look.
Turning he looked at the house again for one brief moment before he opened the door to the Porsche and stepped out of the sleek sports car. Gently closing the door, he locked it with the key fob and with strong determined steps walked up to the house’s front door. His fist rose and landed on the wood. Sturdy raps filled the otherwise quiet street as he waited for the door to open and promising himself that this would be the last time that he came here to beg.
When he took his leave of this house later it would be with a different set of plans and a renewed sense of purpose. When he walked out of this door it would be with the reassurance that Giles would finally break the silence that he had been holding on to like a dog with a bone.
Twenty minutes later that promise wilted and disappeared as Angel stood in the presence of a stubbornness that was going to be the death of him.
“Giles, you’re killing me!”
Rupert Giles watched Angel pace in his study with mild amusement. It was Angel’s weekly browbeating visit which had been going on for the past month and it was the same now as it was when he first stepped over Giles doorway - demands and questions. Normally Giles had no problem with demands and questions, he would just coldly look down his nose at the demands, and the questions, well, those he ignored. But now after a month Angel was getting on his last nerves and he was ready to kick some bloody manners into the boy.
Angel stormed over to Giles’s desk and slammed his palms down, leaning forward his voice lowered and when he spoke his breath blew angrily across the desk, the breeze blowing the edges of the papers that sat on it. “I want the name Giles. I want the name of the bastard that killed my parents and don’t tell me you don’t know. Uncle was the mastermind he was not the one holding the gun, he would never lower himself to that and you know it!”
Hard eyes that were just as angry stared back unflinchingly. “We’ve been over this before Angelus and I’ll tell you now what I keep telling you…I don’t know what you’re referring to.”
“Bullshit!” Angel snarled, his hands now coiled into fists slammed on the desk once again. “Don’t fucking lie to me Rupert. Ever since you came to the hotel and told me who you were you’ve been following someone, hunting another, those were you’re exact words. I’m not stupid old man I know why you’re tracking this person, and I want…no, I fucking demand that you let me in on it!”
Giles held his gaze for a second longer showing his disapproval with Angel’s tone and his language. It was heated, scorching with his rising fury but then it cooled and he once more turned away, looking back down at his papers and completely ignoring Angel’s demands.
Angel was furious but he knew that he would get nowhere with Giles. The man was that fucking close mouthed. Breathing out a rapid breath of air, he stood up and shrugged his shoulders. Regardless of his thoughts before he stepped inside the house, he had been prepared for Giles refusal because nothing had changed since the last time he’d been here, and Giles responses to his demands were the same as they always were. Still, just because he knew that didn’t mean that it still didn’t piss him off
“Okay, you don’t want to tell me that’s fine, just fucking fine and dandy. I can deal with that. I have my own ways of finding out things you know. You can’t hide things from me for long. But as far as Buffy goes, she needs to know whatever it is you’re keeping from her.”
At the sound of Buffy’s name, Giles once more looked up to see Angel resume his pacing.
“I don’t understand why you, or Joyce for that matter, just don’t tell her. And what the hell is it that you won’t tell her? For God’s sake, she’s not a kid! She’s been through a hell of a lot in the past two months and she doesn’t deserve this…this secret keeping crap!”
Giles opened his mouth to respond but Angel gave him no time as he quickly continued in a tone that was, just as his words made known, growing more irate with every second.
“I’m really starting to get pissed here okay old man and you don’t want me pissed, trust me.”
Giles smirked but his eyes were hard and unfeeling. “Are you threatening me, boy?”
Angel stopped pacing his unbreakable gaze swinging to the man that had been nothing but a pain in his ass lately. “Did you just call me boy?”
Giles’ smirk deepened, he knew how much Angel hated being called that, it reminded him of Quentin. But since he insisted on annoying the hell out of him Giles had no qualms about giving back what Angel so easily dished out. “Yes.”
Angel’s eyes darkened, his body tensed and his fists clenched at his side. If Rupert wasn’t Buffy’s stepfather and his father’s best friend, he’d strangle him right where he was sitting.
The door opened and Joyce strolled in carrying a tray of tea. The tension in the room was palpable; she shook her head, just another Angel visit.
“Why can’t you two play nice?”
She asked as she laid the tray on the table. Sitting down on the sofa she picked up the tea pot and started to pour them each a cup of soothing Earl Grey tea, it was obvious that both men needed it.
“Threats and calling each other names isn’t going to get anyone anything.”
Angel turned away from his hope to be soon – if freaking Giles would ever step up to the plate and be a man – mother in law, and petulantly stormed over to the window mumbling something about stringing up a stubborn old man to the closest tree.
Joyce smiled as she poured Rupert and Angel tea and adding a bit of whiskey to Angel’s as she did, just the way he liked it.
“Angel, come sit down and have a cup of tea.”
Sullenly Angel did what she asked, he could never be mad at Joyce. In the short time that he’d known her she had become like a mother to him, he loved her and he respected her, he would do anything she asked of him. It was just unfortunate for him that she knew that and often used it against him.
Like these visits.
Every time he came and argued with Giles, she would step in and soothingly tell him to be patient, but how freaking patient can a man be? How long can a man be expected to wait to claim his woman and make her his? God knew he was a patient man – a very, very patient man – but this was getting ridiculous, his patience was wearing thin. At this point it was so thin that if he had his sniper rifle in his hand right now his finger would be squeezing the trigger…uncontrollably.
He sat down and took the cup she offered him, taking a sip, his eyes closed as he felt the hot mixture of tea and whiskey sooth his temper. With it came the poignant memories of his own mother who often did the same thing when he was a small boy and his temper got the better of him. Of course his mom didn’t put so much of the whiskey in then as Joyce did now, but the feeling was the same…comfort and home.
But in the next second, when he looked at Joyce and she was smiling at him with open virtuousness, that feeling disappeared and anger returned. This was the part where she played him. Her soft melodic tone was meant to mollify his anger, and it worked every damn time! Somehow this woman always knew what to say and how to say it to get him to calm down and he was really starting to resent that. He wanted to be mad and damn it he wanted them to know he was mad.
“Angel, I know that this is hard for you but you are the one that chose to wait, not us.”
He opened his mouth to speak but she held up her hand halting him.
“I understand why it’s important to you, that you begin your life with Buffy with no secrets between you, and if I were you I would want the same thing.” She turned her green eyes that were so much like Buffy’s toward Giles who was watching her warmly, intently, the love he had for her shining unabashedly. Then she turned back to Angel as she continued. “But I think you’re making things more difficult than they need to be. This is not your secret nor is it Buffy’s. There is no reason you should wait to start your life together.”
“I know that Joyce but see I just can’t help but think that whatever it is you two are not telling her is big, so big that it’s going to have some major effects on her life, which means my life, which means our life together. ”
“And you would be right Angel.” Joyce answered him honestly. The sad and almost accountable look in her eyes backing up her words.
Giles stood up; with his hands behind his back he walked toward them and took the cup of tea Joyce held out for him. Angel had no idea just how accurate his words were. Buffy was not the only one they were protecting.
“That’s why she will never know. That’s why neither Joyce nor I will ever tell her. That’s why you are wasting your time waiting for it to happen when you could be beginning your life with her.”
Angel stared at him, this wasn’t Giles anymore it was Ripper. Everything about the man screamed hard core killer and it only pissed Angel off more. Putting his cup down on the table he stood up and faced him.
“No you’re wrong Rupert, you both are. Secrets like this always reveal themselves, eventually.“
He looked at him pointedly and Giles smirked, acknowledging his own words that were being thrown back in his face with a nod. He sighed, his body loosening slightly and the killer look in his eyes switched to that of a thoughtful and caring stepfather. “God willing, this secret never will.”
Angel’s gaze shifted back and forth to Giles and then Joyce who was staring into her tea still looking sad and just downright guilt ridden. He knew than that they would never tell him and they would never tell Buffy. Threatening them by saying that he would tell Buffy himself if they didn’t was on the tip of his tongue but he held it back, they dug their own graves so let them lie in them. His mind was made up. He would not wait any longer to ask Buffy to marry him. He loved her and his primitive part wanted to claim her as his own – now - so he would. And when they were finally married, he would spill his guts and tell her that Giles and Joyce were keeping something from her and then, as man and wife and as the two cunning strategists that they were, they would discover together exactly what that secret was.
Angel came here to resolve two issues and while he succeeded in resolving nothing he felt more at peace than he had in a month. He shook his head at them, admonishing them as if they were children. He picked up his coat and walked over to the door facing them once more.
“You know if I weren’t so pissed off on Buffy’s behalf I’d almost feel sorry for you two because when she finds out whatever it is you’ve been keeping from her – and make no mistake, no matter how hard you try to keep it a secret, no matter how much you wish for her not too – she will find out, and when she does she’s going to hate you both.”
With that said he walked out leaving them to ponder that. The door closed behind him and Giles turned back and sat down at his desk once more.
Joyce followed his movements with tired eyes. Guilt ate at her heart. She wanted so badly to shed the weight she had been carrying for years. What was the point in keeping it a secret? The children were adults, they were strong and they were smart. The recent events clearly showed that they could and would handle any situation that was thrown at them no matter how hard and immovable that block seemed to be. Angel’s parting words reverberated in her ears, what he spoke was the truth, and the fear of losing Buffy’s trust and respect made her more upset than anything else.
“Rupert, you know he’s right. If she ever finds out…”
“She never will Joyce. I promised you that and I’ll do whatever I have to do to make sure I keep that promise.”
“Maybe we’re wrong. She does have a right to know and my God Rupert you have every right to tell her. I just…is it so bad if she did find out? What could happen? It’s been so long.”
He looked at her sharply, “the amount of time that has passed doesn’t matter Joyce you know that, and a right to know does not justify ruining her life. As for me…” his eyes softened, “…I have everything I need and all that I had hoped to ever have, and I am content with that.”
“What about Angel Rupert. Don’t you think he deserves to know? Revenge has been eating away at him for years. It’s the only thing he thinks about.” Giles looked at her with a twinkle in his eye. “Well besides Buffy that is. But you know what I mean, it was his parents Rupert. Wouldn’t you want to know who was responsible for your parent’s death?”
Giles turned away, this was the hardest part for him, denying Angel that right, but he had no choice. “I cannot go back on my promise to Liam Joyce. Revenge was not what he wanted for his son.”
Two tawny eyebrows rose, “Rupert did you not just hear what I said? Angel has been breathing revenge his entire life, you know that and I know it, neither you nor Liam, can control what that boy desires.”
“Maybe. But wanting it and getting it are two different things. Liam left that deed to me not to Angel. It’s my responsibility. Liam and Patricia wanted Angel to find peace and love, to be happy. Besides it is not only Angel that has revenge in his heart. Mine is just as black.”
Joyce’s eyes turned sad watching her husband as he seemingly shook off the melancholy that took hold of him for one brief second before he continued.
“No, Liam shall have his last dying wish come true. Angel has found love and soon he will have the peace that Liam wanted for him. Once I’ve ki…ahem…taken care of the responsible parties I will tell Angel that the score has been settled and then he will have it. Liam and Patricia can finally be laid to rest and Angel will no longer live for revenge. No, this is the way it must be.” He turned and gave Joyce a smile that offered comfort. “Please don’t worry everything will be fine. Trust me.”
Joyce, completely not comforted in any way shape or form, watched as he turned away from her gaze and pulled out the file that he had been working on before Angel arrived. He dismissed her, sucked back into the riddle that he had been trying to solve for the past twenty-five years. She stood up and sighed, deeply troubled with her thoughts and her feelings of relentless guilt.
She disagreed with Rupert’s words but she wasn’t going to argue with him. For some reason, he thought Buffy’s knowledge of past events would ruin her life. Joyce believed the exact opposite. Buffy’s knowing would only give her daughter the answers that she had always sought but perhaps never asked for, and maybe, never even realized she was looking for them in the first place.
She walked over to him and kissed him on the head. “I love you Rupert.”
He looked back up at her and smiled, “and I you.” Then he turned back to the file once more attentive to its pages.
Joyce turned and quietly left the room. She shut the door and leaned against it, closing her eyes a tear rolled down her cheek. All she ever wanted was to have a family that was safe and healthy, she might have that now but she knew that situation was shaky.
She knew Angel’s words were true. Buffy would discover her deepest secret and then she would hate her, and Joyce wasn’t sure how she would be able to handle that. A mother wasn’t supposed to have a favorite child but out of her three children Joyce couldn’t help but feel something more for Buffy and if she were too lose that she didn’t know what she would do.
“Congratulations Ms. Summers, the test was positive. You’re going to have a baby.”
Buffy blankly looked back at the doctor, dread coiled rapidly in her stomach, and all she wanted to do was reach over and punch that stupid happy grin right off his face. That’s what her mind wanted but her body was of a different thought.
She sat stone still. Her fingers gripped the arms of the wood chair in unrelenting alarm. Her throat constricted. Panic seeped in. She couldn’t breathe.
She shouldn’t have felt the shocked panic that was consuming her to its very depth. She knew before she even came here that she was pregnant but hearing it out of the mouth of a man that wore a white coat and had pretty framed degrees all over his wall made it sound so official – so damn real - that it was…well, shocking.
The world suddenly started to spin right down in the direction she never ever thought it would go – at least not now – right to the shitter. After everything she had gone through to get her life back on track, here she was, sitting in a doctor’s office like a deer caught in the headlights. The most despondent thing about it was that this news should have given her the greatest joy in the world, instead she wanted to puke.
Her face paled and the doctor’s smile faded as he touched her arm. “Are you alright Ms. Summers? I know morning sickness can be very unpleasant, I can prescribe something to help you in the beginning months of your pregnancy.”
“No, I’m alright. I’ve gotten use to it now actually.”
She had to a point. The more accurate description would be that she had finally gotten a handle on how to hide her morning puke-fests from Angel and the gang for the past month and half. Which considering what a bunch of suspicious overbearing thief’s they all were hadn’t been easy.
“You must be thrilled. I look forward to meeting your husband.”
Buffy cleared her throat and sat up straighter in her chair. “Doctor Mills that is actually something I need to talk to you about. You see, I’m not married and my boyfriend doesn’t know that I’m pregnant.”
His smile remained but his eyes reflected his understanding and his sympathy as he gazed back at her making her feel even more pitiful than she already did.
“Oh, I see. Is this something you two have talked about before, starting a family?”
Buffy looked down at her hands that were now clenched together painfully. Talked about starting a family? Ha, that was a laugh. They’d never talked about anything remotely like that. In fact, lately all they did was argue.
For the past month Buffy felt like she had been walking on eggshells. Angel had been stressed out and on edge, and she, well, she had been just as bitchy. She knew her reasons but she had no idea what his were, which only served to cause her more stress which in turn made her even bitchier.
“Um no, we haven’t but that’s not the problem Dr.”
At least she didn’t think so. Actually she had no idea what Angel’s thoughts and feelings were about kids but she had a suspicion that now would not be the time to even bring it up even if he was open to the idea. It was only recently that they had finally gotten The Order back on track and there was no doubt in Buffy’s mind that that was Angel’s priority.
“Dr. Mills, the problem is that I…” she moved closer to him, her voice dropping to a whisper as she spoke. “I um...”
She was at a loss for words. Telling him that she didn’t know who the father was made her sound like a slut, on the other hand, if she told him she was raped than that opened the door to way too many questions that she didn’t want to answer. So she stumbled trying to find the right words to say.
Thankfully Dr. Mills seemed to understand her plight. He smiled at her comfortingly. “Miss. Summers, are you trying to say that you are not sure who the father is?”
Buffy’s face reddened with embarrassment but she nodded her head.
Dr. Mills smiled at her. “Miss. Summers, you don’t need to be embarrassed after all it’s not the fifties. You are not the first young lady to come to me in the same predicament.”
His understanding smile and kind eyes comforted Buffy and she tentatively smiled back. “It’s just that my boyfriend, he doesn’t know and well I…is there anyway we can find out the paternity of the baby now?” She hopefully asked.
He nodded. “We can do a Chorionic Villus Sampling or CVS for short.” He smiled at her and Buffy felt a wave of relief wash over her. “But it’s too early for that now. Once you enter your tenth week we can perform it then.”
Another four weeks! Panic seeped back in. She didn’t know if she could last another two days let alone four weeks. “Is it accurate?”
“It’s as accurate as doing it when the baby is born. Of course you will need to bring in a DNA sample of the prospective fathers. Will that be a problem?”
Well if being dead is a problem then…um…Yeah! She cleared her throat. “Well I can bring in something from my boyfriend, but I’m afraid I can’t get anything from the other…guy.” The doctor smiled at her, “Well that’s fine. We can test your boyfriend and if they don’t match then you will have your answer.”
Ten minutes later Buffy walked out of the hospital in a daze.
Dr. Mills made everything sound so simple and easy, she supposed for any other young woman things would be simple. You tell your significant other that you’re pregnant and hopefully he would be happy, but in Buffy’s world it wasn’t that simple. Telling Angel she was pregnant was the least of her problems. Telling him he might not be the father was the real mind fuck.
Her eyes watered with unshed tears as she walked through the parking lot. She couldn’t believe this was happening to her. How was she going to tell Angel? There was no way to spit shine this news up. No matter how she told him he was not going to take the news well…at all. It didn’t matter if she told him now or if she told him in four weeks. The reaction was going to be the same – pain and anger - all directed at her.
She got in the Cuda and started it up then pulled out of the parking lot.
“DAMN IT!”
She screamed out her frustration in the privacy of her car, her eyes no longer holding back tears of wretchedness, they were now rolling down her face with gusto and showing no signs of stopping.
“Fucking asshole!”
Parker, that son of a bitch, even in death she couldn’t be free of him. You would think after putting six bullets in a guy they would finally leave you the hell alone but no, not her scumbag husband, that no good son of a bitch found a way to torture her from the pits of hell that she hoped to God he was frying in.
What the hell was she going to do if Parker was the father? Just thinking that put a bitterness inside of her that was hard to swallow because she felt it not only toward Parker but also…toward the baby.
Shame filled her and her tears fell more rapidly. God, that was a horrible thing for a mother to feel toward her child but she couldn’t help it. When she thought of Parker she got mad, she felt pain and resentment, she felt…trapped, and thinking that he was the father of the baby that was in her womb only amplified those emotions and whether it was right or not, directed them at the baby inside of her.
What if Parker was the father? Would she be able to put those negative feelings and emotions aside and care for a baby that was his? What if the baby looked like him? Would she be able to look into the eyes of her psycho dead husband for the rest of her life, and with love? She honestly didn’t think she could do that. The only answer she had for that was an abortion and she wasn’t sure if she could do that either. After all, the baby growing inside of her was innocent. How could she kill an innocent baby?
Her fists pounded on the steering wheel. She felt helpless and that just pissed her off. She’d swear on her life she could hear that little fuck cackling in the background. Laughing at her predicament and enjoying her discomfort, her uncertainties.
But what if the baby was Angel’s?
She couldn't help but smile at that. It would be nice to create a baby that was made out of true love, something that was a little bit of both of them. Nice? Who was she kidding? It would be amazing. To carry Angel's child in her womb, to give him the gift of a son or a daughter, God the thought made her pulse quicken with pleasure. It also surprised her.
In all her life she never once thought of being a mother. She had been on the pill since she was sixteen and it only took one month of being with Parker to know that he was not father material at all, so having a child was never something she thought about much. Besides, back then she could barely take care of herself let alone a baby. And the very few times that she had allowed herself to wonder about it, all she ended up doing was scaring the piss out of herself.
Of course she was in a completely different place in her life now. Her circumstances had changed. She had changed. But while she was a different woman who had the love and support of a completely different man, she was still frightened of being responsible for another being. The fact was even though she was a much more grounded person, she was still trying to figure out just who she was.
Being with Parker meant that she had to be what he wanted her to be. So she had been a rough neck, a biker’s piece of property, she had been a carjacker and a thief. Meek and spineless, she did what she was told no matter how repulsive it was to her.
When she left and came to California, things changed drastically. She had made it her mission to be different and she had succeeded. She did whatever the hell she wanted to do, with no thoughts to anything or anyone other than herself. She had been completely self-serving, she knew it, and didn’t give a rat’s ass either. She had also completely rebelled against her former life. She had hidden away her God-given talents and worked toward a future that was gainful yet legal. She achieved that too but the whole time she did she still missed that aspect of her former life. She couldn't help but not miss it, it was just something that was a part of her, and until then she never realized just how much.
Since being with Angel, she’d morphed once again. Now she was all about him. While she would do anything he asked of her, do anything for him, she knew that Angel would never disrespect or abuse that. She was in love, deeply so, and she knew that feeling was reciprocated.
She had also once more embraced her gift. And this time it was different than when she was with Parker. Her gift was being used for good not just to line somebody else’s pockets. She no longer felt guilty when she took something that didn’t belong to her, because it was always from someone that shouldn’t have had it to begin with.
So a lot had changed for her and it was all for the better. She liked to think that things had changed for the better for Angel too at least he told her that it had. But still, was now really the time to bring a child into the mix? And was Angel even ready to be a father? She knew that the identity of his parent’s killer weighed heavily on him. He hadn’t voiced it but he didn’t need to. She knew it was one of things that had been bothering him this past month, the other, she had no idea but she was confident enough to know that he would tell her when he was ready.
Her mind stopped dead in its tracks. He would tell her, Angel wouldn’t keep any secrets from her anymore. They had both learned their lesson last time. Hadn’t they? The pain of learning he had kept secrets from her had almost destroyed her. That memory was very much alive, the pain that had caused would never be forgotten. And the look in his eyes when he found out her secret had been unbearable. No, keeping secrets had almost ripped them apart. She couldn’t do that again. She wouldn't!
So lost in her thoughts and roiling emotions she didn’t realize where she was going until the car came to a sudden stop. She turned and looked out the window to find that she was sitting in front of her mother’s house.
She looked long and hard at the little coral painted house with its white picket fence and for a second she was dumbfounded as to why she had absentmindedly drove here. But then she saw her mother in the window as she crossed the living room to water a plant. She had a small smile on her face, her cheeks were slightly sun-kissed, and she looked happy. And why wouldn’t she be Buffy thought. She was married to a man that loved her, a man that trusted and honored her. Someone that held a deep respect for who she was as a person and as an equal partner and not just as someone to warm his bed.
A tender smile graced her own features as she continued to watch her Mom. The woman hadn’t had it easy. Life with Hank Summers had been hard. Buffy was very young when her father split and she didn’t remember much about him, probably because she closed it out, but what she did remember was a man with sandy colored hair and hard brown eyes that had always made Buffy wary and unsure as to where she exactly stood with him. She wasn’t sure if Xander and Kendra felt the same way about dear old dad because they never talked much about him, then or now. Did they have happy memories of their father? Buffy couldn’t remember one good happy thing about the man that abandoned his family. What she did remember with a clarity that made her feel dirty and unwanted were bitter eyes looking at her with contempt. She couldn’t remember those eyes ever looking at her older brother and sister that way. No it seemed that her father’s unexplained anger was only directed at her and her mom.
Buffy could easily remember the screaming and fighting. The mental and physical abuse, the degradation that her father relentlessly heaped upon her mother had been unbearable to watch. As a child Buffy didn’t understand it. She only knew that seeing her parents fight and act that way toward each other had made her sad, made her feel responsible some way. Now, as an adult Buffy saw it for exactly what it was – her father’s sickness. He had been a bastard just like Parker.
She softly chortled, she never would have thought that her and her mom would have so much in common but apparently they did. Just like her father had delighted in making her mom feel insignificant and small, so had Parker been with Buffy.
From her car window she watched as Giles suddenly appeared in the living room. He walked up behind Joyce and kissed her on the cheek, and then he walked to the back of the house and out of sight. Joyce rebounded from the disaster that her first marriage was. She’d found someone else, someone true to her. Just like Buffy had. If Buffy questioned why she ended up here before, she didn’t anymore.
Abruptly turning away from the house, Buffy looked in the rear view mirror. She looked like shit and if she walked into the house looking like this Joyce would jump on her. Quickly pulling out her bag she rummaged through it and took out her makeup bag. A little bit here and there would hopefully hide the fact that she was a mental wreck who had just bawled her eyes out the whole way here.
Five minutes later she was standing at the front door. She was scared, nervous, and really freaking out about what she was about to do but underneath all that was the knowledge that this was her mom. This was a woman who had endured the same hell Buffy had, a woman who had found the strength and the courage to move on with her life. It was that strength and courage that Buffy desperately needed now.
Three hours later Buffy was back at the loft, standing on the roof with her arms crossed over her chest, gazing out over the relatively quiet Sunset Strip, and pondering the long and emotional conversation she had shared with her mom.
The unbridled sadness she saw in her mother’s eyes when she told her everything that had happened and everything that was going to happen had been hard for Buffy to see, but there had been something else beyond the sadness that made it even worse. She’d swear she saw guilt in her mom’s eyes. Guilt and a deep sorrow that went beyond the story that Buffy was telling her. There had been something else too which to Buffy’s suspicious mind looked a lot like self abhorrence. She was probably just being dramatic, again. She seemed to do that a lot these days. Her mom said it was raging hormones, that and the stress of keep things from Angel.
“You have to tell him Buffy. Not only does he have a right to know but the guilt is going to tear you apart sweetie until you do.”
She made it sound like she was talking from experience, and once again Buffy was left wondering what exactly her mom had been referring to.
“Mom, what happened with Dad?” she quietly asked, turning the conversation around.
Joyce sat up straight in her chair and she seemed rattled. “What do you mean dear?”
Buffy shrugged, “I don’t know. It’s just I don’t remember him much. I mean what I do remember aren’t good things and I’m curious.”
“Why are you thinking of your father Buffy. Clearly there are more important things that you should be thinking about.” Joyce answered sharply.
“I don’t know. I haven’t thought about him in years. I guess the whole thing with Parker just made me think of him. I mean they were kind of a like weren’t they?”
Joyce shrugged and turned away, not saying anything.
“What happened between you two mom?”
Buffy detected the slight tremble of her mother’s hands as she put her tea cup on the table. She stood up and turned away from Buffy, picking up the watering can she started to water the plants on the patio. Buffy thought she was going to ignore her, instead she answered with a voice that was as happy go lucky as Buffy felt.
“Sweetie, there’s no mystery to it. Your father and I were not meant to be together. He was a hard man and me, well I wasn’t. We just decided that we were all better off if he left.”
Replaying the conversation in her mind now Buffy thought it was a rather strange talk. It wasn’t so much the conversation itself but rather it was Joyce’s reactions and answers, the way her hands shook and the rigidity in her body. That was strange. Her mother was an easy going woman and always had been. In fact Buffy couldn’t ever remember a time when her soft spoken mother yelled or seemed flustered, except today.
Well regardless, it was most likely her hormones that were making her think all these weird things. Mom had been right about one thing, thinking of anything else but the situation at hand was pointless. With the decision made now all she had to was find the right time and the right place to tell him. Both were crucial and could perhaps make a huge difference in how Angel took the news.
She felt his heat long before he wrapped his arms around her waist and drew her back against his chest. A warm wet mouth nuzzled the crook of her neck as talented fingers drew slow lazy circles over her blouse and under her breasts. She touched his forearms, laying her hands lovingly on those strong arms – slowly stroking him as he did her. She leaned back further snuggling into his hardness and heat, wanting nothing else but to have him hold her like this forever.
“Hey baby.”
He whispered in her ear and her body’s response was one scintillating shiver. Angel smiled against her, his hands becoming bolder as they slid down her blouse, over her belly and then slipping underneath, finding what they really wanted, bare naked skin.
“Hey, you.” She whispered back to him as his hands stroked her belly, all the while trying to keep the timber of her voice from shaking. “You’re home early. How did it go at the studio?”
Angel sighed, laying his chin on the top of her head he looked out across the sky. “The stupid director doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not indestructible. I swear I think the man’s trying to kill me.”
She chuckled, “what did he do this time?”
“The idiot wants me to take four blanks in the chest, jump off a twenty story building that just exploded, land safely, jump inside a Camaro which just so happens to have a leaking gas tank, which of course caught fire from the exploding building igniting the gas and chasing me down the road as I drive as fast as I can in an attempt to beat it. Then hit a ramp, jump over three cars and land in the lake just as the Camaro explodes.”
Buffy grinned, “Didn’t we do that just last week?” She playfully teased and Angel nipped the lobe of her sensitive ear, Buffy giggled. “Sounds like fun, what’s the problem?”
Angel grinned mischievously over her head, “it does, doesn’t it?” then growled at her sassiness. “The problem my blonde bombshell is that he’s not willing to buck up the cash for me to do.”
“How much?”
“I told him it would cost him an extra 25K.”
Buffy snorted, “Sweetie that’s peanuts. Besides, it’s not like you need the money.”
He sounded appalled with her answer as his legendary hauteur just rolled off his tongue with every syllable he spoke. “Baby, it’s the point. If I’m going to try and outrun fire, which by the way is nearly impossible, then I should get what I deserve.”
Buffy chuckled warmly as she snuggled back further against him. A small grown of pleasure escaped her lips without thought, a natural response from being in his arms. She felt so safe and protected when he held her, nothing existed but them, everything else just faded away and there wasn’t anything that could hurt her.
She was reminded of the night after Parker raped her and how being held by Angel and feeling his love and devotion had eased away all the self loathing and dirtiness she had felt. Standing there in the stillness of the night, with his love wrapped around her like a shield of armor, she knew that the decision to tell him was the right one. There was no one she trusted more than Angel. No one she loved more. And though she knew he was going to be hurt and angry, she also knew that he loved her. Her biggest fear was that he would walk away from her and leave her void of everything good he gifted her with, but that was her fear and pain talking. She trusted Angel’s love and she trusted that she would not lose it.
It occurred to her then that there was a very real chance that after hearing the news Angel would run away hurt and angry, and Buffy didn't want that. She wanted his anger and his pain to be let out freely and - because she fully deserved it - in her face directly. She wanted openness and his honest reactions were a part of that. There was only one place where she could accomplish that. Someplace that was very private and secluded enough that he couldn't run.
“Angel?”
“Mm?”
“Let’s go away, just you and me.” She softly said.
Angel smiled against her neck, lavishing it at the same day with hot open mouthed kiss. “Where do you want to go baby?”
“I don’t care anywhere. I just want to be alone with you somewhere quiet and private.”
“Mmm, I like the sound of that, having you all too myself so I can ravish you to my heart’s content. “ Buffy chuckled. “Where do you want to go, Italy? Paris? Tahiti?”
Buffy shook her head. “No, I was thinking maybe we could go to the cabin this weekend.”
The cabin was a two hour ride north up in the mountains of Big Sur. It was a small cabin nestled in the woods and surrounded by two hundred acres of privately owned land that Angel only recently found out was his. A week after The Order was restored, Giles handed Angel the key and the deed. He told him that it had been Liam’s and that it was Liam’s wish that Angel have it. When Angel asked Giles why Liam didn’t leave it in the will, Giles explained that a long time ago Liam gave the keeping of the cabin over to Giles. He would not go any further in his explanation but Angel knew that whatever the reason was had something to do with the same thing Giles would not tell him or Buffy now.
When Angel went to investigate the cabin and its surroundings he found it to be the perfect hiding spot. Private and quiet, the front of the home was a log cabin, flawlessly camouflaged against the woods. The rest of the cabin couldn’t quite be called a cabin it was more along the lines of a stone fortress since it was built into the side of a mountain. Seeing it, exploring the many escape routes and tunnels in the mountain and the surrounding woods told Angel one thing, it was a hideout. And according to some of the papers he discovered in one of the rooms, it was clear that Giles had been in hiding. From what and from whom Angel could only guess…Uncle, the why of it was another story that had yet to be regaled to him, the story that Angel was certain was the big secret that Giles was keeping from them now.
Of course, since Giles had not spoken to Buffy and told her who he really was and had insisted that Angel not spill the beans either, Angel had to lie about how he acquired the cabin to Buffy, and instead he told her he bought it as a mountain retreat for them and the gang. God, he hated lying to her and it really pissed him off that this lie was because of someone else’s refusal to do the right thing.
A smile graced his lips as his heart beat a millisecond faster. The cabin. He could propose to her there and he could also alleviate his guilt and tell her. Why wait until after they were married? Wasn't it better to start their marriage by being open and honest with her? His heart and soul told him it was and there was no better place for that than the cabin. Knowing his baby, the second he did tell her she would run right over to her mom's and confront them no matter where they were, which Angel knew first hand would get them nowhere. The cabin was the perfect place to keep someone right where you wanted them, compliments of the cells that he'd found hidden in one of the passageways and the hundreds of miles in between them and LA. It was so simple, all he had to do was hide the car keys and reinforce the locks on the cells, because Buffy would have no problem picking them the way they were now.
While it was not what he had originally envisioned for his proposal he could still make it work, and all things considering, it was the most logical place. The cabin was comfortable and could be construed as a romantic setting, but it was not the grand blow-her-mind-away setting that he wanted to give her. She deserved so much and he wanted so badly to give her the proper proposal and beautiful lavish wedding that she should have. But now that didn’t seem so important anymore. Standing there in the quiet of the night, just the two of them, the way it would be for the rest of their lives - at least if he had anything to say about it- he realized that it didn’t matter where he asked her to marry him. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to the top of her head and breathed in her fresh clean scent. Her instant reaction, her hands tightening on his forearms, the blissful sigh that left her lips, reminded him that Buffy would be the first one to agree with him.
Yes he would make this work – in his favor. Instead of blowing her mind away by where and how he proposed, he would astound her by showing her just how much she meant to him by completely beguiling her with his love and his passion.
He smirked, actually…she was in serious danger – from him. The cabin was completely isolated. There was no chance of being disturbed by stupid bellboys or other hotels guests. There would be no outside distractions whatsoever. And there would definitely be no cell phones or computers – he would make sure to turn them all off – and the best part yet…no family or friends intruding on their privacy. This was the opportunity he had actually been waiting for. At the cabin he was free to play out every blazingly hot kinky fantasy he had and he wouldn’t have to worry about intruders or his very, very vocal lover waking everyone in the neighbor.
Of course the interior of the cabin was rustic but it was still nice and appealing with a warm cozy atmosphere. Buffy herself had commented on that the very first time she stepped inside. Plus they had also begun to re-furnish it by replacing the old 70’s style décor with a mix of traditional and country furnishings. The master bedroom was already complete with its huge four poster mahogany king size bed and the master bathroom with a Jacuzzi and a shower big enough for five people. The gourmet kitchen was also finished and fully stocked with whatever they would need. The wine cellar had been updated with the latest temperature and humidity controlled system, and he’d already moved a small portion of his wine collection there.
It wasn’t Paris nor was it the Hilton, but it was peaceful and isolated, welcoming and pleasant, and in all actuality…all they needed
It was perfect and with his mind finally settled and his heart now racing with anticipation to start making preparations, he quickly calculated how he would go about doing that without inciting her suspicions.
“That sounds like a good plan baby but you know I can’t this weekend. I have to go to London and work out the specs for the Dooley job.” And then a quick trip to the cabin to get everything ready, he craftily thought.
Buffy’s shoulders slumped. She’d forgotten about the job, how the hell could she forget that? Hormones, that’s how.
Feeling her disappointment Angel squeezed her tightly and offered her one last possibility – even though she had no idea – of where her proposal would be, which had actually been his first plan knowing how much she loved Ireland and his manor home.
“You could come with me. We could drive up to Ireland and stay the weekend at the Manor. Just the two of us, I can see it now…you, naked before a hot roaring fire, screaming my name.”
Buffy chuckled with warmth but even that savory image he created in her mind couldn’t calm her stomach which was already spinning around with the idea of flying anywhere. The last time she got on a plane, one week after her first consort with the toilet, had not been pleasant. In fact she had pretty much spent the majority of the flight in the bathroom sharing some quality time with British Airways lovely toilet.
She patted his forearm. “That sounds really nice, but I can’t go anywhere this week. I have the inspector coming sometime to check the club and as usual I don’t know when. The little jerk just pops in whenever he wants. If it wasn’t for Bubba’s sister working for the LA County Health Department I wouldn’t even know that much.”
Angel grinned with delight hearing her answer because the more he thought about it the more he considered the cabin to be the perfect place. The manor home was good too but that house was full of servants that were in all aspects more like extended family then servants and they would be constantly underfoot. He was glad she said no but he kept his pleasure to himself and instead absently nodded his response. “Okay, so we’ll go to the cabin next weekend.”
Now that Buffy made up her mind to tell him the thought of waiting another week was even worse than waiting four. She had the gumption now but a lot could change in a week, including her new found balls rolling away.
“Promise?”
Hearing the soft melancholy tone of her voice brought a frown to Angel’s face. Taking her by the arms he turned her around, lifting her chin up he gazed deeply into her green orbs. His intense scrutiny had Buffy swallowing the sudden lump of nausea that filled her throat.
“Are you okay?”
Buffy took a quiet yet deep breath, forcing the queasiness back and smiling at him tenderly as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Of course I’m alright.”
“Are you sure? I mean lately you just seem a bit…on edge.”
“I’m fine Angel really. I guess I’m just a bit tired, you know, all this flying back and forth from Europe has my body in shock that’s all.”
Angel studied her face; she looked as sweet as she always did. “You sure?”
“Yes baby, please don’t worry about me. I’m just not use to all the time changes from flying.”
Angel sighed, his hand cupped her cheek as Buffy closed her eyes, pressing her hand against his and rubbing her cheek in his palm, a frown of concern settling across his face. He wanted her at the top of her game for the weekend at the cabin because with all the sinfully wicked things he was already planning on doing to her, she was going to need all her strength.
“Maybe you should stay home this time and rest, take a break. You’re working too hard. The Club, the Order…you know, you should give up the modeling it’s not like you need the money, and then you can have more time for yourself, to relax.”
Buffy wrapped her arms around his waist laying her head on his strong chest she squeezed him. “But I like it, it’s like a reprieve from everything else, totally stress-free. And, I think…I think I need that, you know?”
Angel nodded, he completely understood that. That was the reason he still did stunt work, it kept his mind clear and focused on the more important matters. Yeah stunt work was hard on the body but he could do all that shit in his sleep, there was no thinking involved in doing something that was completely planned, safe, and not life threatening – well at least for him.
“I know what you mean. Okay so next weekend we’ll go up to the cabin, you and me. Where we’ll spend the time making love, and making love, and well…making love. We’ll give the rabbits of the forest a run for their money.”
The sexy smirk on his face made Buffy giggle, the uneasiness she had been feeling left her and instead she found herself wondering if perhaps she had been looking at this all wrong.
As Angel suddenly picked her up and hefted her over his shoulder heading toward the door that led to their loft, she thought that maybe she should look at her upcoming confessional as a new beginning. After all, there was a baby on the way and that definitely counted as a new beginning. She knew Angel loved her and she knew that he wouldn’t leave her because of it. She just had to get over the guilt of not telling him - which was really what was causing all of her irrational thoughts anyway -and fully trust in the man she gave her heart too.
FBI Special Agent Kate Devine was a woman on the hunt. A pissed off woman on the hunt. Since Angel double crossed her a month ago she hadn’t felt anything other than rage. A steely determination was driving her on, pushing her to seek revenge, to make her former lover suffer with as much pain and humiliation as she could possibly inflict on that rock hard body.
It seemed only fair, at least in her mind. He had promised her Uncle, assured her that she would have all the contacts in the underworld that she needed to make the arrests that would send her career skyrocketing. In the end the only thing he had given her was one crack pot politician and a fucking mess to clean up that spanned three counties. They might not have ever been close on a personal level and she knew that most time Angel didn’t even like her, but she had at least assumed that he respected her. They had shared plenty of steamy, sex-filled nights together. Didn’t that count for something?
Snorting out loud and not giving a flying fig what her fellow agents thought of her, she walked through the main lobby of the Los Angeles FBI office and toward the elevator. She kept her face clear of all the rioting emotions that were brewing inside. She had learned how to do that a long time ago, compliments of a father that was heavy fisted and not much on the sensitive side when it came to crying little girls. She didn’t dwell on that part of her life. She was not that helpless little girl anymore. She had made her way in a man’s world with the force of a thousand angry bulls. She had stampeded over the weaker and conquered the stronger. She was not about to be set down by a man who thought he was above the law, someone who had the balls to assume that he could control her. No man controlled her and it was about time she proved that to one egotistical Irishman.
The elevator pinged and the doors slid open. She stepped inside walking into one of the women secretaries that hated her guts. The woman frowned at her and mumbled under her breath then briskly walked out. Kate smirked at her retreating back just as the door closed. She could care less what the other woman thought of her; actually she didn’t care what anyone thought of her anymore. She did once but since the moment Angel crossed her she thought only of revenge. She didn’t care if she ever made Supervisor or not. She had one purpose now, one goal, and that was to bring Angelus O’Rourke and his little crew of righteous criminals down. And the way to go about that was as simple as one, two, three.
A man in love was, in all reality, a weak and potentially vulnerable man. A blind man could have seen the love in Angel’s eyes when he had looked at Buffy Summers. It was disgusting really to think that a cold hearted well disciplined killer like Angelus had fell victim to that pathetic emotion. History was littered with intelligent powerful men that fell in one way or another and all because of a pretty face, Angel was no different.
It would be a shame to see a man like him follow in history’s tracks but he brought that unto himself the moment he fell in love with that shallow little swimsuit model. He also made Kate’s goal that much easier to achieve because Buffy Summers was now Kate’s target, her bull’s-eye for a triumphant payback. The model could also be her redemption because Kate’s instincts were telling her that there was more to that woman than just a photographic face, and Kate’s instincts never steered her wrong before. At the time she had pushed it aside because she had trusted that Angel would do the right thing. Now it was all she thought about. The only problem was getting information on one Buffy Summers was not as easy as it should have been, a telling sign that the woman’s closet was rattling with skeletons, and that put a smile on Kate’s face.
That smile remained intact when the doors to the elevator opened to the tenth floor and she stepped out, turned left and walked down the hall to her office. Buffy’s past was not so different from Angel’s really and that confirmed Kate’s suspicions.
Buffy was born in New York and went to school there until she dropped out at the age of sixteen. The only other information she could find was a marriage license between her and some biker named Parker. But Kate knew better than anyone that people with secrets knew how to hide them, and when you were the old lady of the Vice President of a gang like The Brotherhood who had more ties to the Mayor than a corset, hiding secrets was as easy as taking a breath. It was just a matter of shoveling through the bullshit that they wanted you to see to reveal the dirty truth that lay underneath. Kate didn’t get to where she was today by being naïve or a push over. It wouldn’t be long before she discovered exactly why Buffy’s past was so secretive and that would be the moment she would strike.
“Devine!”
“Yes sir.” Turning she faced the voice of Supervisor Dillinger, her smile gone, her emotions once more in check.
“My office, now!”
Kate scowled as she walked back down the hall, avoiding the eyes of the agents that watched her with open curiosity and a little bit of fear. By now the disastrous end to her attempt to bring down Quentin Travers was common knowledge in the agency. You couldn’t have stopped the stories, especially when it was a case that had been ongoing for years. It was also well known that she had not taken it well. She had been reprimanded twice since it happened for her ‘anger issues’ after she got a little out of hand with a fellow agent in the gym. Most of the other agents pretty much stayed out of her way now. Kate didn’t care. She knew her persistence in this case could and would hurt her career but her pride could not let it go.
“Close the door Devine and sit down.”
Kate sat down and looked at Senior Supervisor Dillinger, according him the respect that his position deserved, though in her opinion he didn’t deserve shit. If there was anyone in this department that should have stuck by her side, it was him.
“Is there a problem sir?”
“Devine how many times have I told you that the Travers case was closed?”
Kate held the hard glare of her superior without any remorse and replied with an indifference that further angered the Supervisor.
“I haven’t been keeping a count Sir.”
Dillinger’s eyes flared as he leaned his palms against his desk. “No? Well I have and we’ve had this conversation more times in the past month than I’ve fucked my wife, and each and every fucking time they are more painful than sticking my dick in that bitch’s dry cunt.”
Kate smirked with the crude comment that was just so typical of the Supervisor, a man who grew up on the streets of the Bronx and held nothing back. It was the one thing she admired about him. He told you exactly what he was feeling and thinking, and in ways that would make a hooker blanch. The fact that it was a completely vulgar comment about his wife was no surprise either. Everyone knew that Dillinger and the little misses were in couples counseling and heading straight for divorce lane. They even had a pool going. Kate herself had fifty bucks riding on that impending divorce taking place in less than a month.
“I’m sorry to hear that sir.”
“Stop fucking around Devine and wipe that fucking smile off your face. If you were a man and had a dick you wouldn’t be such a fucking god damn smart ass.” Standing up to his full six feet inches[WKF1] Dillinger crossed his arms over his chest and continued to pin her with a glare that would have made her nervous if she didn’t already know what was coming next.
“I have repeatedly ordered you to stop your sleuthing into Travers and yet you and all your usual god damn stubbornness have continued to disobey my orders and do as you’re little scrawny ass pleases. Can you tell me why that is Devine? Why do you insist on being a bigger pain in my ass than the fucking hemorrhoid that I already have?”
“Sir, I can’t close the case because I don’t think it’s closed.”
“What you think doesn’t fucking matter anymore Devine. The fact that you can’t get that through your thick fucking skull is the problem. “
“With all due respect sir, the problem isn’t with me it’s with the agency’s refusal to see beyond what’s right in front of their faces. Travers is…”
“Dead Special Agent, in fact they don’t get much deader than that bastard and with him went all his little secrets that you are just dying to uncover.”
Kate surged to her feet, her anger controlling her actions now. “I don’t dispute the fact that Travers is dead sir, but a gas explosion. Jesus does it get any more cliché than that! Don’t you see that explosion was a smoke screen, a way to keep the agency off track and out of the hair of the man that’s running things now.”
Dillinger took a breath and then slowly sat down in his chair. Before this case Kate Devine had all the potential of sitting in his chair one day but now she was obsessed with a case that for all intents and purposes was sealed tight by people that scared the crap out of even him, and he didn’t scare very easily. She was right of course and he knew that but there was no way he could tell her that. It would only fuel her fire and he had been instructed to shut her down or kick her out. Since he didn’t want to lose one of his best agents he had to find a way to make her stop. He had been instructed to keep her out of the loop but clearly he had no choice but to tell her the way it was.
“Sit down Kate.”
The calm voice surprised Kate and for a moment she stared at him blankly. Then on her own breath of defeat she sat.
“Sir I know I’m right and I know that deep down inside you know I’m right. I just can’t let this go Sir.”
“Kate, I know you have put a lot of time and effort into this case. I respect that and the agency is proud to have you as an agent, but unless you stop digging around you’re going to find yourself out of a job.”
Kate snorted, “Fired for doing what’s right?”
“No, canned because you’re disobeying a direct order from your superior, whose head by the way is also on the fucking line.” Leaning in his voice lowered but still held that note of legendary steel. “What you don’t seem to get Special Agent is that this goes beyond you and me, it goes higher up than the agency. There are…people that don’t want you’re pretty little nose sticking up their asses. Do you catch my meaning Devine?”
“Maybe I don’t need the job to finish this. I have my own personal contacts. I don’t need the badge to get me what I need to know.”
“That may be true but you can bet your ass you’ll need to still be breathing in order to do that.”
“Are you threatening me sir?”
Dillinger sighed. “I’m just telling you how it is Devine. Look, I don’t want to lose you as an agent and I’d really hate to see you end up on my desk in some fucking dead Jane Doe case file, which is exactly what’s going to happen if you pursue this.” Sitting back he turned away from her and started rummaging through some of those files on his desk. “I’m putting you on two weeks leave.”
Kate’s eyes flared and her mouth opened to protest but Dillinger held up his hand, piercing her with his dark gaze once again.
“I don’t want to hear it. This is for your own good. Take some advice and use the time to relax and calm down. Go to the fucking beach, get fucking laid, I don’t give a shit what you do as long as you’re not working this case. Get your mind off of it and come back ready to commit yourself to a case that the agency really needs your skills on. By the end of the day I want you to hand over your cases to Davis and turn in your badge and gun. That’s all Agent.”
Kate stood up and walked over to the door, rage seeping through every pore of her body, she opened it and made no pretense in showing just how pissed off she was as she slammed the door behind her as she walked out.
Dillinger might be afraid of whoever was pulling his strings but she wasn’t, in fact, she was more determined now than she was before. Let them come for her, she didn’t give a shit. In the end she would best them and those same assholes who thought they could control everything would be sitting in a fucking cell and she would have their jobs.
“I have to hand it to you Kate you give new meaning to the word stubborn. Good thing I know you so well or I wouldn’t have this crisp new hundred dollar bill in my pocket.”
“Fuck you Davis.” Kate’s green eyes traveled throughout the office and all the sympathetic looks that were being thrown her way. “Jesus does everyone know already?”
“Are you kidding? The bets started the day after they closed the case.” Kate snorted. “For what it’s worth I’m sorry.”
“No you’re not. I’m not stupid Phil I know I haven’t exactly been on everyone’s A list this month.”
“Maybe not, but the respect is still there. There are a lot of people that don’t think everything is so cut and dried.”
“Yeah, well why don’t they grow a set of balls and stand by my side?” Kate asked as she walked into her office with Davis right behind her.
“Because unlike you the majority of those balls come with 2.5 kids that need the paycheck.”
Kate sat down at her desk feeling only slightly dejected with what just happened. At ease with Davis, who had been her closet ally, in the agency she let it show.
“I can’t believe he’s suspending me. I can’t believe he doesn’t trust me.”
“It’s not about trust Kate and you know it. Dillinger has his hands tied. There are bigger fish in the pond than us kiddo and they are pulling the strings.”
“No shit, doesn’t that bother you?”
Davis chuckled, “Bother me? It’s just the way it is Kate. Clandestine government agencies and spooks, it’s what this country is built on. Don’t try to kid yourself into thinking anything has changed. Things would be a lot easier for you if you could just suck it up and look beyond that. Do the job you were hired to do and nothing else. It may sound like a copout but hey you’ll live a lot longer.”
Davis turned around and headed toward the door. “I’m leaving early today the kid’s got a soccer match that I can’t miss. Just drop your open cases on my desk.”
“Yeah, sure thing.”
“Oh and by the way, while you were getting your ass reamed out an envelope was delivered for you. I put it on your desk.”
Kate picked up the plain brown envelope, her eyes curiously taking in the tape that completely sealed the package. “Thanks Phil, for…everything. You’re a good friend.”
Phil turned around and gave her a big cheeky smile. His light brown eyes glowed with health and vitality even though he was thirty pounds overweight and nearing fifty. “Don’t sweat it kiddo. Just take a nice long vacation and don’t think of anything but working on your tan lines.”
The door closed behind Davis and Kate grabbed the scissors to open the sealed envelope. After a few frustrating seconds the seal was broken and she pulled out a manila folder and opened it.
Her eyes quickly scanned the documents that were inside. The more she read, the more her heart pounded with excitement. This was the break she had been looking for. Everything she ever wanted to know about Buffy Summers was just handed to her. From who, she had no idea. It was definitely something she would look into but not yet.
She pulled out the glossy eight by ten photo of the Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Model of the Year and her very loving and protective boyfriend, Kate smiled. First she had to bring down the beauty and her beast, and thanks to her anonymous informant she had what she needed to do just that.
********
Across town in a mansion high atop the Hollywood Hills Hanken Mersum sat at a mahogany desk, his green eyes staring out the window and across the vast landscaping of his estate as he contemplated the next step of his plan. The first step was even now being played out.
His long time friend and associate Ethan had balked when he explained what he planned to do. His friend wanted to let old dogs lie, but Hanken could not. After all these years he was still besieged with a fury that was as strong today as it was when it was first ignited. Nothing had changed for him. He might live in a different city and have a different name and face but those miniscule things did not soothe his anger nor did it take away the pain and humiliation that had been heaped upon him so long ago.
His friend didn’t need to tell him just how twisted that humiliation had turned his mind, though often times the look in Ethan’s eyes said just that. He might have lost some sense of stability but he was not that crazy. In fact he was as sharp as he ever had been he was just a bit more obsessive about things that was all, and there was nothing wrong with being obsessed, he truly liked the way he was now. So many less complications that way, no remorse, no feelings of guilt or apprehension, he knew what he was about and he knew that once his goal had been completed that he would feel immense satisfaction with that accomplishment, and really that was what being alive was all about. Being the best you can be and getting it done without any setbacks or delays.
He smirked, when he looked at it that way, he wasn’t crazy or obsessed at all because that ethic was in his DNA. He was just being who he was born to be. Ethan didn’t understand that because he didn’t share that particular ancestral trait but the others had understood because they shared the royal blood of the ancients just like him. A dark frown contorted his face as his thoughts took him back to the moment when he realized how naïve he had been. He thought that blood connection would exclude him and his former brothers from betraying each other but here he sat an outcast from his own ancestral right, thrown out like a common lowlife criminal and hunted like a dog by the very man that had defied that exclusion and deceived him.
No, he wasn’t crazy. He was fucking brilliant and in short order they would all see that. They would all feel the brunt of his sharp intellect as it sliced into their hearts like the sharpest of blades.
“I just had it sent over.”
Hanken turned around to see Ethan sitting down on the sofa across the room. He had that look in his eye the one that Hanken had just been contemplating. It didn’t faze him because it didn’t matter if Ethan agreed with him or not, he had no choice but to do as he was told.
“Good, then we’ll move forward. If Special Agent Devine is all she’s cracked up to be, it won’t be long before she makes her move.”
Ethan studied Hanken and voiced the opinion he had said many times over the course of so many years. Why his friend persisted in this he never understood but he didn’t have to. Ethan thought it would all end when they left Ireland but it hadn’t. He stayed because he owed Hanken his life and he would do what the man asked of him, at least for now. He had been content with the lot he chose and he had been well paid for his obedience. To a bad egg like Ethan the immoral and completely unethical situations that he had been in and created only sweetened the deal. Hanken and the others might have lived by some stupid code of honor but Ethan lived his life by the old saying that ‘being bad was good’.
Still, contentment did not always last for him, and about eight years ago that sweet sensation slowly started to fade. And it was all because of the persistence of one man. It made Ethan realize that while things had been great fun, good things never lasted long. He knew that one day – most likely sooner then he thought – everything would change.
Just how long could arrogance keep you blinded to the truth anyway? They were not toying with stupid drug cartels or petty thieves or even con artists for that matter. The men they were playing with were unlike any other men in the world. These men did not play at all and though Hanken believed he had everything under control and saw the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, Ethan was not that presumptuous. He didn’t need a crystal ball to see just how bloody quickly this entire scheme could, and most likely would, back fire on them. It was a good thing that he was prepared for such an event. He was after all a man who had no problem escaping to save his own ass or switching sides if it suited his needs. While he would hate to do that to Hanken, if the need arose he would. “Are you sure you want to do this? Wouldn’t it be better to just lie low at least until the smoke clears? It’s only been two months since Uncle’s death.”
“No, we can’t wait. Now is the time. “
“He’s getting closer to us. It’s been a bullock of a time keeping ahead of him. You know he’s a bloody tenacious dog, he won’t stop until he sees us dead.”
“He’ll stop alright. Once everything is revealed he’ll be too busy dealing with it to track us anymore. I know him better then you. This is what’s most important to him.”
“The Order is important to him. “
Hanken’s anger piqued with Ethan’s insistent pessimistic comments. “The Order is no longer his concern and hasn’t been for some time.” He reminded him.
Ethan shrugged a shoulder. “What about Angelus then? He’s too much like Liam if you ask me. The boy’s intellect unnerves me.” That was true and it always had even when he was a small boy.
“Don’t worry about Angelus, he’s ignorant about us and Ripper will be too busy to fill him in. Besides, a little birdie told me that Angelus will have plenty of other things on his mind to worry about us. No, we move forward. I won’t stop until I’ve paid Ripper back for what he did to me, nor will I let Liam’s offspring have everything that should have been mine. With Quentin’s last breath my silence ceased, remind me to thank Angelus for that by the way. He saved me the trouble of killing the bastard myself.”
“Well that was the plan, was it not?” Ethan dryly commented.
“Undoubtedly,
still, I feel the need to express my gratitude. If not in words, then
at least in actions, and that my brother is what Special Agent Devine will be
doing for us.”
The early morning sun streamed into the bedroom window casting the shapely form that lay bare to his gaze in a gossamer glow of radiance, no matter how many times he saw her as such he would never get use to how beautiful she was or the fact that she was even there to begin with. Not so long ago he could only gaze upon her beauty on a poster and speculate at what it would feel like to touch her, to taste her. The fantasies his mind would conjure were nothing compared to the reality of having her like this…naked and his bed.
She lay on her stomach, the black satin sheet settled low on her hips just barely covering two firm cheeks. She faced him, her eyes closed in slumber, and her glorious blonde tresses lying like waves of silk against her back. Her arms were stretched up and under the pillow leaving him a side view of one plump breast that made his mouth water.
Lying on his side with his head propped up on one hand Angel picked up one golden lock and brought it to his nose, inhaling the sweet succulent scent of Buffy. He shivered, desire pooling in his belly, his cock instantly hardening as the aroma radiated throughout him. Dropping the soft wavy lock, he moved the heavy mass to the side, exposing more of her naked back to his gaze. He touched the top of her spine at the base of her neck and then slowly…lightly, traced her spine down the length of her back and to the top of the sheet, bit by bit pulling the sheet down further, just until the tops of those perfect ass cheeks peeked out. He licked his lips, his eyes darkening to a deep chocolate brown as he leaned forward and ran his tongue down the same path his finger just glided.
She didn’t wake, and he honestly didn’t expect her too. He had kept her up all night long making love to her. Sometimes it was hot and fast, as he fucked her just the way she liked it, hard and demanding. Other times, he took his time, teasing her slowly, barely touching her, making her wait for it until she was whimpering with need and begging him to take her. He smirked, his eyes caressing every inch of her nakedness, though it wasn’t Buffy’s favorite way of making love the later was definitely his. There was nothing more arousing than watching her lithe body as she writhed on the sheets with her need for release, a release that only he could give her. He would never get tired of that and he would never, ever, tire of waking up with her every morning.
Unable to resist tasting her more, Angel leaned back down once more touching his tongue to her spine. Moving down the bed he tasted her flesh all the way down to the crack that was now fully revealed. He went lower, slipping down further until he was posed at the bottom of the bed, in between her legs. She moaned softly in her sleep and he looked up to see her turn her head to the other side as she accommodatingly moved her left leg, bending it up to her waist.
He looked down, to see pink lips spread out for him like a succulent fruit waiting to be plucked. Groaning softly he leaned forward and lightly grazed her lips with his tongue. He pulled back and sucked on his tongue then swallowed the salvia that he made, savoring her flavor as it ran down his throat. Ambrosial that was what it was - pure unadulterated pleasure.
Starving for more, he reached up and laid his palms on her ass cheeks, he squeezed them. She moaned softly once again but still she slept. With hard urgent eyes, Angel moved back in. Spreading her ass checks so he could fully taste her, he flattened his tongue pressing against her anus and then tasted her all the way down to her clit, forcefully pushing down against the hard little nub without any qualms of how ungentle his mouth was being.
He wanted to be gentle with her, God knew she must be a little sore, but he was feeling possessive and he had a strong need to imprint himself all over her body. He was flying to London tonight to set up the Dooley job and he felt now just as he always did right before he left her…misplaced and protective. He hated to leave her. He dreaded anytime that he spent not in her company. The loneliness that accompanied the days that to Angel felt like years were unbearable, and the fear that he would not be here to protect her, should she need him, haunted him like a specter hovering over his shoulder.
It was a deep seated fear that he always had and never expressed to anyone, especially Buffy. He knew how important it was for her to maintain some sort of independence. He understood where that came from, if he had lived under the rule of The Brotherhood for as long as she had he would want that too. He wanted her to have that sense of freedom; at least he wanted her to feel like she had it, but in all honesty his nature rebelled against it.
It was that fear that had him install the security cameras at the Club and in her loft. It was that same fear that had him greasing the palms of every hard-ass Angel that worked in the club to keep an eye out for her. He even went so far as to having Bubba act as her security when she went away for shoots. Bubba was also her shadow anytime she left the safety of the club, the hotel, or his house.
Buffy knew about the cameras but he didn’t think she knew about Bubba, he was pretty sure that if she did he would have heard it by now. She wasn’t shy when it came to expressing just how much she didn’t like the precautions he took, but besides a few grumbles and mumbles about how she wasn’t a baby and could take care of herself, she let him get away with it.
His fingers that had been gently soothing the inside of her thighs as he brooded elicited yet another deep sleepy moan from his love, and he rewarded her by taking her clit in his mouth. Soft suckles and light tapping of his tongue brought another louder moan this time and with it came the sweet aroma of arousal as her body began to ooze with creamy wetness. With nothing but thoughts of creating more Angel’s mouth became more attentive, more diligent as he sucked on her pussy and his fingers spread out, plying their torturously creative touches every where he could reach.
Buffy drifted between a deep sleep and a slow sensual awakening. She felt tingles of delicious sensations coursing through her. Need of the most unabashed kind swiftly grew into a tightness that was verging on exploding into a thousand brilliant lights. She felt his strong swift fingers smoothly entering her pussy and then retreating out and then back to her anus where they surged inside that tight opening only to come out and then plunge inside her hot channel was again. All along the pressure of that wicked mouth pressed against her clit, sucking harder, drawing on the tight nub faster and faster, fully awakening her with a shattering scream of orgasmic bliss as her body heaved with wave after wave of carnal pleasure.
She smiled, as the tingles faded only to breathe out on a shaky breath as she felt something hard, hot, and big enter her sleek passage.
“Mmm, Angel.”
Her ass automatically lifted to give him better access as he slid his turgid length all the way in. She swallowed, God he was so deep, so much a part of her that she could come just from that one stroke. As he slowly pulled out, taking his time to let her feel every ridge of his cock against her sensitive inner wall, she did.
Buffy felt complete love and utter ecstasy as Angel made love to her with a tenderness that touched her heart and made her soul cry out for more. He was methodical and determined, with an ease that beguiled the powerful struggling look of control that showed on his face. And when she felt that tension build until she stood on the pinnacle of yet another awesome orgasm his strokes became hard and unrelenting, possessing her mind, body, and soul, irrevocably stamping his ownership on her more than any needle of ink ever could.
When the last of his seed spilled into her body and the shuddering had ceased, Angel fell down against her. His dampened chest pressed against her back, his heart beat frantically in his chest, his breathing was harsh and shallow, and the supreme feeling of happiness and completeness engulfed him, overwhelmed him, and completely erased any intentions that he had.
“Buffy,” her named slipped from his lips like the softest caress, wiping out anything but the here and now.
Buffy sighed dreamily, everything was perfect. He was perfect. Their life together was perfect.
“Marry me.”
The room stilled. The two bodies that had been pleasantly at ease were both now tense with the unexpected.
Buffy’s eyes snapped open then immediately closed against the anguish those two little words caused. No, they weren’t perfect, she wasn’t perfect, and that life that seemed so perfect and untainted just seconds ago now faded into obscurity of the unknown.
Angel was too busy berating himself to notice the quick stiffness in the body under his. Well, it wasn’t the way it was supposed to go but what did it matter. He asked and he was definitely not taking it back, so the fact that the plans he had so carefully laid out were shot didn’t matter. Actually, he felt like a weight had been lifted, he felt free and at peace. Why not now? Wasn’t the moment after sharing the most ethereal pleasure two people could possibly experience together the best time to commit to a lifetime of said pleasure? He thought so and he gloated with smugness at how right it all felt, until he finally took note of the tension in the body that rubbed against his, he frowned.
“What…what did you say?”
She sounded spooked and freaked out and Angel’s frown turned into a puzzled glare. She had to have known that he was going to ask her. It wasn’t like he had kept it a secret. He had told her in the past that he was going to make her his forever. Deciding that it was just the shock after an explosive joining, he smiled and relaxed once more. Leaning closer he placed a hot openmouthed kiss to her cheek, then trailed those seductive lips up to her ear and repeated the question.
“Marry me Buffy Anne Summers, become my wife.” He kissed her delicate earlobe expecting to hear lusty laughs of happiness and affirmation, what he got instead was a wiggling body that was trying to escape his.
Angel moved to his left and Buffy scrambled out of bed quickly donning her robe that lay at the bottom of the bed. Angel sat up and leaned back against the head board, his eyes followed her with amusement as she frantically began to pace the length of the bedroom. She was nibbling on one finger as she stared down at the floor as she paced.
Angel chuckled, “I didn’t realize that the prospect of becoming my wife was world peril stuff baby.”
When she didn’t answer and her strides only became more harried and frantic, his smile disappeared. His eyes crinkled and the knowledge that something was not right felt like her fist squeezing his heart.
“What’s wrong?”
He asked quietly but the arrogant disbelief that she had not immediately answered yes rang like the Liberty Bell in Buffy’s head. She finally looked up at him and Angel saw sadness reflected back in her eyes, that and panic. He immediately softened his features and held out his hand, assuming she was simply afraid of the ‘M’ word. “Come back to bed baby.”
Buffy just stood there not moving, afraid to even touch the strong hand that was awaiting hers. She knew it was going to be hard telling him she just didn’t realize how hard until she was faced with it. Now here she stood completely bedeviled with where to begin, and there he sat, the love of her life, her savior on so many different levels, with his hand outstretched toward her in love and trust, commitment, and she was going to instantaneously shatter that with no clue as to what she would be left off with. God, she was scared out of her mind.
Angel’s hand dropped at her continued silence, he opened his mouth to speak when she finally spoke.
“Angel, I…” she looked away and down at her feet for one second, she seemed to be struggling with something, after a few tense seconds – seconds that only escalated his own apprehension – she straightened her shoulders and looked him right in the eye as she solidly said, “I can’t marry you.”
Angel looked back at her blankly, then a smile crossed his face and he chuckled softly, “You’re kidding right?” When she returned his empty stare the laughter ceased and he sat forward with a serious expression on his face. “Buffy I know that I didn’t do it right, believe me this wasn’t what I had planned. You deserve a proper proposal and I had everything set…”
Buffy couldn’t let him finish, tears watered her eyes as she climbed up on the bed and sat atop him. She took his head in her hands and tenderly kissed him, pulling back she stared into his confused chocolate orbs. “Angel, it’s not that it’s just…”
She couldn’t seem to find the words to begin with but Angel was getting impatient and his anger was starting to bubble.
“Then what? What’s the matter baby? Are you afraid of losing your independence? I know how important that is to you and I swear to God I would never ever take that away from you, never.”
Buffy smiled at him, “No Angel it’s not that, I know you would never intentionally do that it’s just,” she dropped her hands down to the bed and took a deep breath. “Angel, I have to tell you something and when I do, I’m not sure if you’re going to want to marry me.”
She sounded so small and frightened that Angel’s heart constricted. He reached up and took her head in his hands as he kissed her as tenderly as she had kissed him. “Baby,” he smiled “there’s nothing you could say to me that would make me not want to marry you. I love you, we’re together forever. Don’t be afraid, just tell me.”
God he was looking at her with so much love and understanding and openness that Buffy felt like a cad. She stood up once again and walked to the end of the bed. She gripped the bed frame and held his gaze.
“I’m…pregnant Angel.”
Silent seconds ticked by as Angel took in that statement. First he thought, ‘how the hell didn’t I recognize the changes in her body’? The second thought was ‘Am I ready to be a father?’ The final thought was elation until she spoke again.
“And, I don’t know if you’re the father.”
Fury tightened his face to stone. His eyes were black as night with vehemence, and his voice was flat and cold. “Excuse me?”
Buffy saw how easily this could spin out of control and she quickly rushed to reassure him. “It’s not what you think I haven’t cheated on you Angel, at least not that way.”
Angel sat back, his arms automatically crossing his chest, it was the ‘I’m going to beat the shit out of something if I don’t get answers’ look that Buffy was very familiar with.
“Buffy, now would be a really good time to explain exactly what you’re trying tell me.”
“I know, I’m sorry, it’s
just…this is really hard and I’ve been trying to find the best way to tell
you. I wasn’t planning on telling you, well I was planning on telling you of
course but I thought I would do it up at the cabin, but then you asked me to
marry you and now…” “Buffy,” she jumped at the stringent tone of his voice and stopped, “just tell me,” seeing how skittish she was Angel softened his tone, “please.”
Slowly she nodded at him and with her heart racing against her chest she told him. “Remember when Faith and I went back to the club to talk to Adam and find out the details of the job?”
The second the words left her mouth Angel was blinded with rage. He knew what was coming and on some primal level he’d always known. Fuck! He did not want to hear it! He closed his eyes to what was coming next and he immediately began shaking his head back and forth, desperately trying to deny hearing anything as vile as what he knew he was going to hear.
Buffy watched him, tears streaming down her face, her voice hitching with every word she spoke. “Parker, he…drugged me and he…raped me.”
Angel shot out of the bed and stormed over to the window. His back was stiff and ram rod straight. His hands clenched the window pane with such force that Buffy heard the wood cracking. She didn’t say anything, what could she say? All she could do was be quiet and let him sort out every vicious emotion that was consuming him. Still, she couldn’t help but wonder if this did indeed change the way he felt about her. Did he hate her?
The only person Angel hated in that moment, was himself, and that bastard Parker. He closed his eyes, desperately trying to stay calm and not freak Buffy out anymore than she already was. He knew it took a lot for her to tell him and he didn’t want to frighten her or mislead her already strung out emotions into thinking that he was mad at her, because he wasn’t. He was mad that he hadn’t seen it or rather, didn’t want to think that anything that despicable could happen to the woman he loved, the woman that he had sworn to protect from all harm.
But he had known, hadn’t he? He remembered that night, when she got back to the hotel he’d asked her and she said nothing happened, but he knew it! God he had known, just like he knew that if something had happened she wasn’t going to tell him, and that’s what hurt the most. The fact that she kept it from him chilled his heart and made him question everything they were doing, made him question her love and her commitment to them.
He found that he couldn’t stop himself from doubting her, and those doubts made him feel empty, like everything he had tried so hard to maintain in the last couple of months just blew up in his face. Moments ago he thought he knew who and what they were as a couple, now he wasn’t sure where he stood with her anymore. If she truly cared for him, truly loved him with everything in his being, wouldn’t she share something that was as important as this with him?
He was angry that the woman he loved had been violated. He was pissed off that he hadn’t been there to protect her, and he was incredibly hurt that she hadn’t told him until now.
On a roaring bellow of rage and pain Angel’s arm whipped out and picked up the lamp on the table throwing it across the room and into the wall where it shattered upon impact. Next came the table that it had sat on, after that came the chair. One by one he picked up anything that was in his grasp and hurled them toward the wall, venting his fury out with roars of anguish as he did.
Buffy stood still to the side, tears streaming down her face but still not saying anything. She knew his fury would be great, she wasn’t afraid, and if he turned around and suddenly threw her against the wall she wouldn’t have stopped him.
The bedroom door suddenly was thrown open and Spike and Faith came running in. “What the bloody hell is going on?” Spike screamed over the sound of yet another lamp hitting the wall.
Angel turned to him with a red face full of rage and snarling like a raving beast. “GET THE FUCK OUT!”
In all the years that Spike had known Angel, which went back to diaper days, he had never, ever seen such wrath and ravishment on his brother’s face. He turned concerned eyes to see Buffy standing stock still her face wet with tears until she looked away from him and turned around.
Seeing her friend in complete hysterics, Faith took a step closer but Spike pulled her back and out of the room, quietly closing the door. “Not now luv.”
Spike dragged a protesting Faith back to their room down the hall. Their leaving seemed to break Angel out of the blood haze he had been in. His eyes closed and he took several long breaths.
Feeling a bit more stable, he turned around. Buffy stood on the other side of the bed, her back facing him. Her head was drawn down and her shoulders shook as her sobs finally filled his ears. Angel felt his own eyes tearing up as he stepped up behind her and gently laid his hands on her shoulders.
She flinched but didn’t fight him from turning her around. Her flinching broke his heart. His fingers wiped her tears from the face that wouldn’t even look at him.
“Are you afraid of me?”
She shook her head, a sob tearing from her throat as she did. She looked up at him and all the anguish and humiliation she had felt for the past months stared back at him.
“Oh god baby I’m so sorry.”
She was pulled into his warm tight embrace and Buffy only cried harder as she wrapped her arms around him leaning against his strong chest.
Angel held her until her tears slowly started to ebb. He was filled with so many emotions that he wasn’t sure where to begin talking. He felt like he had let her down, he was unfathomably angry with that prick of an ex-husband, but mostly the pain that she hadn’t told him until now, and the knowledge that if she wasn’t pregnant she never would have, was worst.
“Why didn’t you tell me Buffy?” he quietly asked, steeling himself for the answer.
Still holding on to him, she answered, “I didn’t want you to feel guilty Angel.”
He snorted harshly, “how the hell do you think I feel now?”
His anger renewed Buffy’s ravaged emotions and she pulled away from him with a startled look on her face.
Angel took another deep breath, trying to calm down. He turned away from her and ran his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry I just…fuck!” He swung back around to face her, his anger once more taking control. “Why didn’t you tell me? That night you came back I specifically asked you and you said nothing happened! Why did you lie to me?”
“I’m sorry Angel. At the time I thought it was best. I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want you to think that it was your fault when it wasn’t.”
Angel didn’t know what to say to that because he would have felt then just as he did now, responsible. He couldn’t handle this it all suddenly seemed too much. Even looking at her pissed him off because it made him feel like he failed her, and he didn’t like feeling like a failure.
Walking over to the closet he pulled a pair of pants out and a shirt. He got dressed quietly as Buffy stood to the side watching him, her sadness growing with every minute. And when he dove back into the closet and pulled out his overnight bag, she sobbed and turned away. He was leaving her. Her greatest fear was coming true, oh God.
Angel heard her sob and stopped what he was doing. Walking over to her he wrapped his arms around her roughly pulling her against his chest. Leaning down, he kissed her on the cheek, nuzzling her face against his. “I love you Buffy, so much that it hurts. I love you with every fiber of my being.”
“But you can’t be with me, I…understand Angel, I won’t stop you from leaving.”
She sounded so forlorn and dejected that Angel smiled, his heart filled with all the love that he felt for her, he squeezed her tightly to him, “Oh, baby,” turning her around he took her chin in his hands and lifted her face up to his. “Buffy don’t you know by now that you could never get rid of me. I’m not leaving you baby, I just…I need to think and I can’t do that here. “
“You’re angry at me I don’t fault you for that.” That she quietly said.
“Buffy, I’m angry at myself I’m not angry at you. Honestly, I’m hurt that you felt you had to lie to me. Don’t you know that you can tell me anything? I meant what I said before, there is nothing you could ever say to me that would make me feel any different about you. I just…” he had more to say and he was going to say it even though he knew she would take it the wrong way but that didn’t stop him. “I don’t understand what we’re doing here Buffy.”
She looked back at him her confusion evident on her face. “What do you mean? We’re together, we love each other.”
He scoffed, “do we? Are we together? Because for me when two people love each other and are together they share things Buffy, they don’t lie and they don’t hold things back that the other needs to know. I don’t know, “he turned away shaking his head sadly, clearly disturbed with his own thoughts and feelings, “do you even love me as much as I love you?”
Buffy’s eyes widen and she reached for him grabbing his shirt with a desperation she had never ever felt. “Angel, there is no one I have ever loved more. Please…you have to believe that. You just have to!”
He tenderly cupped her check as he held her gaze. “I want to Buffy I really want to but I’m having a hard time right now seeing that.”
He turned away from her and Buffy was crushed. She had really done it this time. This wasn’t about his guilt of not protecting her. It wasn’t about Parker’s disgusting act. Nor was it about the baby she carried and the unknown parentage. It was all about her lack of faith in him and in them. She didn’t know how to fix that except to tell him again how much she loved him and even then she didn’t know if that would mean anything.
Though she hated it she knew the best course right now was to let him go. She understood that he needed space to think and his words made her realize that she had a lot of soul searching to do to.
“Where…where will you go?”
“London. I was supposed to leave tonight anyway so…”
She nodded and folded her arms around herself. She watched him as he walked back over to the bed and collected his bag and walked over to the door.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you Angel. It’s not that I don’t love you it’s that I love you too much, I just…I never wanted to hurt you.” She softly said.
Angel stopped and looked back at her, a small sad smile on his lips. “That’s just it baby, you not telling me is what hurts me the most and the fact that you never even once considered that makes me question everything. I’ll be back in two days.”
Angel left the room unable to bear the pain her pain caused him. God he was confused and like he told her he just needed to think and calm down. Right now things were too close to the surface and he didn’t want to erupt and cause more damage than was necessary, like last time. Last time he had let his emotions get the better of him and that only made things worse, he wasn’t doing that again.
He headed down the hall with a heavy heart. Before he even reached the staircase he could hear the raised voices of Spike and Faith.
“Bloody hell! You knew and didn’t tell me? Didn’t tell Angel?” Spike screamed.
Faith snarled back, “it wasn’t my place Spike.”
“Oh hell no! You are not going to play that shit with me. The man had every right to know!”
“Why? Because he’s her man?” Faith sniggered back, clearly not impressed with that idea and Spike took exception.
“You’re God damn bloody right!”
“It doesn’t matter what you believe or think Spike. It’s Buffy’s body, it happened to her, it was her choice and I agreed.”
“Oh, you agreed. So what you’re telling me is that if this had happened to you that you wouldn’t have told me either? Is that what you’re saying Faith?”
“Well no, not exactly, what I’m saying is that it would be my decision whether or not to tell you.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean”
“It means that I don’t agree with your line of thinking. I think the two of you have spent way too much time in the company of biker assholes because you’re both fucked in the head!”
“Excuse me?”
Spike nodded at her incredulous face, “Selfish bints, the both of you! Angelus loves that girl, he would do anything for her and he bloody hell wouldn’t keep something as important as this away from her.” He took a step closer, peering deeply into her confused and angry eyes. “I’ve always known that you two have fucked up misconceptions of what a true loving relationship means but the fact that you both thought keeping this a secret was the right thing makes me question whether or not we should even bother with each other. Clearly you and I have a different concept of what being a couple means because in my book sister it means sharing – everything, no matter how bad it is.”
Faith stood still staring at him with a mixture of fury and wretchedness. She heard the words but the concept was so foreign to her that she just couldn’t wrap her brain around it. What he suggested, being that open and honest with someone and opening yourself up to sharing every little thing with another person – someone who could break your heart in two – literally scared the crap out of her. She didn’t like feeling vulnerable and she really, really hated the pain that came with his words. Not knowing what to do or what to say next she did what came naturally to her, she hid behind her anger.
“Well if that’s the way you feel about it then maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore.”
Spike hated what he was going to say next but he felt like he had no choice. He loved her and he knew that she loved him but it was just like he said. She wasn’t ready for the type of relationship that he wanted and maybe she never would be.
“Then maybe we shouldn’t pet.” He quietly agreed.
Angel walked down the stairs in that quiet moment as they both stared at each other. Turning to the sound of his shoes against the floor Faith met his gaze, it was a dark brooding stare, and she had the good grace to look away.
Spike took a step back from Faith just as Angel walked between them not sparing either one of them another glance.
“I’m going to London. I’ll be back in two days.”
He left without another word and Spike turned back to Faith only to see her walking up the stairs. His anger exploded.
“Yeah that’s right just go on, run right upstairs and conspire with your little blonde buddy on more ways to fuck the men you love!”
“Fuck you!” Faith screamed as she rounded the top of the stairs and briskly walked down the hall.
Spike’s eyes followed her as she went. “No, FUCK YOU!”
On the slamming of the front door as Spike stormed out and the slamming of Angel’s bedroom door as Faith walked in, Oz and Willow and Gunn and Fred, peeked their heads out from their own rooms and looked at each other.
“Does anyone else suddenly feel the need for a brisk morning walk?” Oz stoically said, they all nodded their heads.
The next morning…
Buffy sat on the edge of the bed staring out the window with a coldness she felt in the bottom of her soul. Beside her sat her overnight bag, fully packed, and waiting for her to finally pick it up and leave.
She didn’t know how long she had been sitting there, since yesterday morning she had been in a self reproachful haze. Angel’s last words to her, the pain she heard in his voice, had made her realize what a complete and utter ass she had been. She didn’t need to hear Spike’s shouts from below of how selfish she was because when Angel turned his back on her and left she had finally got it.
Everything Spike had said was true, she seriously had no idea how a relationship was supposed to work. The sad thing was that she thought she did but looking back now she could admit that she was clueless. After all what relationship had she ever seen that was full of trust and sharing? Her parent’s marriage from what she could remember was horrible. Her own marriage was a travesty and filled with everything except love and tenderness and devotion. Most of the people she had known that were married in the Brotherhood all had the same relationship she and Parker did, maybe not to such a violent degree but still it was nothing compared to what she had with Angel and it was nothing even remotely close to what Angel had described. So what had she to go on? Nothing.
Still she could not lay the blame on things that happened in the past. She was through with that. She had made a very bad decision and she understood that now. Angel had been so torn by her lack of trust and faith that everything else didn’t seem to matter to him. Oh she knew he was still beating himself up over the fact that he hadn’t been there to protect her but what really drove him was her lack of faith in him.
She was an ass, no doubt about that but she would make things right again. She was confident of Angel’s devotion and love for her, and she knew that what they shared was something to hold on to. It was her poor decision, one that was conjured out of fear and, like Angel said, lack of faith in him that had tripped that up. Angel still loved her, she felt that and she believed that. He was hurt and he doubted her. Her eyes hardened as she stood up, she was going to change that. She would show him, prove to him, that she did love him every bit as much as he loved her. She would get on her hands and knees and beg him for forgiveness for not telling him. And she would promise him that she would never again lose faith in him or them. The first way to remedy this was to get the one thing done that she should have done a long time ago, she was going to get that damn fucking tattoo removed.
Secure in the knowledge that she would fix everything she screwed up, Buffy bent down and picked up her bag. She never even took a step before Faith opened up the door and stood in the threshold.
Buffy’s heart split in two by Faith’s ragged appearance, it was obvious that her friend didn’t get one wink of sleep in. She was still in her pajamas, her hair was tousled as if she’d been tossing and turning all night, and she had dark circles under her red and swollen eyes. Buffy felt guilty. It was because of her that Spike had laid so hard into Faith yesterday. She didn’t want to be the reason why two people who were so clearly meant for each other broke up. But then she thought, Faith was a lot like Buffy, and like Buffy Faith also was lost when it came to having a healthy relationship with a man. It might not feel right but Buffy had a suspicion that what happened yesterday between her and Angel and Faith and Spike was necessary. They both needed to get their heads out of the sand, and the prospect of losing someone that meant everything to you was the best incentive.
Dropping her bag, Buffy smiled and opened her arms. Faith, with tears streaming down her face, walked into her embrace and held on tightly, resting her head on Buffy’s shoulder.
“He…didn’t come home last night.”
Buffy tightened her hold and hummed to her. She’d never heard her strong friend sound so lost. She more than anyone understood Faith’s confusion and sadness, they didn’t really talk yesterday since Buffy was so lost in her own thoughts and feelings but today she was clear headed.
“They’re right you know? The two of us, we don’t know what a real relationship is. It’s not our fault it’s just the cards we were dealt. But we have to change that Faith. We have two wonderful, kind and loving guys that would do anything for us. We need to learn to trust that, to have faith in them.”
Faith nodded her head but kept silent. She was a fucking mess and had been seen yesterday. She missed Spike, she loved him more than anyone else. He was the only person that ever saw anything good in her. She was afraid to lose him and she was afraid that she already had.
“I don’t want to lose him B, I…love him so much.” Her voice hitched on the raw emotion that filled her.
Buffy’s arms tightened and she smiled, “and you won’t. Just like I won’t lose Angel.” She pulled back and forced Faith to look at her. “They love us Faith that hasn’t changed they’re just unsure of us, and that’s our fault.”
Faith nodded.
“Listen I’m going to go up to the cabin for a couple of days. I just…I need to think a little bit.”
“Can I come with you?”
Buffy kissed her on the forehead and then pulled away from her. “I think it’s best that you stay here and work things out with Spike.” Faith nodded her agreement. Buffy picked up her bag and walked out the room with Faith right behind her.
“You’ll be okay?”
Reaching the staircase Buffy started to take the stairs, she smiled. “Yeah. I think I will.”
They were interrupted by the front door swinging open as five men in black suits and ties walked in.
Buffy and Faith stopped on the last step, their eyes widened in surprise and confusion, just as Kate walked in. Her eyes took in the two women standing on the steps and the fact that Buffy was holding a bag, she snidely smiled. “Oh good, you’re packed, too bad you won’t be needing that where you’re going.”
In a heartbeat the moods of the two women standing on the stairs changed. Faith took a step forward, “what the hell are you doing here?” she angrily asked Kate. She just knew this woman was going to cause problems at some point.
Kate walked further into the room and addressed her men. “Spread out and search the hotel. I don’t want any assassins jumping out on me for steeling one of their women away.”
Faith took another step closer her face red with rage, her mouth opened to speak a flaming retort but Buffy stopped her.
While Faith was the sight of a growing raging anger, Buffy was mellow and calm. She walked down the final steps and dropped her bag. Standing only three steps away from Kate, she sighed, sounding completely bored. “Angel’s not here Agent Devane, in fact no one’s here but Faith and I.”
Kate’s smile faltered, that was not the scenario she had envisioned her head. She wanted to see the anguish on Angel’s face when she came for Buffy. Well she’ll see it at some point, if not today then tomorrow when he came to bail her out. She shrugged. “A shame but nevertheless it doesn’t make a difference. I’m here for you Buffy Summers.”
“What could you possibly want with me?”
“I’m here to arrest you of course.” Kate gleefully explained.
“On what charges you stupid bitch?” Faith sneered.
Buffy laughed, “Relax Faith she doesn’t have shit. She’s just pissed off that she doesn’t have my boyfriend’s cock to ride anymore.”
Buffy snorted, feeling completely confident that she was lying. “Really? And what pray tell is that?”
“Well for starters how about the fact that you are wanted for the grand larceny of the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York…Slayer. That is after all the name the common thief’s of your kind call you isn’t it?”
Buffy blanched. Her heart pounded in her chest. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Really, okay, well then how about the fact that you’re also wanted in New York for the theft of over a hundred high priced auto mobiles? Or that you are also the person responsible for running New York’s largest and most elaborate chop shop, one that they were never able to bring to justice?” She took a step closer and sneered into Buffy’s shocked face. “Does that ring any bells for you honey?”
Buffy’s face was unreadable but inside she was shaking. How did Kate find out about any of that? Anyone that would have confided to the authorities was dead. What the hell was going on?
The door opened once again and Spike stormed inside. The first thing he saw was Buffy and Faith standing there white as ghosts then he saw Kate and he was instantly alert.
“What are you doing here Kate?”
Kate turned and smiled, “ah hello Spike. Glad to see that one of you are here to witness it.”
“Witness what?”
Faith ran up to him and grabbed his head, kissing him solidly on the lips and shocking the hell out of Spike. “I’m so sorry, please forgive me, I love you so much.” She whispered raggedly.
Kate laughed. “I’m sure he won’t. Just like he won’t be too happy to know that I’m arresting her.”
Spike pulled away from Faith and stormed up to Kate. “What are you blithering about you stupid bitch? Arresting her for what?”
“Oh too many things for me to list I’m afraid. Let’s just say that the New York City Police will be very happy to know that I got their mysterious Slayer.”
And just like that Spike knew the shit had hit the fan. He took a step closer to her, bumping his chest against her. “She’s not going anywhere with you trollop, you’ll have to go through me first.”
Kate grinned and reached for her gun. “I was hoping you would say that.”
Spike’s eyes crossed he was so pissed off. “She’s carrying you bloody bint. You’re not taking her anywhere.”
“Spike, I don’t give a fuck if she’s shooting the little bastard out as we speak. She’s coming with me to jail where she fucking belongs.”
Suddenly Buffy stepped in between them. Putting a hand on Spike’s chest she pushed him back and stepped in front of him. “Spike, stop. It’s okay. I’ll go with her.”
Spike looked down in to her eyes expecting to see shadows of pain and tears, instead he saw strength and confidence and it calmed him down just a bit. “You don’t have to go with her luv. She don’t have a pot to piss in.”
Buffy smiled, “Yeah, I do. It’s okay. Somehow, I always knew this day would come.” As she continued to look at him her eyes started to water. She cupped his cheek and leaning up kissed him. “You’ve always been such a good friend to me. I want you know that you were right. I…really fucked things up.”
Spike returned her kiss with one of his own on her forehead. “Shh luv, don’t worry. He loves you, he’s not going anywhere.” Looking up he fixed Faith with a hard look. “We love you both, always.” Looking back at Buffy he smiled, “We’re like leeches, the two of us. Once stuck you can’t get us lose.”
Kate grabbed Buffy by the arm, “How touching, you’re going to make me cry. Let’s go prom queen.”
Buffy stood straight her eye still holding on to Spikes. “Call him and tell him where I am, but please whatever you do, don’t call my mom or Giles, okay?”
As Kate, grinning from ear to ear, pulled out her cuffs Spike pulled out his cell. He pressed the speed dial watching as Kate slapped the cuffs on Buffy and started to pull her out of the hotel, her goons all trailing behind her with guns drawn.
********
London
Angel was on his way back to the hotel after meeting Charlie at the pub on the corner. They went over the schematics of the job, everything was in place and they were ready to rock and roll. Now his feet carried him quickly down the street. He was anxious to get back to the hotel, grab his bag and head back home.
It had only been a day, if that considering the time change, but it didn’t matter. He needed her and he knew that she needed him. He was going home to tell her that he loved her, that he knew she loved him, and to tell her that he didn’t give a flying fuck who the father of the baby was. As long as it was a part of her the baby was a part of him. He would claim it as his own, and he would nurture that child with everything he had, and love it like his own. It just didn’t matter to him.
As for her not telling him, well that was still hard to chew but he realized that he had to cut her some slack. Her fears were built on all she had known, what she had experienced in the past. He couldn’t expect her to just flip over and see the good in everything, to trust everything. Trust had to be built. Trust had to be earned. He knew that she trusted him on some level, learning that that trust wasn’t as deep as he’d like it to be hurt but in some ways he was glad it happened.
He wanted a lifetime with this woman and he wanted to start that life on the right foot. Discovering her secret, learning that she still had some trust issues, was not an obstacle it was simply something that they had to work on together. They were still in the fragile stages of building their relationship, getting through this pothole would only be adding another block to their life’s foundation, and the more blocks you laid out the stronger and more indestructible that relationship would be, and that was his ultimate goal.
His thoughts were jarred by the ringing of his cell. Reaching into his pocket he pulled it out. It was the call he had been expecting, sooner rather than later actually.
“Hi mom, I know you worry, I was just about to call you.” He jokingly said only to be answered with a second of bleak silence. “Spike, everything alright?”
“Angelus, Kate was just here at the hotel and she took your woman away in cuffs.”
Angel stopped walking. His face turned hard and cold. “Explain.”
Suddenly it was Faith that answered and he could hear Spike in the background trying to get the phone back.
“Angel, its Faith. Look I know I’m probably not your most favorite person right now and I’m sorry about that really I truly am, but you have to do something. That fucking cunt came in here with suits and said she had evidence of Buffy being the Slayer. You have to come home Angel. You have to do something, please!”
“Faith, slow down sweetie, listen I’m not mad at you and I’m not mad at Buffy okay now calm down and tell me what happened.”
On a calmer note Faith went on and told him word for word what happened. When she was done Angel was ready to flay Kate alive. “Put Spike back on the phone honey.”
“Angelus, what do you want me to do?”
Reaching the front door of the hotel, the doorman held the door as Angel walked inside and headed toward the elevator. “Kate’s got something Spike or she wouldn’t have pulled shit like this. The question is who gave it to her.”
“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.”
“We’ll figure that out later. I’m calling Robin now; I need the quickest ride out of London and back to LA. There’s nothing we can do right now. You stay at the hotel and take care of Faith. Fill in the rest of the gang, and whatever you do, do not let Ripper know. I’ll call you when I land. ”
“Gotcha.”
“I don’t understand why we have to wait here?”
The sigh that filled the room was growing more intolerant every time it was articulated. For what seemed like the hundredth time in the past five hours, Spike once more answered an extremely agitated Faith, who was pacing like a caged lioness in the hotel’s lobby.
“Because Pet, there is nothing for us do. Angelus will take care of everything.”
Gunn, Oz, Willow, and Fred who had all returned from their walk to find that Buffy had been arrested, sat around the lobby watching Faith as she paced.
Gunn and Oz were whispering to each other quietly, and discreetly as possible, making bets to see just how much longer the daring and very protective brunette would wait to rescue her friend.
Fred’s brown eyes were glued on Spike, waiting for the moment when he would ultimately loose his cool with his girlfriend’s anxiety. It was inevitable after all. Spike didn’t have an abundance of patience as Fred new from experience. Though he was exhibiting an extreme amount of control at the moment she knew it was only a matter of time before he exploded which would lead to Faith’s eruption as well, and considering how violate those two could be, that meant all out war. At a time like this when everyone’s emotions were running ragged, a confrontation between friends was something Fred wanted to avoid at all costs. They’d already had one of those this morning and she didn’t want to see a repeat performance.
Willow was as confused as Faith was with everyone else’s lack of concern. Her worried green orbs went back and forth from Spike then to Faith, and then at Gunn and Oz who were quietly chuckling to each other, and then to Fred who seemed ready to pounce on Spike. Her confusion was evident in her eyes as she voiced her puzzlement.
“Um, I don’t understand either.” Spike turned and fixed the red head with a hard stare which made Willow blush and stammer. “I mean, I…I hear what you’re saying but I…don’t understand how Angel’s going to take care of this when he’s in England.”
The moment Willow opened her mouth, Faith stopped her pacing and stood with arms crossed over her breasts and staring at Spike waiting for an answer. “Yeah, explain that.”
It was Oz who answered Willow. Turning to her, he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into the crook of his arm. “Don’t worry Willow. Angel is taking care of everything. Buffy’s okay.”
Hearing the same words she’d heard all morning long, repeated again, Faith rolled her eyes. “No Oz, Buffy isn’t okay.” She snapped. “Angel’s not here. She’s pregnant and she’s being held by the Fed’s who at any minute could be throwing her on a plane and shipping her back to New York. And the only thing you four can say is ‘don’t worry, she’ll be okay.’” She mocked him and Oz frowned as Spike’s eyes hardened to steel. “The four of you, “she pointed to Spike, Gunn, Oz and Fred, “don’t seem the least bit worried, which tells me either you don’t give a shit about what happens to Buffy or you know something that you’re not sharing.”
The four in question remained silent not revealing any thoughts to what she just said.
Faith threw her hands up in the air, “It’s like talking to a fucking wall! Look, Willow and I aren’t kids okay and we’re not stupid, so stop fucking patronizing us and give us some answers!”
After a few tense and silent seconds ticked by Fred finally spoke. “She won’t be there long Faith.”
“Fred,”
Spike’s low warning was met with vexation as Fred confronted him. “What? They’ve been a part of this family for months now. They know everything else, why shouldn’t they know this too?”
Personally Spike agreed but there was something that Fred was conveniently forgetting, something that Spike couldn’t forget. He trusted Faith and Willow that wasn’t the problem. His reluctance to broaden the explanation was because he was very attached to his nuts.
“I agree luv but you know that’s not how it works.”
Fred swallowed a lump of a fear that suddenly lodged in her throat as memories assailed her. “Well, yeah but…” She fidgeted in her seat, took a deep breath, and then sat straight and looked back at Spike with determination. “You know it’s only a matter of time anyway Spike. What could it hurt to tell them now?”
“She’s got a point. In fact I’m surprised it hasn’t happened already.” Oz replied.
“Yeah, because you know nothing escapes them.” Gunn added.
Spike ran a hand through his hair as a string of curses fell from his lips. Bloody hell, he hated making decisions like this that’s why he wasn’t the one in charge.
He turned his gaze to Faith sighing with exasperation as he did. His lover was the classic lioness protecting her cubs when it came to those she loved and considered hers, and there was no one more firmly in that role than Buffy. That was who Faith was and Spike absolutely loved that about her. Unfortunately, it was her dedicated and protective nature that would ultimately land her in the hot seat and Spike castrated.
Grimacing with the thought, he reached down and grabbed his cock, he really loved his little Spiky but damn it the woman was leaving him no choice. He couldn’t save her from herself because he knew his lover and if he didn’t give her some answers soon she would bust Buffy out on her own. While that would definitely be fun Spike couldn’t allow her to do that.
The clock was ticking, he could feel those piercing brown eyes staring intently at him, waiting, no…demanding answers. Bloody hell!
“Look, you don’t have to worry because as we speak Buffy is getting released from custody.” There that should do it, Spike smartly thought.
“How do you know that?” Faith demanded.
Spike frowned, of course, she wouldn’t settle for that.
“Because I just do.” Before she could open her mouth to yell at him - which the sudden spark of fire in her eyes clearly said was coming - he stood up and walked over to her.
Grasping her shoulders, he lowered his voice, desperately trying to stress the magnitude of the situation without actually telling her anything. “Luv, you just have to trust me on this, please. Angelus has taken care of things.”
“How?”
Spike growled in aggravation, fuck the woman was obstinate! Bugger, it wasn’t his job to do this, nope, that belonged to another. And that person wouldn’t think twice about making Spike suffer for overstepping his place.
Spike loved his woman and his friends. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for them, except this. It was just too bad for him that his stubborn woman was going to make him.
Lowering his voice so only she would hear him he whispered, “do you suddenly hate me or something? Doesn’t Little Spiky always treat you right?”
“What?” Faith stared back at him like he’d lost his mind, “where the hell did that come from?”
Sighing deeply and resigned to the fact that he might not live to enjoy Faith’s delectable body anymore, Spike reluctantly said, “Luv, there are certain things about the Order you girls don’t know yet. “
Faith’s eyes hardened. “Why not? I thought we were a part of this?”
“You are, but it’s not that simple. There are people, who…”
Faith waited for Spike to continue. When he just stood there with his mouth open she prompted him, “people who…”
Spike frowned at her then mumbled in Gaelic under his breath, frustrated because he was drawing a complete blank with what to say next. Thankfully Oz had no such problem.
“I think what Spike’s trying to tell you girls, is that we don’t speak of them, ever.”
Feeling the note of tension in the air, Willow’s voice was but a whisper when she asked, “Who is ‘them?”
Gunn shook his head, “no, no, no…see that Red is a question you never ask because you don’t want to know the answer.”
“Yeah, because if they don’t accept you they’ll have to kill you.” Oz flatly added.
Willow’s eyes bulged in horror. She suddenly wished she could take her question back.
Fred rolled her eyes at the drama Oz was spilling but when she saw the look on Willow’s face, the one that said the red head was ready to bolt and go into hiding, she turned to comfort her. “They’re just being dramatic Willow. That’s not going to happen.” Turning back to Oz she scolded him. “Stop it, you’re scaring her.”
Gunn snorted, “For good reason honey. They’re scary people.”
Faith who was listening to the exchange with a growing anger that was getting hotter as every second ticked by, finally exploded, “What the hell are you talking about?”
“They’re talking about Uriel.” Fred quietly answered.
“Bullocks, I need I drink.” Spike grumbled under his breath as he walked passed Faith, clearly agitated.
“U-who?” Faith watched Spike walk over to the counter then bend down to the small refrigerator they kept there.
“I guess someone didn’t go to Sunday School as a little girl.”
Faith spun around and glared at Gunn. “What?”
“Uriel, the Archangel.”
Oz’s answer was non-pulsed and Faith stared blankly at him, waiting for further clarification. Oz sighed, then in the same flat tone continued. “He’s considered the wisest of all the Archangels because of his intellectual information, practical solutions and creative insights. Usually, if you’ve had a brilliant idea it is because of Uriel. Uriel warned Noah of the impending flood, he helped the prophet Ezra to interpret mystical predictions about the coming Messiah, and he delivered the Cabal to humankind. He also brought the knowledge and practice of alchemy. He has the ability to manifest from thin air, as well as and giving prophetic information and warnings. Basically, Uriel's area of expertise is divine magic, problem solving, spiritual understanding, studies, alchemy, weather, earth changes and writing. He’s considered to be the Archangel who helps with earthquakes, floods, fires, hurricanes, tornadoes, natural disaster and earth changes. A person would call on Uriel to avert such events or to heal and recover in their aftermath.”
At the end of Oz’s dissertation everyone was staring at him queerly, he just casually shrugged, “what? I’m Irish Catholic.”
Faith closed her eyes then pressed her fingers against her temple. Her head was beginning to pound. This conversation took a sudden and jolting turn toward the extremely…strange. Man, these people could make a saint want to kill something.
“I can’t believe I’m going to say this,” Opening her eyes she stared incredulously at Oz. “Are you telling me that we have an Archangel in our midst?”
Fred smiled, “Gracious no that would be highly impossible.” She softly chuckled.
“You think.” Faith drolly answered.
“It’s a metaphor Faith for what the man does. “
Faith turned back and looked at Oz, her knuckles cracked. His pretentious stare said he thought she was stupid. She so wanted to snap his neck.
“He’s the messenger. No one knows his real name.” Gunn said.
Faith’s frustration with their obscure answers was unmistakable as she persisted in questioning them. “The messenger for who?”
“You don’t need to concern yourself with…him” Spike cracked open the beer he held in his hand and took a long, long drink. When he was done he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and answered her. “All you need to know is that he’s the man that’s getting Buffy out of the clutches of the feds.”
Finally feeling like she was getting some answers, Faith calmed down a little and reflected on that. “Okay, that’s good to hear but who is he?”
“No one knows.” Oz answered. “He just…takes care of things.”
“Angel knows but that’s not information he shares and, after hearing his voice you’re not going to want to know anything else, trust me.” Gunn said.
Before Faith could say another word, Spike slammed his hand down on the counter drawing everyone’s attention. “That’s enough. We’re not saying anything else, we’ve already told you too much.” At Faith’s incredulous look he looked at her coldly and sternly. “That’s all you’re going to get Faith, so take it for what it is and trust me, trust us, when we tell you that Buffy is perfectly safe. The only place she’s going is out of the Federal Bureau building and away from Kate.” His eyes flitted around the room suspiciously then grumbled under his breath. “I’m going to get my balls cut off just for telling you that much.”
Twenty minutes away at the Federal Bureau of Investigation in downtown Los Angeles, Kate was standing in her superior’s office getting her ass reamed out.
“God damn it Kate! I can’t believe you. Do you have any fucking respect for me at all? Don’t you have any respect for your job, shit, for your life!”
“Sir, I was doing my job.”
“No you were signing your death certificate! Christ Devine, you were, and still are I might add, on suspension! You do understand what that word means don’t you? Or do I need to whip out my fucking Webster’s for you.”
Kate kept her angry retort to herself. She knew she had seriously stepped over the line when she arrested Buffy while on suspension but she thought after she explained why that Dillinger would be on her side. Clearly that was not the case.
“When the fuck did you grow so stupid? Were you not in this very room when I told you to drop this case? How many fucking times…”
Dillinger’s rant was interrupted when the door to his office was suddenly opened.
Kate witnessed something then she never in her life thought she would see. Dillinger’s face paled and he took a step back from his desk. Frowning at her hard ass supervisor’s abnormal reaction, Kate turned to see who drew such an effect from a man that had balls of steel. When she did, she was hard pressed not to laugh at the two men that stood in the doorway.
Dressed like Will Smith from Men in Black they stepped into Dillinger’s office. One man stood in front of the door while the other closed the blinds to the windows and stood in front of them.
Kate’s eyes narrowed speculatively. Their curt movements and total lack of civility not to mention the air of confidence and authority that rolled into the small office right along with them screamed government training. The question was which department.
They were a little too uptight to be feds and they seemed just a tad bit too forthcoming to be CIA. If the CIA wanted you they would sneak and hide in the shadows, they wouldn’t just walk right in and say ‘here we are’. While Kate could tell these men were capable of that too there was something different about them, an air of mysteriousness. She quickly ran through the other branches they could be with and the one that popped out the most was the Secret Service.
Like the men and women who protected the President, these men’s faces held no hints of emotions or even if they were breathing for that matter. That air of mystique was heightened by the inability to see their eyes behind the black sunglasses they wore and the creepy feeling that you were standing in the presence of men who were warriors. There was no doubt in Kate’s mind that these two men would and could kill you before you could even say hello. But that didn’t make any sense. Why the hell would the Secret Service be here? No, they were something else, and she had a suspicion they were here for the same reason she was.
Whoever these men were they were definitely intimidating but it was the third man that suddenly stepped into the room that held Kate’s attention the most.
Seeing the first two men brought images of warriors from long ago to mind but the newcomer reminded Kate of Conan the Barbarian. Tall, broad shouldered and big muscled, also dressed in a black suit like his comrades, the man barely spared Kate a glance as he strolled into the office with a regal grace that was charismatically lethal as he calmly closed the door. She glimpsed lifeless brown orbs before he turned and looked directly at Dillinger whose face grew paler under the new arrival’s cold inert scrutiny.
Kate couldn’t stop herself from swallowing back the apprehension she suddenly felt. The air in the room turned stifling and dangerous. Not a sound could be heard. When the man finally spoke, his voice was devoid of all emotion. It was low, hard, and controlled, precise.
“Sir.”
Dillinger’s acknowledgment of the men was the most respectful greeting Kate had ever heard her supervisor give. It was obvious to Kate that Dillinger had already met the man and he was not excited about seeing him again. When Conan spoke his words only confirmed Kate’s thoughts.
“Supervisor Dillinger, it’s unfortunate that we’re meeting again. As I’m sure you have already ascertained I’m here for Buffy Summers. You are to release her now.” With a nod of his head he indicated the man standing in front of the door. “Mr. May will go with you to escort her out.”
Any feelings of trepidation that Kate felt upon seeing these men disappeared with the sharp no nonsense commands Conan issued.
“Like hell! Buffy Summers is mine. Who the hell are you!”
Dillinger’s face turned red as he hissed at Kate. “Jesus Christ Devine, shut your mouth!”
Conan turned and seared Kate with a bland look. His dark intelligent gaze studied her for a few silent seconds, seconds that quickly brought back a small measure of fear in Kate, well before he spoke in that condescending voice.
“You should consider yourself very lucky Agent Devine.”
“Oh and why is that?” Kate sneered.
Dillinger once more cursed under his breath with her sharp response. It was the complete opposite of Conan’s reaction which was absolutely nothing at all. He gave nothing away. Not even a flare of annoyance showed in those dark orbs before he gave her a deadpanned answer. “Because I’m not here for you.”
Kate didn’t know how to respond to that except she felt that trickle of fear return. Those eyes definitely knew how to make a statement, and in that moment that statement was a cross between droll boredom and planning Kate’s demise. That trickle of fear turned into a shiver that ran throughout Kate’s entire body.
Like a predator sensing his prey’s meekness, Conan turned away from Kate and once more addressed Dillinger.
“You will relinquish all the files you have on Buffy Summers and Quentin Travers.” He turned to his associate that guarded the window. “Mr. October will help you collect everything and I do mean everything Supervisor. If one piece of paper or information is not included, well…trust me when I say our next meeting won’t be as pleasant. “
Dillinger nodded his head and handed the one folder he had on his desk to Mr. October who had his hand held out.
Kate was beside herself with irate disbelieve. Who the hell were these people to just come waltzing in here like they owned the joint and steal her case? “Now wait one freaking minute!”
With a swift refined shift of that well toned body, Conan turned and faced Kate once again. “No, you wait.” He took a step closer to her. If it were possible, his face became harder and his brown eyes became almost black, it was the only sign of emotion Kate had witnessed.
“You overstepped your position within the Bureau Agent Devine. By ignoring your Supervisor’s command of suspension, you disobeyed orders, and as a civilian, went onto private property and apprehended an innocent woman without a warrant and without any proof of the crimes you were accusing of her.”
Despite the air of danger and authority that surrounded the man, Kate’s anger overrode caution. “Innocent, my ass! I arrested a criminal mister and I have proof.” Reaching into her jacket, she whipped out the folded brown envelope she had received and waved it in front of Conan’s face. “This is all the proof I need to know that the woman I took into custody is a wanted criminal.”
Feeling like she finally had the upper hand, Kate smirked with self righteousness as she held the envelope up. But as quickly as the envelope appeared in her hand it quickly left, and was in the clasp of Mr. May who safely tucked it away into the pocket of his suit.
“No Agent Devine, you have nothing. “ Conan coldly replied.
Kate gasped and her eyes widen in surprise. She scrutinized the suited Mr. May, more certain then before that these men were somehow connected to The Order. Because she had never in her life seen anyone move that fast, except for…Angel and Spike.
Kate could feel Mr. May holding her gaze under those black glasses. She smirked at him then shrugged a shoulder as if to say ‘whatever’. Let them take whatever they wanted, she didn’t care. She would have been really pissed if it weren’t for the fact that she had everything backed up at home in her personal safe. But she did, and they didn’t need to know that.
“I’m not going to let this go.” Kate said.
The only outward reaction she received from the men in the office, besides Dillinger’s continuing cursing of her stupidity, was Conan’s black eyebrow raised in question.
“Then it’s unfortunate for you that we will be meeting again.”
Conan turned and nodded to Dillinger. Then walking up to Mr. May he whispered in his ear and left the room.
“Supervisor Dillinger?” Mr. May addressed Dillinger.
“Devine get out and go home, don’t show your face here again for a month.” Dillinger walked over to the door where Mr. May was holding it open for him. “Follow me Mr. May, I’ll take you to Ms. Summers.”
Ten minutes later Buffy found herself out of the holding cell and walking beside a closed lip suit. She had no idea who the man was or where he was taking her but she didn’t care, she was just glad she was out of that cell and away from the FBI.
She might have put on a brave face back at the hotel but inside she was nervous and afraid. All she wanted was Angel and now that she was finally outside and breathing in the semi fresh air of the parking garage, her anxiety was growing stronger, her need to see and touch Angel was almost becoming painful.
The man beside her gripped her elbow with strength and a strange sense of fidelity that was gentle and oddly enough, comforting. He didn’t speak except when he addressed her in the cell, telling her that he was Mr. May and she should come with him. Not saying anything else, he had steered her through the building and down to the parking garage. Now they were headed toward a black BMW with dark tinted windows.
Upon reaching the car, he opened the door and held it open to her, “Miss. Summers.”
Buffy wasn’t sure what to do. She had no idea who these people were and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to get into the car or not, but Mr. May stood there silently, acknowledging her hesitation with a jerk of his head toward the car.
Buffy leaned down and peered inside.
“I can assure you Miss Summers that you’ll find my hospitality much more to your liking than the FBI’s. Please,” with a hand out in greeting, a starkly handsome African American man gestured her inside the car.
Not sensing any kind of threat from the man, Buffy took a deep breath and got in the car. The door closed and the car took off and out of the parking lot.
“You have no idea how much I have been looking forward to meeting you Buffy. May I call you Buffy?” The deep voice asked.
Buffy turned in her seat and looked at him. “Um, yeah sure. I’m sorry I don’t know who you are?”
The man smiled and that smile changed his entire façade. His dark eyes lightened with amusement and the face that she thought was handsome to begin with now became resplendently striking.
“Let me reassure you Buffy that I’m not here to hurt you. In fact, in time you will come to consider me as one of your most trusted allies.”
Buffy measured his words and the aura of the man himself which was cagey yet friendly, and then she asked, “Did Angel send you?”
The man smiled again, “in a way.” He held out his hand and with only the slightest bit of uncertainty Buffy took it. “I am known as Uriel, but you may call me Robin.”
**********
Ethan watched as the black BMW drove out of the parking garage of the Federal Bureau’s building. With a resolved sigh he pulled out his cell phone. The phone rang only twice before it was answered.
“She’s been released.”
He held the phone away from his ear as Mersum yelled on the other end.
Ethan took a breath the interrupted him. “You knew this was a possibility. You know the answer to that already. No I’m not going to track him. Why? Because I enjoy breathing that’s why. Yes, alright. I’m on my way.”
Hanging up the phone Ethan placed it back in his pocket and made his way to his car with unhurried strides.
He knew this is what it would come too so he didn’t know why he felt so unsettled. Perhaps it was because very soon he would be reunited with the man he had been avoiding for years. Or maybe it was because he knew that said man was not going to be very cooperative. Well both of those things were true but the realty was that he knew all his dark secrets were about to be revealed and instead of feeling like a trapped rate he felt a sense of liberation.
He hadn’t realized how much the events of the past had weighed upon him, not until he had looked into the face of Buffy Summers. You would think after everything he done without even blinking an eye that seeing her face wouldn’t affect him, especially since it wasn’t the first time he’d seen her. But for some reason watching her walk through the parking garage, seeing her pretty face that was both serene yet troubled, touched him in a way that he had never before experienced. And for the first time in his long and dissolute life he actually felt regret. She was the face of innocence, an innocent that he had helped to corrupt. She had been just a child when he had orchestrated her meeting Parker, basically handling her over to monsters without a thought as to the treatment she would get and without a care as to how that abuse would affect her.
Unexpectedly, Ethan felt sick to his stomach. His part in the treachery that Mersum had begun over twenty years ago felt too real, too insidious.
Getting in the car he started the engine. He looked up and glanced at the back seat and the two bags that were packed. He knew it would come to this and he was prepared to go. He pushed away the qualms of guilt and regrets. He refused to live that way. He had done what he did and that was it. It was history. Besides, the girl didn’t seem the worse for wear now, and he knew that even if he hadn’t done what he did, she still would have ended up exactly where she was today because in spite of everything a person can’t hide who or what they are. Destiny always finds you.
Nevertheless, Ethan was a self preservationist and he wasn’t ready to die just yet. So he would do this last thing for Mersum and then he would be on his way. With a little bit of luck, he’ll be able to keep his identity a secret, and maybe live out the rest of his life in peace and quiet.
**********
Kate stormed inside her condo and slammed the door shut. The entire drive home from the office she tried to figure out just what the hell happened. Who the hell were those guys? And why had Dillinger, a man that doesn’t back down to anyone, act like a pussy and obey everything Conan said?
They were definitely spooks of some sort but she had no idea who, the man never even flashed a badge. Nothing, no name, not any kind of identification, he just strolled in issuing commands and dishing out threats as if he were God.
Wrapped up in those thoughts it took Kate a minute to take in the fact that her apartment had been completely ransacked.
“Shit!”
She scanned her small living room taking note of the furniture that was upturned. Her bookcase that were on the floor and all the books scattered everywhere. Her desk looked like a tornado hit and her computer was smoking.
“Damn it!”
She ran into the bedroom only to find her safe wide open and empty.
“FUCK!”
Conan was right. She had nothing now.
Buffy had no idea how long they’d driven nor did she have any idea where they were or where they were headed. So engrossed with the deep magnetic voice of the man she sat next to as he chronicled the history of the Order, she never once looked out the window.
She sat on the backseat, her body angled toward Robin with her feet tucked under her legs feeling oddly compliant with where and whom she was with. Probably because the story Robin was telling made Buffy feel like she was watching a movie based upon a Dan Brown novel that was filled with ancient scriptures and soldiers of God. A story of heroes and heroines, men and women who were born with the gifts to help those less fortunate, people who acted without selfishness or greed but did everything in the name of devotion and truth.
“It all sounds so fanciful, like a myth or something.” She reflected softly.
Robin’s smile was warm and friendly as he observed the little blonde. She was everything he knew she would be - strong and intelligent with a quick and open mind, plus a heart that was full of love, compassion, and understanding. All commendable and excellent qualities to have but for Robin the one that he held high above everything else was the complete trust she had in Angelus. Trust she openly demonstrated when she never once asked Robin where he was taking her or why.
He had also been very pleased to discover that Buffy had an abundance of natural intuitiveness. Being a cognitive of such knowledge that aptitude spoke to Robin in the form of a bright halo of light that brilliantly surrounded her, and in all his years he had never seen anyone with an aura like Buffy’s. Its purity and beauty was so distinct that it almost left him speechless. Its shining vividness was so clear, so untainted and organic that it almost made him weep with the joy of it, it was just that stunning. It was also what made her so singular and significant.
Unfortunately, from what Robin knew of Buffy and from what he had learned from Angelus, he was certain that if she knew what he was thinking she would most likely scoff at him. The woman sitting next to him was a Godsend, literally. That knowledge was never in question for Robin he had known it since the day she was born. The problem was that the woman herself didn’t.
Since leaving the Brotherhood Buffy had made a great deal of progress in repairing her self-esteem and Robin had been impressed with how much she had bloomed, but there was still a part of her that believed she wasn’t worthy of anything good.
The more Robin considered Buffy the more apparent she became and the more his anger grew.
Her soul was lost. Adrift in a sea of uncertainties and deep rooted fears that she wasn’t even aware she had. What infuriated him was that it was other people and the circumstances they created that led Buffy Summers astray. It hadn’t been her free will or choice, and that was what was so deplorable.
And yet her honesty and warmth reassured him that throughout all the stumbling blocks those responsible had laid out before her she still managed to become a decent human being. Of course that should have been anticipated. After all, she had the blood of kings in her veins. God faring men that believed in truth and honesty, loyalty and devotion. She was, in essence, her father’s daughter. Robin briefly frowned he had a bone to pick with that man.
As for Buffy, though her soul still searched for the one piece it was missing, meeting Angelus had begun to repair the rip that had been made so many years ago. And God willing that rip would be fully mended in a matter of days.
What happened to Buffy was a travesty that Robin took a personal offense to. The jealousies of weak men changed God’s plan and that was completely unacceptable. That was his purpose here today; it was Robin’s job to help fill in the blanks.
“It’s like a fairy tale.”
Buffy’s soft voice broke through Robin’s train of thought and he answered her with a smile. “It is in a way. The Order is an ancient clan.”
“You make it sound like they’re separate from other people, like they’re not normal or something.”
“A member of the Order stands above and beyond other people Buffy. They are not ‘normal’ in the sense that you are familiar with, though in their eyes and in the eyes of the people that know them they are as normal as anyone.”
Robin’s answer was unyielding and left no room for arguments. Not that Buffy would argue with him, you just did not mess with a man that believed in everything he did with deadly seriousness – and that was Robin.
The man was intense and passionate about what he did, and she couldn’t help but wonder if he was like that in every area of his life.
Buffy had no idea exactly what kind of personal life a man who was known by the name of Uriel would have but she was pretty certain it wasn’t much. Zealots didn’t have personal lives their entire lives were built around their beliefs.
Buffy watched as Robin took a pocket watch out and checked the time, his voice once more friendly as he resumed his lecture.
“The term Clan was chosen for specific reasons. Clan means family and that is how the Order began, with families whose members had been born with unique characteristics. Gifts that would help them maintain order and prosperity for their people, and to help ensure that those in charge never overstepped their positions of power. These special people were born with the gift of sight, strength and precision skills like hand to hand combat or archery, or with quick hands and intelligent minds. These gifts were handed down throughout the generations to their children. With each generation that was born, those skills strengthened and then some also died away.”
“Why?”
Robin’s brown eyes hardened and his voice became crisp and sharp. “Some of those gifts are too powerful, and unfortunately not all mortals can be trusted with such a gift, especially the gift of sight. They use it for their own means, forgetting the true purpose of why they were given it to begin with. Many believe it was God’s will that, as the generations went by, that gift diminished until only a few people retained the full capacity to see what others could not, people who proved to be worthy of such power. Of course, some people still retain the sight in some measure it just doesn’t come as clearly. The gift altered, changing from clear visions into strong sensations, or as some would say ‘gut feelings’ that indicate when something’s going to go bad or the absolute knowledge that the time is right to strike.”
Buffy lowered her head before Robin could see her eyes pop out of her head. How many times had she felt something similar to that on every job she had ever been on? Too many to count.
She wondered, what if…
She shook her head and softly chuckled, really, what a silly thought, she wasn’t born into the Order, she was just the daughter of Joyce and Hank Summers. What she felt was nothing more than good intuition.
Through her lashes she glimpsed a peak at Robin who was waiting for her next question and watching her with unnerving depth. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he was searching for something or waiting for some sort of reaction to what he was telling her. What kind of reaction she had no idea. But she thought about what he said, back to all the times when Angel or Spike for that matter did something that had seemed beyond the normal scope of a human’s ability. They both had uncanny speed and strength, keen intellects that sometimes bordered on scary because it was like they could read each other’s minds and everyone else’s. You could never get anything past or over those two, or Oz for that matter. It was hard to believe that they had been given special ‘gifts’ by God but she had to admit it did explain a lot of things.
“So what you’re saying is that Angel and Spike and Oz have these abilities?”
Robin nodded. “It is emblematic that the Chiefs of the Order and their seconds have more gifts than the others. His is the decisive authority that all others follow and do so with blind allegiance. He alone must have the ability and the power to understand and control all those that are below him in rank. This is why the Chief is gifted with all the abilities that God granted.” Robin’s gaze held Buffy’s unflinchingly, and only intensified the more he spoke. “There is no one more important than the Chief. If the Chief is corrupt then the Order will become so. “
“Quentin.” Buffy whispered.
Robin sighed and Buffy could hear the sadness and regret that filled every nuance of that expression. “Yes. Regrettably Quentin abused his power, and that abuse of authority trickled down to his second and ultimately turned the Order into something it was never created to be.”
“Angel was Quentin’s second,” Buffy’s eyes crinkled with anger. “I don’t like what you’re implying. Angel is not corrupt.”
Her voice rose with offended resentment. Inside Robin was smiling, outside he held her gaze with a unbreakable stare of his own. “Before Angelus met you Buffy that was exactly what he had become. That is a truth not a fabrication, as Angelus will admit as well. However, now that Quentin is no longer ruling Chief and Angelus has taken his rightful place, the Order can once more be the organization it was intended to be.”
Buffy’s anger dissipated with his answer and then a thought came to mind. “Rightful place? Do you mean Angel was supposed to have been Chief all along?”
“The position of Chief is handed down from father to son. Liam held the position, when he died Angelus was too young to replace him and it became the responsibility of Liam’s second to fill the role until the time came when Angelus would be old enough to lead. But Liam’s second disappeared and before arrangements could be made Quentin stepped into the role and solidified his authority too quickly for us to respond, which lead to the black years of the Order that you unknowingly walked into.”
Robin waited for Buffy to soak all that in before he continued.
“Angelus is the direct descendent of Magnus the first Chief of the Order. So to answer your question, yes, Angelus and Spike do in fact have those gifts I mentioned but to different degrees. Oz is a different story entirely. The one gift that he was born with was one of vast knowledge and superb intelligence, again handed down to him from his forefathers who all held a similar position within the Order as Oz does.”
Buffy nodded her understanding.
“Tell me Buffy, are you familiar with the Bible and the story of angels and archangels?” Robin asked.
Buffy’s smile was shy, “Well I’m not a devote Catholic but I know who the angels and archangels are.” She frowned, “its funny my parents never made us go to church or anything like that but they did drill into us everything there was to know about them.”
Robin’s smile was discerning but Buffy wasn’t looking up at him so she didn’t see it, she was looking down and fidgeting with her shoe. Her brows were lowered in concentration when she looked back at Robin. “So, who are you a messenger for…Uriel?”
Robin nodded his approval with her comprehension, then he smiled and shook his head back and forth, “that is something I cannot tell you Buffy. But what I can tell you is that he is someone that sees and knows everything, he is simply known as Archangel.”
“The leader of the angels.” Buffy responded and Robin smiled.
“That’s right.”
“I don’t know what to think about all this. I mean, from what you’ve told me, the only people you have ever physically shown yourself to are Angel and Spike, so why are you telling me? I mean I’m nothing special. I’m only Angel’s…” Buffy stopped unsure how to continue because she wasn’t exactly sure where she stood with Angel right now.
Robin was silent for a few seconds as he studied her. “Never belittle yourself Buffy. You’re more special then you know.” Before Buffy could question him about that comment he continued. “About a month ago Angelus came to me and told me that he wished for you to join the Order, as well as your friends Faith and Willow. This was a highly unusual request. Past experiences have shown that accepting someone who was not born to the Order to be a mistake, in drastic and horrific ways. However you and your friends have been foretold. So while it is normal procedure for me to conduct these initiations via telephone, I made an exception for you because of who you are.”
“I don’t understand.”
Robin smiled just as the car hit a bump in the road that jerked Buffy back to where she was. She turned and looked out the window and saw the familiar woods of the mountains. She turned curious eyes to Robin.
“These woods are familiar to you?” he asked.
“It looks like the road to the cabin, but Angel said no one knew about the cabin.” She answered.
“We know everything Buffy. There is nothing that gets by the Archangel.”
“You make him sound like God.” She softly chuckled.
Robin’s face remained straight. “God, no, he’s just a man, a man who has the ability to see many things.”
The car suddenly came to a stop and Buffy looked out to see the front of the cabin. The door was opened and standing in the threshold was Angel.
Her smile was sad but it did not detract from the love and adoration that were filling her eyes with moisture as nervousness settled low in the pit of her belly.
“Do you believe in destiny Buffy?”
Robin’s softly spoken question drew her gaze back to him.
“I don’t know, I never really thought much about it.” Looking back out the window her eyes once more devoured Angel as he walked down the steps and toward the car. She smiled, “until I met Angel at least.”
Robin returned her smile. “Always believe in yourself Buffy. You are a woman with many powerful and incredible talents. You honor Angelus with your love and loyalty, and I am honored to have met you. “
Buffy turned back and gave him a blinding smile. Reaching out she grabbed his hand and held it in hers. “Thank you so much, for everything.”
Robin squeezed her hand, “No Buffy, it’s me who should be thanking you. You have no idea just how special you are. Trust me when I tell you that everything that has happened and everything that has yet to take place is all a part of God’s plan. Destiny is never far behind you Buffy. You can’t run from it and you can’t hide from it. The moment when you least expect it is when it reveals all. Sometimes that revelation can be hurtful and confusing but you must not turn your back on it. Do you understand me?”
The zealous, almost seraphic, brown eyes that stared at Buffy seemed to be seeking something she couldn’t decipher. Her eyes crinkled for a moment before she just accepted what he said and nodded, her smile still on her face as Mr. May opened the door.
Buffy stepped out of the car her eyes on Angel’s concerned face as he gazed deeply at her.
“I’ll leave you in the very capable hands of Angelus Buffy.”
Buffy had no time to respond to Robin’s farewell before Mr. May closed the door, jumped in the front seat and the car took off down the road.
The car and Robin were forgotten as Buffy suddenly found herself in the loving embrace of her Angel.
“Buffy,”
He spoke to her in a torrent of Gaelic that filled her soul with warmth and absolution. She had no idea what he said but it didn’t matter. He came back to her. His arms held her tightly against his beating heart and she knew that nothing had changed between them. The coarse emotionally packed words he spoke next only confirmed it.
“God, I love you so much. Are you okay? Jesus, if that bitch hurt you…I’ll fucking kill her.”
“I’m okay Angel, really.”
As she reassured him of her wellbeing, Buffy rejoiced in the feeling of safety that infused her soul whenever Angel held her in his arms. She had so much to say to him and she needed to share them before he said anything.
She pulled back and looked up into his searching gaze. She opened her mouth to speak but was silenced by Angel’s finger that rose and covered her lips. Her eyes held his gaze in question as he tenderly smiled then took her hand leading her down a path that took them deep into the woods.
As they walked quietly hand in hand, the sun chaotically shone through the trees, filling some places with sunlight and warmth while leaving others hidden under the shadows of the tree branches above. Birds chirped in the distance and a soft breeze blew the leaves that covered the forest floor producing a crinkling sound that made Buffy smile.
“Where are we going Angel?”
“Shh.” He tugged on her hand and continued to walk down the path.
Looking straight ahead Buffy saw a small lake surrounded by tall trees that was picturesque and pristine. The sun’s rays streamed down from the light blue sky above and touched the water with a shimmery enchantment that was breathtaking.
Her eyes wondered around the perimeter of the water, soaking in all the blue and yellow and white flowers that lined the shore of the lake. It reminded Buffy of one of those beautiful majestic looking wallpapers you could down load for free. It looked untouched and clean, mystical, and its beauty and serenity drew a gasp of wonder from Buffy’s lips as Angel drew her toward a small tree that sat six feet away from the water’s edge. With little purple flowers and tall willowy branches that hung down toward the forest floor, the tree offered a shady five foot perimeter from the warmth of the sun’s rays.
Angel walked her over until they were under the regal tree and then he stood aside. Holding her gaze, he bowed and softly spoke, “milady’s lunch awaits.”
Buffy smiled, a bit in shock and a whole lot in love with the enigmatic man in front of her, then she looked down to see a tartan of brown, green and gold spread out on the grass. An open basket sat to the side, its contents of fried chicken, grapes, strawberries, and water were spread out on the cloth. She looked up at him, her eyes narrowing and her voice suspiciously soft. This was not what she expected.
“What is this all Angel?”
Angel mockingly gasped. “It’s called lunch.” Leaning down he tweaked her nose. “Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of it before?”
He was teasing her, the mischievous glint in his eye told her that much, but she didn’t understand why. Hadn’t she broken his heart? This looked more like a reward then a punishment. She literally had no idea what to make of the romantic setting her lover had created, and her confusion showed on her face.
Angel softly chuckled then gently grabbed her chin and brought her gaze back to his. “Buffy, we have a lot to talk about don’t we?” As she nodded her head in agreement, Angel caressed her check. “Flying back from London at record speed makes me hungry and the last time I checked, the food at the Fed’s holding cells leave much to be desired.”
The air around them was light and tension free, Angel’s voice was calm and relaxed and Buffy immediately followed suit. Her green eyes twinkled. “And I guess you would know that ah?”
Angel smirked and then winked at her. “I propose we sit down, eat this delicious food and talk to each other.” He leaned down, his gaze intent and serious. “Honestly and openly. Just like two people who love and respect each other should talk to one another.”
Reaching down Buffy grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “I agree.”
Her eyes closed at the feel of Angel’s lips against her forehead. Feeling a slight tug on her hand she opened her eyes to see him smiling.
“Good. Now sit down and eat.”
With a serene smile on her face Buffy did just that and as Angel sat down next to her and they quietly began to eat she couldn’t help but be amazed at how calm she actually felt. Oh, she knew there was some heavy conversation coming up but she was okay with that. In fact, she needed to do it. And as she swallowed her last bite of chicken, she looked up to see Angel watching her intently.
Her face reddened slightly as she saw his eyes wander down to her belly and stay there. Reaching out he laid his palm against her slightly protruding stomach. His eyes held wonderment in them, almost as if he was in awe of the child growing inside of her. But how could that be? How could he look at her belly with anything other than hatred and condemnation?
She wanted Angel’s acceptance of her and the child so much, needed him to claim them both as his that she couldn’t help but wonder if that need was playing tricks with her eyes? As she continued to watch him, as his hand reverently caressed her belly she couldn’t deny the strong emotions coming from him or the love and wonderment that shone in those chocolate orbs. In that moment as time stilled and the air around them blew with tranquility and love, Buffy knew that everything was going to be okay.
Her heart filled with so much love that she thought she was going to snap. How could she, someone with an insane amount of baggage be so lucky as to have found a man like him? And how could she have been so stupid as to do anything that would jeopardize that?
God, she just wanted to kick herself in the ass. She had caused him such heartache and pain and he didn’t deserve that. He had saved her, had shown her what being in love truly meant, he had given her sense of self back and she repaid him in the cruelest of ways. She wanted to get on her knees and worship him. She wanted to tell him that she would be his slave for eternity. That she would do anything he asked of her, anything at all, as long as he stayed with her, as long as he continued to hold her, as long as he continued to believe in her…to trust her once again.
She knew it wasn’t going to be easy. You didn’t just win back someone’s trust with a ‘I’m sorry and a kiss’. She knew there was the possibility that he would never forgive her but she had to take the chance. It would be difficult to just sit there and hear what he had to say, words she was certain were not going to be kind and fluffy, but where Angel was concerned she could and would do anything.
She took a deep breath and spoke. “Angel?”
He didn’t acknowledge her right away. He didn’t even look up at her he was so engrossed with her belly. “Have you been feeling okay?” he quietly asked.
She closed her eyes as her heart jerked with the emotions that ripped through her. After everything this was his first question. His concern touched her more than anything else ever could. She cleared her throat of the lump that lodged itself in place. “Besides being nausea I’ve been…okay.”
He nodded then finally brought his gaze back hers. “That’s good.”
She gave him a shy smile and nodded. Then she reached down and grabbed his hand. Holding him tightly as if she was afraid he was going to disappear she spoke what was in her heart.
“Angel, I’m sorry for not telling you, for not trusting you. It was wrong and I know that. I’m not even going to make up excuses for it. I should have told you. I never wanted to hurt you and in the end I did just that and there is nothing I regret more. I love you so much and I know that you love me, I should have had more faith in that and I didn’t. I wish I could go back in time and do things differently but I can’t. The only thing I can do is hope that you’ll forgive me.”
After a few tense moments of those ever seeing orbs staring into hers, he spoke. “You’re right, you should have told me. And I’m not going to sit here and tell you it’s okay that you didn’t just to make you feel better because it wasn’t okay.”
His answer was straight forward and unsympathetic, and shame filled Buffy. She lowered her gaze as one lone tear drifted down her cheek. She angrily swiped it away. She had promised herself that she wouldn’t shed a single tear during this talk. She wanted to be strong and face what she had done with conviction and honesty. She wanted his comfort and forgiveness, she desperately wanted his trust once again, but she did not want it based on tears.
Angel’s lips quirked up into a smile as he watched her swat the tear away. He could sense that she was trying to maintain composure and he was grateful. Tears could come later when he could offer her comfort with all his heart and without the resentment. They needed to be honest with each other even if that candidness was brutal.
Angel grabbed her chin and brought her gaze back up to his. “I understand your reasons for not telling me but just because you have a shitty history when it comes to love and trust doesn’t fix anything. “
“I don’t want it to Angel. I’m not making any excuses for what I did.”
He leaned forward and gently grazed is lips against hers, surprising Buffy. “And I’m grateful for that because that tells me that you truly are sorry. “ When Buffy looked into his eyes they were solemn. “I’ m not going to sit here and tell you once again how much you hurt me by keeping this secret. I’m not going to tell you how much it felt like betrayal because I think we’ve already established that and I don’t want to linger on what happened. I want to move forward. I do forgive you because I love you and it’s as simple as that.”
Buffy’s eyes widen and she let out a breath she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding. But then she winced as the gentle hand of her lover now gripped her chin without mercy. She gazed back at him and what she saw was Angelus, the assassin, the man who was unemotional and didn’t even have the words remorse or forgiveness in his vocabulary.
“But understand this Buffy I won’t tolerate any more secrets. If you ever hold something back like this from me again I will walk away and I won’t come back.“
Buffy’s gaze was just as indomitable as she nodded her understanding. ”You have my word Angel.”
Angel held her gaze intently, her eyes told him she meant what she said and his heart and soul prayed that she would not break his trust again. He cupped her face gently as he spoke with a voice that was husky with the raw emotions he was feeling.
“I’m entrusting you with my heart and my soul Buffy. Relationships are never easy and they’re a helluva lot harder for people like us. But we have to learn to trust in one another. We have to learn to work together. You have to believe that there is nothing that would ever make me stop loving you.“
“I know Angel.” Buffy quietly said.
“You can tell me anything baby. You can come to me for anything. All I want is to be to you what you are to me…my lifeline.” Buffy gave him a small shy smile, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “And if you feel smothered, if you feel like I’m taking your independence away from you, then you tell me. I’ll listen to what you have to say and we’ll talk about it.”
Buffy could only sit there in awe, he was so incredible. Amongst everything that was going on he still hadn’t forgotten her fear of losing herself in the relationship. Even though that was pretty much an irrational fear now, the fact that he still viewed it as important to her made her want to kiss him all over.
She leaned over and grabbed his face, “I love you Angel, so much. I’m sorry for not believing you. And I promise that I will never ever let my fears get in the way of trusting you and our relationship. I just…” her breath hitched and a single tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. “I can’t lose you Angel. I’d die without you.”
Angel lovingly caressed her face as she touched his. Slowly, they leaned into each other and their lips met in a soft tantalizing kiss that was full of love and devotion, and sweet everlasting promises.
When they pulled back they were both breathless. Angel gave her bottom lip one last light as a feather kiss. “I love you, more than anything Ioniun. You are my soul mate. You are the second half of my heart, and I could never leave you.”
They reached for each other at the same time, desperately holding on, their bodies pressed together tightly as they caressed and touched each other with a wildness that filled both their souls. It was Angel that slowed the pace down. He could feel his heart pumping with life and his cock pumping with the need to be inside her, to claim her, but there was so much more they had to talk about.
Reluctantly he pulled back and Buffy mewled with the loss of his lips, his heat. Angel kissed her on her forehead then he took a deep breath.
“We have to talk about the baby Buffy.“
Angel’s voice was soft and smooth, his eyes were tender and loving but that didn’t stop Buffy’s body from becoming rigid and her heart dive bombing into anxiety mood.
She cleared her throat, “of course. Well, I um…the doctor says we can do a paternity test in a few more weeks and if it turns out to be…Parker’s, then we can decide whether or not to…abort.”
On the last note that came out of her mouth, Angel’s expression became stony. He seemed affronted with what she said and the cold chill in his voice confirmed it. “Is that what you want…to abort the baby?”
Buffy felt extremely uncomfortable with the way Angel was staring at her. Was that what she wanted, not really, but she assumed it was what he would want after all what man would want to raise another man’s kid?
“I um, no, I’m not comfortable with getting an abortion.”
“Then why did you say it?”
“Because I figured that was what you would want.”
For one second his eyes turned dark with anger but then he sighed and it seemed like all the anger left him.
“Buffy, I may not seem much like a religious person but believe it or not I am very much Irish Catholic. I don’t believe in abortions and I would never ever want you to get one, unless it was what you wanted.“
“No, it’s not. But Angel, I ju |